CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly95 and The Turbo Man,
with some suggestions from GX7 and Gothic Chevy.

DISCLAIMER: There are a few original characters in this fic, but apart from them, we own nothing. Most of the Cannonballers' vehicle names come from the RIDGE RACER series. A couple of the names we made up (some names based on song titles and other things) and other vehicles all have their names from the games they were borrowed from, which will be listed at the end of the fic.. The Candy Store mentioned in this chapter is from the short-lived cop series 'FASTLANE", which is also not owned by us. For more info about it, just look up the series on Wikipedia. The cast list provided and the song lyrics are not intended to violate any rules on this site. No profit is being made from this.

Note to Gothic Chevy: we have reverted to some of the vehicle ideas we originally had for the fic, but have kept Team Chaos' vehicle as the make and model you suggested with the modifications you also suggested. We hope this is a suitable compromise. This decision was NOT made to slight you in any way. We are still accepting ideas for characters if you have any. Thank you.

PROLOGUE: "Any Time The Race Is Run, Trouble Is a Given".


In Orange County, California, Alice and Janice Foyt sat in front of prison warden Stefan Gentiles and a group of law enforcement officials.

"So, Alice Foyt." said Gentiles. "I understand you've been in this facility for a year or two. Your daughter has been here a few months. Do you understand the charges against you?"

"Yes, I do, sir." said Alice.

"I do as well." said Janice.

"The prison board and the State of California have reviewed your case." said Gentiles. "In the past few months, you both have been behaving rather exceptionally. Coupled with some wrangling from your lawyers, we've determined that you are no longer a threat to society. Therefore, you're free to go."

"Thank you, your honor." said Alice. "Janice, thank the man."

"Thank you, sir." said Janice.

Within minutes, the Foyts were on their way out of the prison.

"That was some good luck." said Janice.

"Not luck, planning." said Alice. "Somebody asked me to help them with the Cannonball and arranged it for us to con our way into a release. That lawyer we hired also secured that psychotherapist to coach us on our behavior. That is how we managed to pass the parole board. My last question is: are you in?"

"You know I am, mom." said Janice.

"Excellent." said Alice as she walked towards a black Infiniti G35 sedan. They climbed in.

"Are you Alice and Janice Foyt?" asked the driver.

"Yes, we are." said Janice.

"Nice to meet you." said the driver. "My name's Squeaky Kleen. I'm supposed to take you to my boss."

In the prison, another man met with another inmate, former drug dealer Jimmy DeMarco.

"Mr. DeMarco, the plan is in effect." said the man.

"Very good, Lester." said DeMarco. "Now, we can get our revenge on those Cannonballers. I take it our deal with Yuri, Big Boss, and Mr. Chairman has come through?"

"It has." said Lester. "We've also started hiring hoodlums to assist in taking down the racers."

"Good. It's all coming together." said DeMarco. "The Cannonballers will pay for this insult."

"Will we be stealing the prize money again?" asked Lester.

"If it comes to that." said DeMarco. "Mostly, I just want them crushed."

"You've got it, chief." said Lester. "I'll go inform them of your approval."

"You may leave." said DeMarco. "I've got someone else paying me a visit soon. I want to rattle his cage."


In the city of Las Venturas, the Four Dragons casino was being prepared for the pre-race party of the Cannonball Run. The creator of the infamous race, Brock Yates, was speaking with the casino's owner, Wu Zi Mu (Woozie to his friends).

"We're very grateful for your allowing us to use your casino for the Cannonball, Woozie." said Brock.

"It's no problem, Mr. Yates." replied Woozie. "You know I used to street race myself."

Brock looked amazed. "I didn't know a blind man could do that."

"Well, after you've fine-tuned your remaining senses, it isn't much of a problem. Wait. I think your partners are coming." said Woozie as Mr. X , J.J. McClure and Victor Prinsi approached.

"Hi, Brock." said Mr. X. "I've heard through the grapevine that Alice and Janice Foyt have been released from prison. I guess that means we can expect trouble."

"Hey, any time the race is run, trouble is a given." J.J. said. "But the Cannonballers who apply are usually the best at what they do."

"Yeah, especially 'Him'." Victor said.

"So, you managed to find a new Captain Chaos." said Mr. X.

"Of course." said Victor.

"He said that the guy he picked this time was the perfect choice." Brock added.

"Yeah, but we hope he won't be too dependent on that mask." said J.J. "Already having great driving skills to begin with is a plus."

"So, are you gonna call Lara?" asked Mr. X. "She's always the early bird when it comes to the Cannonball."

"Yeah, I'll ring her now." said Brock as he dialed a number on his cell phone.

"Bet she'll be trying to go for the big win this year like she did last year." thought Victor to himself.


By the roadside on a lonely desert road, a tall woman with her dark brown hair in a ponytail stood talking on a cell phone. She wore a form-fitting black leather jumpsuit.

"Okay, Brock. I understand." the woman said in an English accent. "Of course we'll be ready. We've been practicing for some time now. In fact, we're going to have one more trial run right now. Okay, bye."

The woman, called Lara Croft, hung up the phone. Parked not far away was a lime green Lamborghini Murcielago. Sitting inside it were three of Lara's friends.

In the passenger seat of the car was Joanna Dark, who wore a purple leather jumpsuit. Sitting in the back, wearing white and red jumpsuits respectively were Nina Williams and her sister Anna.

Lara got in the car and sat beside Joanna.

"So, Brock knows we're coming?" Joanna asked.

"That he does." replied Lara. "As if there was any doubt."

"This is gonna be great!" Nina said. "As long as someone doesn't chicken out."

"Hey!" said Anna, annoyed. "I've never backed down from a challenge and I sure as hell don't intend to start now! So watch your mouth before you get a fat lip!"

"Hey, time out, you two!" Lara said. "I don't want to have to be playing mother to you throughout this race."

"Sorry, L." Nina said.

"So, let's just see what the Vulcano does, shall we?" said Joanna.

