Hi friends! This is a work of pure crack and it's been brought to you by myself and Stix04. Apologies if you've been waiting for her most recent update of "I'll be", I've been kind of monopolizing her time, forgive me. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

Rachel can barely contain the bounce to her step as she trots down the walkway and to her car. She's been waiting for this day for such a long time, and it's finally here. Her birthday. She's not entirely selfish but it's the one day where no one can give her a problem for being even more demanding than usual. It's pretty much her favorite day of the year.

Her Daddys went out to lunch earlier after Rachel assured them that she already had plans and that she was just waiting for them to text her. Two kisses to the cheek, two more for good luck, and promises to see them later for cake, and the men finally left and Rachel was left to her own devices. It didn't take long until she'd received the text message she'd been waiting for.

Cum 2 my house

It's her birthday and she can look past the regular hormonal teenage lingo if it means that she'd be soon spending the day with the only person in the world she wants to spend it with.

The drive is familiar, and she turns up the volume a few notches higher than normal. She's in a fantastic mood and she's going to damn well sing about it. Nothing's going to bring her down today. She parks the car in the driveway and straightens out her skirt as she walks up the four stone steps. The smile nearly breaks out onto her face as she approaches the small note on the door.

My room.

She takes the note with her and holds it to her chest, it's utterly romantic and after she reminds herself that it's unattractive to run, she calmly makes her way to the destination the note describes. She pauses before entering the threshold and her eyes almost begin to water with overwhelming emotion. Single red roses are lined to lead her directly to the bed. Roses aren't her absolute favorite but it's the thought that counts, and she has the weirdest sensation that somebody helped with this. Perhaps Kurt.

She hovers over the bed and peers down at the last note.

Put me on.

She glances down at the dark bandana and flirts with her indecision for only a few seconds before quickly wrapping the cloth around her head, making sure that it doesn't mess up her perfectly straightened hair.

She stands in the middle of the bedroom and waits for the next set of instructions. She gasps as she feels her hands pulled behind her back, and doesn't bother to struggle when she feels something being tied around them. Her butt hits a hard chair and the unmistakable sound of duct tape being pulled is the last thing she hears before she hits sheer panic.

Something isn't right.

She struggles and twists in the seat but someone is holding her down and her legs feel paralyzed all of a sudden. The overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia takes her over and it's not a few more seconds before the bandana is ripped from her eyes.

It takes another second or two for her to adjust her eyes before she sees who she's looking up at. There's something incredibly unsettling about their smirks, about the pure evil she can see reflected back to her in their eyes; she's just signed herself up for a date with the Devil's minions themselves. Her heart feels like it's just dropped to her stomach and her mouth is insanely dry, she's never been so nervous before in her life.

The entire thing is a setup.

She's not sure for what but she's also not sure what or who to believe.

"Why are you doing this?"

She flinches as hands come toward her with another piece of duct tape. Her voice is silenced and it's not long before her eyesight is blinded once again. She hears the cackle of laughter and drops her head, utterly defeated. The door closes and she's left to herself. She replays the last year or so in her mind, hopefully trying to come up with a viable reason as to why she's sitting in the middle of a room, bound against her will, and silenced to the world.

What were they going to do to her?

Why was her guard so down?

How did she let this happen?

Quinn Fabray- Over a Year Ago…

Quinn sat in the auditorium as she watched Rachel and Finn's duet on stage and quietly fumed. For whatever reason, the conversation in the choir room earlier that day bothered her. She hated how Rachel just assumed that she and Sam were dating. She hated how Rachel thought that all the girls in glee needed their male counterparts help to watch Kurt's back. Why couldn't the girls do something? Why did they need boys?

Quinn looked over at Sam where he sat, smiling broadly, as he watched the duet on stage. It was sweet what he did for Kurt. And the promise ring was a nice gesture. But she was going to decline. She didn't need boys. She didn't need anyone.

Everyone applauded and Quinn rolled her eyes as she got to her feet to pack up her things; Rachel and Finn's performance wasn't that good.

"Quinn? May I have a word?" The blonde huffed and she slowly turned to face the diva.

"What do you want, Berry?" Quinn asked, annoyed, as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

Everyone was talking and laughing as they filed out of the auditorium and Quinn didn't want to be left alone with Rachel.

"I just wanted to say that you were right. What you said in the choir room, you were right." Well this is a first, Quinn thought as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette.

"Of course I was right." Quinn said as she folded her arms across her chest. "What about?" She noticed the corners of Rachel's mouth twitch, almost as though she was hiding a smile.

"What you said, about me pushing back the women's movement? You were right." Quinn slowly nodded, a little vindicated by apology. "It seems like ever since I started dating Finn, I've perhaps forgotten that I don't necessarily need a man to support or validate me. And I wanted to thank you for reminding me of that."

"Sure, whatever." Quinn dismissed as she turned away from the diva and made her way down the auditorium's aisle, hoping to get away from Rachel.

"I just never knew what a feminist you were, Quinn." The blonde halted and spun around to face the brunette.

"I am not." Quinn hissed, suddenly angry. Rachel blanched at the blonde's tone.

"I just assumed that you were. I vaguely recall you saying to Mr. Schue that women on average make less money than men, and I further recall during the Rocky Horror fiasco that men objectify women's bodies. My apologies if I offended you."

"I'm not a feminist."

"A feminist is not a bad thing, Quinn. It's rather remarkable. You're a strong woman and it's refreshing that you've realized that you don't need boys to define you."

Although Quinn was patting herself on the back only moments before about this exact point, hearing Rachel call her a feminist ignited something within her. Around her house, feminist were always a bad thing. A feminist didn't listen to societies rules, shunned men, were bitchy CEO's in the boardroom. The word feminist was interchangeable with lesbian. Quinn could not be a feminist.

Later that day, Quinn started wearing Sam's promise ring. A week later Rachel will refer to the new couple as Ken and Barbie. And Quinn will hate the reference even more than being called a feminist. She felt as though she let the diva down. And herself too.

Samual Evans; February 2011

The one thing Sam missed about his old school was well, everything. He was royalty at his Californian boarding school, he was the captain and quarterback of his winning football team, he had the cute girl from their sister school, and just about everyone wanted to be around his charming personality. He realized now that he may be overstating all of that but he doesn't believe anyone would deny the fact that his life was pretty damn good. He even missed the food at his old high school, it was nothing like the greasy and fattening goop that he was pushing around his plate as he sat across from Finn in the cafeteria. Finn's eyes were glazed over as he inhaled the beloved tater tots that came back upon Figgins' return, Sam just couldn't understand it.

He was having a hard time understanding anything about the new life he had.

He had a game plan. A fool proof game plan that he repeated out loud while he watched his precious Beiber brown hair transform into his new bleached-at-the-beach hair color.

Step one; get on the team.

Step two; date the popular girl.

Step three; survive.

He got on the team. He got the head cheerleader. He was doing a good job of surviving.

Until today. Until cupid's evil and much fatter twin brother decided to arrow him in the heart and ruin all of his chances of surviving McKinley's lion den.

"Wow that sucks bro, so she just like dumped you?"

Sam sighed out through his nose and pushed his plate towards the center of the table; he had no appetite. He missed his old school colors of Black and Gold, at least then he wouldn't be bombarded by the Red and White of McKinley and the Pink and Red that accompanied Valentine's Day. Saturday was supposed to be perfect and it was up until Quinn ran away from him. They'd decided to celebrate it over the weekend even though the real day wasn't until Monday. He'd gotten the text message earlier in the morning to meet Quinn in their spot. The Astronomy classroom. Where he fell for her, where he proposed to her, and ultimately where he got dumped.

"She said that she couldn't see us working out anymore." Sam repeated, he left out the words his ex-girlfriend earlier used.

I just can't love you.

Mercedes Jones- March 2011

Mercedes had a headache. She'd been getting them a lot lately, especially in glee club. She knew that she was all kinds of sexy and that her voice should be heard but it was normally drowned out by the endless conceitedness of Rachel Berry. She'd gotten used to the brunette's Chihuahua like yapping and found that she could normally tune it out, but that was before Quinn Fabray started also barking opinions. Some days the cheerleader would agree with their captain, and those days were weird because the blonde could instill enough fear into the members so that they wouldn't argue. Other days, they downright looked manic and acted like they were about to gauge each other's eyes out with the cafeteria sporks. Those days normally gave Mercedes the headaches. No one dared to tell either of them to shut up either because as crazy as the look was in Quinn's eyes towards Rachel, whoever spoke would get one ten times worse. It was a lose-lose situation for everyone. Except the girls.

"I don't understand why they're trying to be friends. They hate each other most days." Tina whispered as Mercedes subtly rubbed her temples. She missed Kurt, he would have put an end to this before it began.

"All I know is, if we can't decide on a song for Regionals than Mr. Schue is gonna make us sing Journey and there is no way I'm singing another white boy song thirty years past its prime."

Tina and Mike both wholeheartedly agreed and the three pairs of eyes went back to the train wreck near the piano.

"No, Berry! We are not singing another Streisand song! She's old and outdated."

Rachel gasped, "You watch your mouth, Quinn Fabray! I don't think I need to point out the fact that your choice of Creed is yawn inducing and eye rolling, not to mention—"

"Creed is a good Christian rock group with strong morals and a positive message." The blonde seethed.

"Separation of Church and State ringing any bells? I downright refuse to sing hymns and spread the word of the good Lord when we could be belting out a crowd pleasing classic."

Mercedes knew that one of Rachel's fathers was catholic so she wondered what the real reason was behind Rachel's refusal.

"Why don't you guys just mash them up?"

"Shut it, Puckerman!" They both shot towards the risers, poor Puck sunk into his chair, utterly defeated.

Both girls turned back to each other and Mercedes watched with sudden interest, they were both heated. The most heated that they'd ever been, their flushed faces accented their rapidly rising chests.

"Quinn, just let it be," Rachel spoke, "We're never going to agree on a song so—"

"Let it be," Quinn said lowly, "Let it be." She said louder, more confidently.

It was like watching a magic show, the way the girls could go from bickering ex-spouses to best friends.

Rachel's eyes widened and her head nodded comically as she realized what Quinn was proposing, Mercedes wasn't sure but she had a feeling that they were about to be forced into singing another white boy song with a Mercedes jaw dropping note. She could dig it. Anything to get the two of them to shut up.

"Let it be," Rachel repeated, and nodded more firmly and definitive.

Quinn turned to the rest of the group as they sat half asleep from having to listen to the twenty minute argument between the two girls. Even Mr. Schue had his head down on his desk, he wouldn't dare interrupt them; not after last week's catastrophe. It was his own fault, Mercedes mused, he shouldn't have thought it was appropriate to tell Rachel to calm down. The last time she saw Quinn that worked up was after her brawl with Santana at the beginning of the year.

"This is our end number," Quinn stated and her eyes challenged any complaints that the club may have thought about voicing, "Rachel will assign the solos, and Brittany and Mike have choreography."

Mercedes wondered how Finn lost his captainship position but she doesn't even think he cares at this point. Not after Quinn nearly bit off his head when he tried to give him and Rachel the duet for Regionals.

"Thank you, Quinn." Rachel smiled shyly.

This was the part of the practice that normally stumped Mercedes, and it normally made her headache worse when she'd try to figure it out. How could their attitudes towards one another change so drastically in a matter of seconds, and how could they go from disagreeing to essentially protecting what they'd finally agreed upon. They only fought with each other over mundane things and once they came to an understanding, they refused to allow other people to argue with them. It was baffling and a whole lotta nonsense that Mercedes just didn't feel like thinking about.

She had a solo to prepare for, and she would give it hell.

She supposed, for now, that she could just let them be.

William Schuester- April 2011

Will watched as Quinn exited Sue Sylvester's office and frowned. He didn't like the way the Cheerio was smirking. As he made his way to Emma's office, he carefully watched as the blonde approached Rachel Berry's locker. The smirk was gone now and a broad smile took its place. It seemed genuine enough, but Will had an awful feeling about the girls' friendship. Rachel looked pleased as she and Quinn spoke. They laughed easily. But something wasn't right.

"I just know Sue's up to something! This is just like her."

"Okay, but Will, maybe Quinn likes Rachel, did you ever think of that?" Will's eyebrows rose as he stared at the counselor. "Okay, so maybe Sue's up to something."

"God, it just figures! Regionals are only a few weeks away and I'm sure she is cooking something up to sabotage it!"

