All characters belong to Red Hour Films. I got inspired by a video of a Mockumentary interview with Kirk Lazarus mourning his mother.

Goodbye Mama

By Marie Nomad

It was humid in the acting set. Kevin Sandusky was looking over his script memorizing and it, trying to understand the emotions. He wanted this film to work and he could finally get laid. All of a sudden, Kirk Lazarus stumbled out of one of the tents looking shaken up.

Kevin didn't know what to do. He had admired Kirk's acting abilities, after all, he was the greatest actor in his generation. Yet, his co-worker looked troubled and it wasn't because of a scene. "Anything wrong, Sergeant?" One of the first things he learned was that Kirk Lazarus was gone and he only goes by 'Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.'

He gazed up at the young man. "My mama's dead. Died of cancer."

"I'm sorry, sir." Now, he was confused. He didn't remember reading anything about a dead mother in the script. Or, maybe it was real. "Is there anything you need?"

"Not really. I wish I could be with her, you know. I can't work like this. Not while..." He started to sob.

"Hey, has anyone seen my iPod?" Tugg asked and then saw Kirk. "What's your problem?"

"His mother just died." Kevin explained.

"Really." Tugg pondered. "Do you even have a mother?"

"Hey!" Kirk stood up and glared at him. "What do you mean, 'Do you even have a mother?' I remembered her real well. She supported me and my dreams! She suffered long and hard and now she's dead! I know that we don't mesh real well in the past but you shouldn't doubt a man's word about his mama!" He grabbed Tugg by the coat.

"He's in shock!" Kevin interrupted. "I'm sorry about your Mom... maybe we can have a service here. So you can say goodbye?"

Kirk blinked. "Yeah... I can dig that. Thanks, Brooklyn. Nice to see that someone has some feelings for my mama." He shoved Tugg to the ground and walked off.

"A service?" Tugg shook his head. "I... I am going to my trailer, later, Kyle."

"That's Kevin."


Word spread around the set about Kirk's mother and many of the crew members had given him their condolences. Kevin was finishing his pushups when Kirk showed up. "Hey, man. I am holding a small service for Mama. My family will be there. I was wondering if you can show up?"

"Sure!" Kevin heard about Kirk's eleven kids. He wondered how he got them all here so fast and how they had coped with Kirk's acting gigs.

"Great. It's in an hour. See ya."

Kevin grinned. He haven't had much of a chance to bond with the others except for filming scenes and even then, they really don't know who he was. Maybe, he can finally make friends with these stars.


He didn't know how to dress since he didn't have any formal outfits but he figured that he better just wear his usual fatigues. He wished that he got some flowers but it was very last minute. The entire shooting schedule was derailed because of Kirk driving Damien off of the set. He brushed himself off and went to the area where the service was being held. He could see Alpa Chino, and a few other cast members there. He didn't see Tugg Speedman or Jeff Pontoy. "Hey, Chino. Have you seen Mr. Speedman and Mr. Pontoy?"

"Not really. I think Jeff had to go to the hotel for his 'vitamins'. Don't know about Tugg."

"That's bad. I can't believe that Kirk's mom died while he was away. Must tear him up inside."

"I just can't believe that he actually remembers her." Alpa muttered. Kevin remembered that Alpa hated Kirk since he took the good black guy role and just ran with it. It surprised him that studios actually let that sort of thing happen in the first place but this was Kirk Lazarus.

"Yeah. I can't wait to meet Kirk's kids. I heard his oldest daughter's hot."

"I don't think she's my type." Alpa's face paled and he said, "Oh, hell no. Look at that!" He pointed over to Kirk leading a older black woman with three black men. To the outsider, they look like a typical family but the two actors know better.

"He brought Osiris' real family?" Kevin stared. He heard that Lazarus had went through extreme lengths to get into character but he never thought that he would actually get Lincoln Osiris' real family and claim it as his own. Before, Lazarus was being quirky but now, he looked like he was getting psychotic.

"Come on!" Alpa grabbed Kevin's hand and dragged him to the oddball family. "What the hell is this?" He demanded Kirk.

"What is what? I brought my family with me." Kirk said looking confused. "This is my wife, Rosie, and my three kids, Haiku, Ralph, and Sterling."

"You're not even married!" Alpa screeched and then stared at Kirk's 'wife'. "Why are you going along with this?"

"Going along with what?" Rosie stared at him. "And please, stop screaming at my husband, he's going through a hard time." She took Kirk's arm and held it.

Kevin watched the whole thing. Either Rosie was a really good actor, or she forgot that Kirk Lazarus is not her husband. "He is good."

"I can't deal with this! This is nuts! I'm out of here." Alpa put on his sunglasses and walked off.

"That boy has issues." Kirk stated.

"He's not the only one." Kevin sighed. "So... what's your mother like?"

"She's a tough old woman. Worked three jobs just to put food on the table. I was a little hellion back then. Every birthday, no matter what, we would gather around and we would play pinochle and other stuff." Kirk grinned nostalgically. "I got a picture of her. Wanna see?"

"Sure." Kevin said as he tried to ride along in the madness. Kirk got out his wallet and showed him a picture of a elderly black woman. Kirk Lazarus was not mourning his mother, he was mourning Lincoln Osiris' mother. "Oh boy."

"I know, isn't she something?"

"Yeah. She's something." Kevin agreed not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Kirk ignored him and went back to his 'family'. He watched the service in fascination. It was just surreal and yet just flat out sad. Kirk was clearly mourning for this woman like she was his real mother.

Ever since he was a teenager, he had been a fan of Kirk Lazarus. In theatre school, he memorized every one of Kirk's monologues. When he got this part, he did everything he could, he slept in a tent outside, read the book inside and out, and even went to the five day boot camp. But, all his preparations was nothing compared to what Kirk was doing.

After the service, Kevin sat to the side and surfed the Internet on the cell phone. He brought up Kirk's official website and confirmed his suspicions. Kirk's biological mother had mysteriously disappeared and he ended up being raised by his younger half-sister. Kevin pondered. Could it be that Kirk was mourning for his real mother because he couldn't before? That might actually make sense. He hope that he could talk to the real Kirk Lazarus someday and help him deal with this.

The End