Disclaimer: I own nothing but several mismatched socks and a newfound love for reviews. :D Any characters, places, names, dust bunnies, large stuffed bears or quotes herein belong to their rightful owners… who are not me. Oh and the whole thing was inspired by one-two pages of story from Nickelodeon magazine (November 2005 for those interested :P ) in which Batman hosts a party for several other superheroes… this is kind of an extended version of that.
Author's Note: Okay… this can get a little tricky to read through. The characters are represented by the first few letters of their names as listed below. I'll have a list of characters at the top of every chapter (only the characters in that chapter though) so you can always scroll back up to check. Large chunks of actions/descriptions are indented for easier reading… hopefully you'll be able to tell who's saying what…. Oh, if I quoted any movies or books while doing this… I don't own those words. My life is filled with movie quotes and they tend to fly into my parodies. I try to shoo them out but some get stuck…
B: Batman/Bruce Wayne R: Robin/Tim Drake K: Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler
T: Tony Stark/Ironman C: Clark Kent (S: Superman) L: Logan/Wolverine
A: Alfred Pennyworth P: Peter Parker/Spiderman
Batman: Robin! Robin! Where are you? It's almost time for the guests to arrive!
B: Gaaahhh! How many times do I have to tell you? NO, absolutely NO teleporting behind people!
B: Where's Logan? I thought he was coming with you?
K: He vas... vell ve vere... ummm...
B: (sternly) You were racing again weren't you?
K: (ashamed) Yes... but he should be here very soon; he did get Scott's bike after all.
Robin: (comes into the room in full costume) He gets to ride Cyclops's bike! That is so not fair!
K: Not fair for you but the pedestrians seem to think it's pretty good to have a licensed driver behind the vheel.
B: Okay, you two break it up. Robin, is the dinner ready?
R: How should I know? I've been in my room getting ready.
B: ... grumblegrr...
VROOOOOOMM CRASH! (the double doors fly open and a large black motorcycle bursts through going top speed and performing a wheelie. It skids to a stop before hitting anything while Batman winces and Logan removes his helmet with a dashing smile.)
L: Hey, Bruce! Let the party begin!
B: Logan... get the bike out of here.
R: I'll take it for him!
B: NO! You will check with Alfred and see how the dinner is coming.
L: Hey, Kurt. You mind Blamfing this thing to the garage?
K: It's Bamfing... and yes, I mind.
T:(Tony Stark walks in still holding a biking helmet) I'll take it, I was just about to park mine anyway.
(Tony Stark takes both his and Logan's "bikes" to the garage and comes back)
B: Great. So, Tony, have you seen any of the others?
T: Uh... not exactly... I saw a streak of something that could have been Superman and a car that looked suspiciously like Peter's stuck in this huge line of traffic but apart from that... nope.
B: ... swell...
R: That's okay, Batman! I'll save Peter!
(begins to run for the door but Batman grabs his cape.)
B: Tim, Peter doesn't need saving.
R: It's Robin.
B: (sighs) Fine then, Robin. Why don't you go change into something a little more appropriate for a party at Bruce Wayne's manor?
T: He's very... eager.
K: A very kind vay to put it, Herr Stark.
B: You guys make yourselves comfortable. I'm gonna go see if Alfred needs any help.
S: Did somebody say, help?
(Superman appears in the open doors cape flying in the breeze.)
L: Nice tights Supersissy. You know this is a no costumes party right?
S: What? The invitation clearly stated to come as you are!
T: Usually that means casual dress. Would Clark care to join us? Or is he not home right now?
(Superman leaps behind the couch and comes out moments later adjusting his glasses and straightening his tie)
K: No matter how many times I see it, that still gives me the villies.
C: So... um. What's for dinner?
L:(now lounging on the couch) Personally, I'm hoping for raw meat but I'll settle for cooked.
K: That means he doesn't know.
(suddenly, a voice from nowhere begins to sing a rather catchy jingle)
Tony Stark! He's the greatest! Tony Stark he's the best! Tony St-
T: Oh, sorry, that's my cell.
(takes cell phone out of his pocket)
T: Yeah? Hey, Spidey! How are ya? Oh... that bad huh? Don't worry, we'll send someone right over. (hangs up)
C: What was that all about?
T: Pete says he's stuck in traffic, he's out of gas, there's a criminal on parole in the car behind him who was shouting some rather rude things, and all the snacks he brought along have been stolen by some guy who offered to clean his windows. Oh, and he's starving because he skipped lunch to finish an essay.
L: That kid's gotta get his priorities straight.
C: Someone should help him. (gets a little gleam in his eyes.) Someone like...
T: Please... no.
L: (tackles Kurt) KURT! SHIELD YOUR EYES!
