I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters or concepts.

...

Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes.

A gorgeous smile I could only hope she got from me and a darling button nose.

She was perfect...

Her soft alabaster skin so akin to my own as with her large cerulean eyes and wispy blonde hair.

I cried.

She was so beautiful gurgling in my arms, staring up at me with such wide eyed curiosity I just knew she'd be smart.

The moments passed so quickly and before I knew it she was being taken from my arms.

"Please no." I pleaded with them.

It fell upon deaf ears.

"I've changed my mind!" I screamed.

One of the younger nurses came to comfort me, letting me cry on her shoulder as they took her away.

I could hear people rushing around my room accompanied by voices I didn't recognise...but then a woman's.

That same eccentric voice I'd heard so many times.

I tore my head away from the nurses' shoulder to see her holding my baby.

My beautiful girl.

I went to scream that I wanted her back but the words wouldn't form on my tongue.

My mouth wide open ready to scream out let out nothing but a whispered cry.

All I could do was stare wide eyed as she took away my daughter...

...

I awoke in a cold sweat.

This was not the first time I'd relived the moment.

I glanced still shaking at my clock.

Not even 3am.

Without thinking I reached for my phone and dialled a familiar number.

It only rung twice.

"Benson." The soft voice I'd come to love groaned.

"Liv' it's me."

I could hear the covers rustling as she sat up.

"Alex. What's wrong?"

"I had another dream."

A moment of complete silence passed before I heard her keys jingling.

"I'll be there in 10."

...

Only 5 people knew about that day.

My parents firstly.

They were the ones that forced me to give her up saying that if I didn't want to marry her father then I didn't deserve to have her.

I didn't know what else to do.

They held my whole life in their hands.

Secondly is Sebastian.

He was the boy I thought I loved.

I gave him my virginity only to have him cheat on me the next day.

The minute he found out I was pregnant he handed me the abortion money and never spoke to me again.

I slipped the money back into his mailbox.

Then there's the woman that my parents chose to adopt my little girl.

I don't even remember her name.

I'm not even sure I knew it.

All I remember was that she was a rather eccentric artist type that my mother certainly disapproved of.

Lastly there's Olivia.

I couldn't hide something like that from her.

Not ever.

I love Olivia with all my heart.

This was yet another thing my mother disapproved of.

She couldn't believe that to people of the same sex could feel the same thing as people from the opposite sex.

None the less Olivia stood by me through my mother's ridicule.

I was glad to say I was happy.

I did often yearn for the little girl I'd birthed 15 years ago but I'd long ago given up hope of seeing her.

...

As I heard Olivia's key clicking quietly in my door I shifted in my bed to make room for her.

Sure enough within seconds she was inside my room shedding her jacket and jeans so that she was left in her tank and boy legs.

I felt the heat radiate from her skin as she crawled under the covers and pulled me against her chest.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

"I guess."

For a few moments she only layed soft kisses on my bare back before looking back up to me.

"Did you ever think of finding her?"

"Of course. But I'm not allowed to try until she's eighteen. She's only just turned 15."

Olivia sighed before turning me over to face her and capturing my lips in a soft kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I said leaning in for another kiss.