A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I think I was suffering from a mental breakdown. It's quite possibly the craziest story I've ever written. Oh, well, I'm sure there will be crazier. I'm categorizing this as a parody because I know it would NEVER EVER happen. I just had to get this out of my head. I had the idea about a week ago, and since I had two tests today, I had nothing better to do than work it out.

But it was a lot of fun to write. AND the very first song-parody I've ever written. I hope it's somewhat good!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Psych... Can you imagine if I did? Yikes!

It helps if you listen to the original song: Secrets by One Republic



Detective Carlton Lassiter sat at his desk and, for once, looked truly and utterly bored. The expression on his face wasn't his usual facade of boredom, it was the real thing. He usually wore that expression on his face like a mask, mixing in contempt for the complete image of a seen-that-done-that-bought-the-T-shirt unapproachable cop. He wore it like a shield, and soon enough that shield had melded to his skin, tainting his very essence. He didn't mind though, it was better that way. Nothing lost, nothing gained. Forever the same.

But right now he was wishing. And wishing was not a part of his personality. At all. He was toughened and hard, not a whimpering child who wasted valuable time wishing on meteorites burning in the atmosphere just to have their dreams dashed the next moment.

He was wishing for excitement.

People may think that his life was chalk full of excitement all the time. Jam packed with action and intrigue. Those people would be wrong.

Police work: twenty percent action, eighty percent paperwork. Carlton mused, staring at the piles of files and reports stacked atop his sparsely decorated desk. He grabbed a pen and began to fill in a report on a recent case, but that's when the throbbing in his head started.

He stopped his writing to grab his head in both hands. Dammit, he thought, why now? Why did I have to go to that bar last night? Damn you, McNab, for convincing me to go out.

He still wasn't sure how the rookie had managed such a feat. Normally, the kid was too nervous to even speak to him. It was odd whenever they spoke about something other than a case. And now he had a headache throbbing to a painfully familiar beat.

Thinking back on the most recent case though, Carlton could see how he'd been ready and willing to take a load off. It had been the very end of the Yin fiasco. Finished and done for, they'd sent the psycho off to prison only to find that there weren't any pressing cases waiting. He wasn't sure what the others did, though he suspected O'Hara was still shaking in her boots, trying to file her statement. Yin and that girl had really shaken her up, and last he'd seen, she'd been in one of the interrogation rooms still trying to get up the nerve to even sign her name.

He couldn't blame her. That girl, Yin's apprentice, had gotten under his skin too. So, she's the reason I've got a hangover. Well, at least it's not too bad. He winced, even thinking hurt. It was no wonder he hadn't been able to get anything done, especially with that stupid song in his head. What was it anyway...

Just then he saw Spencer walk in, no grin on his face for once, and it looked like he was heading to the interrogation rooms. Curious (and abysmally bored), Carlton got up, waited for the sudden dizziness to pass, then followed Spencer.

He must not have been very stealthy, because Spencer whirled around, putting a big smile on his face, "Lassie! I was just looking for you!"

Carlton snorted, "You mean Juliet."

"Well," Spencer said, "if that's what you prefer to be called..."

Carlton massaged his temples with his fingers, "Just shut it. I don't have time for you. O'Hara's in Interrogation Room 1."

"Gee, thanks, Lassie," Spencer replied, "or should I say Juliet now that I know your secret?"

Secret. The word resounded in Carlton's mind, triggering a memory of the night before. He ignored the annoying pseudo-psychic and tried to remember. Secret, secret, secrets...

Then it hit him, the same time that he lost control of what he was doing. He didn't know what came over him, why he did what he did, but he did it anyway. Shocking everyone in the process...

Suddenly Carlton burst out singing:

"I need another bad guy

Someone that I can arrest

My life got kinda boring

Need someone that will confess"

"Uh, Lassie?" Spencer said nervously, "Are you okay? Should I get the Chief?" While he said this, all Shawn thought was: Well, that was unexpected.

But he didn't hear. He threw up his hands in exasperation and just kept singing:

"Till all their sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that they've said

Hey look at Spencer o'er there

Thought I saw him wink, he must be on the brink, so..."

By this point, Shawn was slowly attempting to back up, but Carlton lunged forward and grabbed his forearms in a tight, desperate grip, singing:

"Tell me what I want to hear!

Something that'll keep you here!"

Carlton spun Shawn around to face the holding cells. Shawn gulped, sure that the detective had lost it, and also preparing for his own untimely demise. Because surely the detective had snapped, and this could very well spell the end for the department psychic. Then Carlton turned Shawn to face him yet again, and, right in his face sang:

"I'm sick of all your childish jeers

You're gonna give all your secrets away!"

