Hero's Log:

(This belongs to Alfred F. Jones DO NOT OPEN!)

January 20, 2011
Okay, for some reason Arthur gave me this Journal to write in and stuff. Apparently I "think out loud too much" (he's probably just jealous of all my awesome ideas) and he told me to write it all in here instead of telling him. Hmm, what should I write about...OH! Well, today Arthur and…crap what's his name again…Mady, Mary, Mark, MATTHEW! THAT'S IT! Anyways, Arthur and what's-his-face told me I have to lose some weight! SERIOUSLY? I can't believe they said that! I'm not fat! I'm just as fit as ever! Hero's don't get fat! I mean, I have eaten more burgers than usual, but it's just because I've been busy at work and stuff! Economy's down and all that jazz, and I've ordered some Chinese and Pizza, but it doesn't mean I've gained weight! Then they poked my stomach and it moved around a bit. A BIT! It's not like my whole body jiggled like Homer on the Simpsons! (Hah, that was a funny episode) They're seriously over exaggerating. There are PLENTY of people out there bigger than me.

January 21, 2011
I don't know why, but all day today I couldn't help but keep thinking about that stupid comment Arthur and that other guy made about me yesterday. Since I kept thinking about it I decided to see for myself! I went to the doctors today (since it had been a couple years due for one anyways) and they said I was…overweight. WHAT? THERE'S NO WAY! They said I was 25 pounds overweight! What the hell! How does a hero become OVERWEIGHT! Well, I have been eating more than usual…but, have I really been eating so much that I gained that much weight? This isn't right! …my stomach does seem bigger than usual…no! I WON'T LET THEM BRING ME DOWN! Especially that jerk England! HE'S SUCH A JERK!

January 22, 2011
I've come to a decision. I'm going on *DUN DUN DUN!* a diet. I've failed many before, but after a lot of thinking it over and over and over and over, I'm concerned. A hero cannot be overweight! He won't be able to catch the bad guys in time and the whole world will collapse because of it! I don't want to drink that tea stuff China gave me last time and that Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers stuff is for women, so, I'm going to create my own diet! THE HERO'S DIET! But…how do I start it? Well, I Googled a bunch of stuff and apparently I have to eat less and when I do eat and I have to eat mostly fruits and vegetables…ew. And apparently burgers are a big no-no. WHAT? HOW CAN THIS BE? I've lived off of my beloved Big Macs for years! I never heard this thing about them being unhealthy! Although I did hear about something a couple years about them...maybe thats why they seem smaller now a days...I should get out more.

January 23, 2011
OKAY! I totally figured out my diet plan. Sadly, I can't have any burgers until I get this weight off. I will someday be united with the greatest thing to ever consume, but for now, I'll have to eat...fruits. Eww. And vegetables. Double eww. Today I started out with and apple (the only fruit that actually tastes good) for breakfast, and for lunch I have a salad and some water. What I would give for a Big Mac and Coca-Cola...am I drooling? NO! I won't give in! I just have to distract myself, that's all. Oh! I can finish my paperwork! I actually should've gotten to that awhile ago, but...yeah. Okay, I'll do that.
Doing paperwork was a bad mistake. I got sooooo bored! I somehow finished it, but now I don't know what else to do! Hmm, OH I KNOW! I'll brainstorm!
What to do when I want to eat:

Paperwork (ugh)

Video Games (YEAAAAH!)


Annoy Iggy (hehehe)

Yell at Russia (although that may end in death or serious injury)


Annoy Kiku (that will end in rejection eventually)



Eat? Wait no I can't do that I'm on a diet!


Wow, this is harder than I thought...but I will find a way! I WON'T GIVE UP! I'm gonna lose this weight no matter what!