A/N: Oh my god, what the freak am I doing, writing 90210 fanfiction? I must be going insane. But I really love Teddy/Ian, and after last night's episode, I had to do something to set things right between those two, at least in my own head.
Disclaimer: I obviously do not own these characters. The CW does. They own a lot of things.
Spoilers from last nights episode.
Of Apologies and Second Chances
"Hey Teddy…." Ian says hesitantly, approaching the muscular brunette in the hallway just as Teddy gets to his locker. He feels an almost astounding level of relief over the fact that the halls are empty, everyone else off at lunch by now. All he wants to do is talk to him… to try and explain and apologize and maybe make things right. And he doesn't think he would have been able to do that if there were people around. Teddy wouldn't have let him.
Teddy won't turn to face him though, and Ian sees his jaw clench. He isn't sure if it is due to anger or a remaining sense of hurt and pain that Teddy is refusing to show around him. Teddy is, after all, the kind of person who is much too prideful to display pain. He probably thinks that it's a sign of weakness.
"Listen…" Ian says, biting his lip before he lays a hand on Teddy's shoulder. He feels his stomach churn with regret when the muscles tense underneath his hands. He remembers a time, just before yesterday, when these same muscles would go lax under his touch, suddenly relaxed, almost boneless with the ease Teddy seemed to feel around him. Dammit…. Ian really wishes things can go back to how they had been.
"I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry," Ian whispers, his throat suddenly unbearably tight. He moves his hand along the slope of Teddy's shoulder up towards his tanned neck, needing… wanting… unable to resist the urge to touch bare skin. His fingers connect with Teddy's pulse point, and he doesn't miss the way that it seems to hammer beneath his touch, almost out of control with life.
Teddy tenses even more beneath his touch before he wrenches away from Ian, a fury so cold and livid in his blue eyes that it takes Ian's breath away.
"I don't want to hear it Ian," he all but snarls, his straight, white teeth grinding together as he speaks. "I just…" his broad hands, those same hands that Ian had had the privilege of feeling against his body, of having grip him tight and hold him close and leave bruises against his pale skin as Teddy got a bit over enthusiastic, curl into fists at his side, and he only looks at Ian for a second before his eyes leave Ian to stare at something over the shorter boy's shoulder. "I had trusted you," he says, speaking the same words that he had spoken last night. "I… I was ready to start something with you. I was ready to do so much… to go against everything I've always thought I had to be… and I was ready to make you a part of my life. But not now Ian. You ruined everything."
"No… Teddy, please," Ian says, his lips wobbling as he speaks. He knows that he had messed up, that he had acted too rashly and that he had broken Teddy's trust, but… it can't be over. It just can't. Not before Ian can even know where this thing between him and Teddy could have gone. He knows that it could have been something great… that it still can be something great, if Teddy would just forgive him. "Please… just… hear me out."
"I've already heard enough," Teddy says, and there's something different about his voice now. It no longer holds the same rage that it just had. And yet… it doesn't sound like anything that Ian has ever heard leave Teddy's mouth before. There was a time when Ian was used to hearing Teddy sound defensive, or a bit angry, or disgusted, though he hasn't sounded like that in ages. And for a short time, before he had messed up, Ian got to hear Teddy sound amused, and almost blissfully happy. The sound of the blonde's laugh and his voice when he's enthusiastic is beautiful in a way that nothing else has ever been, at least not in Ian's life. And Ian has heard Teddy sound breathless with a passion that was greater than anything that Ian had ever experience. And he has heard Teddy sound fond, and eager, and amused…. And he thinks that there was something deeper in the sound of his voice too, something that could have built into something indestructible and worth cherishing… But never has he ever heard Teddy sound like this.
Teddy sounds… almost broken… or lost. The sound of his voice doesn't really suit him, doesn't seem to belong to him. His voice sounds small, almost weak… or… not emotionless, but… hollow in a way that only pain can make someone. And he sounds a bit hopeless too, as if there is no longer anything in life worth fighting for and being happy about.
It kind of makes Ian want to slit his own wrist, except… he isn't usually that melodramatic. And anyways, he knows that he has no right to feel that way, not when it's Teddy who is so hurt and betrayed.
"Teddy," Ian pleads, in that tone of voice that always seemed to make Teddy say "How high?" when Ian says "Jump." He doesn't miss the way that Teddy flinches, and when he cranes his neck, he sees something flash in Teddy's eyes, something vulnerable and a bit scared. "Just… please…." He knows that he's fighting dirty now, but he can't make himself feel ashamed for it, not when he has so much to lose. Not when he thinks that he's really close to falling in love with Teddy. He can't just give that up, even if he has no right to have it anymore, not after what he had done.