"Oh yeah!" said Lara.

Lara turned the key in the ignition and the Vulcano sped off down the lonely desert road.


About ten miles away, a silver sand rail approached a huge barn in the middle of a disused farm. The driver, 'Mad' Max Rockatansky stopped his vehicle and got out. He looked at the mysterious note in his hand. It read 'Meet me at the Walsh farm off Highway 84 so we can discuss the Cannonball Run'.

"This is really bloody weird." Max said to himself. "Then again, I'm the one who comes from another dimension."

Max approached the barn and looked through the door.

"Hello." He called "Anybody here?"

The barn was empty and there was no sign of life for miles around.

Max slammed the barn door shut in frustration. "This is a waste of time!" he complained to himself.

Suddenly, the wind picked up a little bit. A touch of thunder sounded. Dark clouds appeared overhead.

"Just my luck." Max groaned. But then, he noticed something strange. In the darkened sky, what appeared to be several shooting stars streaked down towards the ground.

Max jumped out of the way as one of the shooting stars whooshed past him. The glowing projectiles zoomed through the windows of the barn and a few seconds later came a bright flash from within.

Amazed, Max got to his feet and approached the barn. Gingerly, he opened the door fully and his jaw dropped at what he saw. Inside the barn was a sleek black concept car based on a '70 Mustang. Max recognised it as a Grand Touring Garage Trans-Cammer from his knowledge of car history. The Trans-Cammer seemed to be crackling with electricity. Standing near it was a tall figure wearing a one-piece black leather bodysuit and a visored full-face racing helmet.

"What the hell?" Max said in awe.

The helmeted figure turned to face him. "Are you Max Rockatansky?" it asked.

"Yeah." Max said. "Who are you?"

"Oh, excuse me a second." the figure said. There was another bright flash. Max covered his eyes and after a second the flash disappeared. Max looked back and where the figure had been standing was now a dark-haired man wearing a denim jacket, jeans and a red t-shirt. He had a silver medal hanging around his neck.

"I find people find me less intimidating when I look like this." The man said. He had the same voice as the helmeted figure.

Max looked confused. The man stepped forward with his hand extended.

"Jake Kesey." the man said. "Pleased to meet you."

"Uh, hi." Max said as he shook Jake's hand. "Those are some wheels you've got there."

"Thanks." said Jake. "I call it the Black Knight. She does things few other cars can do."

"Hey, as long as it can beat the other Cannonballers, I'll be happy." Max said. "How'd you get hold of such a rare car?"

"I have...connections. Well, let's not wait for the grass to grow. Let's get going!" Jake said as he got into the car on the passenger side. "I'll let you drive, see if you can handle it."

"Thanks, mate." Max said as he got in on the driver's side.

Max turned the key and the Black Knight's engine started with a mighty rumble. The car tore out of the barn and headed straight for the highway.


The Vulcano roared along at well over 150 mph. A police car sat in a lay by.

"If that ain't a Cannonball vehicle, I'll spit." the driver said. "Shall we catch 'em?"

"If you think you can, but they're goin' like a bat out of hell." his partner replied.

"Okay, here we go!" the cop said as he started the engine. As the Vulcano rocketed past them, the cop car pulled out and took off in hot pursuit.

Lara looked in the mirror and saw the pursuing car.

"Ah." she said. "The traditional beginning of the Cannonball."

"Don't they know by now we can't be stopped?" Joanna said.

"Some people just never learn." Lara said as she put her foot down.

Brodie Bruce (Mallrats)
Jay (Clerks)
Silent Bob (Clerks)
Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Charlie Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Grandpa Joe Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Bill, an Oompa Loompa (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Jessie (Pokemon)
James (Pokemon)
Meowth (Pokemon)
Giovanni (Pokemon)
Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)
Byron 'Buster' Bluth (Arrested Development)
Tobias Funke (Arrested Development)
The Narrator (Arrested Development)
John Tanner (Driver)
Tobias Jones (Driver 2)
Nick Kang (True Crime: Streets of LA)
Marcus Reed (True Crime: New York City)
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)
Nina Williams (Tekken)
Anna Williams (Tekken)

The Black Knight pulled off the dirt road which lead to the farm and hit the highway. Max sped the car up until it was doing about 100 mph. They tore up the road, rocketing past another police car.

"Did you see that?" One cop said.

"Hold tight, son." the cop who was driving said "You're about to witness your first high speed pursuit!" The cop took off after the Black Knight.

"Great." said Max. "We're going close to two-hundred here. I don't think even in my old V8 I went that fast."

"Don't worry. There's no cop car in the world that can catch this baby." said Jake. "Just keep your foot to the floor and keep a clear head. And above all, relax! Enjoy it."

"Brilliant." mumbled Max. "I'm going faster than I ever have before, being chased by the fuzz, driving what is probably a boosted car and this guy says 'relax'!"

Last call now I'm outta time.
And I don't got no valentine.
Singled out, now I stand alone.
The underdog in a modern world.

Buffy Summers (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Jordan Cavanaugh (Crossing Jordan)
Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)
Mortimer Goth (The Sims)
Bella Goth (The Sims)
Bob Newbie (The Sims)
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)
Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)
'Mad' Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)
Jake Kesey/The Wraith (The Wraith)
Frank Martin (The Transporter)
Darius Stone (XXX2: State of the Union)
Eric Forman (That 70s Show)
Michael Kelso (That 70s Show)
Steven Hyde (That 70s Show)
Fez (That 70s Show)
Corey Howard (That 80s Show)
June Tuesday (That 80s Show)
Katie Howard (That 80s Show)
Roger Park (That 80s Show)

Suburbia is hot tonight.
But nothing seems to feel alright.
I don't want your sympathy.
I just need a little therapy.
At least that's what they say to me.

The Vulcano and Black Knight raced onto the same highway with the two police cars in hot pursuit.

Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Sara "Sway" Wayland (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
The Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)
Brian O'Conner (The Fast and the Furious)
Vince (The Fast and the Furious)
Jesse James (Monster Garage)

Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)
Shipwreck (GI Joe)
Snake Eyes (GI Joe)
Stalker (GI Joe)
Clutch (GI Joe)
Rock 'N Roll (GI Joe)
Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
Elizabeth Masterson (Just Like Heaven)
David Abbott (Just Like Heaven)
Darryl (Just Like Heaven)
Corvax (Muzzy)
Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)
Frank Castle/The Punisher (Marvel Comics)
Michael Knight (Knight Rider)
KITT (Knight Rider)
Joe Astor (Viper)
Cameron Westlake (Viper)
Thomas Cole (Viper)
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Carl 'C.J.' Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Claude Speed (Grand Theft Auto III)
Mason Strong (RoadKill)
Spike (RoadKill)

Hey ho let's go.
I'm gonna start a riot.
You don't wanna fight it.
One, two, f- you.
Don't tell me what to do.
I don't wanna be like you.

The two Cannonball vehicles tore through a T-intersection. A black Ford GT with white racing stripes raced out of the side street and got behind them.

"Who's that?" asked Lara.

"No idea." said Nina.

"Looks like he wants to join us." said Max.

The GT quickly got on the tails of the other two cars. Suddenly, red and blue lights started to flash on the car's side markers, side view mirrors, and sun visors.

"Floor it!" yelled Jake.

Can't you see it's killing me.
I'm my own worst enemy.
Knock me down I'll keep on moving.
It's the art of losing.

Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)
Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)
Daphne Blake (SCooby Doo)
Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers (Scooby Doo)
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)
Cobra Commander (GI Joe)
Destro (GI Joe)
The Baroness (GI Joe)
Zartan (GI Joe)
Storm Shadow (GI Joe)
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)
Mickey Mouse (Disney)
Minnie Mouse (Disney)
Goofy (Disney)
Donald Duck (Disney)
Daisy Duck (Disney)
Herbie (The Love Bug)
Giselle the Lancia (Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo)
Howard The Duck (Marvel Comics)
Huckleberry Hound (Hanna Barbera)
Quick Draw McGraw (Hanna Barbera)
Baba Louie (Hanna Barbera)
Yogi Bear (Hanna Barbera)
Boo Boo Bear (Hanna Barbera)
Cindy Bear (Hanna Barbera)
Ranger Francis Smith (Hanna Barbera)
Shrek (Shrek)
Donkey (Shrek)
Princess Fiona (Shrek)
Puss In Boots (Shrek 2)
Jack Colton (Romancing the Stone)
Joan Wilder-Colton (Romancing the Stone)
Ralph (Romancing the Stone)

The two cars came upon a dirt road. The Vulcano turned off on it while the Black Knight continued on the main road.

The GT followed the Vulcano while the Black Knight was chased by the two police cars.

"This guy doesn't give up easily." said Anna.

"Wouldn't be fun if it were easy." said Joanna.

"Does it have to be THIS much fun?" asked Nina.

Fit the mold and do what you're told.
Get a job and start growing old.
9 to 5 can make your dreams come true.
But I don't wanna be like you.
I'm not cool and I'll never be.
I break the rules and I guarantee.
I don't want your sympathy I just need a little therapy.
At least that's what they say to me.

Dick Dastardly (Wacky Races)
Muttley (Wacky Races)
Fearless Leader (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)
Natasha Fatale (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)
Boris Badenov (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle)
Snidely Whiplash (Dudley Do-Right)
Mojo Jojo (The Powerpuff Girls)
Dr. Drakken (Kim Possible)
Shego (Kim Possible)
Mad Dog McCree (Mad Dog McCree)
Jafar (Aladdin)
Captain James Hook (Peter Pan)
Oil Can Harry (Mighty Mouse)
Mean Machine (Judge Dredd)
Skeletor (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe)
Seymour Drake, Jr. AKA The Drake (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)
Ron Lucas (BKelly's Cannonball Run Stories)
Venom (Bkelly's Cannonball Run Stories)
Kermit The Frog (Muppets)
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)
The Great Gonzo (Muppets)
Rizzo The Rat (Muppets)
Animal (Muppets)
Ford Fairlane (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)
Jazz (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)
Don Cleveland (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)
Denis Leary
Dane Cook
Batman (DC Comics)
Wonder Woman (DC Comics)
The Flash (DC Comics)

"I've got an idea." said Jake.

"I've got an idea." said Lara.

"But you have to stop and get out of the car first." said Jake.

"But your seat belt must be on." said Lara.

The Black Knight took off down the road, leaving the police cars in the dust.

The Vulcano raced towards a small enclave. A broken down bridge sat just beyond a dilapidated barn.

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin (World Wrestling Entertainment)
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)
Rob Zombie
Priscilla S. 'Priss' Asagiri (Bubblegum Crisis)
Charlie Croker (The Italian Job)
Stella Bridger (The Italian Job)
Lyle AKA The Napster (The Italian Job)
Left Ear (The Italian Job)

Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)
Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)
Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)
Agent 99 (Get Smart)
Max O'Grady (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)
Laura Kennedy (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)
Liam O'Grady (MASK 2: The Next Generation by BKelly)
Mario (Super Mario Bros.)
Luigi (Super Mario Bros.)
Sonic The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog)
Miles 'Tails' Prower (Sonic The Hedgehog)
Dice (Midnight Club 2)
Parfait (Midnight Club 2)
Savo (Midnight Club 2)
Trikz Lane (L.A. Rush)
Ty Malix (L.A. Rush)
Lana Davis (L.A. Rush)
Takumi Fujiwari (Intial D)
Keisuke 'K.T.' Takahashi (Initial D)
Dirk Pitt (Sahara)
Al Giordino (Sahara)
Rudi Gunn (Sahara)
The Doctor (Doctor Who)
Amelia Jessica 'Amy' Pond (Doctor Who)
Rory Williams (Doctor Who)
Space Ghost (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)
Zorak (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)
Moltar (Space Ghost Coast To Coast)
Torquenstein (this guy who takes part in the Gumball 3000 race)
Tony Hawk
Bam Margera
Captain George Pierce (original character based on the Primus song 'Jerry Was a Race Car Driver')

Jerry Davis (see above)
Mackenzie 'Mack' Hartford/Red Overdrive Ranger (Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive)
Casey Rhodes/Red Jungle Fury Ranger (Power Rangers: Jungle Fury)
Nick Russell/Red Mystic Ranger (Power Rangers: Mystic Force)

The two police cars raced down the twisty road searching for the Black Knight They found it parked across the road after a blind turn and Max standing a good distance away.