"But Quinn seems to like glee, Will. Do you really think she'd do something to hurt the team?"

"Quinn was the one behind the Glist," Will said with a shrug. "I think she's more concerned with remaining head Cheerio."

"So you think Sue threatened Quinn and now Quinn's pretending to be friends with Rachel in hopes to sabotage glee?" Will silently looked out Emma's office at the pair as they chatted at the brunette's locker. He bit his lip as he contemplated what could be going through Quinn Fabray's head.

"I don't know, Emma. I honestly believe that Quinn is a good person. But…"

"But you can't understand how anyone could possibly be friends with Rachel Berry?"


"Why would anyone be friends with a sweet, talented girl or just so happens to have a few quirks?"

"A few quirks? Try a million!" Emma folded her arms across her chest as she rolled her eyes in annoyance. This was just like Will. He continued to run down a list of all Rachel's flaws and Emma couldn't help but feel he was missing the point. How he couldn't see the parallels she and

Rachel shared. For a sweet, nice guy, he was awfully insensitive.

As he ranted, throwing his arms up in the air to recount the many crazy moments Rachel Berry has had, Emma observed the girls. There was something rather innocent yet endearing about how they stood. Awkward and bashful yet sincere.

She couldn't be sure, but something about the way the girls smiled as they spoke to one another made Emma think that Will missed the point yet again.

Noah Puckerman- May 2011

Puck snapped the guitar case closed and mentally applauded himself for yet another successful performance by a Jewish artist. Artie was still collecting the money they earned from their badass duet and Puck couldn't help but smile brightly knowing that at least he still had his awesomeness. And his legs. That sucked for Artie on both accounts.

And yeah, all right, maybe everyone was just a bit surprised by Puckosaurus's killer acoustic rendition of Straight Up, but Puck stood by his girl Paula; she got him through a lot of nasty scraps throughout the years. So he didn't care if people had shit to say.

"Do you think Brittany liked our performance?" Artie asked as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and eagerly glanced over at the blonde where she sat on the quad steps talking with Santana. Artie was his boy and all, so he didn't want to bum him out by pointing out the fact that he was pretty sure Santana's hand was currently up Brittany's Cheerio skirt. So instead, he just shrugged and grabbed the fist-full of money from the kid.

As Artie shot fervent looks over at Brittany, Puck sulked as he counted their earnings. He needed a pick-me-up. It wasn't every day that Noah Puckerman got rejected, and never twice in the span of five minutes. Ever since Brittany dumped Artie, things had majorly sucked. Santana never actually told Puck, but he was pretty sure the reason she stopped hooking up with him was because she and Brittany finally made it official. Now he and Santana were no longer meeting at every fast food place in Lima three times a week—the girl always craved cheeseburgers after sex, so it just made sense to combine the two—Puck was out a fuckbuddy.

That was the whole reason why he had even approached Quinn earlier that day in the choir room before glee practice started. He was getting desperate. The ladies of McKinley were blowing him off left and right! He was down to only three girls who would give him the time of day; baby mama, his fellow Jew, and Lauren Zizes—but she terrified him. Well, if he were honest, they all terrified him, Santana included. But Puck thought there was something to be said for crazy chicks; they kept him on his toes.

So against his better judgment, he swaggered up to the blonde with a smirk and a nod. "Hey, babe. What do you think about-"

"Leave me alone, Puck." The boy gasped in fake insult as he clutched his chest.

"Q, I'm hurt that-"

"So not interested." She mumbled with a flick of her wrist as she took her seat.


"Don't you have a liquor store to knock over or a cock fight to bet on or something?" She asked lazily leaning forward in her chair as she twirled a pen between her fingers, not even bothering to look at him. But there was only one thing Puck heard and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"You said cock-"

"Bye, Puck." The boy frowned and his dismissal, but he immediately perked up once Rachel hurried into the choir room. As usually, she was all a-tizzy, and slid herself in the chair a few over from Quinn and whipped out a notebook, pen already poised.

Once again smirking, Puck strutted over to the diva and mashed his lips together in his best alluring smirk as he took the free seat between the icy rock and the hard-to-deal-with place.

"Hey, Berry, how about-"

"Not now, Noah." She didn't even look over at me!

"Now don't be too hasty, I-"

"That's fascinating and all, but I really must finish what I'm working on." Eyebrows furrowed and lips pouting, Puck got up and collapsed in a chair a row behind his two exes and hung his

head. They didn't give him a chance to catch his suave stride!

And stranger still, for all their snubbing, both girls seemed to be quite content not listening to a single word Mr. Schue was spouting out from the front of the room. Puck watched curiously as Rachel would peek out from under her bangs and glance over at the blonde. Her hand still lingered over her notebook as though she was ready to take notes, but he never once witnessed her write a damn thing. Sure, when Quinn would subtly look over at Rachel through her long eyelashes, the diva's attention would snap back to her three-ring binder. But Puck could clearly see over the girl's shoulder and the only thing she was doing, it seemed, was writing a letter to someone.

Quinn was even worse. Sure, the room was warm or whatever, but the blonde's face was threatening to be camouflaged by her Cheerios' uniform and her lips kept twitching in this weird, shy way that Puck had never seen before.

"…And can anyone tell me who produced that song?" Mr. Schue asked with a smirk, his gaze on Rachel. Everyone's eyes went to the diva as well, waiting to hear her blare out the obvious answer that it was Rodgers and Hammerstien. But Rachel was silent. Puck's eyebrow rose as he watched Rachel's rapt attention on only Quinn Fabray.

"Eh hem. Rachel?" Slowly, Quinn's head turned to look over at the diva, which resulted in Rachel to bolt straight-up in her chair. She nervously looked around the room and realized all eyes were on her. She cleared her voice and awkwardly shuffled the papers on her desk around.

"I must apologize, Mr. Schuester, I was momentarily distracted. If per chance you could repeat the question I would be more than happy to-" Rachel let out a quiet shriek when the papers on her desk fluttered to the floor.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean-"

"No, it was my fault-" Puck's eyebrows quirked as he watched the babbling, apologizing messes that were Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray. They were both red-faced and awkward as they tried to collect Rachel's fallen papers.

Girls are freaking crazy, Puck thought as he watched them both sit as unmoving as statues and uncomfortable as hell in their seats. Straight up!

Kurt Hummel- June 2011

Kurt didn't think it would be a problem. The four of them tended to hang out at least once every week, sometimes twice. Sometimes they'd go to Kurt's house on the days that his father would take Finn to a sporting event, and other times they'd get coffee and watch Blaine perform at his open mic night. Kurt and Blaine loved talking to the Mr. Berrys so naturally they always wanted to go to Rachel's to hang out or watch a movie. Judy Fabray still terrified Kurt so on days that Quinn's mother was home and lucid, they tended to leave and go to the mall. Not to mention, Kurt still got to see the girls when he'd hang out with the glee club in its entirety. But he did enjoy the time that just the four of them spent together.

He'd found an odd sense of normalcy in his friendship with Rachel and Quinn. He was actually surprised when Rachel showed up at his school one afternoon asking if they could hang out or sing together, and he was never one to pass up an opportunity to sing. He was even further surprised when Rachel brought Quinn the next time. But he got over the shock of it all and they fell into a nice routine of hanging out when they were all free. He couldn't exactly deny that he wasn't entirely enjoying his stay at Dalton and it was nice to have familiar faces. He never thought he'd consider both Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry to have familiar faces, or even find comfort in them but he often loved the days when they would hang out. In fact, he tended to look forward to them.

Rachel was still as talkative as ever, which he couldn't complain about because that was how badly he missed everyone. Quinn tended to be the calm and collected one, often reminding Rachel she needed to get back on task or else she wouldn't ace the upcoming history test.

But not that day. Which lead Kurt to believe that maybe hanging out that day would in fact be a problem.

When he got the text message earlier in the morning from Rachel that asked if they could have a study session after school, he immediately included her into his and Blaine's already made plans of studying that afternoon at Dalton. He assumed that Quinn would be included in the plans because she's never not been. He was slightly confused when Quinn texted him during McKinley's lunch time asking him if she could swing by later to talk. Naturally, Kurt now assumed that she just hadn't been able to talk to Rachel and let her know that he and Blaine would be studying in the lower lounge.

When Quinn walked in without Rachel in tow, he kept silent and imagined the brunette was running late or getting some extra help from her teachers as finals quickly approached. But he hoped that Rachel would get there soon, Quinn was acting weird and he just couldn't figure out why. It was taking her minutes to get out what she was trying to say.

He realized that perhaps he should have told both girls that the other one would be present because Rachel's deer in headlight look complimented Quinn's comically wide eyes beautifully.

"Rach? What were you saying?"

Rachel shook her head, "Um, nothing."

Kurt was sure that Rachel was speaking as she flung the brown doors open but the sight of them cut her off suddenly. He let it slide, Rachel was a talker so he was sure that once she remembered her train of thought then she'd let them know.

"Q-Quinn, I didn't realize you were joining us today," Rachel spoke as she smoothed down her skirt and stepped into the room.

Quinn cleared her throat, "My afternoon freed up."

Rachel nodded, "Ahhhh."

Rachel took her seat across from Quinn and next to Kurt and they all went back to what they were working on.

The sounds of Rachel's fingers hammering at the keyboard of her laptop could barely be heard over the nonstop chatter coming from Quinn's mouth. Kurt sat wide eyed as he watched the normally catatonic girl talk about everything from the first time she rode a bike to what she was going to name her future kids. Kurt noticed that Blaine had been smiling softly to himself as he solved math problems and listened to Quinn's personal anecdotes. It bothered Kurt that the boy didn't really think anything of their completely opposite behavior.

He managed to nudge his boyfriend's shin hard enough to not be considered an accident and the boy finally looked up from his notebook. Quinn was now rambling about the time Sue Sylvester made the team participate in her own weird version of Fear Factor while Rachel huffed to herself and silently banged out her outline for the potential English final prompts.

Kurt's eyes were doubling as a Morse code and he was getting frustrated with Blaine's confusion and furrowed brows. Every couple knew how to communicate with their eyes. At least, every couple that was going to last. It was very important to him that he found a suitor that not only excelled in the eye communication area but could also shine in telepathy.

Kurt finally gave up and grabbed the boys arm.

"Would you excuse us for a moment?"

He noted the way Quinn shot a nervous glance at Rachel, and he saw the way Rachel looked panic stricken as they announced they'd be right back. Kurt felt bad but this was more important.

"Hello? Don't you know how to silently communicate?"

Blaine let out a short laugh and looked around, "What are you talking about?"

Kurt huffed and rolled his eyes, there were more important matters to tend to, "Forget it, have you noticed that Rachel and Quinn are acting strange?"

Both boys looked through the small crack in the door to see both girls talking quietly.

Blaine shrugged, "Not really."

Kurt looked harder, Quinn definitely just shyly tucked hair behind her ear and blushed at whatever Rachel just told her.

"You don't find it off that they've Freaky Friday-ed us?"

"Freaky Friday?"

Kurt bit his tongue, what gay man has not seen the critically acclaimed classic? It was pre-Linsanity, a masterpiece of its time. It was no Mean Girls or Parent Trap but what movie would ever come close to touching both of those? He didn't dare ask his boyfriend if he'd heard of either movie, he just couldn't let his heart break like that.

"It's like they've switched bodies, Quinn's talking more than my Aunt Mildred after a box of Franzia and Rachel couldn't be more silent if you duct taped her mouth shut. Something's up."

"Well, finals are coming up. They're probably just worried about that."

Kurt ignored that half-assed explanation, "You know what they're acting like, don't you?"

Blaine rolled his eyes playfully and adjusted Kurt's tie, "No, what?"

"They're acting like us after we had our first kiss, they're more awkward and nervous than a gay man at a Klan meeting. Not to even mention the way they looked when they first saw each other."

Kurt could probably list off more evidence but Blaine was already talking.

"Even if they did do something like that, which I'm not saying they did, it's not our place to say anything."


"And don't you dare even start prying," The boy warned with an accusatory finger.

Did he not know Kurt? Prying was his favorite past time behind gossip and moisturizing.

Luckily, Kurt knew how to find loopholes in virtually everything he did. And Blaine didn't say anything about observing or taking notes. So he held up his hands in surrender anyway and followed his boyfriend back into the study lounge.

Kurt found, rather quickly, that there would be no need to take any type of notes on the girls' behavior because it seemed that they were back to normal, if not better. Rachel was mindlessly chatting about a solo she was suddenly thinking about doing. Kurt thought it was off that she would want to sing Everytime We Touch, but he didn't comment on it. Quinn gently reminded Rachel that the quicker she finished the rest of her outline, the quicker she could start practicing it.

