Impmon in Wonderland
By Yuki Ryu
Chapter 1: I Am Not A Little Girl!
Author's Notes: What can I say? I love Impmon and in my randomly insane little mind I found a number of Alice in Wonderland instances in the show. I couldn't resist! I know many of you might think people like Takato or Juri would fit the Alice role better, but let's face it: Impmon always feels he's surrounded by screwballs.
Plus he looks good in a dress. ;P
Warning: There is a scantily-cladness in this fic! Run away screaming if you can't take seeing someone in a bathing suit!
Copyright Info: I own nothing except the rabbit girl. And Impmon. I stole him and I'm not giving him back! Hah! I'll tattoo my name on his butt if I have to! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The sky was a perfect shade of blue, without a single cloud to mar its beauty. Trees grew lush and tall, surrounded by emerald green grass. There was not a single sign of any sort of pollutant or man-made structure to take away from the vision of paradise.
Impmon didn't know where he was, or how he had gotten there, but he knew it couldn't be Earth or the Digital World.
"Where the heck am I?" he asked aloud in irritation, half expecting someone to answer him. He made a face of disgust as he noticed that someone had given him a new change of clothes. Instead of his bandana and red gloves, he was wearing a lovely pink dress with puffy sleeves, a white trim, and red ribbons and lace at the hem of the skirt. Along with the dress were red and white-stripped stockings, white dress shoes with holes to allow his claws to poke out, and long white lacy gloves. To top it all off there were three giant, adorable red bows, one tied around each of Impmon's ears and the final one at the end of his tail.
"...And why am I in this stupid sickeningly cutesy dress!?!" he snapped as he immediately went to the task of attempting to remove the offending garments.
Much to his chagrin, Impmon found that no matter how much he pulled, clawed, or even bit at it, the dress wouldn't move or even become the slightest bit damaged. He couldn't even manage to remove the gloves or bows.
"Drastic times call for drastic measures," Impmon growled as he lit a flame above one of his fingers. "Take THIS you stupid dress! Night of Fire!" he cried as he flung the flame at the dress, without thinking of the consequences of lighting a piece of cloth that wouldn't be removed from his body.
Fortunately, or unfortunately as Impmon viewed it, the dress remained unharmed from the flame attack.
Nearby birds took flight and small animals ran in fear as Impmon let out a loud stream of curses that would make sailors blush.
Coughing once he had finished his tirade of foul language, Impmon rubbed his sore throat as he looked around. "Someone's gonna pay for this...," he muttered. "How did I end up here anyway!? The last thing I remember is taking some of that brat's bread when he wasn't around, and then falling into that hole of his..." His musings were suddenly interrupted by a loud yell.
"Huh?" Impmon asked as he turned...
...And nearly got run over by a rabbit on roller blades.
"AAAAAAACK!" Impmon squealed as he dodged to the side at the last moment. He fell down backwards onto his tail roughly, momentarily getting tangled up in the multitude of skirts his dress possessed. Growling, he untangled himself from the offending lacy garment and stood up, glaring at the rabbit, which had stopped a few feet away from him.
The rabbit didn't look so much like a rabbit as it did a girl in a rabbit costume. The costume wasn't one of the average rabbit costumes where the person was covered in fur, however, but more like the type one would find waitresses wearing in 'gentlemen's clubs'. The rabbit girl wore a white strapless leotard over a pair of white stockings, with a white bow tie around her neck, a pair of long white gloves, a puffy white cottontail, and a pair of adorable long white ears. The only thing that didn't fit in with her outfit was the pair of white roller blades, and the over-sized gold pocket watch chained to the leotard. The girl herself had long white hair, appeared to be in her mid-teens, and had a lovely figure. Impmon couldn't see her face, however, because of the position she was standing in.
The rabbit girl's legs were crossed slightly, to balance on her roller blades, as she took the time out to examine the giant gold pocket watch. "Oh my, oh my. Oh dear, oh dear," she fretted.
