***Hmm…what's this? lol It was supposed to be my o/s for Fandom Gives Back Autism Effort, but no matter how hard I tried, and I did try, I couldn't fit this into the confines of a o/s. So, here we are…a SHORT multi-chapter J/B fic.
***Because it was intended as a o/s it won't be as long as a normal fic and my chapters will be shorter than what you're used to from me, but I'm trying to keep it to one POV a chapter. So, don't yell at me in a review that the chapter was too short!
***Thanks to Lady Tazz for pre-reading and to TwiCarol and Jasper's Darlin' Kathy for beta'ing this mess. And, to Jasper's Izzy…she always seems to inspire a rougher, darker Jasper.
***I don't own anything.
I always liked the smell of autumn. The way the wood burned in the fireplace and how the white smoke made its way out of the chimney. The trees were starting to lose their colored leaves and the air was turning cooler. Fall always seem to put me at peace.
I hardly went out in the day anymore. I didn't have to. It had been a year since I left the coven I'd called my family for fifty years. Not only did I leave them, but I left a very good friend behind; at her request. I had to smile when I thought of all the years I'd spent with Alice and my adoptive family. The decades we spent going to high school and college, moving from place to place, so we wouldn't be discovered. Fifty years was hardly any time at all compared to the amount of time I'd walk this earth.
I enjoyed my time with the Cullens, but like all good things, the end had to come. It was inevitable, I guess. I had fought my own nature and instinct for so long and I often failed, but I tried because I thought it what was I wanted. And, some days, I really did want to act human. But, it was never as easy for me as it was for the others and that fateful night in September only served to prove I was not a Cullen. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it.
Alice saw it coming; she had to, even if she still wouldn't admit it. I could feel her lying to me. I decided I couldn't rely on her visions anymore. When she told me I should go, I didn't ask why, but I knew with every fiber of my being, it was time to move on. Edward had done it, so why couldn't I?
"Hey, Major," Peter called. "You comin'?"
I turned to find Peter and Char waiting for me to join them for their nightly hunt.
"You go ahead," I sighed. "I'm not really that thirsty."
"Jasper, that's ridiculous," Char scolded. "You haven't fed in two days. What's the problem?"
"You know what the problem is," I growled.
"Tone it down," Peter growled back, clearly not liking the way I spoke to his mate.
"Char." I ran my fingers through my hair. "I apologize."
"It's okay." She smiled. "Look, I'm not an empath, so I have no idea how hard it must be for you to feel what their last emotions are, but Jasper, we're vampires. It's not our fault we have to live off their blood. Maybe we could try the homeless shelter again?"
I shook my head. She was trying to help, but I was beyond that now. We tried homeless shelters in the hopes that it wouldn't make me feel so bad to take their lives. But, that didn't work because it wasn't always their fault they were homeless and I could feel all of their low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. It was horrible. Then I started seeking out suicidal people, figuring I could help them in their quest to end it all, but then, I could feel their desperation and only wanted to help them by talking out their problems. I was pleased to say I helped four people get into treatment. Living amongst the humans for so long made me a little too civilized. I was stuck in the middle. Couldn't be satisfied with animal blood, but felt too guilty to feed from humans.
"Char," Peter said. "You go hunt. I need to talk to Jasper. We'll catch up with you later."
"Okay, baby." She leaned into him and gave him a very passionate and lusty kiss.
I smirked and looked away. One of the things I liked most about hanging out with Peter and Char was getting to experience how much they loved one another. They were truly mated in every sense of the word, and a part of me longed for what they had.
"It'll be okay, Jasper." She quickly kissed my cheek and headed off into the night.
"Alright, fess up," Peter demanded.
"Alice called you again, didn't she?"
"What did she want this time?" he asked, clearly exasperated.
"Same thing she's wanted the last six times she called," I told him.
"To go to fuckin' Forks?"
"Yes," I said. "She keeps saying I need to go back and find what I lost."
"Like you have any room to talk," I said. "You've got to be the most cryptic vampire I've ever met."
"I tell you what you need to know," he countered. "And, now I'm gonna tell you to listen to the fortune teller."
"You need to go back to Forks," he said. "It's the only thing that's gonna save your ass."
"No." I shook my head. "I left nothing behind, I lost nothing and I don't need to go back. If you don't want me to tag along with you and Char anymore then I understand."
"Fuck you," he hissed. "How could you think we don't want you? You're my brother and I'd die for you."
I felt the sincerity in his words.
"I know," I whispered.
"All I'm saying is, ever since Alice started calling you, you've changed. You were fine when you came back to me and Char. You stepped right back into the nomad way of life. It was all natural for you and I saw that spark in your eyes again, the one that had been missing when you were playing house with the good doctor and his family of freaky vamps."
"Carlisle's a good man." I still felt guilty for abandoning his way of life after everything he did for me.
"I'm not saying otherwise, but the life he has created isn't for all of us," he continued. "You tried and it didn't work. But, now Alice is stirring the pot and you've changed. You are the most emo vamp I've ever seen. Char and I are depressed and half the time we don't know why."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to project."
"We know you can't help it." He leaned against the old oak in front of their house. "Anyway, Alice might be on to something. I think you should go back to Forks and see what's goin' on. If nothing comes of it, then so be it."
"She said if I went back, I should go by way of Seattle, and you and Char should come that far with me," I told him.
I felt his curiosity.
"She said there was something there that might interest the three of us." I shrugged my shoulders. "You don't necessarily have to come to Forks, just Seattle."
"Now I'm intrigued." He smiled. "What's in Seattle?"
"I don't know," I said. "She wouldn't say."
"Of course not," he sighed.
"I told her I didn't want her extra intuition interfering in my life anymore, so now she's got me on a need to know basis. She's just like you."
He snickered. "I tell you the important stuff and my knowledge isn't subjective. But, I think we should go to Seattle and then Char and I will take a little trip while you head to Forks. We'll meet back up in a few weeks and hopefully you'll be fixed."
"I'm not broken." I laughed.
"Well, you ain't exactly right," he said. "Maybe Forks is what you need. Will any of the others be there?"
"Nope, just me," I said. "Maybe she thinks I need time to reflect? I left a lot of my war books, journals and movies there, so maybe it'll be like a mini-vacation."
"I don't think so, but either way, it'll give you some time to work through whatever's going on with you. You need to figure out who you are."
"I'm Jasper Whitlock," I said with conviction.
"Oh Major, I so want to believe that."
So did I.
As much as I hated to admit it, Alice and Peter were right. In all of my years as a vampire, I'd never felt so lost and alone. Not even toward the end with Maria. It was disturbing. Maybe the time alone in Forks would help me get it together.
"Okay," I agreed.
"We're going on a road trip?" He smiled.
"Yeah." I nodded. "We leave after we hunt."
"Cool!" He pushed me down and tackled me.
I sprang to my feet and threw him across the yard and into a pile of leaves. I smiled because even though I hadn't fed in two days, I was still the stronger vamp.
"Smug bastard," he whispered as he picked the leaves out of his hair.
***Hmm…I wonder what's in Forks?
***So, there you have it…I'm back to my vampy roots. I hope you liked what I started.
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