Teddy shakes his head a bit sorrowfully, and Ian's heart leaps into his throat when he sees Teddy's lips twist into an imitation of a smile. "That's not really fair," the taller teen whispers, voice clogged with emotions. "You can't just…. you can't always get what you want, just by talking to me like that."
"Sure I can," Ian tries to joke, but his voice is too broken up. "It's how I got you in bed with me, after all," he says false gleefully.
Teddy laughs weakly. "I want to hate you," he admits, and his eyes flutter shut, as if that admission pains him.
"Well," Ian says, rocking back and forth on his feet. His hand begins to play with the strap of his messenger bad. "Do you?"
"No," Teddy admits, and Ian feels himself go almost boneless with relief. "But I should," Teddy tells him, his eyes still shut.
"Yeah," Ian says, when he realizes that Teddy wouldn't be able to see him nod. "You should. But I'm really glad that you don't."
"Don't get me wrong," Teddy says, finally opening his eyes to level an intense stare on Ian. "I'm still incredibly mad at you, and disappointed, and I just… I can't trust you Ian. You just… I can't believe you did what you did."
"I know," Ian says. He bows his head, ashamed of himself. "I know… just…. I really shouldn't have done what I did. I know that. I just… I wanted to help make things easier for you. I wanted to help you lose some of the tension and wariness that seems to surround you all the time. I just wanted to help you get to a point where you could be more carefree and happy."
"I know," Teddy says, but his voice is sad. "I know all that Ian. I know you weren't trying to be deliberately cruel or selfish. I just… I wish you had been more patient, and understanding. You completely broke my trust in you."
Ian feels tears prickling at the back of his eyes. "I'm so sorry Teddy." He moves forward into Teddy's space, no longer able to resist. "Just… please forgive me. Or try to. I can't…. I can't lose you."
"What if I'm already lost," Teddy asks.
"Then I'll fight to find you again," Ian says, and he knows that he sounds cheesy, but… that's just what being around Teddy does to him.
Teddy laughs hoarsely. "It can't just be that easy," he says.
Ian tries not to whimper in a mixture of relief and sorrow. "Sure it can," he says, and he reaches a hand out to touch Teddy's cheek.
"I still can't trust you," Teddy tells him.
"Let me earn that trust back," Ian pleads. "Please, you wont regret it."
"You made me regret it last time I trusted you," Teddy says, voice filled with so much hurt. "I don't… I can't…"
"It wont happen again," Ian tells him, voice fierce. "I know that I was stupid, and careless, and almost cruel in what I did. But I don't make the same mistakes twice, and I'll never give you a reason to distrust me again. I wont hurt you Teddy. I want to make you happy."
"I don't know," Teddy says. "I should hate you. I should barely be able to look at you. Hell, I should want to beat the fuck out of you."
"You don't want to mess up my pretty face," Ian jokes.
Teddy laughs, for real this time, and Ian revels in the sound. "Please Teddy," he murmurs, running the pad of his thumb along Teddy's cheekbone. "Please… just give me another chance." Let me see if this can really be love, he thinks, but he doesn't say the words allowed. It's too soon.
Teddy finally nods hesitantly, and Ian wants to shout out in relief and joy. "Alright," Teddy says, and his lips tremble as he speaks. "Yeah… ok. But Ian…. You're gonna have to work hard to win my trust back. I can't… I can't just give it back to you on a silver platter."
"I'm sure my expertise in giving blow jobs will come in handy," Ian says, trying to sound serious.
Teddy laughs again. "Yeah… I'm sure that it will. But… not just yet, alright? I'm not…"
"Ready to let me back in that way," Ian finishes for him, and he totally understands. He's just happy that Teddy isn't shutting him out completely though. "No worries," he says, and he leans forward on his tippy-toes to press a soft kiss to Teddy's cheeks. "I'll work hard at showing you that I deserve you."
Teddy smiles a bit, and there's still some pain in the curve of his lips, but it's not all that's there. There's also a hint of a promise of what can be. "We'll see," he says. "You have a lot of work cut out for you."
"You're worth it," Ian admits, and he's never meant anything more than this. By the way that Teddy's eyes flicker with an emotion unguarded and pure, Ian knows that it's just the right thing to say.
A/N: So…. What do you think? Did I do ok? Should I write more for these two?