"HEY! Watch where you-," Impmon started to yell, catching the attention of the bunny girl who turned to look at him. He stopped, startled, as he saw how much flesh, especially cleavage, the girl's leotard bared, even from the low angle of the view he had of it.
Strangely, the bunny girl's white bangs cast a shadow over her eyes, blocking all view of them and most of her face, but Impmon barely noticed. She bent forward slightly, as if to get a better look at him, inadvertently giving him the perfect view of her cleavage. "Sorry, little girl, but I have no time to wait," she said mournfully. "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" With that she pat his head and skated off quickly down a slim stone path.
Impmon stood there stunned for a few moments after what he had seen, his cheeks a deep crimson. Finally he shook his head to clear it, and then realized what the bunny girl had said. "... I AM NOT A GIRL!" he yelled at the retreating rabbit. "GRR! HEY! COME BACK HERE SO I CAN YELL AT YOU SOME MORE!"
The rabbit girl didn't seem to hear him as she skated on her way. "I'm late, I'm late!" she cried as she went.
Irritated at being ignored and called a girl, Impmon began chasing after the rabbit girl. Unfortunately the roller blades the rabbit girl wore allowed her to go at least twice as fast as him, and he soon lost sight of her. Undaunted, he continued to follow the path, figuring that he'd eventually catch up to her.
Eventually Impmon came upon a large table in the middle of the path. The table was long and crooked, with countless teacups, teapots, and platters, none of which looking anything like another, and an array of different looking chairs all around it, enough to seat a small army. Sitting at the table was not a small army, however, but three very familiar people. He paused, stunned at the sight of the three. Dancing on the table at speeds no normal human or digimon should be able to maintain was Culumon, and he was wearing a pair of oversized fuzzy mouse ears on his head with mouse-like tail glued over his real one. He was singing a strange song Impmon had never heard of before at such speeds that it was impossible to understand the lyrics aside from a word here and there. Sitting on a chair, or rather on a throne, near Culumon was Jenrya. He was calmly sipping tea from a teacup with two handles, and was wearing a tuxedo jacket, a large bow tie, and an oversized top hat with a Digimon playing card stuck into the brim on his head. Balanced on one ear on top of Jenrya's top hat was Terriermon, his ears oddly brown and more rabbit-like than Impmon had ever known them to be, and a puffy brown tail, was calmly sipping a cup of tea upside-down.
Impmon shook his head after a few moments to snap himself out of his stunned stupor. He couldn't help wondering why those three there were dressed in such strange outfits and drinking tea on a table in the middle of a stone path of all places. He hopped on the table, somewhat amused at the ridiculous scene. "Hello, boys!" he said with a smirk. "What's with the stupid get-ups?" he asked, momentarily forgetting about the outfit he himself was currently in.
"Why, hello, little girl," Jenrya said cheerily before he took a sip of his tea. "You've come to join our tea party, right?"
"Little girl?" Impmon repeated before scowling viciously. "I'M NOT A GIRL!!!"
"Momentai," Terriermon said soothingly before hopping off of Jenrya's hat without spilling a drop of his tea. "Sit down and stay a while." Impmon was about to respond, but never got the chance.
"But first we must give introductions," Jenrya added. "I am the Mad Jenrya." He removed his hat to reveal a teapot underneath it and tipped his head forward slightly, causing tea to spill out from the teapot into the nearly empty cup he held in his hand.
"I'm the March Terrier," Terriermon, or rather the March Terrier, said. He then gestured to Culumon who was in the process of spinning like a top. "And that, is the DorCulumon."
"... You two are nuts, you know that?" Impmon asked. "What's with the funny costumes and even weirder names? Is this some sort of weird Tamer thing?"
"Hmm... Cookies with nuts in them would go good with tea," the Mad Jenrya commented with a sip of tea. He calmly placed his hat back over the steaming pot, and Impmon couldn't help but wonder how he could stand to hold a steaming teapot on his head.
