This is the 'M' of the story. There. You're warned.
He wakes with a start, sitting straight up in bed. His mind is still foggy from sleep and for a moment he's slightly disoriented. Then he remembers: he had a dream about her. Well, truthfully, it was a nightmare. In the dream, she had fallen asleep in his arms, but when he had woken up she was gone. He had searched and searched for her- in his loft and her apartment, at the precinct and her favorite coffee shops, but she had simply disappeared, vanished. His heart still races from the residual panic of the dream and he reaches out for her across the mattress, feeling nothing but cool emptiness.
He rubs his eyes, hoping they will adjust to the darkness and he will see that she is still there, but the bed is indeed empty, and no light escapes from under the closed door to his bathroom. His ears strain, but the loft is silent. Did she even sleep in his bed last night or had he dreamed it all? That question is quickly answered as he slumps back down in the bed, clutching his pillow. The faint floral scent of her shampoo still permeates the sheets, filling his nose and causing his stomach to twist.
He pouts for a few seconds, sighing loudly as he realizes he shouldn't be upset, knowing there's a logical explanation. Of course she's left. She couldn't very well show up at work in his boxers and that ridiculously thin excuse for a shirt that hugged her body perfectly and left nothing to the imagination as he had held her flush against his chest through most of the night. But work or no work, he still wishes she would have woken him before she left.
He rolls over and checks his phone, hoping for a text, but is disappointed yet again. He shoots off a message for her to call him and after a few more minutes pass, he resigns himself to try and go back to sleep. The events leading up to the dream quickly occupy his thoughts.
Last night was supposed to have been their third date, but new information had broken their most recent case wide open late in the day, keeping them occupied until well past their dinner reservation at 8. Riding down on the elevator together as they left the precinct, he had felt an odd mixture of satisfaction and disappointment.
His satisfaction had come in knowing that they had solved their first case since getting together as a couple and that, as far as he can tell, their working relationship has changed only for the better. They truly are more in sync than ever, at times sitting in front of the murder board and exchanging only a few short phrases, single words even, before smiling and heading off to round up a suspect. Of course this almost telepathic communication is earning even more looks of suspicion than normal from their coworkers, but they're usually far too preoccupied with each other to notice.
His disappointment, which truthfully had been small in comparison, stemmed from the fact that he had been looking forward to their date all week, secretly hoping that she would stay the night with him. Then maybe, finally, they could experience the physical intimacy they both have been flirting with since the night she had shown up and uttered those three words that had forever changed his life: "I'm all in."
Not that there hadn't been some decent physical placeholders along the way. After their first date, they had shared a short, but powerful goodnight kiss against her apartment door that had left them both breathless. It had also left her wide awake and feeling frustrated, mainly at herself for not just biting the bullet and inviting him in for a drink... and maybe more. But she had also directed some frustration at him for being so damn considerate; for once, electing not to just barge in as has been his usual pattern with every other aspect of her life over the years. Of course, she didn't really blame him, recognizing her own pattern of fussing over his near constant invasions of her personal space as a likely contributing factor to his lack of further advances.
But more recently, the thought of him pushing the physical a bit had become quite the turn on for her and she was happy to see them gain some momentum with a partially-clothed albeit completely-consuming make-out session on his couch after their second date. At one point hands, mouths, and clothing had flown everywhere before being reigned in by a call from the precinct giving them a new case. Neither had wanted to stop, both slipping back into the passion for a few minutes after the call had come through. But of course she had ultimately been the regulator, having to practically peel him off of her in order to find her shirt. She had been quite amused at his resolve to continue with his exploration of her body, proceeding to pin her back on the couch more than once as she attempted to get dressed. Of course he had finally relented, marveling at how she made the act of redressing more seductive than he ever thought possible, bestowing him with a kiss on the mouth for each button that she simultaneously fastened on his shirt.
But by the end of that night he had nevertheless been frustrated. He felt slightly guilty for being so useless at the crime scene, but all he could think about was how he could still smell her perfume on his skin, still taste her on his lips. He had expected her to reprimand him a bit when she had picked up on his defeated frown, but instead she had given him the quickest of winks when she caught him staring at her longingly.
When they had finally wrapped up at the scene, he felt so tormented that it had taken all his will power not to throw her over his shoulder and tote her back to the loft to pick up where they had left off. But of course he knew she would never tolerate being thrown over any man's shoulder, and instead he had tried his best to not appear disappointed when she had dropped him off back at his place before heading home for some much needed sleep.