It only took Rachel twenty more minutes for her to close her laptop and announce that she was done. She nearly dragged the blonde away from the table, but not before Kurt was able to let them know when Blaine's next open mic night would be.

He wasn't entirely convinced that there wasn't anything going on between them, but he had a much more daunting task to complete. Blaine needed a serious schooling in Lindsay Lohan movies if their relationship would ever work. And maybe a lesson or two in eye communication 101.

Lauren Zizes- July 2011

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Lauren considered herself the smartest member of glee, and it wasn't so much that she considered but she knew she was. She knew that for most of these disillusioned rejects, glee club was going to be as good as it got for them. The only one who had a real chance at getting out of that town was Rachel Berry, and if she wasn't so god-awful boring to Lauren, they could have been friends. Lauren liked her work ethic. And that paired with her ability to understand the urgency behind Lauren's demands from time to time, had Lauren believing that maybe she was smarter than Lauren gave her credit for. And sure, they could have gotten along if Rachel wasn't so damn sure that show choir was a real thing. Lauren considered it a cartoon, her own personal comic strip that she could be entertained by for the time being, at least until wrestling season started up again. And she got to stare at Puckerman for an hour and half each day. But he was just another means to pass the time, until she got what she really joined for, Schuester. But more specifically, Schuester's abs. They looked delicious.

She always considered Quinn a code green on the threat meter, because honestly, the cheerleader posed no threat to her. So what if she gave birth to Puckerman's baby, Lauren could have easily done that too. And big deal, she was homeless for a while, Lauren did that for sport sometimes when she was bored. But there was something about her recent actions that made Lauren double take her original threat level assessment, made her reconsidered just how smart and conniving Quinn Fabray truly was. Because there was no way that she sitting across from Rachel Berry in Breadsticks with honest and pure intentions. No, she was up to something.

Maybe Quinn was the smart one and Rachel was the dumb one. Either way, she had a feeling she'd be getting something out of this.

"I didn't tell you that you could eat." Lauren snapped as something caught her eye.

Puck snatched his hand back from the bowl of breadsticks set in the middle of the table.

"How's your food, babe?"

Lauren rolled her eyes, "Fine. Stop speaking."

She twirled some fettuccine alfredo onto her fork and took another bite before taking a sip of her soda. Noah's shoulders slumped in the booth across from her. She really didn't understand why he was so adamant on dating her but he bought her food and he was pretty to look at. After the first month of wooing and courting, she finally gave in and allowed him to take her to dinner. Breadsticks was their Thursday night dinner date. He also didn't respond when she would berate him, he just kept coming back for more. He was always striving to be the perfect boyfriend, maybe he had something to prove or maybe he'd finally found someone that could match him. Or maybe he was just that desperate. She was pretty sure this was his longest relationship to date.

"What are you looking at?" he asked as he began to turn around to look over his shoulder.

"Stop moving," She barked again and fixed her glasses.

Her eyes were firmly fixed on Rachel and Quinn as they sat across from each other approximately six tables away. She couldn't figure out the angle, surely each of them was in it for some reason. No two people just like spending time with each other, that's for fairytales and movies. Prime example, Lauren got food out of her arrangement with Puckerman, and Puck got to date the wrestling captain. It was a win-win. Even if Lauren was the only one who considered it an arrangement, but she was above all that sissy talk about dating and love. It was for the weak. And she knew that neither Berry or Fabray were weak so that's how she knew that whatever was going on a few tables away had ulterior motives.

Like, you mean to tell Lauren that Rachel was smiling shyly because Quinn actually gave her a compliment? And Quinn was really blushing when Rachel leaned over to wipe the spaghetti sauce off her lip? Oldest trick in the book, Lauren thought as she looked around, surely they were being forced to interact by gunpoint. She watched intently, it was only a matter of time before one of them blew up and caused a scene. She learned that from glee practices, they could only be nice to each other for so long until one of them snapped. It was magical.

"Can I turn around now?" Puck asked.

Lauren narrowed her eyes at him, "Let me ask you something, you're pretty close to Quinn Fabray, right?"

Puck's face showed immediate panic, "Is this a trick question? Are you going to yell at me if I say yes?"

Lauren gave him a fake smile, "Of course not, Sweetlips. I'm just curious," She'd probably yell at him later.

"Oh," Puck managed a small sigh of relief, "I guess, why?" he looked confused and a little scared.

"How can you tell if she's nervous?"

"She bites her lip sometimes, I don't know, why?"

Everyone bites their lip when they're nervous, he'd have to do better than that. Lauren watched anyway, naturally she was biting her lip. So she'd have to watch them some more, she felt that she had relatively good lurking skills and could watch for facial cues and use their body language to decipher what was going on between them. Rachel had the tendency to look to her lap when she was speaking, which wouldn't be weird if Rachel hadn't given her a lecture on proper eye contact etiquette one time. Quinn was actually smiling, and not only smiling but laughing too. Did she honestly believe that Rachel Berry was endearing? Why were they giggling? Is there a joke that Lauren was unaware of that they could be discussing?

They must have a weird inside joke that one of them just reminded the other one of. Lauren shivered and twirled another forkful of pasta.

Whether it was because Puck was continuously striving to gain Lauren's attention, or if it…well, it was probably for that reason, he spoke up further, "She hates it when I touch her."

Well, Lauren could understand that. Sometimes Puckerman could get a little handsy. She glanced back over to the booth six tables away and watched their interaction again. Their inside joke must have been long because they're still laughing. What's this? Rachel reaching for Quinn, oh here is comes, the freak-out she'd been waiting for. Wait for it…wait forrrrrrrr it.

What the hell?

By her calculations, Quinn should have flinched or screamed at Berry for even considering it be okay to somehow touch the cheerleader but alas she welcomed it. She welcomed it! Puckerman had no idea what he was talking about, she probably just didn't like him touching her. I mean, she had a baby, she wasn't entirely made of stone like Lauren, but maybe she craved some type of human interaction, even if it was from a non-human like Rachel Berry.

"What else you got for me?"

"Oh! After we had sex, I tried to take her on a date and she said that she hated dates because they were forced and uncomfortable."

She ignored the blatant topic of sex that he once again brought up. Yeah, she got it, he had a lot of sex. Instead, she looked over to the table and found herself kind of relieved. Had they been on a date, than Quinn would be uncomfortable, and she didn't look at all uncomfortable. It was a ridiculous notion for Lauren to even consider, like they'd ever go on a date. They were probably just discussing ways to make the glee members' lives a living hell, they had practically perfected the technique by the end of their Junior year. Lauren couldn't even imagine them during Senior year, they'd be unstoppable and slightly reminiscent of a Pickett's Last Charge scenario. Taking no prisoners, kicking ass, and singing about it. Boring.

Who knows, maybe they had a similar arrangement that Lauren and Puckerman had. At the end of the night, he'd pick up the check and Lauren would let him. He'd then attempt to guide her out of the restaurant and Lauren would fight him. Rachel probably signed on for her deal with Fabray so that she'd buy her dinner occasionally and be seen with someone of her status, maybe make one of their boy-toys jealous. Both Sam and Finn had been following them around like clingy toddlers, it was probably all part of a scheme.

Something was wrong, they had it entirely backwards. Someone needed to give them the run-down of how these types of arrangements were supposed to go. Rachel wasn't supposed to argue with Quinn about paying, and she absolutely shouldn't let the blonde lead her out of Breadsticks. What were they thinking?

She could no longer figure out who was the smart one and who was the dumb one. They were both dumb, and very weak.

Suddenly, Lauren had a strong craving for some Sno-balls and she knew just where to get them.

Santana Lopez & Brittany Pierce- August 2011

Santana was against the idea from the beginning and for good reason. Who in their right mind would want to stare at Rachel "clown hooker" Berry in a bathing suit for more than five hours? It nauseated her to think about, like, sure her dad was a doctor but it's not like he'd be able to remove her eyes or anything. But she couldn't say no to Brittany's pout, and she had to admit, she missed Quinn.

The plans of being their normal trifecta of tanned hotness were seriously interrupted with this mortifying new friendship that Quinn took up with Rachel. They like never saw the blonde bombshell and it was kind of depressing. Don't get her wrong, Santana loved the alone time with Brittany but she needed an excuse to spite Rachel Berry. And this was her ticket.

Quinn had brought her along to Puck's annual Memorial Day party, which was just an excuse to drink and get in the summer mindset. Fine, Santana thought, it was a huge buzzkill on her evening but she was able to ignore the brunette and everyone still had a good time. But then Quinn brought her to their first official lounge session the morning after finals ended. It was tradition. They bathe and cook in the sun, they jump in Brittany's pool, and they make frozen drinks that they have to drink fast before they melt. It was what they did since they were in 5th grade—save for the alcohol at that time— and Santana thought it was rather ballsy of their captain to just assume that Rachel should be included now that they were friends. At least put it to a vote. Santana proposed the idea and naturally she lost, of course all three of them would vote that Rachel should be allowed to stay and Santana just ended up looking like an even bigger jackass for being the one person who had a problem with Rachel. Which made her spite the singer even more.

She just had to endure a whole year of the troll and now she had to spend her coveted summer with her? Rude. The trifecta was now a quadrangle, or a rhombus, or something stupid—Santana never paid attention in Calculus or whatever class you learned that in.

How could Quinn even stand to be around the girl in a bathing suit? It was like the sun, you couldn't exactly look directly at her or you'd go blind. Luckily, she was used to it by now. The summer was basically over and that thought depressed her worse than one of those horrendous SPCA commercials that Brittany would sometimes watch on loop, so she learned to keep her mouth shut regarding Rachel. She didn't want to ruin what was left of the summer by fighting with Quinn, and she had a rising suspicion that the blonde would take her new bffae's side. Eye roll. She nearly vomited when she saw the neon pink Best Friend bracelets they sported that were undoubtedly from Claire's. Were they twelve?

And anyway, it was tiring to try and come up with insults to hurl at the brunette regarding her body, because it was admittedly kinda perfect. And you guessed it, Santana added one more thing to the long list of things she hated about Rachel Berry. But she could compromise, because Quinn was actually kind of fun and spontaneous again when the brunette was with her. And she'd started drinking again, which was also a fun time. Like c'mon, you get pregnant once and you swear off alcohol for good? Grow up.

She'd rather put up with Berry's squealing as she time and time again got pushed in the pool by Quinn than not have the blonde with them at all. Even though most of the time, it was like they weren't even there at all. Mentally or physically.

Like at that moment, Rachel and Quinn had been absent for nearly…well, she wasn't sure. She tended to lose track of time when she had Brittany laying on top of her.

"Hold up, something's definitely wrong."

Brittany picked her head up from the crook of Santana's neck, "Did I bite you again?"

"What? No," Santana lifted the blonde off her slightly so she was more sitting next to her in the lounge chair rather than directly on top of her, "I just haven't heard Rachel's incessant giggles in a while. Did those assholes leave without saying goodbye?" She squinted into the sun to see if maybe her prayers were answered and Quinn finally came to her senses, listened to Santana, and drowned the other girl.

No such luck.

Brittany smiled to herself as she played with the strings of her girlfriend's— top secret girlfriend's— bathing suit. Sometimes Santana could be silly sometimes, like of course they wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Except for that one time, but if she was in Quinn's position, she would have left too. In fact, she has before.

"They're inside."

"How do you always know where they are?"

"Duh. It's like, mother's intuition or something."

It often didn't take Santana long to figure out what her counterpart normally meant to say so she smiled softly.

"You're cute, you know that?"

Santana placed a small kiss on the blonde's forehead and Brittany ducked her head.

"Let's go find them, I'm hungry," Santana announced before standing from her plastic lounge chair, her back stuck to it and she realized how long she'd been in the same position.

"Wait!" Brittany panicked.

Santana turned around with crossed arms to regard the girl, "What?"

"Ummmm." Brittany looked around her backyard for something distracting, she saw Quinn's car keys sitting on the table next to her and jingled them in the air, "Look, shiny objects!"

Santana rolled her eyes playfully, stuff like that ironically only worked on the blonde, "Let's go, you."