"Momentai! I've got some right here," the March Terrier chirped as he held up a tin plate of cookies. He looked at Impmon with interest, who was currently glaring at them for ignoring his questions. "You will stay for tea and cookies won't you?"
Not one to pass up free food, even if it was being offered by two people apparently having lost their sanity, Impmon reached out to snatch as many cookies as possible. "Don't mind if I-," he began, but stopped as he saw the DorCulumon snatching all of the cookies with astounding speed and shoved them all into his mouth, which caused his cheeks to puff out in an unbearably cute way. Impmon glared angrily at the DorCulumon. "HEY! THOSE WERE MINE!"
The DorCulumon quickly chewed the cookies in his mouth and swallowed them shortly after. "LET'SPLAYLET'SPLAYLET'SPLAYLET'SPLAY!!!" The DorCulumon screamed with delight as he danced around Impmon at blurring speeds.
Impmon yelped and quickly jumped away from the DorCulumon. "Stay away from me you hyper... whatever you are!" he snapped.
"Momentai," the March Terrier soothed. With one quick motion the Mad Jenrya snatched the DorCulumon by his false mouse-tail and dropped him into a giant teapot. The March Terrier slapped the lid down on the teapot and then balanced on it with his ears.
The teapot shook as the DorCulumon bounced around inside of it, singing another hyper song. Impmon sweat-dropped and decided that it might be best to leave this strange tea party as soon as possible. "Well, as much as I'd like to rot my brains with you guys, I've got a rabbit to catch," he commented with a slight wave as he turned. "See ya-ACK!" He yelped as the March Terrier suddenly yanked him back by the bow on his tail.
"Momentai," the March Terrier said. "There's no rush. Have some tea." Impmon turned with a glare and eyed the tea the March Terrier shoved under his nose. The tea smelled strangely of butterscotch and was an unusual pink color.
Impmon made a face and pushed it away. "I'll pass," he muttered. He then noticed a lone cookie hidden under an overturned tray that had been left uneaten by the DorCulumon. He hesitated a moment, wondering if the cookies were as bad as the tea, before snatching it up anyway.
"Seat change!" the Mad Jenrya suddenly announced and stood up. Impmon yelped as the March Terrier yanked him by the tail into the seat the Mad Jenrya had just vacated before going to the one to the right of it, the Mad Jenrya then went to a seat immediately to the left.
Impmon's eye twitched as he glared at the Mad Jenrya and the March Terrier. "Just what was the point of THAT!?" he snapped.
"I needed a fresh cup," the Mad Jenrya explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Impmon glanced down at the cup of tea the Mad Jenrya left behind, and grimaced. The tea was a purplish color, smelled of mint, and had gobs of melting sugar and butter inside it. "I can see why," he commented, his nose wrinkled in disgust. He started to stand, wanting to get away from the freakish tea, and even freakier digimon and tamer.
"Momentai," the March Terrier said calmly as he forced Impmon to sit back down. Impmon's eye twitched as he glared at the March Terrier. He was starting to get VERY sick of that word. "You know, it's very un-ladylike to leave in the middle of a tea party. Your dress is so feminine; I would expect you to have been brought up by very proper upbringing. How disappointing." The March Terrier sipped his tea calmly as Impmon's cheek twitched.
"I AIN'T A GIRL!" Impmon snapped as he jumped onto the table angrily. "JUST BECAUSE I'M IN A DRESS DOESN'T MEAN I'M A GIRL! I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPID THING OFF!"
"Momentai," the March Terrier soothed.
Impmon growled and cut off anything further the March Terrier might have said. "AND IF YOU SAY 'MOMENTAI' ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA WHACK YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A FIREBALL!" he yelled as he lit a fireball above his finger.
"My, how very un-ladylike," the Mad Jenrya commented off-handedly as he added a loaf of bread to his tea.