Then there had been last night, spent over lukewarm Chinese food as they sifted through evidence at the precinct. He had suspected that this third "date" would end no differently than the second, and that both would say goodnight and return to their own beds once again. So, it was more than a pleasant surprise when she had looped her arm through his after leaving the precinct and said, almost shyly, that she wanted to come over.
"Is that alright with you?"
He had simply grinned. As if she would ever have to ask.
Of course they had both been tired and so he had been truly content just to have her fall asleep in his arms again, her body relaxed and completely at home against his.
He sighs sleepily as he rolls onto his back, resigned to the fact that he'll need to be content in that memory of holding her, at least for now. His mind quickly drifts back to that transitional world between sleep and wake, and shadows of his dream float behind his drooping eyelids. Much to his astonishment, he starts to feel a pleasant twinge growing in his gut which quickly marches lower, tugging at his groin. Apparently, his nightmare wasn't all bad.
His stomach muscles clench as he sees her face, framed beautifully by her hair. She hovers above his naked body, straddling his waist, pressing against him firmly. He can feel the softness of her skin as his hands slide up bare thighs to slip under the strip of lace that covers her center, his fingers moving closer to the store of warmth and pleasure she holds. He senses her body shifting so that his hand will have better access and she gasps as he replaces his fingers with his rigid…
He clutches the pillow tightly as he abruptly awakens from his fantasy-to-end-all-fantasies. The soft click of his bedroom door closing is followed by footsteps and his heart soars a little as he feels the mattress move as she slips back into bed carefully, pulling the duvet up over them both. His back is to her as she sidles up against him shivering a bit. He turns to face her, wrapping his arm over her waist and pulling her close, but not too close, as the dream's effects on his body are achingly slow to wane.
"Sorry if I woke you. I went to get a glass of water," she murmurs, feeling her body slowly warming up from both the insulation of the feather-filled cover and the internal heat generated from him being so near.
"No, it's okay. I was awake…sort of…" He knows his voice sounds tense, which is fitting considering the strain her proximity is exerting on his lower half. He forces his brain to focus on the woman in his arms instead of the more naked version of her still teasing him in his head. He breathes deeply, hardly able to stand being this close and not touching more of her.
He distracts himself by concentrating on her breathing and smiles, recognizing that she is already slipping back into a light sleep, the rhythm of the rise and fall of her body somehow familiar to him despite this being only their second night to share together. He feels himself starting to regain control and smiles at how every fifth breath or so, she inhales more deeply and he feels her breath tickle his neck.
He turns slowly so that he can study her face in the shadows, gently pushing her hair aside as his thumb traces her jaw, pausing at her lips before continuing his reverent caresses of her neck and collarbone. He replays his emotional journey of the last few weeks, hell the last few months, knowing that she was with someone else, and now all he can feel is grateful and slightly intimidated that this wonderful woman has even considered being with him.
He sighs softly, knowing he won't sleep anymore tonight. He doesn't want this night to end, doesn't want to wake up and find her gone. He watches her sleep peacefully and, not wanting to wake her, yet unable to avoid the temptation of her mouth being mere inches from his, he leans in to carefully brush his lips against hers- once, then twice. On the second pass, he smiles, welcoming the feel as she responds to his touch, her hand creeping behind his neck to pull him in for a quick, but deep kiss.
She pulls away slowly, her mind still half drunk with sleep but her body feeling more alert by the second as his hand has somehow found its way to the bare skin of her arm, rubbing soothingly. "Why are you still awake? Is something wrong?" she asks.
He shakes his head. Nothing is wrong. If anything, it's too perfect, too much like his dream before it morphed into the nightmare. "I just can't sleep," he says as she nuzzles her body closer.
He can see the dim morning light dancing in the dilated pools of her pupils just before she kisses him again, whispering into his lips, "Hmm… why?"
He doesn't want to tell her about the nightmare of her being gone or, for that matter, the fantasy part with her essentially naked body on top of him. But he needs to share at least the gist of his emotions with her.
"It's going to sound ridiculous, but this, you being here with me, it all feels like a dream. I'm a little afraid I'll wake up and find you've changed your mind about me... that you'll be gone," he says meekly.