Brittany's protests were silenced as Santana dragged her across the concrete and towards the sliding door on the back patio. They essentially lived at Brittany's house during the summer, built in pool, hottub, central air, no parents, and a house stocked full of food? Yes, please. And once a week they got to watch Puckerman come over without a shirt on and put chemicals into the pool, they didn't even care when he'd roll his eyes at their demeaning catcalls and whistles. They had the life at the Pierce residence.

"Don't go in the living room!"

Santana stopped walking and turned around to face the girl in the kitchen, "Why are you shouting?"

"I'm what?"

Santana winced when the girl once again yelled in her direction.

"You're screaming," Santana whispered, confused.

"I'm just excited!"

"Excited for what? The carnival is already over, don't tell me you're excited to go back to school."

"I'm excited for….umm… to go in the living room!"

"Okay, one? Stop yelling. Two, come here."

Santana held her hand out and Brittany took it having no choice but to follow Santana through the kitchen and into the hallway leading into their living room.

"I'm excited, cause we're going in the livvvvingg roommmm, to seeeeee our frienddddss." Brittany sang as she trailed Santana.

Santana would have thought that something was wrong with her girlfriend but it wasn't the first time that she'd acted like this when they were all hanging out. The sun tended to get to her. And sometimes she forgot that pool water wasn't a suitable drink for when she was thirsty.

"There you are," Santana stated as she entered the archway into the living room.

Naturally, Brittany was right. Both girls were sitting on one of the couches semi-facing each other.

"That was a lovely song, Britt," Rachel beamed as she ran a hand through her damp hair a couple of times, "Thank you for sharing it with us."

"Jesus Q, get enough sun? Your face is beat red."

"Oh um, yeah," The girl answered as she adjusted the string behind her neck, Santana hated bathing suits with strings because they always irritated her neck, and they gave her horrific tan lines. But Brittany liked to play with them, so she occasionally wore them.

"I must have forgotten to put lotion on your face," Rachel spoke up.

Okay, first of all. If Santana wanted Berry's excuses than she would have asked Berry why Quinn's face was all red. Obviously Quinn forgot sun tan lotion. She actually hated sun tan lotion, and if Berry didn't insist every day that she put it on her, Quinn wouldn't have it on at all.

"Right, yeah. Completely forgot," Quinn cleared her throat and wiped her mouth, "Where have you guys been?"

"Making out," Brittany shrugged.

Santana had to have another talk with the girl about sharing information so freely.

"Whatever. I'm starving, what do you guys want to eat?"

"They're probably starving too, I mean, I know I always am—"

Rachel choked on the bottle of water she was taking a sip from and it sprayed on her bare thighs.

"Ew Berry, control yourself."

"Yup, famished. You guys should go find some menus or call Puck to barbecue some things for us." Quinn spoke suddenly as Rachel got up from the couch.

"What about you?" Santana asked when Quinn made no move to follow the brunette.

"I'll be there in a bit," She said, "I just need a minute."

"Whatever, let's go Berry. You better hope that there are some of those tofu burgers left cause I need some good ol' fashion grilling."

"Santana, for the thousandth time, I'm not a vegetarian." Rachel stated as she retied the semi-sheer skirt that covered the lower half of her bathing suit.

"Vegan, whatever."

Rachel huffed and looked to Quinn for some help, she was silently laughing to herself, "She's not a vegan either, San."

"I'm very well versed in all types of eatery. And I could very much go for a hearty burger right now, I've worked up quite an appetite this afternoon." The brunette said.

"I honestly don't understand why you can't just say things like a normal person. Is it imperative that you use big words?"

"Oh imperative. Good one, S."

Santana seethed at the shorter girl as Quinn laughed loudly in the background, "What did I tell you about calling me that?"

Brittany adored the little makeshift family that they turned into over the summer. Even at that moment, as her girlfriend threatened to slice Rachel's Achilles and Quinn yelled at Santana from the couch. Even if all three girls were shouting over each other, or about to rip their hair out. She loved all three of them. She was so glad that Quinn finally brought Rachel to hang out with them at the start of the summer. She missed Quinn like she missed her cat that had to go live on the farm for magical cats with super powers, she was glad that she came back to their group. Rachel was fun to hang out with and she taught Brittany things. Like what those dates meant on the side of food containers.

Santana deep down liked Rachel, Brittany just knew it. Duh, even Brittany was her secret girlfriend, obviously Santana wasn't going to announce that she kinda liked the singer. Brittany was positive because all four of them tended to protect each other. Everyone protected Brittany, she was kind of the baby of their family. Quinn liked to protect Rachel the same way Santana liked to protect Brittany, and Rachel liked having someone like Quinn to protect her. Of course, Santana protected all of them, which made Brittany think that Santana knew more than she thought she did.

"I bet I know Rachel's favorite thing to eat!"

Jacob Ben Israel- September 2011

"This is Jacob Ben Israel reporting live from under the bleachers here at McKinley High. School's back in session and you know what that means; Glee's big gay summer has gotten even gayer. We're here at the football field to capture some exclusive footage of the star singer Rachel Berry as she comes down from her dazzling National championship. Let's take a look."

Jacob turned the video camera around and pointed it up towards the bleachers as he walked deeper under the metal bleachers. He could see Rachel's bare calves and if he angled the camera just right, he could see up her skirt. But he wouldn't record that for JBI Worldwide purposes, if anything he'd edit it out and save it for his own personal use.

He couldn't believe that he'd stumbled upon such a rare opportunity to capture the brunette in a natural element. Since June, the girl had been virtually untouchable, especially after the glee club's win at Nationals over the summer. She was a hot commodity and he knew how it worked; the harder it was to find Rachel Berry, the higher the demand for her. He considered her royalty and worshipped the ground that she walked on, and other people were starting to do the same. He was Jacob Ben Israel, he would get the footage that his followers requested.

It was by accident really, he'd been walking to his car when he saw the brunette disappear onto the football field. Luckily, he had a recording device on his person at all times or else he wouldn't have a centerpiece for his glee club gay summer exposé. He'd already gotten prime tape of Puckerman and Zizes in some compromising positions, but he needed something bigger, grander, gayer.

"Well hello, Quinn Fabray." He whispered upon catching glimpses of the girl as she walked up the steps towards Rachel.

"I got your text, what is it that you wanted to discuss at this location?" Rachel asked.

Stupid bleachers. The acoustics were horrendous below them, he needed to get closer. He winced as he stepped on a twig and held his breath as both girls grew alarmed.

"Did you hear that?" Rachel asked as she stood up from the metal seat.

"It's probably the wind," Quinn offered easily before moving closer to the brunette.

"I've had the strangest sensation that someone has been watching me lately in the hallways, it's incredibly unsettling." Rachel told her as she held out her arms.

"Yeah, I've had the weirdest feeling that I'm being followed."

Jacob held his breath as Quinn closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. They were hugging? He knew they were way closer than they have ever been but never in all his spying and following had he seen them interact so intimately.

"Remind me again why we are meeting like this on school grounds?" Rachel asked as she took her seat, Jacob expected Quinn to dutifully take her seat next to the brunette but he was relieved when she hadn't. No one but him deserved to sit next to his woman, and he still had a good shot of her face through the cracks on the bleachers.

"This couldn't wait," The blonde bit her lip.

"Quinn, you know how risky this could be, if someone were to overhear, let's say our competition, if they were to overhear, then we'd be done for."

Jacob zoomed in heavily on Quinn's face, was she losing sleep? Was the head Cheerio losing it? What could be so important to have Quinn Fabray up all night? Regardless of what their top secret rendezvous was about, he was sure he'd get a nice fabricated piece on McKinley's it girl when this was all over.

"That's actually what I kind of wanted to talk to you about, Rach."


"Yes, our um," Jacob watched as she furrowed her eyebrows at whatever Rachel was doing, "Our um, song choices."

"What about them?"

"Well I was sort of wondering, are we going to, you know, um be singing a duet together?"

"A duet?"

Damn it. She took her seat, now all he had was their voices and the back of their bodies to show.

"Well I'm kind of tired of everyone thinking that I'm only capable of singing solos."

"So you want us to go all Jai Ho on them?"

Wait a second, if he shifted a little to the left and held his camera above his head at a 45 degree angle, he could see both of their faces quite nicely. So what if it made his arms fall asleep, it was all for the story.

"Not exactly, I was thinking more along the lines of—"

"Put It On Me?" Rachel cut her off.

"The Ja Rule song?"

"Of course. Or how about, I Will Always Love You?"

"No, that song is kind of sad. Something less theatrical—"

"My Heart Will Go On?"

Quinn snapped her head back, "How is that less theatrical?"

"Can't Take My Eyes Off of You?"

Quinn showed the smallest smile through her eyes, "Sure, or how about, What I Like About You or like, Can't Help Falling in Love?"

Rachel narrowed her determined eyes, "Oh, both classics! Good choice, Quinn. But—"

Quinn turned away from Rachel's gaze and looked out to the football field, "You don't want to sing with me, do you?"

Both of Rachel's hands moved to Quinn's shoulder in an effort to get her to turn back towards her, "No! I do! I really do, I'm just afraid that after we perform in glee that Finn will sing something along the lines of I Want You Back, and I don't want to deal with that yet."


Jacob watched through the small screen as Quinn seemed to visibly deflate, was she that upset that Rachel wouldn't want to sing a duet with her? Had Jacob stumbled upon Quinn Fabray's one true weakness? Rachel took a deep breath.

"Quinn, I'm honored that you want to sing with me. I've been thinking that you were going to be all Girls Just Want to Have Fun about this entire thing and I've been kind of preparing a heart wrenching and tear inducing performance of Goodbye to You should that be the case."

This time Quinn didn't need any coaxing from Rachel to turn and face her. Her head snapped on its own accord, "This entire time, when have I ever sung Hot n Cold?"

"You haven't! Your ongoing rendition of Hands Down has been greatly appreciated. I'm just still afraid that if we let people know about our choice to sing a duet together than it will turn into a music video for All the Things She Said and that terrifies me."

He'd have to search the lyrics to all of these songs to see if any of them had potential double meanings. He'd heard of a few but he couldn't wait to playback this footage and crack the meaning behind their musical code.

"I get what you're saying, and I understand. I just wanted to know your thoughts on everything. As much as I'm tired of singing alone, I guess I'm kind of relieved. I'm not ready for everyone's critiques."

Rachel smiled and Jacob struggled to get his camera at an appropriate angle to catch her hand over top of Quinn's on tape.

"I'm finally a Part of Your World and I know that we won't be Seventeen Forever and that eventually we'll have to let people know that we Can't Fight the Moonlight or that We're in Heaven, but I wouldn't mind Dancing in the Dark for a little longer. I mean, The Climb was the hardest part and Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now so we might as well enjoy this Lovebug, just as long as you Save the Last Dance for Me."

There was something weird about the way Quinn was goofily smiling. The boy had never seen the blonde show that kind of emotion, unless it was after she'd witnessed someone getting slushied. She tended to laugh heartily at that. But there was something so innocent and childlike in Quinn that Rachel was bringing out.

"I honestly don't think you're using the song titles correctly anymore, anything else you want to mash up?"

Rachel nodded her head as she swayed slightly closer to the Cheerio. He really hoped that the quality of the video was good enough so that you could see how she just squeezed Quinn's hand tighter.

"Just that, we're Livin' on a Prayer now and we can see Paradise by the Dashboard Light, and even if we have 99 Problems, I'm confident that you'll Stand By Me. I'm Down with This Magic Moment."


"And For the Longest Time I've felt that we were Better Together. And like I said, I know we're not going to live 4ever and since I Think We're Alone Now, may I just say that I'm rather Accidently in Love? Oh and don't forget to Wake Me Up When September Ends."

Quinn chuckled loudly and knocked into the side of Rachel, "You're not even making sense anymore."

"I know but it's fun," Rachel shrugged easily.

The two girls sat quietly as they looked out towards the football field. He wondered how he could have been so clueless this entire time. Maybe he was jaded and refused to see what was so blaringly obvious now.

"But when we do finally decide to tell people about our duet, it's going to be show stopping right?"

Rachel beamed at the taller girl before moving closer and resting her head on Quinn's shoulder. Quinn, in turn, brought her bare arm to circle around Rachel's back. Jacob needed his inhaler.

"They won't know what hit 'em, and just think, now we have more time to come up with the perfect song selection."

It was silent long enough for Jacob to believe their conversation was over so he brought his arms back down before they cramped up indefinitely.

"Maybe Put It On Me isn't that bad of a choice," Quinn said and Jacob hated himself for taking his camera off the two because he could have gotten big bucks for the way Rachel's body moved when she laughed.