The Vulcano raced towards the barn and smashed into the wall. The barn collapsed quickly, blocking the GT's path.

The police cars slammed on their brakes, but it was too late for the first one. It slammed into the Black Knight which exploded on impact.

The Vulcano hit the bridge and jumped the chasm. The people in the GT could do nothing but watch.

Hey ho let's go.
I'm gonna start a riot.
You don't wanna fight it.
One two f- you.
Don't tell me what to do.
I don't wanna be like you.
Can't you see it's killing me.
I'm my own worst enemy.
Knock me down I'll keep on moving.
It's the art of losing.

featuring

J.J. McClure (The Cannonball Run)
Victor Prinsi (The Cannonball Run)
Brock Yates Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)
Richard Miller (Time Crisis)
President Baxter Harris (Scary Movie 3)
Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)
Veronica Corningstone (Anchorman)
Misty (Pokemon)
Lazlow (Grand Theft Auto III)
Skeeter (Interstate '76)
Lola Jackson (XXX2: State of the Union)
Toby Lee Shavers (XXX)
Wrench (The Italian Job)
Handsome Rob (The Italian Job)
Franklin X. 'Frankie' Waters (Viper)
Dr. Julian Wilkes (Viper)
Mr. Chairman (Looney Tunes: Back In Action)
The Big Boss (C.O.P.S.)
Squeaky Kleen (C.O.P.S.)
Dr. Badvibes (C.O.P.S.)
Alice J. Foyt (CR3 by Charles Xavier)
Janice K. Foyt (CR6 by Generation X7)
Yuri (Command And Conquer: Red Alert 2)
Rex Banner (The Simpsons)
Federal Marshal Willenholly (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
Lt. Amos (The Adventures of Ford Fairlane)
Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)
Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Smokey and the Bandit)
Junior Justice (Smokey And The Bandit)
Sheriff Bender (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
Victoria Crown (original by Bkelly95)
Renee Montoya (DC Comics)
Harvey Bullock (DC Comics)
Officer Michaels (Superbad)
Officer Slater (Superbad)
LaFours (Mallrats)
Buttons McBoomBoom (C.O.P.S.)
Turbo Tu-Tone (C.O.P.S.)
Sissy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
Chrissy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
Missy (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco (CR5 by BKelly, character created by Turbo Man)
Lester Farquar (original by Turbo Man)
Luther (original by Turbo Man)
Charger (original by Turbo Man)
Camaro (original by Turbo Man)
A.M.X. (original by Turbo Man)
Stingray (original by Turbo Man)
Lidell Rey (L.A. Rush)
Francois Toulour/The Night Fox (Ocean's Twelve)
Garthe Knight (Knight Rider)
Yogostein (Engine Sentai Go-Onger)
Kegaleisa (Engine Sentai-Go Onger)
Kitaneidas (Engine Sentai-Go Onger)
KARR (Knight Rider, 2008)
Darius (Need For Speed Carbon)
Kenji (Need For Speed Carbon)
Angie (Need For Speed Carbon)
Wolf (Need For Speed Carbon)
'Big' Donnie Cannaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)
Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)
Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under by Bkelly)
Horace The Hate Bug (The Love Bug, 1997)
Dante Hicks (Clerks)
Randal Graves (Clerks)
Lone Wolf (CR5 by BKelly, character created by Turbo Man)
Bulletproof (C.O.P.S.)
Highway (C.O.P.S.)
Hardtop (C.O.P.S.)
Bullseye (C.O.P.S.)
Nightshade (C.O.P.S.)
Keith Martin (Time Crisis 2)
Robert Baxter (Time Crisis 2)
Claude McGarren (Crisis Zone)
Wesley Lambert (Time Crisis 3)
Alan Dunaway (Time Crisis 3)
The Fleetline Guy (original by Turbo Man)
Virginia Fairchild (original by Turbo Man)
David Dunn (Unbreakable)
Catwoman (DC Comics)
J'onn J'onzz (DC Comics)
Mr. Incredible (The Incredibles)
Elasti-Girl (The Incredibles)
Dash (The Incredibles)
Violet (The Incredibles)
Jack-Jack (The Incredibles)
Multi Man (The Impossibles)
Fluid Man (The Impossibles)
Coil Man (The Impossibles)
The Meteor Man (The Meteor Man)
Blossom (The Powerpuff Girls)
Bubbles (The Powerpuff Girls)
Buttercup (The Powerpuff Girls)
Blue Falcon (Dynomutt Dog Wonder)
Dynomutt (Dynomutt Dog Wonder)
Dudley Do-Right (Dudley Do-Right)
Batgirl (DC Comics)
General Warwick (RoadKill)
Gunny (RoadKill)
Coach Knox (RoadKill)
Vinny (RoadKill)

The officers jumped out of the car that tore through the Black Knight and ran. The car exploded a second later. The officers in the second car got out to assist. That's when the Black Knight reformed.

The car pulled over to Max and he got in. They raced off together and were later joined by the Vulcano.

