Gleeking Into the Woods

A/N: Okay, this was supposed to be some silly attempt at a Faberry one-shot (my first) and I don't know what the hell happened. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm posting it. haha. It was supposed to be pointless humor (or at least an attempt at humor), but I somehow went a little deeper than I meant to. I don't know what this is, but if you're willing to read, god speed!

A/N 2: AU, obviously. Quinn never slept with Puck so therefore she never got pregnant.

Rating: I did rate this T, but it's questionable. I didn't think it was M, but...for fair warning consider this fic R. There's swearing and sex. I just didn't delve into the sex enough for an M rating...I think.


It was a Glee Wilderness Bonding Trip. That's what Mr. Shuester called it, but everyone knew Miss Pillsbury was the inspiration behind it. No one was happy. Not only did it mean they had to give up their weekend, that in and of itself was sacrilege, but for those on sports teams, it meant they were missing Saturday practice and their coaches were going to make their lives a living hell. Beiste eventually agreed, but told the boys they had to stay an extra hour on Monday. Sue was in a fiery rage, threatening every punishment imaginable, both legal and illegal, but mostly illegal. Principal Figgans eventually stepped in and made her back off, but the girls knew they were in for hell come the next few weeks. Hiding out in the woods actually became appealing at that point.

The whole reason why they were being forced on this trip to learn about "togetherness" and "working as a team" was Finn and Sam's fault. They'd been relentlessly battling each other for the quarterback position and it ended up spilling over into Glee club. Tensions were high with the two boys and it became contagious. Everyone started bickering and it nearly got into a full out brawl before Mr. Shuester stepped in.

After that, he decreed that they weren't showing the team spirit they should and brought up the idea of a camping trip. The more the club protested, the better the idea sounded to him. In the end, he got everyone to bring in a signed consent form by saying if they didn't, he would make them sing through the entire repertoire of Abba, ending only with a performance of "Dancing Queen" in front of the whole school with Finn and Sam getting the solos.

It was blackmail, of course, but effective nonetheless. Everyone dutifully brought in their consent forms. Finn and Sam were the first two to hand theirs in.

On the ride there, everyone was pretty quiet. Not only was it an ungodly hour in the morning, but no one was pleased about waving goodbye to their much loved weekend. Though they sat next to each other, and Rachel had her legs in Quinn's lap, the two girls didn't feel much like talking. Quinn was agonizing over Coach Sylvester's inevitable punishment and anxiously played with the loose ends of her girlfriend's ridiculous but kind of adorable hot pink boots, while Rachel was fuming that she had to miss her dance class and just glared out the window.

Brittany was snoring across the aisle as she slept on Santana's shoulder, but Santana didn't seem to notice or care as she was too busy burning angry holes in the seat in front of her.

Puck was playing with his DS while Kurt and Mercedes compared scarf options and the rest were in various states of consciousness. It wasn't until there was a loud thud from the back that everyone was snapped out of their morning reverie and started laughing. Finn had fallen dead asleep and when the bus turned round a short corner, he went flying headfirst to the opposite side and smacked against the metal frame.

"Way to go, Frankenteen!" Santana rolled her eyes.

"I think I broke my head," he groaned.

"Too late for that," Puck snorted.

"Stop! He might have a concussion!" Rachel said worriedly. "Finn, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Wha- is there someone there?"

Santana curled her arm around Brittany's shoulders and gently eased her head onto her lap. "It's nothing, go back to sleep, babe."

Brittany didn't need to be told twice and was snoring again in record time.

"Uhhh… six?"

Rachel looked at the two fingers she was holding and then back at Finn.

"He definitely has a concussion."

"Please," Quinn scoffed. "Basing this off Finn's ability to count is hardly an accurate measurement."

Sam and Mike laughed.

"Quinn!" Rachel said reprovingly and gave her a look, to which the blonde just shrugged.

"I would actually have to agree with Quinn on this one," Kurt said.

"He's taken enough hits to the head during football," Tina interjected, "What's one more going to do?"

"Uh, kill him?" Artie replied.

"Everyone alright back there?" Mr. Shuester called.

"We need a first aid kit!" Rachel said.

