Late Night's Rainfall

It's dark at night...Not just physically, but in so many deep ways. You think with a much more grave lining at night...Breathe a little heavier at night... Cry a little longer at night. When it rains, you hear every drop. You feel every fall. When lightning strikes, you know it might be the only light you experience that night. During those midnight hours, you get cold...no matter how hot it is around you. Your body gets weak, and you struggle just to carry yourself.

Sometimes, you start picking yourself apart... Tearing into yourself like no one else will. I don't know why I date Beck...Maybe it's because I love him. Maybe it's because I hate to be alone. Sometimes I question everything we've built...everything we've stood for. Why am I standing on a new foundation the two of us built? Why did everything I know have to change? What are we fighting for?

I remember a poem he told me about... I think it was called How Do I Feel? It went like this;

And how do I feel right now?

Stepping out of my private world

Into something that scares me so, you know?

It feels like I'm falling. Deeper into the unknown

And I'm losing...The fight to stay alone,

And I'm falling

Falling for you.

Things seem so different at night. Time goes by in a different manor. I feel so different when I can't sleep. Sometimes, I cry late at night. While I pace around my room in the dark, I realize that I never go in certain sections during the day. Then I start thinking about my life in general. Am I really restricted? Refusing to keep wandering? Why don't I want those things when I'm with Beck? Is Beck afraid to be himself when he's with me? Maybe it's all my fault.

It's getting really late. The sky keeps getting darker. I don't think I can walk anymore. Laying down on my bed, I stared at the ceiling. It's getting harder to keep my eyes open. Some people say the harder you try to stay awake, the quicker you'll fall asleep. Beck...I'm sorry. Beck...

The poem is not mine.

Jade's statement about trying to stay awake is from Saving Private Ryan.