Author's Note: Gah, I didn't update faster at all. Sorry devoted readers, I'm rather busy with everything I do, and sometimes it's easier just to shoot people online than type a story at the end of the day.
Ragna awoke, his forehead and back damp with sweat. The sheets to his bed had been kicked off by several pairs of uncomfortably hot legs during the night, but at the moment, only he occupied his mattress. He got to his feet and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Fuck, it's so damned hot," he whined, "I hope there's something good in the fridge…" He walked out of the bedroom and into the living room; Noel was fanning herself on the couch, wearing a white tank-top and plain underwear. Ragna stopped for a moment and stared. "You usually don't wear panties…why are you wearing them now?" he asked bemusedly.
"It's hot…" she said faintly, "That's why."
Ragna stared and blinked once. "Whatever," he muttered. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and walked over to the fridge. He opened it and stared inside; with a sigh he rubbed his face and said dully, "Get out of there Nu."
Nu's eye blinked open and she shuffled about in the fridge. "Close the blanket Ragna," she whined, "It's getting hot…"
"That doesn't even make sense!" said Ragna exasperatedly. Ragna tried to pull Nu out of the fridge, but her resistance was firm. "Damn it, you can't stay in the fridge!"
"Ragna! Stop it! Nu's hot!" she whined again, "Stop or Nu's gonna stab you!"
Ragna scoffed. "Just get out of the fridge already!" he said angrily. Nu pulled her weight into the fridge and waved a hand erratically at Ragna. The sound of ripping flesh followed by the steady drip of blood rang out. Ragna stared dully at Nu; there was a sword impaled through his chest. Ragna coughed and straightened up. "Fine, if you're going to be a child about it, I'm just going to put the food on top of and around you. He shuffled the food about, setting containers, produce and wrapped food on her body, before balancing an orange on top of her head. He shut the door and sat down at the table with an annoyed look on his face. With a grumble, he picked up his spoon and began to shovel cereal into his mouth.
Noel walked dazedly into the kitchen and sat down at the table next to him; "Why are you looking so angry this morning, Ragna? Is something wrong?"
Ragna stared at Noel. "Yeah," he said dryly, "It's hot and I've got this stuck in my chest." He pointed at the sword still impaled through his body. Noel flinched back with a look of stunned horror on her face.
"Oh God! We need to get that out of you right now!" she said, flailing her arms, "Um, um, um, Lambda! Lambda! I need your help!"
Lambda walked into the kitchen quietly; she was dressed in a short, orange, flowing sundress and a large straw hat. Noel was briefly distracted by her appearance. "Aren't you hot in that?" she asked. Ragna privately wondered this as well.
Lambda shook her head. "I feel just fine," she droned. Noel asked why; Lambda responded plainly, "I spent a few years in a burning hot cauldron. Temperatures like these are hardly any bother."
Noel looked at Ragna who stared back. The two looked simultaneously at the fridge. "Why isn't Nu like that then?"
Lambda stared between the two and shrugged. "All analysis proves inconclusive," she said flatly.
"Well then," said Ragna, slowly pulling the sword impaled through him casually out of his chest, "I'm going to shower then, because I think there's a slight chance that the hot water is cooler than the air in the room right now."
Ragna walked out of the shower impaled-sword-in-chest-free a few minutes later. After a cool shower, the entire apartment felt even hotter. "This is just…terrible," he muttered. He dressed lightly and walked back into the living room; Lambda was placidly sitting on the couch, a box of slugs in her lap. "Uh, Lambda? Where're Noel and Nu?" asked Ragna.
Lambda looked up from her slugs and said in monotone, "Nu continues to sit in the fridge. Noel has shifted into the closet."
Ragna stared. "The closet? What the hell is she doing in the closet?" he asked. Lambda merely shrugged. He walked over to closet and opened it tentatively. Noel sat inside, wrapped in a comforter, a laptop sitting on the ground in front of her. Ragna blinked. "What the fuck? What are you doing Noel?"
Noel looked up blearily at Ragna. "Don't open it," she said softly. From the living room, Ragna heard Lambda say aloud, "Hah. Reference."
"What are you doing in here?" he asked incredulously, "You look like a shut-in."
Noel drew the comforter tighter around her body, "I shop online so I don't have to deal with people. I've told you."
Lambda drifted serenely over to the two and said quietly, "If we dwell any longer on this sequence we risk legal action."