She smiles at his little admission of insecurity. It's been rare for her to see him so vulnerable and for some reason she finds it incredibly sexy. She kisses him reassuringly on the lips, at the same time bringing his arm over her waist so that she can wedge herself closer to him. She brushes his hair back from his forehead tracing his cheek with her finger, looking at him thoughtfully. She knows she hasn't made it easy for him to get inside her walls over the years, nevertheless she thought if anyone would house the uncertainty in their relationship, it would be her. But surprisingly, each day with him only makes her more confident in his feelings and intentions. Now she wants to do the same for him.
"Well, I assure you, it's no dream. I'm here." She sits up a little, leaning her torso on top of him so she can better see his face.
"And I'm not going anywhere. I only want you," she murmurs as her head dips lower, their eyes locking just before their lips. Over the past few weeks she's quickly discovered that he is devastatingly talented with his mouth and pulsations rake through her with the thought of him using these talents elsewhere, hell everywhere, on her body.
Her fingers trace along his chest and stomach, catching the hem of his shirt and pulling it up as her nails graze his skin lightly. She allows her hands to dip lower, briefly encountering the waist of his pajamas and tugging gently at the elastic, causing his heart rate to accelerate before he grabs her hands. He pauses, considering how best to express his near inability to hold back his hunger for her any longer. If she doesn't already sense it, she might as well hear about this happy madness stirring inside him.
"Deep down I know that, I do," he says softly. He cups her cheek, feeling the warmth of her lips as she turns her head and softly kisses his palm.
"And I know neither of us is talking just in the physical sense... But god, I've got to say, you have no idea how much I want you. Being this close to you, holding you...the temptation for more is just... Indescribable." He rubs his finger along her cheek tenderly, "But, I don't want to rush this. You're so worth the wait..."
She studies him for a second, realizing that he's leaving her an out if she's not ready. But hearing how he feels causes every nerve fiber in her body to ignite with anticipation and need. Her heart thumps wildly as she thinks about the intense emotional heights they've already reached, but how she too wants more.
The increasing light of dawn illuminates her features softly now and he doesn't need to hear her voice to know. He can see it in her eyes and feel it in the way she now traces his lips with hers. There's no sense in talking anymore, in trying to pin down what cannot be captured with words; no sense to resist this attraction that's endured from the beginning, patiently bearing witness to all they have become.
They already appear to move as one as she shifts quietly to lay back on the mattress, his figure shadowing hers as he maintains their kiss, coming to hover over her. She feels her entire body fill with warmth as he gently strokes her cheek with one hand, softening the kiss to say her name longingly between breaths.
She answers his calls, guiding his full weight down upon her, feeling him smile against her mouth before sliding his tongue along her lips and deepening the kiss. Even fully clothed, she loves the feeling of him on top of her. She can feel how his stomach muscles clench when she brings his lower lip into her mouth, nibbling softly. And how his breathing becomes uneven as she snakes her hands under his shirt, before trailing her nails down his back with enough pressure that in other circumstances it might be considered cruel. Or how his breathing nearly stops as she rocks herself gently against his thigh which now rests between her legs.
But both are soon breathing quite heavily, bodies unconsciously straining through their clothing, as if the friction will somehow cause the fabric to disintegrate, allowing skin to finally meet skin. Her mouth breaks from his, finding his earlobe as her hands graze down his torso, one hand sliding past his waistband and teasing his growing need for her through the fabric of his pajamas.
He feels himself swell instantly, and knows he needs to change the focus to her or she'll end him before he even gets started. He grabs her hand, pinning her wrist above her head, but she only bites her lip playfully as he feels her other hand heading south. He quickly controls this hand as well, holding it against the mattress by her side, before turning the tables on her and kissing her into submission.
He starts with her neck, caressing her slowly, feeling how her body trembles, how her hips press upwards, encouraging him as his mouth hits just the right spot. She marvels a bit at how in control he seems despite the ever hardening presence that she feels every time her hips meet his. She wills him on with soft sighs of pleasure as his mouth continues its torture, her skin twitching at the delicate pressure his lips exert on her breasts through the thin fabric of her shirt.
He releases his hold on her, his hands sliding under the soft shirt that clings to her figure, fingers slowly shifting it upwards. Her body jerks suddenly as ripples of arousal course through her from the soft touch of his hands. His lips forge a tingling trail as they follow the retreating border of fabric between them, delivering feather-light kisses to each new centimeter of skin that is revealed.