"Well every thug does need a lady." She spoke and she leaned back to look up at the blonde who just smiled at her.

Jacob was completely speechless. He'd stumbled upon gold.

"Don't even—"

"Oh, and we can get you a red bandana and some gold chains!"

"Stop that."

"A beater would go just lovely with some Timbs."

Quinn turned to Rachel with narrowed and playful eyes before she pulled back and surged forward, Jacob winced as he heard Rachel's shrill squeal.

"You know I'm ticklish!"

"I'm not dressing like a thug!"

"But you'd look so cute. Aw, c'mon."

Quinn attempted to straighten her face and turn away from Rachel, Jacob knew it was just so that the brunette wouldn't be able to see that she was about to win.

"Maybe for Halloween." She mumbled but it was lost over Rachel clapping and bouncing toward the blonde.

He wasn't sure but he was pretty positive that he was going to be getting a few more pairs of panties for his collection.


Susan Sylvester- October 2011

Dear Journal,

I'm afraid that my constant dodging has been rendered useless. Will Schuester has finally caught up with me. While I found it flattering at first, he soon became an incessant buzz in my ear and he didn't relent until I gave in. What did he have to say, you ask? That my head cheerleader was up to something regarding his burnt out singer, that they were getting "closer" and he ever so rudely demanded that I stop it at once. At first, I was appalled Journal. How could he accuse me of such outrageous allegations and attack my Cheerio? Could it be, Journal? Could my almost perfect captain be conspiring with the enemy? Wait a minute. Of course, why didn't I think of it before? Quinn Fabray is still my minion after all. Oh journal, how could I have written her off so easily? I know exactly what needs to be done, order will be restored and all will be right once again.

"Coach! Is everything okay! Becky said that you were crushed under one of the trophies and you had minutes to live."

Sue looked up from her leather bound journal to find the heavily breathing blonde in the doorway. Her pride and joy. The pride and joy that was seriously letting her down recently. She had better insight into the problem after her talk with William in the teacher's lounge, but it didn't change the fact that her head Cheerio needed to get her act together. She'd already taken her tanning privileges away for a second time after Quinn missed their Saturday morning practices all summer. This was her chance to redeem herself. And maybe she could call off Becky in the spying department, Sue's had her tailing the captain since school started and still she had no legitimate evidence that Quinn was involved with any gangs or that she was involved in a Hot Cheetos trafficking ring. The girl was too happy not to be.

She had a feeling she knew what the reasoning was, and that had nothing to do with the secret cameras she had installed in the hallways so she could monitor the teenage hormones more regularly. It disgusted her sometimes the way the mouth breathers would flaunt their bodies around as if they were working a corner. No, she knew that it had something to do with that repulsive glee club and their star singer. She just couldn't figure out the angle. But she'd be forced into action if she saw the brunette sitting on the bleachers one more time, undoubtedly taking notes to send to their competition.

"C'mon Q, you know that's just code for you to drop what you're doing and come to my office immediately." Sue picked up the stop watch that was hanging on the black string around her neck and clicked the button before studying it, "And by my calculation, you're 45 seconds late and that means you have 45 laps to run later unless you can tell me what the hell is going on between you and Bette Midler's ugly cousin."

She was disappointed in her young doppelganger. Not only had she missed dozens of crucial and very mandatory Saturday practices but when she did attend, she was normally spacing out or looking more doughy-eyed than Elma Pillhead had she been pregnant with Will Schuester's child. She didn't like anything that reminded her of the hot mess therapist—or whatever it was that the woman did at their school— and she needed to get Quinn's head back in the game.

Even at that moment she couldn't formulate a proper response. She now reminded Sue of a scratched CD, she was talking herself into circles and wasn't making any sense. She was a stuttering mess.

"Alright look, I'm gonna stop you right there. Long story short, Schuester seems to think you're messing with the Berry girl—"

"Coach, I can explain—"

"-and I want in."

"You want in?"

Was she really that hard to predict? Of course she wanted in. The potential fall of glee club? She had to have a hand in this.

"Sure. Ya know Q, as my prodigy I was getting a little worried by your lack of drive in the scheming and prank-pulling department. You're slacking and I can't have slackers on my team, just doesn't make me look good. I've had to overcompensate, and luckily Schuester hasn't caught on that it's one Sue Sylvester that's been letting the air out of his tires or that I've been secretly putting Elmer's glue into that vat of hair paste he keeps in his desk."

Sue was silently relieved that Quinn showed the smallest of smirks. She hadn't completely lost her to the man.

"I don't quite understand."

Sue leaned forward and grabbed her protein shake mix.

"Let me break it down for ya, kiddo. I know that you're planning something with the American Idol reject and you have my full support. Anything you need; gun powder, bank account numbers, endangered species, I'll even let you use the human cannon because you know what I've figured out?"

"No, what?"

The cheerleading coach took the few seconds to mechanically stir her shake, and it also served as a great tension builder.

"That a devastating blow to Rachel Berry is an equivalent blow to Will Schuester. If you win Nationals again, than glee club will be here forever. I can't have that. I went ahead and put a down payment on an ice cream truck in Cheerio's colors, hope next summer is clear for you. You'll be tossing out good humor bars with dazzling smiles while those un-bathed mongrels with dirty feet devour frozen treats with a special brainwashing additive from Mulan. Need to start 'em young. Do you get what I'm saying, Q?"

Sue really didn't care that her three star Cheerios would be graduating in June. She had them under contract and besides, they had summer competitions still. They had to do her handy work up until the hour before they left for their respective colleges or she'd be forced to take legal action. The coach took a sip of her drink and allowed triumph to slide down her throat and settle into her stomach.

"Not really."

She rolled her eyes. She couldn't wait to have her head cheerleader back.

"Since the Beiste has yet to succumb to my death threats and hate mail, my only choice is to squash glee club before they take my budget indefinitely. That means I don't get my ice cream truck. You carry out Operation: Execute Berry and I won't need to send you girls to another Scared Straight program. Although, judging by your choice of Halloween costume today, it appears that you're on the opposite side of that program. Just keep doing what you're doing, get close to her and minutes before Regionals , you euthanize her dreams. And her if you have time."

She watched Quinn nod easily, "Of course, Coach. If you need me to get closer to Rachel Berry than I can do that."

"Good. Now change back into your uniform, burn those god-awful clothes, and get out of my office."

"But I want my tanning back, and no repercussions for missing Saturday morning practices anymore."

The coach studied the girl across from her. Somewhere under the fitted baseball cap, baggy clothes and matching sneakers was her go-to girl. More fearless and demanding than she remembered, so maybe she wasn't entirely a lost cause. She'd been minutes away from promoting Becky to head cheerleader on multiple occasions. The girl certainly deserved it.

"Good to have you back, Q." The couch smirked as she leaned back in her chair and threw her reading glasses on, "Now seriously, get out of my office. I'm tired of looking at you."

Finn Hudson- November 2011

"This just super sucks, dude." Finn mumbled with a shake of his head as he maneuvered his body along with the controller in this hand.

"Tell me about it." Sam muttered back miserably from his seat on the worn-in couch.

"Dude, I know you're bummed or whatever about you and Quinn, but I have it way worse." Finn grumbled before chucking the video game control onto the ground before narrowing his eyes and folding his arms against his chest.

"How do you figure that exactly? Weren't you the one to break up with Rachel like, a year ago? Quinn only dumped me 290 days ago." Finn slowly turned until he was staring at Sam with one eyebrow raised in a silent question of the other boy's sanity.

"Dude, you counted? God! We're so pathetic!" Finn seethed. Sam frowned and refolded his arms as he squirmed in his seat.

"Yeah, I counted. See, I'm way more pathetic than you."

"It's not a good thing to be pathetic, Sam! And if it was, believe me, I'd win."

"I find that hard to believe. I went from the new kid to the popular quarterback in, like, a day. And then you just had to have me in glee club," Sam ranted, throwing his hands in the air.

"Suddenly my shoulders busted, I'm a pathetic puppy dog following around the head cheerleader, getting Slushied, and then humiliated when Quinn dumped me. On Valentine's Day!"

"Dude, you busted your shoulder before glee club."

"Whatever. The point is that I was doing fine on my own." Both boys quietly huffed in Finn's basement as they thought over pitiful situation. Suddenly, Finn was growling.

"Why her? Why? Why did Rachel have to be all gay for Quinn?" Sam only rolled his eyes. Throughout the whole day, Finn would randomly shout the question. "That's two, count them, two of my exes that are all gay for each other. Who did I lose my virginity to? That's right, Santana! And who's Santana dating. Brittany! People are going to call me the gay-girl turner!"

"Or something actually clever." Sam mumbled.

"Now's really not the time, dude!" They both were silently fuming again. "And the worst part is that I can't even get back at Quinn for stealing Rachel from me!"

"You didn't have Rachel to begin with."

"If I tell people, I'll be the gay-girl turner…"

"You mean the straight-girl turner…"

"Never mind the fact that they threatened us! This week couldn't get any crappier!"

"This sucks." Sam mumbled as he ruffled his hair with his hand.

"You know, dude, I'd really appreciate if you'd stop acting like you have it so bad. I'm the guy that made three chicks gay. I'm the one the whole school will be laughing at. It's me that has to think of the mailman in order to not prematurely…whatever, so if we ever tell anyone about them, they are going to tell everyone from school!Boo hoo, Quinn dumped you. She was way out of your league anyway. And so what, you put lemon juice in your hair. I'm the premature ejaculator that makes girls gay! I'm way worse off!"

Sam's frown deepened but he remained quiet. Finn did kind of have a point. He had it way worse. But still, he couldn't help but feel crappy. God, why did we have to walk into the auditorium! Sam wondered gloomily. If we hadn't gone in, we wouldn't have caught Rachel and Quinn making out and I wouldn't feel like this!

"Do you think they, like, really like each other?" Finn asked as he looked over his shoulder at

Sam. The blonde boy just shrugged. "I mean, they used to hate each other and all…"

"And Rachel's really annoying." Sam said matter-of-factly getting to Finn sneer.

"Well Quinn can be way bitchy."

"At least Quinn is popular. Rachel's like the biggest loser at McKinley."

"Well not for long. After everyone finds out Quinn's dating her she'll be the biggest loser."

"It will still be Rachel." Sam mumbled.

They were both wrong. It would be a tie. Between the lemon juice-haired second-string quarterback who got brutally dumped on Valentines' Day by the head Cheerio after she became a big lesbian for Rachel Berry, and the prematurely ejaculating quarterback everyone called, until Graduation day, LesbiFin. Sam was right after all, it would be much cleverer than gay-girl turner.

December 2011

Quinn ran the towel through her wet hair with one arm as she pushed the stall door open only to come face to face with Brittany and Santana's gigantic smiles. "What's up, guys?" Quinn asks suspiciously as she tries to move passed them only to have both Cheerios stand in her way.

"How are you?" Santana asks with an even bigger grin as she stands shoulder to shoulder with Brittany.

"I'm fine? How are you?" The blonde mumbles with her eyebrow raised.

"We're great." They answer simultaneously; Quinn hates when they do that, "So you're good?" Santana asks again, this time with a look of sympathy that Quinn knew to be fake.

"Um, yeah? What's this about?" Left, right, fake-out, right again. Nope, there was no getting passed these two.

"Nothing, we're just chatting with our bff. We haven't really talked that much the past few months." Santana says with a pout. She and Brittany trade frowns before they look back at the puzzled blonde.

"Umm we talk almost every day."

"Yeah, but I feel like we don't gossip enough. Anything new going on in your life?" Quinn was seriously suspicious now. Santana makes it a mission not to ask others about themselves because she gets bored listening. For her friend to ask for specifics is like Brittany asking to see dead pictures of baby animals.

"Same old." Quinn deadpans as her gaze travels to the one and then to the other; trying to get a read on this little ambush of theirs.

"I see." Santana states as she scrunches up her nose and lifts her shoulders playfully.

"Yea…so I have to go. Is there anything you actually needed?" Quinn asks again as she tries to maneuver around the statue-like pair.

"Just to talk." They answer at the same time with manic smiles and casual shrugs.

"Well I really gotta run it's Rachel's birthday. How about we get lunch tomorrow?"

"OH that's right! Your bestie's birthday is today," Santana claps. "You must have a nice day planned for the two of you." It is Quinn or is the devil reflected in Santana's eyes?

"I guess?" The hairs on the back of Quinn's neck and arms are tingling now. Something very serious is afoot.