Ragna stared at Lambda. "What? What are you talking about?" he asked, still more confused. He shook his head vigorously, "Whatever! Noel, get out of there! Time to come back to reality!" Noel shook her head in protest and whined. Ragna rolled his eyes and shut the door. "Fine, have it your way." He sighed and looked at Lambda, "I'm going out. Wanna come along?" Lambda nodded.
The streets of Kagutsuchi were somewhat more vacant than usual; perhaps the intense heat was keeping people inside or near bodies of water. Ragna wandered aimlessly amidst the streets with Lambda, seeking the shade cast by buildings whenever he could. As he rounded a corner, he heard a voice behind him call out angrily, "HEY! PEDOPHILE!"
Ragna turned around angrily. "Oh no, not you…" he moaned, "It's too hot for this Luna!"
"What the hell are you doing out here?" she sneered. She noticed Lambda. "Who's this? Did you kidnap her or something?"
Ragna rubbed his face in an irritated sort of way. "No, I did not. Introduce yourself Lambda," he sighed.
Lambda bowed and said quietly, "I am the eleventh Prime Field Interface Device, otherwise known as Lambda-11. You can just call me Lambda for short."
Luna raised an eyebrow. "You have the most monotone voice ever! I'm gonna fall asleep just listening to you!" Her voice changed suddenly. "Luna! That's a terrible thing to say!" Luna gesticulated wildly, "Shut up Sena! Just listen to her! If paint drying had a voice, it would be hers!"
Lambda looked down sadly, "I apologize for my trouble emoting."
Ragna felt his heart melt. "Damn it! Look what you did!" he said angrily, embracing Lambda.
Luna looked taken aback and then revolted. "Ew, are you dating her you pedophile?" Luna slapped him.
Lambda stared at Luna. "I would suppose that given your stereotypical façade you would be interested in someone like him," she droned analytically, "You're going against accepted convention in this case."
"What're you talking about Lambda?" asked Ragna, confused.
Luna seemed to have picked up on what Lambda meant, however, as she said heatedly, "Shut up! I have more counters than you! That's why it doesn't work!"
Lambda raised an eyebrow this time and said monotonously, "We have the same number of primers."
Luna disregarded this. "Where's the whiny one? It'd be funnier with her here! You're so boring you suck the fun out of everything!" she said waspishly.
Lambda looked at the ground sadly once more. "Damn it Luna!" shouted Ragna, "I'm gonna enjoy this! HELL'S!" Ragna's fist began to glow black as he drew it back and he launched himself forward.
Luna stepped to the side and tripped Ragna, who crashed heavily into a wall. "Ew! Get away from me you pedophile!" she said disgustedly. She blew a raspberry at him.
At this moment, a figure jumped between the two. "Hey! What the hell do you two kids think you're doing?" it asked coarsely.
Ragna looked up dazedly; it was Jubei. "M-master? What are you doing here?" he asked. Luna's squeal of joy drowned out Ragna's question however, as she flung herself at him and hugged him. Ragna got to his feet and rubbed his head. Lambda walked up next to him and gave him a hug.
"Ragna, what the hell are you doing fighting out here against Luna?" asked Jubei testily.
Ragna rolled his eyes. "Luna is just being…herself I guess," he explained evenly, "And it's pissing me off." Luna stuck her tongue out at him. "Like when she does that."
Luna narrowed her eyes. "I thought I told you stay away from Mr. Jubei!" she said angrily.
Ragna fired up at once. "Hey! I'll do whatever I fucking want! I could kick your ass in a heartbeat!"
Luna threw open her arms. "TRY IT!" she shouted.
"Fine! Let's see you deal with this!" shouted back Ragna.
Jubei turned to Lambda and said quickly, "We should calm them down."
Lambda nodded and said quietly, "You take the angry one." Jubei laughed. Lambda laughed once and turned to walk towards Ragna. Jubei stared after Lambda; she only laughed once? Lambda stood in front of Ragna and pushed his chest gently. "Ragna, calm down please," she said politely. Ragna looked down at Lambda and moved her gently aside.
"You wanna see a magic trick, bitch? Restriction 666 released. Dimensional interference field deployed! Engaging the Idea Engine! Azure Grimoire, activate!" shouted Ragna.