"Oh my, is someone hurt?" Miss Pillsbury popped up worriedly.

"Finn's head isn't right," Mercedes said.

"Now, Mercedes, that's not a nice thing to say and exactly what this trip is about avoiding. Finn's a sweet boy, he can't help it if he sometimes looks and acts like he has a mild mental retardation."

Sam desperately tried to suppress his laughter.

"Actually, we're looking for an ice pack cause he hit his head," Tina explained.

The guidance counselor turned as red as her hair and sat down again while Mr. Schuester went looking for the first aid kit.

"Did she just say I was retarded?"

"Oh, no, of course not," Rachel patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. "Just mildly."

Puck caught the ice pack Mr. Schuester threw down and slapped it into Finn's face.


"Just ice your head, precious."

It wasn't so much a campsite, but a very rural, isolated picnic area they settled in. It had to be accessible by bus otherwise Artie wouldn't have been able to go. Puck was pretty sure that the hermit he knew lived nearby. The guy had the best weed in three counties because he grew it himself out in the woods. He was also Mr. Ryerson's supplier (which is how Puck found him). He had decided he needed to cut out the middle man and now got the goods for cost. Turns out Mr. Ryerson was not only a perv, but a total gouger. He was charging three times the amount.

Mr. Shuester immediately put everyone to work setting up and pitching the tents, which of course did not go by without Puck making a lewd comment about pitching a tent in his pants. There were two to a tent (unless there was an odd number, then one pair had to squeeze more). Girls only. Boys only.

The boys paired off pretty quickly, but the girls had more trouble. Mr. Schuester blushed the whole time he had to explain that while, yes, they were girls, they were also girls dating each other, so it was inappropriate to allow them to share the same tent. They were not to bunk with their significant others under any circumstances. Those were the rules.

Quinn, Rachel, Santana, and Brittany were all equally indignant. The boys got a good laugh out of it.

"I knew coming out was only going to cause problems," Quinn muttered, crossing her arms.

"To be fair, being forced to share separate tents wasn't one of the problems anticipated. I believe you were more focused on the 'being disowned and kicked out of your house' part," Rachel replied.

"And look how well that turned out," she said bitterly.

"It turned out wonderfully and you know it," Rachel said with a smile and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's waist.

Quinn begrudgingly agreed and grunted in reply, but she couldn't resist giving her a quick peck on the lips.

Yes, her father had kicked her out when he discovered her relationship with Rachel. Quinn was devastated, of course, and the months that followed were the hardest she'd ever been through. Thankfully, Rachel's Dads had been her saving grace and welcomed her into their home like a second daughter. Quinn couldn't be more grateful to the Berry men. After a few months, her mother ended up kicking out her father and they were divorced not long after. Judy asked Quinn to come back and live with her, begging her forgiveness for not being stronger against her father. In the end, it seemed to work out pretty well. Russell lost quite a bit of money in the divorce and faced a huge lifestyle change because it was actually Judy's family that was wealthy, he had little to do with it. It seemed to be a form of justice, however small, for what he'd done to his daughter.

They went back to setting up camp, Quinn chose a tent with Mercedes, Tina went with Brittany, which left Rachel with Santana, who, upon discovering that turn of events, threw an unholy fit. Eventually, they settled it by giving Rachel her own tent while Santana bunked with Quinn and Mercedes. No one but Quinn wanted to share with Rachel because they knew she talked in her sleep, not to mention she was a kicker. Santana didn't care about that, she just didn't want to share with the midget. She said it gave her the heebie-jeebies. After that, Quinn threatened to throw her makeup case in the river if she didn't back the hell off. Sullenly, Santana agreed and then hid her bag just in case.

They actually didn't have such a terrible time the rest of the day. They went exploring, had an extremely competitive game of capture the flag, practiced some songs for sectionals, played card games (Puck insisted on strip poker so Miss Pillsbury made him sit by himself for awhile), and built a bonfire. By the end of the night, everyone was in a pretty good mood. They had just eaten dinner and were all sitting around a slowly settling fire roasting marshmallows for smores. Brittany and Santana were missing from the crowd, which surprised no one, and no one dared to go looking for them.

