Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. I am also not in any way affiliated with Starkid Potter, as much as I wish I was, so A Very Potter Musical/Sequel is not mine either.
Author's note: This is partially based on Harry Potter and partially based on A Very Potter Sequel. There isn't much about the Marauders while they were younger in AVPS (not to mention the fact that it's been a while since I've watched it), so I kind of just re-invented my own versions of them.
It was a bright summer day. Lily had insisted. James had wanted a spring wedding, but Lily had demanded that it take place in the summer. There had been a bit of an argument over it, but in the end, to no one's surprise, James had given in. He could never deny Lily anything. Her wedding would be perfect, and every detail would be to her satisfaction.
"Sirius!" Lily shrieked. "If you so much as touch any more alcohol before the ceremony's over I'll hex you into next week!"
Sirius set his glass of champagne down and held up his hands defensively.
"That's only my fifth glass!" he argued.
"Okay, fine. Sixth."
"I'm not having you drunk at my wedding," Lily insisted.
"I'm not drunk," Sirius said. "And shouldn't you be getting ready?"
"I'm just making sure everything's perfect," Lily told him. "Speaking of which, have you seen James?"
"He's getting dressed," Sirius said.
"Then could you give him this? 'kthanksbye!"
Lily handed Sirius a folded note, then skipped off to get ready.
"Okay Peter, she's gone," Sirius said.
A rat jumped out of his pocket and transformed into Peter Pettigrew.
"Thanks pal," he said. "She scares me. So, what's the note say?"
"I'm looking," Sirius replied.
He unfolded the note.
"Dear James," he read. "You're such a jerk. See you at the altar. All my love, Lily."
Sirius and Peter looked at each other.
"Are you reading someone else's personal mail?" Remus Lupin asked.
"She handed it to me," Sirius replied defensively.
"Let me see it," Remus insisted.
Sirius sighed and handed it over.
"How sweet," Remus remarked.
"Sweet?" Peter asked.
"It's much nicer than some of the letters she used to write him while we were in school," Remus said. "My personal favorite was: Dear James, You are a fucking bastard. If you call me 'Lils' one more time, I will personally ensure that you can never reproduce. I will also tell the entire school that your childhood nickname was 'Jamsie.' Seven sounds great. I'll meet you in the astronomy tower. Love, Lily. P.S. Shave off the stupid mustache or I'll do it myself. With a rusty knife dipped in something one of the first years made in potions."
Peter was speechless.
"I didn't know the phrase 'fucking bastard' was in her vocabulary," Sirius remarked.
"Wait, you knew where James hid his letters from Lily?" Peter asked.
"In his pillow," Remus replied promptly.
"And you didn't tell me?"
Sirius looked hurt. Remus simply shrugged.
"I'd better go take this to James," he said quickly, snatching the note and hurrying away before Sirius had time for an outburst.
Lily walked down the aisle in her beautiful white gown, looking like a princess from a fairytale and beaming like the sun. James grinned broadly as she made her way towards him. Together, they stood before the altar as the priest began to speak.
"Dearly beloved, we gather here today to witness the-"
"Blah, blah, blah," Sirius muttered.
He had clearly not listened to Lily's request to lay off the drinks.
"Let's just get this over with so we can get to the party," he said. "Lily, do you love James? Yes, of course. James, do you love Lily? Hell yeah, you've been obsessed with her since first year. Any objections? No, of-"
He was interrupted as the doors of the church swung open dramatically. A black cloaked figure stood silhouetted in the doorway.
"What the devil is going on here?" Severus Snape asked.
"If you haven't noticed, Severus, I'm getting married," Lily snapped.
"You can't marry him!" Severus objected. "I love you. I want to marry you! I want to-"
He was cut off as Peter threw a pineapple at him. No one was quite sure where he had gotten the pineapple, or why he had chosen to throw it at Severus, but he had done so. Later, however, it was universally agreed that this had been a bad move.
In retaliation for the unprovoked pineapple throwing, Severus summoned an apple and tossed it at Peter. Unfortunately, his aim was bad and it hit young Bill Weasley instead. Bill summoned an orange and lobbed it back at Severus. No one was quite sure what happened next, but the church erupted into a full scale food war. Pears, watermelons, grapes, and pieces of chocolate cake flew through the air and covered the wedding guests with food.
In the midst of this commotion, Remus Lupin walked calmly to the altar. The priest had fled as soon as the food fight had gotten serious. Sirius, of course, had simply thrown himself into the action. Remus stood at the altar and cast a shield charm around himself and the bride and groom. He then proceeded to perform the marriage ceremony for James and Lily.
"I'd advise apparating out of here," Remus said, when he was finished with the ceremony.
"I think we should just join the party," James suggested.
"James, you jerk," Lily growled.
James cowered under her fierce stare.
"Just this once," she said sweetly.
"You're the best," James declared.
They each summoned a slice of wedding cake and, laughing, tossed it in the other's face. Remus summoned a bowl of pudding and left the shield to join the fray. James and Lily looked at each other and at the chaos outside the shield and decided to forget the food fight and get down to the serious business of licking the cake off each other's faces.
Harry stumbled back into the real world, stunned by what he had seen in the pensieve.
"Wow!" he gasped. "My parents' wedding rocked!"
Author's Note02: This is dedicated to Catseye09. We're in The Wedding Singer at our school and the song 'Come Out of the Dumpster' (look it up, it's hilarious) sounds like something that would be in a Starkid show. We started discussing what the show would be like if Starkid put it on and decided that at some point a monkey would run in and ruin a wedding. We then decided that instead it would be Snape and it would be James and Lily's wedding. After that, I had to write this. Hope you enjoyed. By the way, who knows what Snape was about to say before Peter threw the pineapple at him?