He pauses, his hot breath teasing against her skin before he slowly exposes one breast, shifting the fabric so slowly that she finds herself gripping the sheets tightly at the light friction created against her flesh. To her surprise, a soft whimper escapes her mouth as he traces the skin around her nipple with his tongue, blowing softly against the moistened skin causing the soft peak to harden just before taking it into his mouth greedily, causing her to shudder from head-to-toe with pleasure. He eyes the other side, pulling her camisole off completely before repeating his tongue's taunting little act on the opposite breast. Even though she knows what's coming, it doesn't stop the sudden arch of her back and darts of pleasure that shoot down her spine.
Before her body has even registered what's happening, he pulls his shirt over his head and settles back against her, savoring the feel of her pert nipples against his bare chest. He grins down at her, clearly taking pride in her enjoyment thus far. She lifts her head to kiss him, but he pulls his head back playfully just as she remembers that her hands are now free. Her fingers suddenly knead into the back of his neck, bringing his mouth back into range as she kisses him hungrily, desperately seeking more.
He loves how she seems to crave him as much as he does her and sensing this need, he moves his weight to rest on the mattress before he slides the boxers she wears over her hips and she quickly shimmies them down her legs and off completely. His hand trails just below her navel and dips teasingly, ghosting past the lacy top of her underwear, the pads of his fingers massaging the soft skin above her pubic bone. He feels her pressing into his hand, one finger slipping lower to find her clit easily, and he hears her breaths shorten immediately.
His finger is nimble against her, moving so lightly over her sensitized nerves that it's almost painful. As he continues his passes over her burning center, he slips the end of one finger inside her cautiously, and he almost loses it right there when he feels how wet she has already become.
He doesn't want to tease her, but he knows the first time she climaxes, he wants to share the experience in a slightly more intimate way. He reluctantly removes his hand and moves it back to cup her breast, his lips settling on her neck.
As she feels his hand move back up her body she makes a sound, equal parts excitement and exasperation. Her fingers dig into his arms as she feels almost crazy at how he torments her, and he can't help but chuckle a little at this, seeing as how he's usually been the one on the receiving end of the flirting and teasing over the years.
"Patience..." he whispers, sucking delicately on the pulse point of her neck, his mouth gliding down to her breasts once more. "I'll get you there, trust me."
His body shifts, and no sooner are the words out of his mouth than his hands are sliding the last of her clothing off and his lips are caressing the inside of her thigh, feeling her leg muscles flex and then tremble beneath his touch. He tastes her delicately at first, using the tip of his tongue to trace every soft crease, arriving at her most sensitive spot and establishing a rhythm with his tongue and mouth that soon generates a throbbing pressure that she feels between beats of her already racing heart. His eyes dart up in time to see her choke back a gasp as he nudges her legs apart slightly, allowing his tongue to delve deeper as the pent up energy washes over her, ending with a shudder against his lips.
He scoots back up on top of her, admiring the glow he has helped to paint on her cheeks. He brushes his mouth against her neck as she recovers, humming a bit as he savors the hint of saltiness in the fine sheen of sweat that now coats her skin. Her arms suddenly loop around his torso, pulling him tightly against her as she grips his hips between her thighs, making it quite clear what she wants next with the rocking of her body. The fiery need in her eyes is unmistakable and he's a bit taken aback by her voracity, although he's definitely not complaining.
She rubs her hands across his chest as she whispers, "Please..."
He swallows hard because he realizes he has never, nor will he ever again, hear such raw desperation in her voice.
"Before we go any further," he breaks away from her embrace, starting to reach towards his nightstand, "Gimme one second to find a con-..."
She takes his momentary distraction as an opportunity to get him out of the rest of his clothing and he nearly jumps off the bed as one of her hands swiftly skims the muscles of his lower abdomen under his pajamas to grip his erection firmly, the other pushing the flannel pants down his legs.
He watches as she loosens her hold, trailing her fingers cautiously along his smooth length several times, before encircling his head and applying an exquisite pressure that causes his eyes to narrow and his jaw to clench. She finds his mouth with hers, pulling his lower lip into his mouth sucking hard before, releasing his lip and his cock suddenly. He sucks in a breath and wills himself not to explode right there.