It felt nice being out of their usual world (even if it was in the middle of the woods), away from school and routines, and just able to relax with friends that were, whether or not most of them wanted to admit it, their best friends.

"We'll have to move if the wind shifts again," Rachel said to Kurt, "Smoke wreaks havoc on the vocal cords."

"Thank you for informing me of that fact for what must be the umpteenth time in the past hour."

"Don't get snippy, I'm just trying to help us all here. We have to take special care to preserve the-"

"Where's Quinn?" he interrupted, looking around. "I find you much more tolerable with Quinn."

"You're just in a bad mood because you got stuck with Artie and not Sam like you wanted."

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but Rachel didn't let him.

"And Quinn went to get me a stick to roast my marshmallows with."

The boy looked repulsed. "That - is - disgusting. I would greatly appreciate it if you would spare me the details of your lady loving ways."

Rachel was genuinely confused. "What?"

"I don't appreciate your explicit lesbian euphemisms, it's highly inappropriate, and quite frankly, distasteful."

"Kurt, I don't even-"

He was saved from having to elaborate further when Quinn came up and sat down on the log next to Rachel, handing her a long stick with a couple marshmallows already stuck on top.

"What are we talking about?" she asked and held her own over the fire carefully.

"I have no idea," Rachel replied at the same time Kurt said, "How annoying your girlfriend is."

The blonde's head whipped round to stare daggers at the boy. He gulped at the sight of the fearsome Quinn Fabray looking like she was seconds away from causing him irreparable bodily harm.

"Kidding?" he offered weakly.

"I thought so," she said tersely.

Kurt scooted a little further away from the two, closer to Mercedes. He tried to make it look casual, but it was quite apparent he wanted to use the other girl as a shield from Quinn if necessary.

"Sweetie, you really don't need to act like that."

Still, Rachel couldn't help the smile on her face and the flutter of her heart. It made her feel warm all over to see her girlfriend be such a fierce supporter. Being forced to fend for herself for so long did make her a stronger person and she was thankful for that, it would only help her later in life, but to know what it was like not to have to be so strong all the time… She'd never had anyone be as protective (and sometimes possessive) as Quinn was of her. She loved every minute of it.

The blonde hadn't always been that way, in fact, for a long time it was exactly the opposite. Back in freshman year, Quinn was hell on earth as she made her way up the Cheerios ranks. She knew exactly what to do to get to the top. There was not a single person in the school that escaped unscathed from her totalitarian take-over of McKinley High (except for Brittany), and of course, Rachel bore the brunt of it. Quinn noticed the loud, obnoxious, girl far more than she could stand to admit, in ways that terrified her, and so Rachel became a glorified moving target.

When Quinn started dating Finn, matters grew even worse. Rachel had a slight interest in the boy simply because he was kind, attractive, and avoided giving her a slushie facial whenever he could. So he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, it didn't matter. To be quite honest, Rachel was starved for any kind of affection from her peers at that point. She had no idea what the fallout her attention to Finn would cause.

When Finn spent some time with her (that is, he stopped to say 'hey' every now and then in the hall) it enraged Quinn beyond all measure. She ordered her boyfriend to stay away from Rachel, but he refused. When Rachel starting feeling a little more confident, she would flirt with him every now and again. In response, Quinn launched a full scale war. Rachel was slushied more times in those few weeks than she had in an entire two years at that school. The things said between the two girls back then were almost too painful to remember. While Quinn's onslaught had been an entirely public humiliation, Rachel managed to say things to hurt her as well, only away from seeing eyes. It felt like an endless nightmare.

That is until one Friday, after Rachel had just been slushied for the tenth time that week, Kurt walked straight up to the laughing head cheerleader and slapped her hard across the face. Everyone in the hall, including Quinn, was too stunned to even move.

"You know what this is and until you stop denying it, nothing is going to get better for you," he said sadly. "Enough."

He walked away and Quinn did nothing in return, even refusing her friend's offers of retaliation. That weekend she cried more than she ever thought was humanly possible.

When finally Quinn accepted what she was doing, and why (at that point Rachel had caught on as well), the attacks stopped. They avoided each other entirely. Quinn was ashamed and filled with self-loathing while Rachel was just worn down and humiliated. It wasn't until they coincidentally ended up in the show choir room alone one afternoon that the truth came out once and for all.