Buzzer (G.I. Joe)
Ripper (G.I. Joe)
Torch (G.I. Joe)
Thrasher (G.I. Joe)
Monkeywrench (G.I. Joe)
Zandar (G.I. Joe)
Zarana (G.I. Joe)
Zanya (G.I. Joe)
Zanzibar (G.I. Joe)
Roadpig (G.I. Joe)
Gnawgahyde (G.I. Joe)
Simon Caine (The Meteor Man)
Goldilocks (The Meteor Man)
Digit (The Meteor Man)
Uzi (The Meteor Man)
Charlie 'Dr. Frankenstein' Weller (MASK 2 by BKelly)
Thunder Bob (Roadkill)
Toni (Grand Theft Auto III)
Bowling For Soup
The Killers
Franz Ferdinand
Barenaked Ladies
Jimmy Eat World
LL Cool J
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)

Moby
Papa Roach
Natasha Martin (Redline)

Moving Violation (Redline)
Chili Palmer (Get Shorty)
Linda Moon (Be Cool)
Pink
Usher
The Bloodhound Gang
Warden Stefan Gentiles (Arrested Development)

Domino (Pokemon: Mewtwo Returns)
Butch (Pokemon)
Cassidy (Pokemon)
Annie (Pokemon Heroes)
Oakley (Pokemon Heroes)
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)
Charlie (Charlie's Angels)
Mitzi, a Hot Alien Chick (Dude Where's My Car?)
George Bluth Sr. (Arrested Development)
George-Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)
J. Walter Weatherman (Arrested Development)
Oscar Bluth (Arrested Development)

Lou (The Simpsons)
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)
Mission Commander Swanbeck (Mission Impossible 2)
Hawk (G.I. Joe)
Duke (G.I. Joe)
Flint (G.I. Joe)
Dr. Bonnie Barstow (Knight Rider)
RC3 (Knight Rider)
Beverly Switzler (Howard The Duck)
Miss Piggy (The Muppet Show)
Sylia Stingray (Bubblegum Crisis)
Nene Romanova (Bubblegum Crisis)
Linna Yamakazi (Bubblegum Crisis)
Patrick (Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed)
Mashkov (The Italian Job)
Admiral James Sandecker (Sahara)
Jeremy Sanchez (MASK 2: The Next Generation)
Enzo Castaldi (MASK 2: The Next Generation)
Wu Zi Mu/Woozie (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Danica Patrick
Milton Waddams (Office Space)
Liane Forget (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Penn Jillette (Penn And Teller)
Teller (Penn And Teller)

Mango (Saturday Night Live)
Gloria Baker (M.A.S.K.)
April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Sheriff Baxter (original character created by Bkelly95)

Masado, the Interpreter (original character created by Bkelly95)
Sheriff Jack Carter (Eureka)
Deputy Josefina "Jo" Lupo (Eureka)

Papa Jupiter (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)
Lizard (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)

Pluto (The Hills Have Eyes, 2006)
Barricade (Transformers, 2007)
Holly Ellenbogen (The Class)

Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)
Sorenson (Suikoden V)
Babbage (Suikoden V)
Lu (Suikoden V)
Scarlett (G.I. Joe)
Cover Girl (G.I. Joe)

You call me a loser.
Say I'm just a user.
But I'll just keep on moving.
Cause that's the art of losing.

Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Sydney 'New Jersey' Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Rawhide (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Professor Toichi Hikita (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Billy Travers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Pinky Carruthers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Sgt. Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)
Sgt. Larvell Jones (Police Academy)
Nigel Townsend (Crossing Jordan)
Bosco (Sam and Max Season One)
Norman Drabble (Drabble)
Stu (Drabble)
Leonard (Drabble)

Eljin (Drabble)
Tony Basilotta (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)

Cesar King (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)
Sandy Longmore (BKelly's Cannonball Run stories)
Shawn Spencer (Psych)
Burton "Gus" Guster (Psych)
Mike Traceur aka Michael Knight (Knight Rider, 2008)
KITT 3000 (Knight Rider, 2008)
Jay Leno
Ma Beagle (DuckTales)

Bigtime Beagle (DuckTales)
Burger Beagle (DuckTales)
Bouncer Beagle (DuckTales)
Bankjob Beagle (DuckTales)
Babyface Beagle (DuckTales)
Wes Mantooth (Anchorman)
Jerry Springer
Christian Amanpour
Tyra Banks
Maxwell Smart (Get Smart)

Hymie the Robot (Get Smart)
Yucko The Clown (The DAMN!Show)
Chip Foose
Chris Jacobs
Greg the Alien (Saturday Night Live)
Randy Dukes (Saturday Night Live)
Shorty Meeks (Scary Movie)
Couzin Ed (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories)
Lightning McQueen (Cars)
Mater (Cars)
Luigi (Cars)
Guido (Cars)
Ramone (Cars)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau (The Pink Panther)
Cato Fong (A Shot in The Dark)
Xander Cage (XXX)

MacGruber (Saturday Night Live)
Vicky St. Elmo (Saturday Night Live)
Semir Gurkhan (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)
Ben Jager (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)
Dieter Bonrath (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)
Horst Herzberger (Alarm Fur Cobra: Die Autobahnpolizei)
Dragon (Shrek)
The Dronkeys (Shrek 2)
"Super Dave" Osbourne
Jarod (The Pretender)
Kane (Command And Conquer)
Rico Rodriguez (Just Cause)
Tom Sheldon (Just Cause)
President Kante (CR5 by Bkelly, character created by Turbo Man)
Mirai Ozora (Moldiver)
Mao Shirase (Moldiver)
Roman Pearce (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Slap Jack (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Orange Julius (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Sean Boswell (The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift)
Twinkie (The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift)
Count Dracula (Van Helsing)
Maeve O'Riordan (original by BKelly)
Chief Peter Doyle (original by BKelly)
Lt. Simms (Night Trap)
Golem (Urban Reign)
Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Megaweapon (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Couzin Ed (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
The Maimtron 9000 (Sam and Max Season Two)
Eddie Riggs (Brutal Legend)
Ophelia (Brutal Legend)
Lita Halford (Brutal Legend)
The Killmaster (Brutal Legend)
Mangus (Brutal Legend)
The Baron (Brutal Legend)
Rima (Brutal Legend)
Head banger Jack (Brutal Legend)
The Hell Knight (Doom)
The WASP Droids (MASK 2 by Bkelly)
The A.B.C. Robot (Judge Dredd)
The South League (RoadKill)
The Section Eights (RoadKill)
Ironheade (Brutal Legend)
The Zaulia (Brutal Legend)
The Kolodney Brothers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
The Rug Suckers (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)

After the Black Knight and the Vulcano had managed to give the police the slip, the two vehicles stopped alongside each other.