"Probably a romantic, I mean friendly evening." She explains to Brittany slowly as she folds her arms, getting her blonde counterpart to nod sagely. Shit, Quinn thinks, they know…

"Uh…yep! So lunch tomorrow to chat?" If Quinn agrees to talk later the sooner she can get to Rachel. The sooner she gets to Rachel the sooner they can work out a strategy on what she'll say to Santana and Brittany tomorrow.

"Are you sure you'll be hungry for lunch tomorrow? All that eating? All. Night. Long?" Santana stresses with a knowing smirk and a raised eyebrow of her own.

"I'm sure I'll be fine." Quinn mumbles uncomfortably, eyes downcast as she tries yet again to move around the pair.

"When Santana and I have dinner all night long, we're still hungry the next day." Brittany smiles with a hint of laughter in her voice.

"Ya know? You're right B," Santana says, meeting Brittany's eye and smirking right back. "I'm always hungry for more." The Cheerios turn back to Quinn, both looking smug, arms still crossed, as they wait for the blonde to speak. It takes Quinn a moment.

"That's…good." She answers uncertainly.

"So ya gonna cook something nice? Maybe her favorite meal? A nice Vegan dish perhaps?" Santana asks with a roll of her shoulders and her "feisty" smile.

"For the last time, she's not Vegan." Quinn's starting to get frustrated. The blonde hates getting pushed and she really doesn't want to continue this discussion.

"Oh that's right," Santana says, her finger on her chin as though she's deep in thought. "But she's kind of a picky eater isn't she? I mean, she's having dinner with you?"

"We always get dinner together." Quinn answers with a shrug.

"I'll bet." Santana smirks while Brittany chuckles behind her fist.

"Look guys, I really have to go..."

"Well that's why we're here." Suddenly perky Santana is back.

"Yeah, Rachel asked us to pick you up." Brittany explains as she trades smiles with Santana.

"Pick me up for what?"

"Rachel has a surprise for you!" Brittany says as she jumps up and down on the spot.

"Yaaaayy!" Santana cheers dryly as she claps.

"Rachel has a surprise for me? On her birthday? Are we talking about the same Rachel?" Quinn asks skeptically.

"Well you know Berry, always making grand gestures." Santana explains with a flick of her wrist.

"I guess, but still." Quinn says, more to herself than her fellow Cheerios.

"So let's go." Santana commands, all traces of joking gone.

"Where are we going?" Quinn asks as she hesitantly follows after them, looking around the empty hallways apprehensively as she goes.

"It's a surprise!" Brittany reminds over her shoulder as the three Cheerios make their way out of the school.

"Here." Santana throws a cloth at Quinn, "Put that on."

"Is this a blindfold?"

"Well you know Berry, kinky, right?" Santana says as she unlocks the doors to her car.

Quinn looks down at the blindfold and momentarily considers Santana's logic. Rachel is kinky…but would she really do this for me on her birthday? The blonde runs the fabric between her fingers a few times as Santana and Brittany get situated in the car. Then Quinn remembers the last time Rachel used the blindfold and doesn't waste a second more getting into the backseat and tying the blindfold around her head.

After a short drive—Quinn tried her best to memorize the route so that she could discern her location, she's pretty sure Santana made some unnecessary turns to throw the blonde off her trail; they both were Sue's prodigies after all—Santana finally slows the car down and parks.

"Okay lovergirl, we're coming up to some steps." Santana warns from her left as Brittany guides her on her right. Four stone steps and a door that creaks. Quinn's pretty sure she's at her house. Sure enough, once inside, Quinn can tell she's home by the slight stench of stale booze in the air. Home sweet home. Twelve steps, five paces, and a door later, and Quinn is positive she's in her bedroom.


Quinn thinks for a moment she hears mumbling but suddenly Santana is having a coughing fit beside her. "Alright," Santana draws out. "Well, we'll leave you two alone now. Have fun!" Santana and Brittany stifle their giggles as they both exaggerate their stomps until Santana slams Quinn's bedroom door and smirks at Brittany.

The two Cheerios watch as Quinn turns about the room as though she's trying to sense something while Rachel wiggles in her seat, blindfolded, mouth duct taped, and legs bound to the chair.

"Rach?" Quinn tries again, trying to feel her way around the room.

Santana rolls her eyes at the pairs' antics before she silently creeps over to Quinn's nightstand, narrowly missing the stumbling blonde, to rummage for something to bind Quinn's hands with. "Well, well, well." She mouths to a smirking Brittany, dangling a set of handcuffs from her finger as she nods approvingly to an oblivious Quinn.

"I told you they were kinky." Brittany mouths back.

"What the hell, Rach? Not so tight." Quinn mumbles as Santana silently shakes with laughter as she handcuffs Quinn. "Remember last time?" The blonde finishes, getting Santana to gag and shudder. Behind her blindfold, Rachel rolls her eyes as she realizes what exactly is happening to Quinn. So much for a rescue.

Santana is thanking her lucky stars that Quinn no longer seems suspicious. She's playing right into their hands. Quinn's not even wondering why Rachel isn't answering her, like the diva could go that long without talking if she weren't gagged. She leads Quinn by the shoulders over to the chair next to Rachel's and pushes down so the blonde with sit. Duct taping her legs proves to be easy-peazie.

"Is this one of your Damsel in Distress fantasies again?" Quinn asks with smirk in her voice. Beside her, Rachel mentally facepalms.

"Dios mio." Santana mumbles with an epic eye roll and a dry heave as Brittany awwws.

"Can I be Megara this time?" Suddenly, Quinn's blindfold is ripped away and she looks up to see a very green-faced Latina.

"Would you just shut up?" Santana shrieks before she removes Rachel's blindfold. "You're making me sick; Jesus Christ just stop talking already!"

"Aw San, we weren't supposed to do that until later." Brittany mumbles as she loops her arms around one of Quinn's bedposts with a pout.

Quinn's face goes pale to beat red instantly—partially from anger, but mostly out of embarrassment. "S! Untie us or so help me God, Sant—" Quinn squirms and wiggles in her seat as she tries to resist the duct tape Brittany is planting over her mouth.

"She told you to shut up, bitch!" Brittany yells in Quinn's face, getting everyone to freeze and stare at her with wide eyes.

"Sorry," Brittany bashfully apologizes as she wraps her arms around herself. "I got caught up in the moment."

Rachel nods understandingly. She too gets lost in her characters. Quinn catches the moment out of the corner of her eye and suddenly she has a more important priority.

Are you okay?

I cannot believe you brought up the role-playing game! That's the last time we play Disney Princesses.

How was I supposed to know it was a setup? They told me you planned something for me!

On my birthday? I would do something for someone else on my birthday? Really, Quinn?

Well I'm sorry, I was excited. Quinn says with her eyes as she ducks her head slightly out of embarrassment and guilt that their day is now ruined.

Aww Rachel coos beside her, loving how sentimental and romantic her girlfriend can be.

"Would you two stop eye communicating and look at me?" Santana demands, arms crossed, as she throws daggers at the pair. "I was going to keep you in the dark until everyone else got here but I was moments away from losing my breakfast."

Rachel and Quinn both look at each other.

Everyone else?


Santana sees their shared look and clarifies.

"Yeah, you both have some explaining to do. Blind fold 'em again, B."

Brittany blindfolds them again and both girls squirm in their seats as they make muffled protests. Once the blindfolds are in place, Santana whips out her cell phone and connects her call. "Yea, we got em." She states before she shuts her phone.

I should have never fallen for this! I'm such an idiot! Of course that text wasn't from Quinn. For one, she would never, ew, spell come with a U. That is just unseemly. And she knows I detest roses unless there are several dozen and being tossed at me whilst on stage amidst a standing ovation of uproarious applause!

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I'm such an idiot! How could I have fallen for this? Really? Rachel would want to surprise me on her birthday and she would include Santana and Brittany in on her plan? I can't believe I ruined her first birthday as a couple. We're going to miss dinner and the show and all of the star-shaped ice cubes are going to melt—God, Rachel's going to kill me!

Rachel can hear the commotion downstairs and practically see them as her eyes are shut under the blindfold. She's been in Quinn's room enough times to know exactly where in the house her mother would be based on different sounds. She tended to be hyper-aware of her surroundings when Quinn and her would fool around while Judy was home.

For instance, she knew the sound the refrigerator made when it heavily shut before it would rattle the wine glasses over the island and likewise with the main door. Clearly there were people stronger than Judy Fabray in the house because the chinaware was rattling in the china cabinet in the dining room next to the foyer. She realizes quickly that people are arriving and conjugating in the kitchen downstairs.

Quinn also gathers the same conclusion from her 17 years of living in the same house. She knew every crick and crack in every hallway and could basically judge how much time she had to re-zip her Cheerios top if her mother ever decided to come upstairs to check on them. Which is why they were never caught. Both girls use their knowledge of the old house and because their eyesight is taken away, their sense of sound is way heightened.

But it is literal torture. They can hear each other heavily breathing through their noses but they can't see the other person. Quinn is thinking of ways that she can murder Santana while she works double time at picking the lock of her handcuffs. Rachel is wishing that she was anywhere with Quinn but here. She feels all too vulnerable and even though she's firmly pressed up to Quinn's side in the chair next to her, it still isn't enough. Quinn makes her feel safe and thankfully she's finally here with her because she had been minutes away from having a serious panic attack just thinking about the things Santana was capable of doing to her while she was bound and gagged.

Quinn's head snaps toward where she knows her bedroom door is as she hears the rumbling of teenage feet on the staircase and sits a little straighter in anticipation. She hates being unprepared and in the open like this. And she knows Rachel hates it too which is why she's desperately trying to free her hands from these handcuffs. Maybe if she can free her hands, she can get both her and Rachel out of the bedroom window and to safety. The day Quinn planned would hopefully be enough to let Rachel forget about this little detour and she'd have the birthday she'd always wanted. Quinn urges down the foolishness that she feels as she realizes how all of this could have been avoided if she'd just been thinking straight. As if it wasn't embarrassing enough that she's being restrained with her own handcuffs. In her defense, Rachel bought them for her as a joke and one day handcuffed her to the bed posts because the blonde refused to get out of bed for Cheerio's practice one Saturday. Well, Rachel really gave her a reason to not want to show up to Saturday practices ever again. So she supposes that the plan backfired but she's pretty sure that both girls are fine with it.

Rage enters her body when she feels Rachel tremble in fear against her as she tries to bury her head into the blonde's shoulder. She doesn't get very far before her duct taped restraints pinch her skin and she whimpers softly at how uncomfortable it is. All Quinn wants to do is hold the smaller girl and tell her that everything will be just fine, but not even she's sure of that, not with Santana leading the ambush. Quinn protects her, she's the person that makes her worries nonexistent, the girl that makes her feel beautiful, she's just…the one. Quinn doesn't feel like that in this moment because her Rachel is scared and there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

Yeah, Santana will be paying for this.

The door flings open and she's guessing by the various noises— and in a few cases, scents— that pretty much the entire glee club is now in her bedroom. Is that bacon?

Suddenly both girls feel the blindfolds being removed from their heads and they blink a few times at the brightness of the afternoon until they've adjusted once again. Quinn glances over to Rachel and notices that even with duct tape over her mouth, she's still able to express her dislike via pout. Quinn knows why she's pouting as she sees the messy hair that Brittany created in taking off her blind fold. Quinn notices that they used her black bandana from the mashup competition to cover Rachel's eyes and wants to smirk but the tape over her mouth prevents her. Quinn's hair is still damp from her after practice shower so she really doesn't care, but Rachel takes pride in her appearance and hair.

She gathers her strength to make a loud enough noise from behind her taped mouth and Brittany looks at her in confusion before she nods towards Rachel's hair. Rachel lowers her head and thankfully Brittany takes the hint, it could have taken forever to accomplish that task on any given day.

Rachel turns to Quinn.


You're still beautiful.

The brunette turns back to look at who just entered Quinn's bedroom.

Finn is seething in the corner with a permanent frown on his face. That is nothing new.

Sam is next to him and looks a mix between sad and jealous.

Brittany is sitting on the edge of the bed and petting the pillow pet that Rachel bought for Quinn a few months ago.

Mercedes is texting someone as she sits against the head board.

Tina is sitting on Mike's lap next to her while Artie takes turns glaring at them and glaring at Brittany.

Lauren Zizes is on the couch and seems to be eating a sandwich that is too big for her mouth as Puckerman tries desperately to put his arm around her, only for it to be swatted away.