After that first kiss, there was no denying it anymore, but Quinn was hardly prepared to go public, which Rachel understood. However, she did break up with Finn, which made it that much more bearable. They went through some of the worst ups and downs imaginable in their relationship after that, particularly when Quinn's father practically outed her to the town. They both made a lot of mistakes, more Quinn than Rachel, but still. It wasn't until senior year that things finally settled down and came together for good. Their friends accepted them, Quinn was trying to repair her relationship with her mother, and they were happy.

It still baffled Rachel a bit to think of how her worst enemy had turned into truly the most amazing person in her life. Ever since they were outed, and Quinn couldn't hide anymore, she went from being the person tormenting Rachel, to the person tormenting anyone else who so much as looked at her wrong. Rachel knew it was Quinn's way of trying to make up for all the times she had let her down. She probably didn't even realize she was doing it.

It was moments like these, Quinn's death glare at Kurt, that made her think of how absurdly changed her life was from just less than four years ago.

"Kurt's just pissed off because he's bunking with Artie and not Sam," Quinn huffed, looking away from the boy. "Don't pay any attention to him."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I know that, I even said as much. Really, Quinn."

Quinn pretended not to notice the pointed look the brunette was giving her and instead focused on her marshmallows which had cooked to tan perfection.

"Wow, you've got a real knack for this," Rachel said. "I always burn mine."

"Of course I do," Quinn replied simply, blowing on the hot treat before putting her lips round the top one, pulling it off carefully into her mouth. She closed her eyes in delight and moaned sensually. Rachel was almost embarrassed to hear her like that when they were most certainly not behind closed doors.

"M-my Dads say it's because I'm too impatient…" Rachel said, trying not be as turned on as she was by the sight. It was becoming increasingly futile. She squeezed her thighs together. "I just…end up setting them on fire."

Quinn didn't seem to hear. "God, I love these things. So sweet and gooey! You have to take your time you know, patience, let it cook evenly on all sides near the coals rather than just going straight for the flames. There's something to be said for the buildup. Always pays off in the end in a big way." She started picking at the second one curiously and licked her fingers whenever some came off. "Mmm, sticky…"

So absorbed was Rachel watching Quinn's enjoyment, it took her a moment to hear Kurt's snorting. She turned and faced him as if to say 'what?'. He only shrugged and went back to whispering with Mercedes who looked highly amused.

"Baby, do you want me to roast your marshmallows for you or do you want to do it yourself?" Quinn asked unassumingly, her mouth full, and continued sucking on her fingers.

That's when it finally hit Rachel was Kurt had been alluding to earlier and her jaw dropped open. She spun around.

"Kurt Hummel, why you dirty minded-!"

"Ah-ah." He wagged his finger at her. "That's just the kind of talk we're supposed to be avoiding on this trip. No name-calling, Miss Berry!"

"He's right, Rachel," Mr. Schuester said from across the fire. "None of that."

Narrowing her eyes, Rachel huffed and flipped her hair for good measure, not paying any more attention to him.

"What was that all about?" Quinn asked, having watched the exchange with confusion.

She was about to explain when she saw a bit of white marshmallow stuck at the corner of Quinn's mouth and all thought of Kurt went out the window. Leaning in, she licked it away, tasting the sugary treat. Quinn's breath hitched audibly. She ran her hands up Rachel's thighs to take hold at her hips. Their lips met with fervor and Rachel swept her tongue deep into her mouth, sliding her hands into Quinn's hair, and moaned at how good and sweet she tasted.

Rachel hadn't realized just how loud that moan was until Puck shouted, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

Glassy eyed and breathing hard, they pulled away from each other, only to see that the entire group was staring back at them in various states of shock.

Rachel blushed to the very tips of her toes while Quinn simply cleared her throat and readjusted herself as if nothing had happened at all. Needless to say, Rachel avoided Kurt's smug look for the rest of the night.

When the stupor died away and eyes stopped goggling over them, Rachel whispered to her what Kurt had said, and Quinn collapsed in a fit of giggles.