She wraps her hands behind his neck, pulling him closer, unable to control her need any longer. His mind can't form coherent thoughts at the moment, he's sure of that, so he's grateful that she knows what he had planned to say and that he's able to decipher the meaning behind the choppy phrase that somehow escapes through the passionate kisses she layers over his mouth.
He slowly rolls her beneath him, his reply a nod of the head sealed with a kiss. Time seems to slow as their eyes lock and her body stills as he eases into her, their gaze never breaking. In this moment, all lingering doubts vanish. What they share in their hearts, thoughts, and now their bodies is real and all consuming.
Neither moves at first, both too absorbed in the simple pleasure of being so close to the other. He takes a moment to adjust to the feel of her body, allowing gravity to pull him deeper as she relaxes a bit with each breath. His forehead leans against hers, and their eyes flutter shut as he adjusts his weight and begins to rock slowly with her. The feel of her around him, her taste that remains on his lips, her subtle whimpers all make his head swim.
They increase the tempo now and he murmurs her name with such affection that her eyes flip open in utter shock at the sudden sensation that grips her entire body, the squeezing warmth finally arriving at her heart, causing a raw sensation in her throat and a burning in her eyes. She's never felt this sort of thing with other men before, and certainly never during sex.
Although he knows she hasn't peaked, he senses a difference in her movements and his eyes open to meet her gaze that is filled with a satisfied look of something that can only be described as wonder. She smiles lovingly before she pulls him deeper wrapping her legs around his waist with a subtle tilt of her hips. He groans loudly at the sudden friction, but recovers quickly, reestablishing their earlier pace. He needs something to sustain him and his mouth seeks out skin, arriving at the slope of her left breast. He's suddenly aware of her heart beating against her chest wall and this forces him, against the ferocious will of his body, to slow his movements.
"I've wanted this for so long," he says with a steady voice as he covers her heart with his hand and meets her eyes again. She feels the tight squeeze around her chest for the second time, and though still surprising, this time she's sure only he will ever be able to recreate this feeling inside her.
Instinct takes over again as he continues to guide them to their end, pressing her more firmly against the bed with ever quickening strokes. Their lips meet surely, fingers intertwine, both determined to hold on together until the last moment possible. She breaks first, gasping sharply at the mind-numbing heat that shoots through her core, yanking her across the line. He surges moments later, feeling her hand grip his tightly just before her body seizes him with equal force, pulling him across to join her.
They lay for several minutes, breaths and bodies entangled, before he moves to lay beside her. He feels her hand still locked with his and loosens her hold to wrap his arm across her stomach, flipping her to face him. Her eyes are closed, but she smiles and exhales slowly as his fingers trace the curve of her waist.
"Don't tell me you're going to fall asleep after that. Isn't that supposed to be my job as the guy here?" he jokes, giving her skin a light pinch. Her eyes pop open and she bats his hand away playfully, shaking her head, but sliding closer to him despite his antics. She smiles shyly at him and he grins back before kissing her lightly.
"I was right you know," he says tauntingly as he shifts his attentions to her neck.
"Oh yeah?" she asks with a slight tone of skepticism. "Right about what exactly?"
He shifts his eyes back to her face, his expression dead serious. "This, you and me, us- totally worth the wait."
She feels a surge of emotion causing her cheeks to warm as she hears 'us' escape his lips, amazed by how such a simple word can carry so much meaning.
"Yes, completely," she says nodding her head, kissing him lazily as her eyelids suddenly feel heavy again. She snuggles deeper into the cocoon of warmth their body heat has created.
He kisses her forehead as he feels his own eyes fighting to stay open. "Sleep well."
She sighs contently. "I'm sure that won't be a problem. You've exhausted me you know," she says squeezing him tightly against her. "Sweet dreams."
"Hmm, hope so...what'll I dream about...?" his voice fades a bit as sleep creeps over him.
She whispers over the sounds of his already deepened breathing, "Dream of me, of us…"
And when he does, she's there when he wakes.
A/N: So this is only my second story with smut, always harder to publish than I think it will be, therefore any feedback would be appreciated- the good (hopefully) and not-so-good are equally welcome. I feel like I edited and reread this so many times I can no longer tell if it captures the sexy emotional stuff I was going for, so I'll let you be the judge. Anyway, thanks for reading this! -KB