Ryan sighed. He wished that he could make it through one work day, just one, without her screeching his name at the discovery of the latest celeb gossip. He pretended to be busy in hopes that if he ignored her, she would just... vanish. He chuckled to himself when he realized the stupidity in the thought. He has been dreaming of that for 5 years now, it wasn't going to happen. He felt a tap on his shoulder, slowly he turned to face her beautiful, child-like face. She looked like a little girl that saw a dollhouse under the tree on Christmas morning. Oh God, he really hoped this wasn't about buying a dollhouse.
"Ryan, our anniversary is coming up and I know that your not going to do like anything special for me. But I saw this article on Yahoo!, or maybe Cosmo... I don't know but the Poconos were rated one of the most romantic places in Pennsylvania and it would like totally awesome if we could-" She was slurring and twiddling her thumbs, making her nervousness obvious.
He knew where this was going all too well. He took a deep breath and said,
"Kelly, do you want to go to the Poconos this weekend?"
She giggled, "Oh my God, Ryan, this is like so unexpected. Of course I want to go with you! Oh my God, I just ordered the cutest jacket that's like perfect for the mountains from JCrew like... 10 minutes ago. And it's like sooo adorable because it has these sparkles around the collar. Isn't that just crazy, Ryan?"
"Uh huh..." He half-listened to her about what a coincidence all this was and what amenities were in this mountainous region. Funny how when he started "dating" her, he actually listened to what she was saying. Over time, he had developed a useful skill of nodding and agreeing at the appropriate times.
"It's like we have tele-marketers, um, no wait. Tele-empathy? Whatever, we have it. And like, I just saw on Hot-Wire that there's this gorgeous cabin, and you can like rent it for the weekend. And it's only like... $340! Can you believe it, Ryan? You should totally get it before someone else does! Wait, I'll send you the link so you get the right one." Just as she said it he received one new email. Yup, that was a "totally like awesome" cabin, "Would you like to confirm this purchase?" He shut his eyes and clicked "Yes," God, what was he getting himself into?
He could feel a warm breath on the back of his neck, then, suddenly, a pair of moist lips planted on his. He liked her best when she was like this, silent. Just as he thought it, she pulled away and shrieked. "Oh my God Ryan, you already bought it? I knew you would be just as totally psyched about this weekend as I am! When you see what I'm going to wear, you will be... even more psyched. And like..."
"Kelly, I'm taking lunch now."
"Oh, good. I was just thinking about how hungry I was. Told you we have tele-perry? Like seriously Ryan, what is it called?"
"Uhm.. I don't know..."
"Yeah you do, silly! You posted something on Twitter about it and I had to search for it on Wikipedia because your like so much smarter than I am and like..."
"Do you want to go to that new Italian place that you talking about yesterday?"
"It's not Italian it's Brazilian and I was telling you about how awful it was and how I like swore I found a hair in my food but Andy said it was probably just my own and..."
"Whatever Kelly. I'm just going to work through lunch." And he did, but he couldn't help himself from thinking about how this weekend would be a total disaster. He just knew something was up.