And finally the ringmaster walks through the door with a bowl of popcorn in her hands.

"So, now that we're all here and accounted for…talk."

Rachel rolls her eyes at Quinn, Do they realize our mouths are duct taped?

Not like I'd talk if my mouth wasn't duct taped, Quinn shrugs.

Rachel nods, Good point.

Both girls turn back to their kidnapper with determined glares.

"Oh, the silent treatment, huh?"

"Why don't we start?" Artie suggests with a weak shrug.

Why is he even here?

Yeah, what have we done to him?

"Fine. Are you guys like, a couple or something?" Santana asks after she swallows some of the popcorn as she stands in front of everyone.

"Yeah, ya'll have been acting weird since last year."

"How could you do this to me?" Finn shouts from the back corner.

"Now that Quinn has Rachel's back in glee, it's like every song goes to her."

"How could you not have told me?"

"That bird in the tree looks kind of Jewish."

"I know it's only been 306 days since you dumped me but I can change!"

Really? Sam thinks he's going to turn into a girl?

He'd have to turn into Rachel Berry for me to consider him.

Aw you're sweet.

"I can't believe you're secretly nailing the Tomagotchi."

She's losing her touch on nick names.

I know.

"Now everyone is gonna call me the gay-girl turner"

That doesn't make any sense.

Perhaps he means straight-girl turner?

"I need more mayo for this sandwich."

"I'll get it for you, babe."

Noah is so whipped.

I love it.

"You lived with me for months, I thought we were friends."

We should have told Mercedes.

I thought Kurt would have.

"I still love you, Quinn."

Is he serious? I'm the only that gets to love you.

Don't listen to him.

"Don't get me wrong, Rachel has a great voice but I'd like a solo too."

"Maybe some salt and vinegar chips too."

"Now the bird in the tree looks like Jacob." Brittany muses.

"Sylvester is gonna freak when she finds out."

"Just tell us it's not true so everything can go back to normal."

When were things ever normal?

"Confirm or deny that you and Quinn Fabray are singing a 30-song mash up at this year's Regionals to announce your coming out."

Everyone but the two girls turn to look out Quinn's bedroom window to find Jacob perched unsteadily on one of the tree branches. Perhaps they should listen more closely when Brittany speaks.

"What the hell is Jewfro doing in that tree?" Santana snaps, "Who told him about this gay-vention?"

Hey! I made that up!

I know you did, babe.

"Alright, everyone just shut up!"

Santana looks like she's about to lunge at Mike for his sudden outburst. She's the only one who gets to demand things right now.

The white bedroom door flies open to reveal a red-tracksuit and her mini-me.

You've got to be kidding me.

This can't be happening.

Sylvester takes in her surroundings and sees just about every pathetic body that she was expecting to see. Her eyes find her head cheerleader and the position she's in. She makes an easy decision.

"Quinn, you're demoted."

"Coach, that's a little harsh." Santana says before she can stop herself for sticking up for Quinn.

"Santana, you're my new head cheerleader."

Quinn tries to lunge forward in her chair and nearly falls over before Santana stands and holds her down briefly, but backs away as she meets the blonde's cold hazel eyes glaring at her.

"Ouch, Coach." Becky comments from next to her side.

"Well Becky, she's been captured therefore she's been compromised. Had this been one of my real life simulations of a Russian kidnapping, she would have either sung like a canary or been shot in both legs. Either way, she's dead to me."

Would she really shoot you?

Quinn Fabray!

She didn't during the first simulation.

"You let your guard down long enough to get detained? Disgraceful. Have the Navy Seal boot camps taught you nothing? I can't have a head Cheerio that goes paralyzed, no offense four eyes, every time some pretty thing bats their eyelashes at you. You've had a worse attention span than Brittany at the Crayola factory this past year."

"Oh, popcorn! When's the movie going to start?"

"See? And quite frankly Q, the fact that you're still restrained far surpasses the burden of proof that I need to come to the verdict that you are in fact not head cheerleader material anymore."

Quinn nudges the brunette subtly and Rachel turns slightly to see Quinn's hands free of the metal cuffs.

I was out of these before she even got here.

I don't know whether to be terrified or in love with you.

"So you're not even mad that she's been seen with Barbra's dog?"

Sue waves them off, "At McKinley, love clearly seems to be blind." Her eyes rake over the girl shoving meat into her mouth while Puckerman's mouth salivates, "Once again, I mean that at no offense to the blind kid. I only have two rules, number one—"

Brittany's hand shoots up in the air and every one can't help but look at her.

"Brittany, go."

"No dating enemies."

"Right. Any Cheerio caught conspiring with the competition will be immediately expelled, stripped of their citizenship, and deported faster than you can say Benedict Arnold. And as far as I'm concerned, the Cherry girl is not on a nationally ranked cheerleading team that threatens our seventh national title, therefore Quinn is free to see her as she wishes. Especially now that she's not my head cheerleader anymore."

"Wait, what's the second rule?"

"Acid washed jeans."

Everyone stares at the coach with blank faces as they wait for her to elaborate.

"Just don't like 'em, people who wear them make me uncomfortable, 'cept Madonna."

Thank god you threw out that acid washed jean jacket Daddy bought me last year.

I told you to trust me.

"Wait, why is Sylvester even here?" Mercedes whispers to Tina who in turn shrugs.

"I'll tell you why I'm here, Godiva. Becky here has been tailing Quinn since August. She rightfully informed me of this Code Orange hostage situation, so I thought I'd come for the show. I haven't seen a good psychological thriller in a while, ever since Netflix tried to tell me that I couldn't have the movies I ordered for keeps. Terrible customer service anyway, so," Sue claps her hands, "what kind of torture methods have you attempted?"

At that moment, the door swings open again and Will and Emma pile in, slightly out of breath, and surveying the scene with wide eyes. Or in Emma's case…wider.

"I knew it! I knew Sue was up to something!" Will shrieks, pleading his case to Emma and the room. Will's jaw clenches as he ignores the students and turns to Sue. "I can't believe you could do something like this! To a student no less! Don't you have any morals, Sue? Getting another student to torment a peer for your own selfish goals!"

"But, Will-"

"No, Emma! This has been going on long enough." Everyone is silent as Will turns to look at Quinn. "I'm really disappointed in you, Quinn. I thought you changed."

Is he serious right now? Can he not tell that I'm bound and gagged?

God, he's such an ass!

"And, Rachel," Will begins, shaking his head sadly as he looks to the brunette. Beside him, Sue crosses her arms and looks amused as the rest of the room stares at him in disbelief. "How could you let your desire to be popular jeopardize the club? How could…" As he continues to rant, Rachel eyes him incredulously as Quinn starts to seethe. The blonde fights her restraints as she mumbles violently behind her duct tape.

Everyone in the room, save Mr. Schue, stare at the thrashing blonde as he continues to lecture Rachel. Her loud mumbling behind her gag is clear venom that the glee club teacher doesn't seem to be picking up on.

You tell him, baby! Rachel thinks as she reads the threats in the blonde's eyes and nods at Quinn's points. Take that Mr. Schuester!

"…I just expected more from you Rachel." He concludes with a sigh to a jaw-dropped room and Quinn angry mutterings. But once Will looks around the room to find the stunned and unsure faces of everyone looking back—except a delighted Sue—he grows unsure. "What is it?"

"So wait…" Mercedes pipes up, ignoring Mr. Schuester as she looks around the room and then back at Quinn and Rachel. "So was all of this just a big scam?"

"A scam? Great now we can get back together, Quinn!"

"What the hell do you mean it was a scam? I had to put up with that troll for months!"

"There's a troll living in my closet that sings me to sleep."

"I just don't understand what the problem is, Emma? I'm very sensitive and never consider my own feelings over those around me!"

"Could you stop looking at Artie every five seconds, Tina! I'm standing right here!"

"Don't yell at her!"

"Stay out of this, Artie! Maybe there's a Cheerio around here you can screw!"

"You best not look at my girl again, Abrams, or I swear I'll get my father to fix your spinal cord just so I can break it again!"

"God, Santana, you're such a bitch!"

"Can I finally get a solo than, because my pipes are starting to get cobwebs."

As everyone argued and screamed around the room, Quinn and Rachel glanced at each other in weary resignation and smile behind their duct tape sadly.

I can't believe this is happening.

I'm so sorry about all of this, Rach. I really am. I wanted you to have the perfect birthday.

It's hardly your fault, Quinn. It seems that we waited a tad too long to inform our friends about our courtship. I just failed to take into consideration that everyone would have their own opinions and suspicions about our relationship.

It's none of their business! I'm so tired of my life deconstructed and gossiped about like they deserve answers just because!

And also because you like sneaking around. Rachel smiled with her eyes and smirked.

That too. Quinn winked back. I also just like you belonging to me and me alone. Keeping what we have between us made it feel…


Yeah. It really did.

"Don't worry, Quinn, we'll be McKinley royalty and you never have to worry about me kissing you or touching you or anything that makes you dry heave like it did that one time. All you have to worry about is me appearing to be the perfect boyfriend although it will be solely in name alone because my body is jacked and maybe someday I'll be quarterback and…"

"Do you have any freaking clue how annoying it was to put up with that smurf all summer long…"

"Wait you mean, you just dumped me so this plan would work?"

Ugh! God, this is so annoying. And my arms are starting to fall asleep!

Do you think we can sneak out of here?

Quinn, that seems next to impossible if we don't have the proper diversion.

What? Like everyone screaming and fighting?

Do you think we could pull it off?

I'll need a few more minutes so I can get you out of your bind.

Quinn, please hurry. All of this bondage is making things rather…difficult for me.

God, me too, Rach. Just looking at you like that has me all-

Quinn Fabray, I do not need to add images! And I swear if I have to continue listening to Sam-

All right, all right, I'm going!

"…You really had me worried for a second there, Rach. But I don't care that you lied for months, that's totally okay as long as you weren't actually kissing someone. And, you know, as long as I'm not the gay-girl turner."

"No, you're still the gay-girl turner. I'm Bi just standing near you."

"Good one, babe."

"Shut it, Puckerman."

"So we can have solos again?"

"Yeah, who do we have to screw to get solos around here?"

"Apparently, Quinn Fabray."

"Marry me, Rachel Berry!"


"SHUT UP! Everyone, just Shut. Up!" Santana screams, completely over all of the fighting. "I think it's time we heard from the two lovebirds."

Everyone turns to look at Rachel and Quinn but their heads nap back to where the door busts open to see a panicked Figgins in the doorway, looking around the room in horror. "What is the meaning of this?" His only concern at the moment is the tied up head Cheerio. "We can't have children tied up!"

"Figgy. Glad you saw the bat signal."

"I called him, Sue."

"Yes, William has informed me that you and your Cheerios have been concocting a scheme that involves both Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry."

"That's right, Principal Figgins. Sue is using Quinn to get to Rachel in an effort to destroy the glee club. She should be fired right now!"

"Will, my hands are tied. She has an ironclad contract."

"That's right, curly Schue, you can't get rid of me that easily."

"But she's using a student! There must be something you can do!"

"But, Will. Quinn's also tied up." Emma mentions delicately. All eyes turn back to the head Cheerio.

Just getting around to noticing that now?

I swear, Quinn. Sometimes I wonder exactly why we asked for him back.

Or sang to him at the end of last year.

"Principal Figgins! Do you have a quote for my blog concerning the recent rumor that Mrs. Fabray has paid you handsomely in an effort to secure her daughter's reign at McKinley all while she pretends to court my beautiful sunbeam, Rachel Berry?"

Quinn has to silently count to ten in her mind in order to not reach down and cut her duct taped legs loose so she doesn't lunge out the window to kill Jacob. He's just annoying now, how many hints will it take before he realizes that Rachel just isn't interested.

The door swings open again and it momentarily distracts Quinn from all the things that she feels like doing to Jacob at that moment and her eyes snap up to find Kurt, breathing heavily. His black skinny tie is loose around his neck and part of his white shirt is un-tucked from his grey plaid pants. Neither Quinn nor Rachel have ever seen the boy this disheveled and out of breath. Even his hair isn't as meticulous as it always is.

"Oh hey, porcelain."

Kurt ignores the shivers he gets from seeing Coach Sylvester once again, her voice is still like nails on a chalk board to him. He focuses on the two girls that are still bound and gagged. Guess he's a little too late.

"Oh dear lord, so I guess everyone found out that you two have been together since June?"