S: SUPERMAN! (pops out from behind the couch, a strange breeze blowing his cloak and a fanfare from nowhere. He runs to the door pulls it open and leaps out into the storm.)
L: (getting up) Oops... sorry Kurt... (peels flat Kurt off floor and places him in a chair) Now I'm never gonna be able to sit on that couch again!
T: I know the feeling... I've had to avoid several phone booths because of him.
B: Did I just hear Superman powering up in there?
T: Yes, actually. He's gone to get Peter.
R: (comes downstairs in jeans and a t-shirt) How's this Mr. Fun Ruiner?
B: (sigh) It'll do. Alfred's having a little trouble with the dinner so why don't we move on to the games.
L: Games? You mean like spin the bottle or something? 'Cause I'm not kissing Kurt!
K: Auugh! NO! It vill be Duck, Duck, Metalferbones.
L: Watch it Fuzzface or I'm gonna be playin' pin the tail on the mutant!
B: Cut it out you two! Not those kinds of games! I meant entertainment or... something! The refreshment table is all set up in the ballroom. Why don't you all move in there?
T: Not again...
(Superman appears in the doorway, behind him is a rather wet Peter Parker, still clutching the steering wheel of his car and staring straight ahead gibbering something.)
R: Whoa... Pete, what happened to you?
S: His life has been saved thanks to... SUPER-
L: Yeah, yeah, way to go Superlifesaver looks like you've succeeded in putting Spiderman in the loony bin!
(Robin guides Spidey to the couch and pries the wheel from his grip.)
T: Clark... you have to be more careful with your rescues.
S: (Gasps and looks down at himself, suddenly realizing that he "isn't Clark". His head jerks up and he stares at the couch.)
K: Oh no... not again! (Bamf's away just barely missing being buried under Logan again. Superman dives behind the couch and pops up as Clark again. Spidey's eyes are wide and his entire body is stiff as a board)
B: Well... now that we're all here, why don't we all go to the ballroom for refreshments?
P: (relaxes and suddenly looks very thin.)
(Robin points him in the right direction, carefully avoiding the now somewhat shy Clark Kent. They enter the ballroom and all make a beeline for the long table across one wall. Kurt arrives first by way of BAMFing, but is soon shoved out of the way by Logan. Clark starts calmly reaching for a plate when it is webbed out from under his hands by Spidey. Tony is attempting to act mature and gets a plate only to be tripped by Logan as he and Kurt roll across the floor still fighting. Robin tries to get a muffin but is smacked in the face by Clark who thinks Robin stole his plate. Spidey tries to web a muffin out of Tony's hands but Tony grabs the web and pulls sending Spidey into the jello bowl. Thinking he's trying to eat it all, Logan drags him out of the bowl knocks him unconscious and stuffs his own face into it. Kurt leaps onto the table and Bamf's away with the plate of brownies. Robin chases him about the room while Kurt munches away exclaiming about their wonderful taste. Clark zaps Logan with heat vision knocking him temporarily unconscious and vaporizing the jello bowl. Tony leaps onto Clark who was trying to sneak a cupcake. Batman enters...)
B: WHAT IS ALL THIS? I leave you alone for five minutes and look what you do!
(They all freeze. Spidey unconscious on the floor face covered in jello, Logan unconscious next to him his entire body charred black, Kurt partway up one wall mouth full of brownie still avoiding Robin who was going for a throwing star, Tony with both hands around Clark's neck and Clark charging up his heat vision.)
A: Perhaps I should arrange a line for the refreshments Master Bruce?
B: Yes, Alfred. That would be great. I'll be in the kitchen. (whispers to Alfred) If they do something like this again, use the tranquilizers okay, Alfred?
A: Yes, sir.
(Alfred arranges everyone. Spidey and Logan both come around in time to get in line and Kurt puts the plate back now with only seven brownies left. Suddenly...)
BOOOOOOM! (The house shakes, everyone rushes to the kitchen where Batman is crouched in front of the oven his face covered in black.)
T: You know I hear turkeys are rather stubborn birds but I've never heard of one exploding quite like that.
C: Is this a good time for a hero?
(Alfred fixes Batman up)
B: Okay... so I guess we'll be eating finger foods for dinner.
K: Vait! I know a vonderful recipe for German stew!
C: I can make a sandwich... or cook a turkey in under a minute.
T: Um... I can... supervise? And um... taste test?
L: Hey! That job's already mine! Unless Batman has a grill, I can grill.
P: I can make some garlic toast... I think...
R: I can be calm and quiet in the garage! Watching the bikes! (flashes innocent grin)
B: No, Robin, you can be ingredient boy. Thanks everybody!
(There are various shouts of "No problem!" and "Glad to help!" as the others begin dinner preparations.)