A/N: This is a long time coming. It was meant to be a Christmas present for a friend. I know it's awful *grins*

Disclaimer: I own nothing, obviously.

Guilty Desires

They think that I'm stupid, that I'm crazy, but really, I just act that way. It's easier to, when I spend all my time the way I am now and I don't want to admit that I'm so afraid. It's easier to let my brothers Albus and Aberforth think that I'm just not right in the head, that I'm out of control and in need of protecting. If they knew the truth, if they knew that I was perfectly normal, that I was perfectly ok, maybe they wouldn't want me around anymore.

After all, if is my entire fault. Everything that has happened. Father being in Askaban is my fault. If he hasn't gone after those boys, if he hadn't gone to seek revenge for them harming me, then he'd be with us now. I had been reckless, and used my magic when I shouldn't have, and due to that fact, my Papa got put away in an awful place where he didn't belong. He was a good man. He doesn't belong with those soul sucking dementors.

Mum dying is my fault as well. I don't really understand what had happened. I had just gotten so angry at her for treating me as if I was spun glass, in need of nurturing. I had wanted her to be angry at me, for just a second, but she wouldn't. She kept trying to hug me, to calm me down. And then, the next thing I knew, she was dead. It was all my fault.

And now Albus and Aberforth were stuck here, watching over me and making sure I was ok, all because of me.

If they knew, they would throw me aside, or maybe they'd even kill me. I don't really know what they'd do with me. I'd deserve whatever they'd do.

It's better that they think that I'm crazy. That they think that I have no more sense than a small child. That's what everyone else thinks.

Except…. That man…. The new man that has come. Albus' new friend, Gellert. I've seen the way that he looks at me, with barely contained suspicion and amusement, as if he knows my secret, and he's willing to hide it, if only for now. I'm not sure why though. I don't even know him. All I know is that he's very handsome, with his pale skin and blue eyes and his blonde hair that is even prettier than mine, and that quick grin of his that he usually aims at Albus right before he suggests that they do something stupid.

I think that he knows that I'm not really as crazy and brain-dead as I'd like everyone to believe. And sometimes I dream about him. They really are quite silly dreams, but I can't be blamed, since I've never had much contact with men at all. I dream of him coming to me, and telling me that he knows what I've been hiding, and that it's ok. And he takes my hand in his, and he turns it over so that the palm is facing up, and he entwines his fingers with mine and says that I don't have to hide anymore, that he'll keep me safe.

I always wake up after that, and end up dancing around for hours.

It's ok though. My brothers don't mind. They simply think that I'm being a silly little girl.

And I think that I'm in love.

A/N: Awful, isn't it? I'm sorry. No time to edit things.