"Very," the March Terrier agreed. "Surprising coming from such a cute little girl." He looked at Impmon calmly, while the 'girl' in question twitched violently as he glared daggers into both the March Terrier and the Mad Jenrya.
"THAT'S IT!!!" Impmon shrieked. "I'M OUTTA HERE! NIGHT OF FIRE!" He threw a fireball at the nearest teapot out of sheer spite, which happened to have the DorCulumon trapped within it, before hopping off the table and running from the insane tea party.
"Awfully rude for such a cute little girl in such a cute little dress," the Mad Jenrya commented. He let out a sad sigh. "And such a terrible waste of good tea."
"Momentai," the March Terrier soothed. Impmon had to resist the strong urge to turn right back around and throw fireballs at both of them until they shut up.
The DorCulumon waved cheerfully to Impmon as he went before shrieking at the two tea drinkers to play with him.
Impmon couldn't help but smirk slightly, wickedly. "A hyper Culumon is better revenge than what I thought up," he snickered. With that he resumed on his way down the path.
After a few minutes of walking Impmon came to the end of the stone path. He looked around at the surrounding woods for some sort of building or anything else that might give him some indication as to where the rabbit on roller blades went, but there was nothing. "Dumb bunny," he muttered irritably. "The nerve of her running away from me and getting me lost in some weird woods."
It was then that Impmon's stomach started to growl, reminding him that he had yet to eat anything all day. He was about to go looking for something to eat, when he remembered the cookie he snatched at the table. He retrieved the cookie from inside of his glove, where he would normally hide small snacks he'd swipe when he wanted to save them for later, and gobbled it down quickly. He was pleased to note that the cookie was full of chocolate and macadamia nuts and was quite tasty. "At least that stupid tea party wasn't a total waste," he said as he licked the crumbs off his lips and gloved claws.
Suddenly Impmon started feeling strange, his whole body starting to tingle. "... Oh great, with my luck that cookie was poisoned," he muttered with a grimace. He blinked as he suddenly noticed the trees looked a lot taller than they used to, and seemed to be getting taller all the time. He squeaked in alarm as he realized that the trees weren't growing; he was shrinking!
Within moments, Impmon was about half the height of the grass. He stared, stunned for a moment before his face twisted into an angry snarl. He turned back towards where the tea party had been going on and shook his fist angrily as he proceeded to curse loudly at the Mad Jenrya, the March Terrier, and the DorCulumon. It didn't matter that they wouldn't be able to hear him from so far away, even if he wasn't shrunk. It at least made him feel better.
"Owie!" a familiar voice yelped. "Bad words!"
Impmon turned towards the new voice, ceasing his tirade just as he had gotten to an interesting insult including the March Terrier and some super glue. "Who's there?" he snapped, looking around the giant grasses for the source of the voice.
"Just me," the voice responded.
Curiously, Impmon pushed aside some grass as he started walking towards the voice. He yelped as a blade of grass slipped from his hand and slapped him in the face, giving him a small cut. He growled at the offending blade. "NIGHT OF FIRE!" he snapped, having no patience, and burned all the grass in the area down with his fireballs.
"Ah! My bread!" the voice yelped in alarm.
Impmon blinked as he realized instantly whom the voice belonged to. "I didn't touch your bread! I WAS JUST LOOKIN'!" he yelled defensively, automatically. His suspicions were confirmed as the grass burned away, revealing the source of the voice.
In a small clearing of the grass was a normal-sized, which was giant-sized to Impmon as he was currently, half-eaten loaf of peanut butter bread. Lounging on top of the loaf was none other than Guilmon, who was bloated so large that he looked more like a balloon than a digimon. Guilmon apparently didn't mind the fact that he was bloated beyond all the laws of physics would deem possible.
Impmon blinked again and stared at Guilmon for a moment, amazed at the sheer gluttony of the sight. "... But from the looks of it, you don't need all that bread anyway... blubber butt!" he said with a snicker.