"You were pretty hot back there, girls" Max said.

"You weren't so bad yourself." said Lara. "Now, how about a little wager? Last one to the next state pays $200."

"You're on, lady!" said Jake. "Hit it, Max!"

Max put his foot down and the Black Knight took off. Lara's car shot off after it. As they tried to pass each other, Max looked over at Jake and said "Do we have nitrous?"

"We don't need it." Jake replied, smiling. "Just put your foot down as far as it will go."

Max complied and the Black Knight soon passed ahead of the Vulcano.

"Not today, boys!" Lara said as she hit the red button on her dashboard and sent a spray of nitrous oxide into the engine of the green car.

Soon, Lara and the girls were snapping at the Black Knight's heels.

Hey ho let's go.
I'm gonna start a riot.
You don't wanna fight it.
One two f- you.
Don't tell me what to do.
I don't wanna be like you.
Can't you see it's killing me.
I'm my own worst enemy.
Knock me down I'll keep on moving.
It's the art of losing.
Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)
Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)

We're the kids.
We're the kids.
We're the kids in America.
We're the kids.
We're the kids.
We're the kids in America.

-'The Art of Losing' by American Hi-Fi.


In the grounds of Jimmy De Marco's mansion, Lester addressed four people, three men and one woman. All of the group had dark hair and wore black suits.

Parked not far away were four vehicles: a red 1969 AMC AMX with black stripes on the sides, a black 1969 Dodge Charger R/T, a grey 1968 Camaro SS and a blue 1969 Corvette Stingray. All of these cars had tinted windows.

"As you are all aware, your mission is to take out the Cannonballers at all costs. Now, this mission may well be very difficult. Previous attempts to stop the race have always ended in failure. But as the four of you are the best in your field, I am confident that you will be victorious." Lester said. "Just to remind you, your code names for the duration of this mission will be the names of the vehicles you are using. Under no circumstances are you to refer to yourselves by your real names during the mission. My code name for this mission will be Mastermind."

The woman, Stingray, spoke up. "I think we should try and find some of these Cannonballers and size them up, sir. See how good they are."

The three men, Camaro, Charger and AMX nodded in agreement.

"If you feel that is what you must do, then do it. The race begins in just a few weeks. So get ready to unleash hell on the Cannonballers." said Lester.

"Oh, we certainly will, sir." Said AMX.

"I know I certainly will." Said Charger in a sinister way. "It's my forte."

"I was meaning to ask, sir." Said Camaro to Lester. "Why do we have to have the cars' windows tinted?"

Charger looked at him disdainfully and said "You WANT the Cannonballers to find out who we are, like they did with the Highway Hunters two years ago? With a record like mine, I prefer to remain faceless."

"Yeah, whatever." Said Camaro.

"Get going!" said Lester and they all headed to their cars. Lester walked over to a supercharged red 1973 Pontiac Firebird. Standing near the car was a giant of a man in a chauffeur's uniform.

"Alright, Luther." Lester said to the man. "It's our duty to spring Mr. DeMarco from prison, so that he can take control of events. Can you handle this operation?"

"Sure I can." Said Luther. "I broke out of Orange County myself. It'll be no problem to spring the boss."

"Alright, let's get started on our plans, then." Smiled Lester. He nodded to the Firebird and said "The Snakehead here will hopefully prove efficient during the operation."

"Yeah, but first, we have to go visit a certain construction company." said Luther.


Other people were making plans regarding the Cannonball. In a large building in Washington D.C, federal agent Rex Banner addressed the group of law enforcement officials he had assembled.

"Now, you are all aware that the Cannonball Run is due to start soon." He said. "For some reason, our Commander In Chief, the President of these United States, sees fit to grant the racers immunity from prosecution."

"Well what do you expect when you vote for a dipstick like President Harris!" snapped Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane.

"As you know, I have assembled all of you here to set up a Cannonball Squad, which will attempt to slow down and cite as many of the racers as possible." Banner continued.

"Aren't there supposed to be two more here?" asked Californian Sheriff Bender.

(NOTE: The sheriff's last name wasn't given in 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' but we have named him Bender in honour of Judd Nelson who played him).

"Yeah, Bullock and Montoya aren't here." Said Lt. Amos.

"Hey, Amos." Asked Junior Justice. "Didn't you used to be in that Disco Express band? I love 'Booty Time'!"

"Are you sure you're straight, likin' disco crap like that, Junior?" asked Junior's father, Sheriff Buford T. Justice. "I worry about you sometimes."

"You can have that conversation some other time, Mr. Justice." Banner said sternly. "Bullock and Montoya should be back soon."

The sound of an engine was heard and Federal Marshal Willenholly looked out the window.

"Here they are now, chief." He said.

The black Ford GT which had chased the Vulcano and the Black Knight pulled up outside. Out of it climbed Gotham City police lieutenant Harvey Bullock and his partner, Detective Renee Montoya. Both entered the building.

"Well, Agent Banner, we scoped two Cannonballers for you." Said Montoya.

"Yeah, and they are something else!" said Bullock. "They're almost as crazy as the guys up in Arkham!"

"That may be so, but I trust the Jawbreaker handled well." Said Banner.

"Yeah, it did." Said Bullock. "I'm glad those vehicles you borrowed from the Candy Store for our use can keep up with the racers."

"You think we will have a chance of catching the Cannonballers, Agent Banner?" asked Bender

"Of course we do." replied private detective Victoria Crown. "We're dogged and relentless after all. At least I am. I say let me at 'em!"

"I very much appreciate your spirit, Ms. Crown." said Banner. "You put paid to that old cop suspicion of private eyes not caring about the law."