"The month that was, like, 6 months ago?"


"Q, what the hell?"

"…or not?" he looks to the girls.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

Both girls roll their eyes, it's fine.

I thought they knew.

Oh well, we're so happy to see you.

Rachel looks over Kurt's shoulder and furrows her brows as she tries to see behind him, Where's Blaine?

Kurt shakes his head back and forth, Didn't work.

I'm sorry, Kurty.

It's fine, Q.

What happened?

He couldn't do…well this. Kurt gestured between the three of them and both girls nodded understandingly.

Luckily we've had ample opportunities to perfect this skill to read each other's mind via our facial expressions.

Quinn nods, We've had a lot of practice.

You should see her in bed.


What? It's true, you know exactly what I need.

I'm still here. Kurt coughs to remind them of his presence, Quinn is still blushing furiously while Rachel nods her head.

"How is this my fault! How was I supposed to know they'd all turn gay?"

"You're like a curse!"

Kurt turns back to look at the girls who are swaying their heads back and forth indecisively, they all share the same thought.

He does attract the gay type.

"Sue, you planned this!"

Kurt ignores the quarreling adults and realizes that the girls are still tied up with no option of voicing their thoughts.

How did this happen?

Rachel and Quinn both narrow their eyes towards Santana, Lies and deceit.

The worst kind.

Sounds tragic, I can't believe they somehow got both of you restrained.

Quinn ducks her head in embarrassment as she recalls how easy it had been for her to fall into the trap. Of course, it was just as easy for Rachel. They were slightly…blinded, pun kind of intended.

"We're still waiting for an explanation." Santana says as she puts her hands on her hips, already assuming the power position.

Rachel and Quinn both glance at each other and Quinn rolls her eyes.

They seriously expect us to explain?

I know! It's none of their business!

Kurt watches the two girls with a small smile on his face, "Well that seems kind of hard considering they're still gagged." He huffs out.

Brittany climbs off the bed and steps in front of Quinn with a small smile on her face as she whispers, "Hi."

Before Quinn can even register what's about to happen, Brittany rips the duct tape away from Quinn's mouth and she lets out a strangled scream at the pain. She feels like she's just been slapped four times and she doesn't put it past Santana to have put glue on the duct tape before she put it over Quinn's mouth.

"Son of a bitch!" she yells as she works her jaw a few times to get rid of the stiffness.

"Language, Miss Fabray." Figgins reminds her and suddenly she wishes she had the duct tape still over her mouth so she wouldn't be so tempted to yell even more obscenities at her friends and teachers. She still didn't understand why they were all there.

Santana strides forward with a smirk firmly placed on her lips, Quinn doesn't like that look in her friend's eye. She watches in horror as Santana brings her hand up to the tape across Rachel's mouth. Rachel whimpers and closes her eyes in anticipation of what's sure to be a painful experience.

"Don't hurt her!" Quinn screams with heated eyes, she's not above lunging out of the chair and attacking Santana if she hurts the brunette next to her.

Santana rolls her eyes, "Relax, this isn't my first rodeo." She replies coolly.

"Santana always rips duct tape off me." Brittany states and the room once again falls into silence.

The new head cheerleader clears her throat and positions her hand on the brunette's shoulder, "Anyway."

Quinn slides her hand until she feels the cold fingertips of Rachel's hands behind her back and links them the best that she can considering the circumstances. She also doesn't want to draw too much attention to herself or else they'd handcuff her again and she wouldn't be able to hold Rachel's hand at all. The brunette grasps them for dear life as Santana's impending doom approaches. Santana doesn't wait to get to 3 to rip off the tape and Rachel finds herself breathing all the oxygen in that she can get before also working her jaw to stretch it out.

"I think that's been the longest period of time that Rachel hasn't spoken." Artie says amused.

Both girls ignore Artie's blatant insult, just because he sounds innocent when he says it doesn't mean it stings any less. Rachel huffs and turns to Quinn.

I need to get away from here.

Distract them and I'll get us out of here.

"Ladies and Gentleman, esteemed acquaintances, administration and staff, it appears that you've all gathered here today for some answers. But answers to what? Where is the justice? Why are Miss Fabray and I even on trial? Held and silenced against our will…but for what? It seems the real crime here is the way all of you are acting. Kidnapping? I'm ashamed of my fellow glee members, what happened to our rights? What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Where is the burden of proof? This is no democracy, you've all created a Democ-razy! It's crazy I say! The allegations against us are pure heinous and hold no truth."

Rachel takes a moment to look over at Quinn, her eyes shining back at her with pure amusement.

What the hell are you even talking about?

Rachel shrugs, Law and Order marathon was on earlier.

"When our ancestors came to America, they did so with great pride. They are rolling over in their graves right now by the pure sight of this mistrial of justice. Our founding fathers would be hanging their heads in shame, much like all of you should be doing."

Tone it down.


"It seems to me that the real people that should be on trial, are all of you. Mr. Schuester, are you so paranoid that you find it okay to accuse Quinn of such hurtful allegations? Samuel, preying on Miss Fabray's weaknesses? Well I think that makes you look weak and insecure. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany…never change. Santana? Please change. Tina, my sweet Tina, could it be possible that you're craving a solo so that it will serve a dual purpose? Making Artie regret ever letting you go, and to ensure that Michael doesn't make the same mistake? I've seen it all before my fellow members, our selfishness will be our very own demise. What we need to do now is come together, stronger than ever…protect one another so that something like this never happens again."

Holy shit, I think this is working.

"She's right, what are we all doing here?" Kurt speaks up, hoping to move this little closing argument along. It was starting to go overboard, and it was only a matter of time before they caught on to her blatant weaseling.

"Wow, I never thought about it like that." Tina speaks up, hanging her head in embarrassment of her motives.

"Rachel's right, we're a family." Mercedes triumphantly adds.

"You guys are all stupid." Lauren mutters under her breath, clearly she was one of the only ones who could see right through Rachel's monologue.

Rachel can just about feel Quinn done with getting her hands untied and sits a little straighter to give her better access. She can't wait to get out of here and kiss the hell of her girlfriend. The door swings open for hopefully the last time and three more adults are standing wide eyed and shocked.

"Hi Daddy! Hi Judes! Hi Dad! I'll be with you in a moment..." Rachel answers sweetly before slipping back into her role of a disappointed and empathetic defense lawyer.

"Why is my daughter tied up?" One of the men cuts in.

"Untie them at once."


"What are you all doing in my home?"

"Not to worry, Mrs. Fabray. We have the situation under control," Rachel answers back, "How was lunch with my fathers? Satisfactory as always?"

"Yes, of course…what's going on? Quinnie?"

"Everything's fine mom," Quinn pulls her hands out from behind her back, "See?" she shows her mom, before reaching down and stripping the duct tape from around her legs, "It was just a huge misunderstanding."

Sue Sylvester smirks with pride, her heart overflowing with something strange as she watches her prodigy free herself of the binds and stand unaffected. She needs that little brunette spitfire on her payroll, pure genius. She hasn't seen conniving this good since the second World War.

Quinn bends down and rips the tape from Rachel's sock clad leg and squeezes her thigh upon standing back up.

Follow my lead.

I was doing a fine job of distracting myself, thank you very much.

And I'd like to get out of here before night time.

Rachel pouts, and Quinn feels herself deflating, Fine, wrap it up.

Rachel stands and takes her place center stage as her oblivious peers watch her with wide eyes, completely overlooking the fact that both girls had gotten out of their restraints without being noticed.

"Search deep within yourselves to find the truth. Where is the evidence? I believe that you'll all find it to be hearsay, inadmissible, and tampered with. You'll find that both Quinn and I are just two people, two people who have been misunderstood, two people that are innocent. I hope that the jury will do the right thing and find us not guilty, an acquittal at the very least. Thank you for your time." Rachel punctuates her closing remark with a curtsey to both corners of the room.

"God, I love you." Quinn whispers to Rachel as she turns back around in order to hide her smile.

Rachel tucks some misplaced hair behind her ear and ducks her head at the awe in Quinn's eyes. She loves making her proud. Both of Rachel's fathers simply beam at their daughter's overwhelming ability to connive herself out of pretty much any situation. They are sure going to be receiving an explanation later over cake but their little darling could certainly handle herself when need be. Kurt's frantic text message to the men upon learning the girls were held captive was appreciated but after seeing the two girls remain so calm and collected, they're not sure it was necessary for them to come.

Sue Sylvester stands from her seat and claps, "Outstanding performance. Quinn, you're re-instated as head Cheerio, and Rachel, we'll be in touch. Sandbags, apologize to them."

Santana turns to her coach in disbelief before meeting the narrowed eyes of Quinn, she closes her eyes to steel herself before all her dignity would be lost, "Sorry for kidnapping you." She mutters under her breath and crosses her arms.

"You are forgiven. Now if you'll excuse us, I believe I have a birthday to celebrate and it appears that all of you have some thinking to do. Warm wishes."

Rachel reaches next to her and takes Quinn's hand in her own as they avert their attention away from the silent occupants of the room and both girls smile at their parents as they pass them.

"Proud of you two." Rachel's father whispers.

"Have fun today, sweetheart." The other man kisses his daughter on the top of her head.

"We'll see you later for cake," Judy whispers before winking at her daughter, "Happy birthday, Rachel."

Rachel smiles her thanks and slides past them, once in the hallway both girls turn back and find Kurt amongst the crowd.

Damage control?

Kurt nods, See you kids later.

Quinn and Rachel smile and the blonde finds her arm protectively on the small of her girlfriend's back as they quickly make their way down the stairwell. They can hear all hell break loose from the top of the staircase and break into a fast paced run. Quinn looks around and realizes that her car is still in the school parking lot and Rachel reaches into the pocket of her skirt and hands Quinn the keys to her car. Luckily no one parked behind the brunette's car or else they'd be forced to walk instead of drive to their hideout.

"I think they're still all arguing." Quinn muses as she steps around to the passenger side door of Rachel's car to open it for the brunette. They can just make out the yelling and screaming coming from Quinn's open bedroom window.

"Well I eye communicated to daddy and Kurt that we needed a diversion so we could get away. I think they're equal to the taste." Rachel answers coolly as she gets inside the car.

"That was quick thinking." Quinn comments as she starts the car.

"Well I did take that improvising course last summer." Rachel answers modestly with a shrug. "But the plan never would have worked if you didn't free us of our binds."

"You can thank Ms. Sylvester for that later." The pair is silent for a moment as they smile at one another. "So I guess the cat's out of the bag. Everyone knows. Are you okay with that?"

"Am I okay with the fact that we can now publicly sing duets with one another?" Rachel beams as Quinn shyly ducks her head before looking back up at her girlfriend. "I think I can live with that."

"Oh, and I think I have the perfect song choice to sum it all up." Quinn says with a grin as she turns fully to face Rachel. The brunette's eyebrows perch as she smiles coyly.

"Is that so?"

"This Year's Love." Quinn states proudly as she leans forward towards Rachel.

"I thought you didn't want a sad song?" Rachel mumbles as her eyes stay trained on her girlfriend's lips.

"But it won't be a sad song. Because I know it will last."

"You do, do you?" Rachel whispers as she scoots closer to Quinn.

Quinn nods slowly as her hazel eyes look deeply into her girlfriend's.

"Well I suppose that's a Question of Fact." Rachel says playfully. But Quinn only shakes her head.

"I can say with confidence that I could convince any courtroom that it's a Matter of Law."

"You're so sexy when you speak lawyer." Rachel's husky voice breathes out as she bites her lower lip getting Quinn to laugh softly.

"Happy Birthday, Rachel."

"My best one yet." Quinn chuckles again as her fingers brush away Rachel's hair until she cups the brunette's neck.

"But you spent most of it tied up."

Rachel smiles seductively as she moves closer to Quinn, just brushing their lips before she whispers, "Who's to say that's not how I'll be spending the rest of the evening?"

Quinn suddenly spins around until she is facing the steering wheel and Rachel laughs as the blonde throws the gearshift quickly into reverse. "We'll go to your house, I'm sure your fathers will run interference for a little longer." The blonde mumbles quickly as she slams her foot on the accelerator and backs the car out of the driveway swiftly before shooting them down the block.

In the tree outside Quinn's bedroom window, Jacob's eyes go wide as he points to the car moving quickly down the street. "They're getting away! They're getting away!" He screeches as he flails on the tree branch.

"SHUT UP, JACOB!" Everyone bellows back.

"I think the Jewish bird just fell out of the tree."