It was time

It had been over a year and it was time.

I love her. I kept repeating that to myself. I love her. We love each other.

She is the mother of my children. She is my wife. She is my partner. She was my life. I thought she was gone but she is here.

It had been over a year. It was time.

I thought lighting some candles or playing soft music might help set the mood after so long…but that was not our style. Funny, I never thought that was my style. Why did I think of that? Candles? Music? Oh that's right…her.

Saying no again was not an option. It wouldn't be right. I love her. She is my wife. It has been over a year. It is time.

I looked at the clock. 10:35 p.m. If I waited any longer she would be asleep and it would be another day gone by and I would be in the same situation again tomorrow night. I put my book down and turned off all the lights downstairs. I made sure all the doors were locked, peeked into nursery to check on the twins, and headed upstairs to our bedroom.

When I entered our bedroom there she was…lying on our bed, under the covers but propped up on the pillows. She wore an emerald green nightgown that displayed her breasts perfectly. She had a book in her hands.

"Hey there," she said, putting her book away.

"Hey yourself," I replied.

I headed over to her side of the bed and sat down. "You look beautiful in this…" I said as I fingered the strap of her nightgown.

"It reminded me of your eyes," she said.

I looked deep into her crystal blue eyes and saw all the years we had known each other. I saw our daughter and son. I also saw the uncertainty. Uncertainty, of what I was not sure…of us? Of me? Of herself? Had I placed that uncertainty there? My guilt started to rear its ugly head. She didn't deserve that. I would have to do better.

I leaned over and kissed her softly. It had been so long. Her lips were soft and supple. They were different. I was different. We were different. I pulled back and looked deep into her eyes again.

"I'll be right back," I said.

I went to the bathroom, washed up, brushed my teeth and got undressed. I looked at myself in the mirror for a few minutes and I wasn't sure I recognized the face that I saw there.

I went back to the bed and got under the covers naked. I always slept naked. Tonight was no different.

I reached for her and touched her face, tracing over her cheekbones and her jaw line. I began kissing her neck slowly and working up to her jaw and mouth. I kissed her deeply, tasting the all too familiar scent that was my wife. I remembered it well. We were hesitant with each other…it had been a long time.

I pulled down the straps of her nightgown, exposing her breasts to me and began a descent of kisses from her mouth to chest. I palmed each breast in turn, slightly pinching her nipples and hearing her moan in response. I knew her body. Every curve and corner. I knew all its secrets; where to touch and how to please her. Yet it all seemed alien to me now. I pulled myself away from such ponderings. I needed to stay focused. I could feel myself slowly get hard when I heard her little noises. We would be ok. I could do this. I love her.

I pulled the nightgown off of her completely and slowly nudged her thighs apart. My left hand slowly rubbing the upper part of her left leg and working its way to the apex of her thighs. I reached her center, placing my fingers on her lips and began rubbing them up and down. I could feel her wetness and placed my thumb on her clit. I rubbed it slowly in a circular motion as I inserted my finger into her. I heard her softly groan.

"Honey please….it's been too long…" she panted.

I drew my hand away and settled myself between her legs. My cock rested at her entrance as we looked into each other's eyes.

"I've missed you so much," she said.

"And I you," I replied.

And then I entered her. Slowly, gently. I thrust into her unhurriedly and set my pace to her … she seemed distance…disconnected in some way. Or was that me? I could feel my orgasm build slowly and as our bodies began moving faster her moaning became louder. I could feel her walls begin to tighten around me and I knew she was close. I closed my eyes and buried my face in her neck. I could picture chocolate brown eyes staring back at me. As I inhaled I could smell the strawberry and freesia scent of her hair. I could feel myself getting even harder and my body reacting to my vision…I moved faster toward my climax and when I came I imagined saying her name loudly in my mind. My body shuddered through its climax as I realized that my wife had suddenly frozen beneath me.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

She violently pushed me off of her and jumped out of the bed.

"What the fuck was that?" she asked.

"Ah…I'm not sure what you mean…I was making love to my wife!" I said. What the hell was her problem?

"Nooooo," she said, "it sounded to me like you were making love to someone else….do you want to explain to me why you yelled out Bella's name just now?"

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Dear God, what had I done?