"But there's something not right here. It's okay for us to speed, but not okay for the Cannonballers to speed?" said Willenholly. "How is that fair?".

"The Cannonballers are traffic menaces!" said Banner. "And no matter what the President says, they must be stopped! So, yes, if it's necessary for us to speed to catch them, then that's exactly what we'll do. And that's the end of that argument! I'll have no dissention in the ranks! Like I said in Springfield, we can't just choose which laws to obey. If we did, there'd be absolute chaos. So, do I have your support?"

Everybody nodded.

"Good. Now, I'll assign the rest of the vehicles and we can make plans." Said Banner as he drew his colleagues' attention to a map of the U.S. he had pinned to the wall.


In a small New Jersey town, two young men approached a comic book store called BRODIE'S SECRET STASH. The first man was tall, thin and wearing a ski-cap. His companion was shorter, plump and wearing a long black trenchcoat and a backwards baseball cap.

"Here we are, fat ass." said the tall man, Jay. "I hope Brodie's ready to go. We gonna kick some pussy ass in the Cannonball!"

Jay's friend, Silent Bob, nodded. Jay opened the door of the comic book store and he and Silent Bob entered. Inside, carefully arranging comics on the shelves was the store's owner/manager (and sometime presenter of the Tonight Show) Brodie Bruce. Brodie smiled when he saw the two.

"Hey guys!" Brodie said.

"Snootchie bootchies, Brodie man!" Jay said as he and Brodie wiggled their fingers together. Silent Bob just waved hello.

"So, have you got the car for the freakin' race?". Jay asked.

"Not being your usual self, I see, Jay." Brodie said.

"Well, the tubby bitch over there bet me $500 I couldn't go for the duration of the goddamn race without saying the other f-word". Jay said, nodding towards Silent Bob.

"Now THAT sounds like a real tough challenge!" Brodie said.

"What and the friggin' Cannonball ain't a challenge?" said Jay.

"Oh, it's a challenge, alright." Brodie said. "But with my secret weapon, we should be successful."

"Does that by any chance involve wearing a mask?" asked Silent Bob in one of his rare moments of speech.

"The hell you talkin' about, fat boy?" Jay asked.

"You really should have done your homework about the Cannonball, Jay." Brodie said. "Then again, I think the last time you did ANY homework was in the third grade, and even then you got it wrong."

"Hey, you done with the goddamn insults already?" Jay said. "What the hell's this secret weapon?"

"I'll go get it." said Brodie as he headed for the back room of the store.

Jay turned to Silent Bob.

"Okay, so what's gonna happen?" he asked.

Suddenly, they both heard Brodie yell "DUN, DUN, DUN!" and he rushed in, wearing the Captain Chaos mask and cape.

"Have no fear! Chaos is here!" Brodie said in a dramatic voice.

"The hell you doin', Brodie?" demanded Jay.

Brodie took the mask off.

"It's this thing that's done every year in the Cannonball. One of the officials picks a guy to be Captain Chaos and that racer is given great skill by the mask. This year, they picked me after I mentioned I had friends who could make a Captain Chaos comic book." he said.

"Man, that shit's screwed up!" Jay said.

"Say what you like, but in the race a few years ago, this kid called Sora wore the mask for the race and got $50 million for his trouble." Brodie said."And last year, that New York cop Washburn was Captain Chaos and HE won $350 million for second."

"No shit?" Jay said.

"No shit." Brodie replied. "So I favour our chances with the Chaos mask in our possession this year."

Jay turned to Silent Bob. "Hey, maybe if we wear our Bluntman and Chronic costumes it might help all of us to win."

Silent Bob rolled his eyes.

"Hey how much IS the prize money this year?" Jay asked.

"$500 million for first place, plus the bragging rights for a full year." Brodie said. "Second place is $450 million and third is $400 million."

"Holy shit!" said Jay. "Then we know we wanna be in the top three! But where's the goddamn wheels?"

"The car's outside. Just let me close up the shop and we can go." said Brodie

Ten minutes later...

Brodie, now wearing the Chaos mask, climbed into the driver's seat of a silver 2000 Chevrolet Impala. The car had been customised with an aftermarket Razzi body kit, 2006 Impala SS rims, a race built transmission, custom Eibach suspension and built custom internals.

Jay and Silent Bob were sitting in back.

"You really couldn't wait until the tune-up at the race to trick this mammajamma out, could you?" asked Jay.

"We need a powerful car." Brodie said. "That's why I also swapped the stock engine for an LS4. That's a 5.3 litre pushrod V8. It has 303 stock horsepower in it."

"Holy shit!" said Jay. "Makes me wish I'd stayed in school long enough to do Auto Shop."

"And I also got a custom turbocharger kit for the LS4 from Car Tuning dot com. She's good for 550 front wheel horsepower now." Brodie said.

AN:Sorry I had to write it that way. For some reason, this editor doesn't support URLs.

Silent Bob looked stunned.

"You're starting to make me drool thinking about all this power at our disposal here." said Jay.

"I know, Good Citizen Jay. That's why I hope your driving skills have improved since your trip to Illinois, as you will be called upon to take the wheel." Brodie said.

"No prob! I read up on it. I know all about shifting now." Jay said. "And I'm NOT carrying any weed, so if we get pulled over for driving with a deployed airbag, there's nothing the cops can nail us for."

Silent Bob looked a little uncertain.

"So, the Falcon gets your approval, then" Brodie said, referring to the car.

"Oh, hell yeah." Jay said.

Silent Bob gave a thumbs-up.

"Then, just allow me to put on a little appropriate music and we will be on our way!" said Brodie as he inserted a CD into the player he had installed into the car.

As the song started to play, Brodie put his foot down on the accelerator and the Falcon took off.

Too alarming now to talk about.
Take your pictures down and shake it out.
Truth or consequence, say it aloud.
Use that evidence, race it around.

There goes my hero.
Watch him as he goes.
There goes my hero.
He's ordinary.