"I not blubber butt, I the Guillerpiller," 'the Guillerpiller' explained innocently. "And I need all my bread because it's mine."
"Oh yeah? That's what you think," Impmon said wickedly as he ripped off a large chunk of the peanut butter loaf.
"AH! My bread!" the Guillerpiller wailed as he flailed his arms towards Impmon.
"Mine now, blubber butt," Impmon crowed as he started munching on the bread.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the Guillerpiller warned.
"Yeah?" Impmon asked between bites. "Why's that?"
Suddenly he squeaked as the strange tingling feeling returned and he started growing incredibly rapidly. He yowled as his head hit the tree branches before breaking them off because of his continually increasing height. Soon he ended up being twice as tall as the trees.
"Dat's why," came the Guillerpiller's tiny voice. Impmon didn't care to wonder how he was able to hear it from his current vantage point, as he rubbed his sore head.
"Thanks for the warning, blubber butt," Impmon grumbled angrily.
"You're welcome!" the Guillerpiller chirped.
Impmon growled to himself as he wondered about how he'd be able to get back to his normal size. He glared down where he thought the Guillerpiller was, despite being unable to see much from such a distance and through the unbroken tree branches. "Hey, how do I get back to my normal size, blubber butt?" he snapped.
"It's simple," came the Guillerpiller's chipper voice from in front of Impmon.
Impmon blinked blankly, as he looked up ahead of him at the small bloated Growmon with butterfly wings in front of him. Within the tiny claws of the small winged Growmon was his half-eaten loaf of bread. "... Don't tell me... You're now 'the Growfly', right?" he deduced.
"Right!" the Growfly chirped.
"Well how do I turn back to normal?" Impmon demanded.
"Just eat the rest of the bread," the Growfly explained. "You can have the rest since I've got to head off to the Queen's party now."
Impmon snatched the half-eaten peanut butter bread from the Growfly as he eyed it and him suspiciously. "Who's this queen, and why's she throwing a party?" he asked, unable to hold back his curiosity.
"The Queen's the Queen, and it's Tuesday," the Growfly explained simply.
Impmon eyed the Growfly strangely. "... What is with you guys today?" he asked. "You're all acting nuts!"
The Growfly just blinked blankly at Impmon. "What do you mean?" he asked innocently.
"... Never mind," Impmon said. "I guess you're too stupid to understand what I'm saying, blubber butt."
Growfly blinked, then shrugged and smiled his confusion off. He then waved before he started flying away. "Bye, bye, little girl! I gotta go now!"
Impmon's eye twitched. "I AM NOT A LITTLE GIRL!!!" he yelled at the retreating dinosaur-butterfly.
Once the Growfly disappeared from sight, Impmon grumbled as he popped the small piece of bread into his mouth and munched on it. He hoped it wouldn't do something else weird like turn him blue or shrink him back to the size of a bug. He blinked as he suddenly noticed something white streaking through the forest below him. His eyes widened as he realized what it was.
"I'm late! I'm late!" came the white streak's familiar cry.
"Hey, hold on a minute there-," Impmon started to yell when the tingling feeling returned.
Suddenly Impmon's body shrunk back to his normal size. Unfortunately it shrunk in a way that he was still suspended high into the air when he turned back. His eyes bugged out as he started to fall, squeaking all the way.
Right when Impmon was sure he was about to become a digimon pancake, his skirts flew open and billowed outwards like a parachute, slowing his decent into a gentle feather fall.
"... I still hate this dress," Impmon muttered, despite being grateful that his dress saved him from painfully hitting the ground.
Once he was close enough to the ground, Impmon pushed his skirts down as much as he could, and landed gracefully on his feet. "Well... That was annoying," he grumbled aloud to himself. "But at least I least I saw which way that bunny girl went." He quickly hopped up onto a nearby tree branch and started hopping from tree to tree, intent to find the roller-blading rabbit girl again. "I hope I don't meet any more screwballs along the way."