Title: i was praying that you and me might end up together

Characters: Serena/Blair; mentions of Serena/Nate; Blair/Nate; Blair/Chuck; and Serena/Dan

Rating/Word Count: T/ 466

One Line Excerpt: This is nothing but pretend

Let's be tragic...

It's a secret that hangs in between red lips and couture gowns and pretty white smiles.

Serena ties Blair's heart to a string once when they are young.

Later she runs away with it, tearing it out of Blair's chest with the millions of miles that she puts between them.

We're sisters.

I love you, S.

I'll always love you the best, B.

(Much later Blair will sob into her hands and ask god why love is synonymous with lie)

...

There's Nate.

A forever, a prince charming, a happily ever after.

But Nate loves Serena and Blair puts her hand into his and changes his mind.

Here's a lesson Blair learns with time, when the rain pounds into the pavement and floods the streets:

No one ever changes.

Blair's hands are tangled up in Serena's hair and her legs are stretched out on the bed.

"Tell me a secret..."

Serena giggles into Blair's collarbone.

(They pretend.

A kiss is just a kiss.

A touch is just a touch.

Skin is just skin.

This is nothing but pretend.)

"We we're always supposed to be more than this,"

Blair will go home and allow her skin to scold under the beam of her shower, until she is beet red and it hurts to move.

She will scrub and scrub until she longer smells Serena's perfume on her skin.

You were my first.

You were my always.

These are the secrets she buries in the earth, in her body, in herself.

I hate you.

-She says instead.

A gulp of wine, a roll of eyes, a hard glaring stare.

She breaks Serena like she had once broken her.

(Completely, utterly, shattered.)

She doesn't love Chuck when she fucks him.

Love and fuck are two different things.

(Contrary to popular belief)

Serena thought her that.

...

She loves fucks too much.

She fucks loves too little.

Blair reads Dan Humphrey novel for the first time when she is nineteen.

Serena is in love. (with him, really deeply, best)

Chuck's gone.

Nate's in California.

Love is only real when it's tragic and flawed.

Just like people.

It's consuming.

Addictive and sweet and the motivation for existing.

Loving something is like a flaw. A really beautiful one.

Blair sobs, dry heaves into the toilet, and realizes she's never read anything more true.

Let's be tragic-Serena says once.

Blair is young and naïve and she loves.

(not in love, because Serena is her best friend and in love is not something that happens, here. There's Nate for god sakes)

Serena twirls Blair's hair around her finger and bites down on her lip.

"Let's!" she giggles.

They kiss a few weeks later.

Soft, sweet, closed mouth, and just pretend.

Always just pretend.

Fin.