my boyfriend got me turned onto this book, and this is my first story for it. just something humerous for you humor-cravers out there and those who enjoy seeing Ditto get mad at the rest of 'em.

takes place before Ditto's a traitor and before Stephan *sniffles* died. probably just on some down-time.

DISCLAIMER: i do not own nothing but this here story ;-)

POV: Ditto

"Okay, you guys want to hear a joke?" Cosmo asked.

"I don't like jokes," Mona said as she slid into a chair next to Cosmo.

"Well, it's not really a joke. It's just funny."

"I don't really like funny."


"No, I love funny. What is it?"

"Come with me." The nearly-bald boy stood up. "You, too, Ditto. You'd like this."

A parasite appeared on his shoulder. I wonder what that meant. Probably something bad.


Honestly, I really wasn't a fan of Cosmo. He didn't ever look at me right. It was like I was a… like a parasite. It was like the kid was afraid of me. Everyone did, even Stephan. But I trusted Stephan the most. He understood, most of the time.

"I heard about something funny," Stephan said as he came out of his mechanical mode. "I thought I'd check it out."

"You're gonna love this," Cosmo said, and led the three of us to his cot. He pulled out a camera – I don't know how the hell he got a camera – and searched for something on the tiny memory. I was surprised that the piece of junk even worked.

The camera, either.

"Here it is." He flipped the camera around so that we could all see.

There was an image of me, in black and white, in our "kitchen", making a sandwich. It was at some weird angle, like it was a view from a security camera. Then I realized that we had hooked up the whole place with cameras, just in case some butt-wipe decided to come trash the place. We hadn't looked at the recordings in years.

"There he is, folks," Cosmo's voice from the camera said, like one of those obsolete TV narrators. "In the hide-out on Abracadabra Street, Ditto makes a ham-and-cheese sandwich because he can't do SHIT!"

"Cosmo," I said, still looking at the tiny screen like I thought the scene was actually interesting.


I looked up at him, and realized why the parasite was there. "Run."

"Are you sure you don't wanna go show mommy how you made your wittle sandwich?"

I leapt over the bed and dragged him to the floor. "YOU LITTLE-"

I felt Stephan pull me off of him and hold me in the air. "Calm down."

Mona spoke up. "¿Quiero tu madre preparar un sandwich por tu?"

"Mona, once I figure out what you said, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Haha, scary."

Stephan put me down. "Now, go sit in the corner, little boy."

I glared at him. Fighting back would be useless. He was three times my size, and had four times the muscle. "Go suck your dick."

The dark teen put his hand on his chest in fake hurt. "Harsh, man! Why you gotta be like that? Now do you want beer in your bottle, or a little breast milk?"

The three of them started rolling on the floor laughing. Cosmo's parasite crept away.

"I'm gonna stab all of you fifty times in the face!"

In between laughs, Cosmo was able to say "Don't hurt yourself getting into the knife drawer!"

I stalked off, just waiting for the right moment to snag a parasite on their chest.

please review! i have nothing better to do with my life now than write fanfiction and reviews just make the experience just a little bit better. T.T ;_;