Now the older detective got right in Shawn's face, an expression of pure determination in his eyes, mingling with the haze of crazy. Shawn sighed, he knew where this was going. Carlton had once again latched onto his longtime dream, but this time, it was just too much for the cop.

He released Shawn suddenly, but before he could run away and call the Chief down there, Carlton poked him with his index finger, still singing:

"This time, I'll make sure that you don't lie

Don't care if you solved that crime

You're gonna give all your secrets away."

Then Carlton was tearing at his hair, as if frustrated. Which he probably was, Shawn concluded, because for years now he'd been unable to prove Shawn to be a fraud. Once again though, no one got a word in, because the man was singing again:

"My God, amazing that you went so long

Why can't you just go get gone?

I swear that you are Satan's spawn."

Shawn was taken aback at this, but made no move to stop Carlton's venting, his singing, he found it amusing. Now more people had shown up, Chief Vick included. She wore the same incredulous expression Shawn had when Carlton had first erupted into song. She caught his gaze and raised her eyebrows in question. Shawn just shrugged, he didn't think anyone could explain the Head Detective's spontaneous outburst. Just then, Carlton began the next verse of the song:

"And every time I see your smirk

I think I'll surely go berserk

But when a new case arises

You somehow avert the crisis

Real psychic or no

I just wanna see you go, so..."

Carlton took a brief breath before singing:

"Tell me what I want to hear!

Something to make you disappear

I'm sick of all your childish jeers

You're gonna give all your secrets away!

This time, they won't believe in all your lies

Won't care if you solved those crimes

You're gonna give all your secrets away."

By now most of the station had gathered to watch the spectacle, except Jules, who was the one Shawn had come here to see anyway. He could only imagine what she'd think of all this: Shawn cornered in the station by her partner, who had suddenly gone insane. He smirked, and Carlton, seeing it but not the reason behind it, must've thought he was planning something, because he then his voice rang out, singing:

"Got no ticket, got no plane

Got no way to get away

Just don't think you'll flee today

You're gon' tell me everything..."

Carlton's attention had drifted, thinking of the next line, and Shawn took that opportunity to begin edging towards the interrogation rooms. He had to get to Jules. Surely she'd be able to knock some sense into her crazy partner. Before he got more than a few feet away though, Carlton noticed his movement and tried to grab him again. Shawn narrowly avoided it, and then began sprinting towards where he knew Juliet would be. Unfortunately, Carlton, still singing, followed. The words echoed down the corridor:

"So tell me what I want to hear!

Something to make you disappear

Sick of all your childish jeers

You're gonna give all your secrets away

This time, they won't believe in all your lies

Won't care if you solved those crimes

You're gonna give all your secrets away!"

They were nearing their destination, and Shawn could tell that Carlton's energy was dwindling. The singing and the running really wore a person down. Fortunately for the detective, the song was almost over. There were just a few more lines left:

"So tell me what I want to hear!

Something to make you disappear

Sick of all your childish jeers

You're gonna give all your secrets away

This time, they won't believe in all your lies

Won't care if you solved those crimes

You're gonna give all your secrets away!"

There was a short pause, in which Shawn noted that he recognized the song. This was a short musical interlude-type period of Secrets by One Republic. Shawn couldn't help but wonder where Lassie had heard that song. He reached the door just in time to see Lassiter, breathing heavily, repeat the last line of the song, and come to a stop not a meter from where Shawn stood. He looked ready to pounce, so to speak, so Shawn yanked open the door. He ran inside, retreating to where Juliet sat, inside the portion of the room where the interrogations actually took place, hoping that Lassiter lost interest.

Carlton saw the young psychic practically fall into the interrogation room. Since the song was ending, he thought that he'd leave the kid in peace. Mostly because he was now too embarrassed to step foot near him. Carlton still couldn't figure out what had come over him even as he sat in a chair in observation, put his head in his hands for a minute, and muttered, "You're gonna give all your secrets away."

It was just then, as the Head Detective raised his aching head, that he saw O'Hara tilt her head up as Spencer leaned down, unaware that he was still being watched. Then the couples' lips met.

Carlton stood, walked over to the glass slowly, and stared in sick, horrified fascination. How could he not have known something was going on? He continued to stare, and as he did, he couldn't help but think: You're gonna give all your secrets away...


So tell me what you thought! I'm genuinely interested in knowing. Every review is like a precious, rare gem to me!

And if you guys want it, I may write more stuff like this. They'd all be added as chapters to this story. I would just have to think of an idea first.