Don't the best of them bleed it out.
While the rest of them peter out.
Truth or consequence, say it aloud.
Use that evidence, race it around.

There goes my hero.
Watch him as he goes.
There goes my hero.
He's ordinary.

Kudos my hero leaving all the best.
You know my hero, the one that's on.

There goes my hero.
Watch him as he goes.
There goes my hero.
He's ordinary.

There goes my hero.
Watch him as he goes.
There goes my hero.
He's ordinary.

-"My Hero" by Foo Fighters.


In a large warehouse in Los Angeles, three men stood in front of a large map of the world that hung on the wall. On it, the Cannonball race route had been marked out.

"According to that info Dr. Badvibes got for me, this is the way the Cannonballers will be traveling." Said the fat man known as the Big Boss.

"I was glad to hear that that stupid duck Daffy was racing this year. I can get revenge on him." Said the second man, the chairman of the infamous Acme corporation, known simply as Mr. Chairman.

"Who really cares?" Said the psychic former Soviet commando Yuri. "Hopefully we can capture some Cannonballers and I can recruit them in my army."

"Don't forget our main objective is the prize money, see?" said Big Boss. "DeMarco said he wanted some compensation for his incarceration."

"I'm surprised that you agreed to help us, considering your policy towards drugs, Big Boss." Said Mr. Chairman.

"I'm only doing it for the Cannonball prize money." Big Boss replied. "As far as DeMarco himself goes, I want no part of his blasted empire."

"If Lester and that big lunk Luther can pull their planned breakout off, DeMarco will be joining us in the field." said Mr. Chairman. "You can explain your principles to him then."

"What makes you two think DeMarco won't double cross us? He's a criminal after all." Said Yuri.

They heard a horn honk outside.

"Ah." Said Yuri. "Squeaky's here with the Foyts."

"About time your little toady showed up, Big Boss." said Mr. Chairman.

Big Boss went to a desk and pressed a button on it. A large door opened and the car drove into the warehouse. As the door closed behind it, Alice Foyt got a look at the three people waiting for them.

"That's the only drawback to stopping the Cannonball, Janice. We have to make a deal with the devil." She said.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Said Janice. "They always intend to stab each other in the back when it comes to the crunch."

"Hey! My employer is planning to handsomely reward the two of you, so show some respect." said Squeaky.

"Would you mind not listening in to a private conversation?" said Alice.

Squeaky stopped the car and both he and his passengers got out.

"Alice and Janice Foyt here to see you, gentlemen." Squeaky announced.

"Good to see you, ladies." said Big Boss. "I take it no introductions are necessary."

"Of course not." said Alice. "Who doesn't know about the Big Boss of Empire City? Or the chairman of Acme? And I remember Yuri from two years ago."

"Nice to know you are well-informed." said Mr. Chairman. "Now, as you are aware, on behalf of Jimmy DeMarco, as old business partners of yours and ours, we arranged your release from prison."

"DeMarco wants what you want: to end the Cannonball Run." Yuri said.

"So why couldn't DeMarco just buy his way out of jail?" Janice asked.

"His butler, Lester Farquar, has put together an operation to spring him from prison, but it may take a while. Until then, we're in charge of things. Lester sent some goons out into the field to deal with the racers. We're going to put a plan of our own into action as well." said Big Boss.

"I take it that once again we will have to go on the race route to try and stop the racers." Alice said.

"Yes, but you'll have help." Mr. Chairman motioned towards a group of men who were standing in the shadows they walked forward.

Big Boss pointed to two of them: a pale-faced man in a dark red suit and fedora and a man with a pink shirt with shoulder pads and white pants with suspenders. He was also wearing sunglasses and had a massive moustache and a small beard on his chin.

"These are two of my best men: Buttons McBoomBoom and Turbo Tu-Tone."

"Isn't he the guy who keeps going on about a girl called Jenny's phone number?" asked Janice.

"That's Tommy Tutone!" Turbo, the guy with the sunglasses, snapped. "I'm the Big Boss' best wheelman."

"You damn well better be, because the Cannonballers are something else." Said Alice.

The third man was a black man in a sharp suit with two diamond-stud earrings.

"This is Lidell Rey. He used to be a big man here in L.A. until one of the confirmed entrants of this year's Cannonball ruined him." said Mr. Chairman.

"Yeah, and I aim to get me some revenge. That lame-ass bastard Lane will pay." said Lidell.

Yuri pointed to the last man. "I think you recognize him as well." he said.

"Yes. Francois Toulour, aka The Night Fox." said Janice.

"I see my reputation precedes me." said Francois.

"Well, when you're one of the best cat burglars in the world, of course it does." said Alice. "I thought you already had a cat burglar working for you, Big Boss. Nightshade, wasn't it?"

Big Boss growled.

"Nightshade betrayed him." Squeaky said. "On one of our heists she sold him out to the C.O.P.S. In fact, she's now dating one of them and acting as a spy for them."

"Oh, sorry." said Alice. "So, will Francois be trying to steal the prize money while we keep the racers occupied?"

"Oui, but of course." Said Francois.

"Here's hoping the C.O.P.S. don't get involved during the race." Grumbled Buttons, the pale guy in the red suit. "We'll have enough trouble stopping the racers."

"McBoomBoom, cut the negative attitude, see?" said Big Boss. "Failure is NOT an option this time!"

"Well, I can assure you, Big Boss, we will perform to the best of our abilities." Janice said.

"That goes double for me." said Alice.

"Excellent." Said Mr. Chairman. "Well, shall we make our plans?"

"I thought you'd never ask." said Yuri as the villains began to make preparations.

None of them noticed that through a skylight they were being watched by a red-headed woman in a brown and yellow bodysuit wearing gold, triangular earrings. This was Rafaella Diamond, better known as Nightshade.

"I'm afraid I'll have to dash your hopes of the C.O.P.S. not getting involved, Buttons." she said to herself.

As she climbed down off the roof, the villains began to make their plans.

AN: And so we begin. Please R & R.