Lambda poked Ragna idly in the side. With a huff he turned to Lambda and said hastily, "What?"
"Ragna, current analysis indicates bodily luminescence and gravitational field interference have been raised and tampered with," she recited mechanically.
Ragna looked puzzled. "So, uh…what?"
Lambda rolled her eyes and said, "You're making me float and glow." She reached down and held her dress down between her legs so it wouldn't fly up. "Please stop that."
Ragna smiled sheepishly and deactivated the Grimoire. "Sorry Lambda," he mumbled.
"Hey!" shouted Luna, "Weren't you in the middle of something?" She raised her fists.
Ragna looked for a moment at Luna and then turned back to Lambda. "Let's go; no sense wasting time here," he murmured.
Luna looked shocked. "Traitor!" she yelled at his retreating back.
Jubei tapped Luna on the head. "Leave him be kid," he said evenly, "He's got more important things to deal with than petty fights."
On their way home, the pair ran into another acquaintance in the form of vampire. "So, the siblings are out for a walk, are they?" asked Rachel in her usual bored manner.
Ragna turned around in time to see her stepping out of a portal elegantly. He rolled his eyes, "We're not even that related!"
"She is a clone of your sister, and so that doll is also your sister," she needled.
Ragna threw his hands up. "Why is everyone so hell-bent on insulting Lambda today? She's still a person you know!"
Rachel gave a tinkling, maddening laugh. "A person? Hah. Makes my blood run cold."
Ragna looked taken aback. "You have blood?" he asked. Rachel stopped laughing and stared angrily at Ragna. He quailed quickly and said reluctantly, "Alright, alright, I take it back. I apologize, Swami." He gave a mock bow.
A look of idle contempt crossed Rachel's face. "Don't compare me to a gypsy, you dog," she said irritably. With an abrupt turn she walked through a freshly created portal and left.
Lambda patted Ragna apologetically on the back. "You just can't get a break today can you?" she asked quietly.
Ragna sighed and shook his head. "Let's go have sex…" he mumbled. Lambda blushed.
Lambda felt her hair sticking to her face. Her body was slick with sweat, giving it a glossy sheen. Ragna hovered over her, sliding quickly in and out of her. The abandoned store they had found (that "happened" to be open) was silent save for their soft panting and the slick sounds of their lovemaking. Lambda moved her head up to meet Ragna's lips and kissed him passionately. With a grunt of exertion, Ragna rolled onto the table they were using and moved Lambda on top of him. Lambda threw her head back and bounced atop him with more force; she reached down with her hands and entwined her fingers with his. Ragna felt himself nearing release and sat up abruptly; he clamped his hands on her waist and began to slam her down with increasing speed and force. Lambda's moans increased in pitch, and she bent herself forward to kiss him once more. With a final thrust, Ragna released himself into her.
The pair stumbled clumsily into their apartment a short while later and found Nu and Noel lying naked on the couch. Ragna stared at the two. "I'm going to guess…that you two were really hot," he said uneasily.
Noel looked at Ragna and held her arms out limply towards him. "Ragna…the air conditioner doesn't work…and the fridge broke…" she panted.
Nu lifted an arm lazily and then dropped it. "What…Noel…said…" she gasped. Ragna rubbed his face wearily.
"This is one of the few times Jin would actually be useful…" he muttered.
"BROTHER! DID YOU CALL ME! DID YOU SAY I CAN BE…USEFUL!" shouted Jin ecstatically, erupting from the hall closet. "LET ME COOL YOU OFF BROTHER!"
"NO NO NO NO! JIN! I WAS JUST…" began Ragna. The rest of his retort was lost however, as the apartment abruptly erupted with ice crystals.
Frozen in place next to him, Lambda looked to Ragna and said quietly, "You started it."
Ragna sighed. "Don't remind me…"
And that's the end of that chapter! I'm sorry for the MASSIVE delay. I've been busy and suffering from writer's block. That should change (the writer's block I mean) in the coming weeks, as my friend and I brainstorming again. Also, are any of you interested in an FAQ chapter? I'm not sure if there are any questions concerning what I've written and whatnot, so if you do have some questions or anything, leave it in the review section (if it's a really long question, drop me a PM then.) I try to get feedback and clarify my writing so it remains accessible and whatnot, which is why I bring this up. I'll probably write it using the characters to keep the chapter from being too technical.
Until then, ta!