Title: Don't Say You Love Me
PREVIOUSLY: Just Another Soulless Husband
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nor will I ever claim to.
A/N: Re-EDITED, again (2014).
As stated before AnaRose has infected me with Soulless!Sam, so I had to write this. If you haven't read any of her stories, I suggest you go and then ASAP, because they are great! Now on with the story, that I have made SLIGHT editing to (: Feedback is appreciated!
Chapter 1: Prologue
There's nothing worse than losing someone you love right, wrong. Losing your husband is hard; it is scary and undeniably heart breaking. But the way I lost my husband, my best friend was the worst, it was tragic. It was truly the worst experience I have ever gone through. I have only lost one other person in my life, my dad. Sure, I loved my dad. But we've always had a rocky relationship. He was never the best dad, he was a hunter and left me alone all the time to kill evil shit and sleep around with anything that walked. He did what he could and I appreciated him for trying, and when that werewolf took him out I mourned for a couple of days a couple of weeks before my 22nd birthday, but I made it through, I had real family by then and they helped me through it.
This time, I didn't think I could make it through. I didn't know how I could survive losing him. Having to watch him almost beat his brother to death, struggle to take control, and not being able to do a thing. Nothing worse than the pain I felt, because I knew he wasn't going to be at "peace," he was going to hell. He was going to be dammed in hell for all eternity and I was never going to see him again.
And there was nothing I could do, he was gone, gone forever and nothing was bringing him back, not this time, because no matter how much I tried, how much I wanted to, I made a promise. I promised him I'd move on, get re-married, have children, be happy and live the 'apple pie life' with another special person who I could share my life with. He wanted to me to be happy, but how could I be happy when the love of my life is suffering in hell? How could I be happy when every night for the past year all I dreamt about was hell, my husband in hell, fire, and the worst things imaginable that are happening to him in hell? It was hard, it was very hard.
It had been a year, but I still could remember that day like it was yesterday. Sam took over for just a couple of seconds, he looked at me with his scared green eyes and told me he loved me for the last time before jumping into the pit taking his half-brother Adam with him who was possessed by Michael. Dean fell onto his knees beside me, watching everything I had. Like I said tragic right? The pain we shared was the same, but different. Dean lost his family, his brother, his little brother and best friend. I lost my first real love, my family, my lover, my soul mate, my other half, and my best friend. We were both hurting; both of us had lost someone very close to us, and the next few days were the hardest, for the both of us.
I remember the day Sam Winchester asked me to marry him. It wasn't really appropriate and probably not the best time, but I understood why he did it. It was after our mission to go after the colt. We lost Ellen and Jo that day. It was a sad and depressing day but it ended with a smile because I was getting married to the greatest man in the world. I remember that night clearly.
"I'm going to bed." I announced giving everyone a small smile watching as the picture we took earlier that week burned away in the fire. It was probably the only picture I had of Ellen, Jo and I together. I gave Bobby a quick kiss on the cheek and began walking up the stairs, but not before giving the fire a final glance, a couple of tears falling freely.
I walked into the room I was sharing with Sam and began undressing. I walked around in my underwear going over to the bag to pull out my pajamas. I heard the door open and then closed. I pulled out one of Sam's shirts and a fresh pair of under wear; I always slept in Sam's clothes because they always smelled like him.
"Hey, you okay?" Sam's voice asked as he walked towards me.
"I'm fine." I replied not wanting to talk. I just wanted to shower and go to bed.
"Ronnie you don't have to…"
"I said I'm fine Sam." I snapped not meaning to mean. "I'm sorry." I apologized then continued to the bathroom. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. I stood in his embrace for a couple more seconds before pulling away. I gave Sam a sweet simple kiss on the lips before pulling away and walking to the bathroom for my shower. My shower was quick, I really just wanted to go to sleep and forget of today's events. I exited the bathtub and got dressed. I opened the bathroom doors to find some lit candles around the bed and the lights turned off.
"Sam, what are you doing?" I asked curiously walking over to the bed where he stood, smiling softly. He was still fully dressed and looked as if he was pacing the room.
"I love you," Sam started and I eyed him suspiciously. He looked a little nervous and I was really confused.
"Marry me." Smack!
"Ron, what the..." I laughed softly covering my mouth with my hand. "I'm sorry baby." I quickly retorted as he held the spot that I smacked and then kissed his face, honestly feeling bad for smacking him. Yes, I smacked him; I didn't know what came over me it was like a reflex. I felt bad for smacking him, but I was shocked, a little confused and even a little scared. But I knew I wanted to marry him, he was my soul mate.
"I'm sorry! Yes, yes of course I'll marry you." I told him as I jumped into his arms. He kissed me and then let me go to get down on one knee. He began digging around in his pocket and when he finally found what he was looking for he pulled it out. A dark purple velvety box was held in the middle of his hand.
"I've had this for a while I was just waiting for the perfect time." Sam explained opening the small box. Inside was a simple ring, princess style cut, medium sized diamond right in the middle of a white gold band. He slid the ring on my left hand ring finger and I looked at it and smiled proudly.
"It's beautiful Sam, I love it. I love you so much," I told him as a single tear slid down my cheek. He wiped it away and placed his lips over mine the pain of losing my family almost forgotten, almost.
"I love you," he whispered against my lips. He looked into my eyes and slowly removed his shirt that I was wearing. I began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt never breaking eye contact. We made love that night, and it was amazing. I slept in his arms and woke up in them. I couldn't believe I was going to marry this wonderful man.
It had been a year, but it still hurt. It hurt so much knowing that around this time last year, I lost my husband. It was just the reminder, the knowing that made it hurt even more. I couldn't move on, I didn't want to move on. I wanted Sam with me, I wanted my lover. I don't think anyone could truly understand how much he meant to me. I miss him so much, the way he touched me, his pout, his lips, his smile, his eyes, his arms, his body, his laugh, his hair, just everything.
Our wedding was simple and not expected, just like his proposal. We were in a town that we found while running away from demons. We got saved by some people from the town who apparently had this exorcism that killed the demons. In the town there was a prophet, well we thought she was a prophet; she ended up being the whore of Babylon.
We were married in the town before we knew of what was going on. We were the 6th marriage that month, because when it is the end of times, everyone wants to take that final step and get married. It was another surprise of Sam's, we weren't planning on getting married there, but I guess Sam just wanted to take that final step as well. Dean was Sam's best man and our witness. That was another amazing memory, one I will never forget.
"Hey Ron, come here," Dean called as I stepped out of the bathroom. He was standing up waiting for me. We were in the bar, having a few drinks. Sam had gone to bed early, but Dean and I decided to stay and have a couple more drinks.
"What is it Dean?"
"I want to show you something."
"Dean come on, Sam's waiting for me in the room, and I really don't feel like it."
"Just come on please." He grabbed my hand and led me out the bar and towards the church. I let him pull me down the street towards the small church where I noticed the lights were on.
"Dean, what's going on?" I questioned. He didn't reply he just pulled me along. He opened the doors and I saw people sitting down and the priest standing in the front.
"Did you really bring me down here for Mass? Seriously Dean?" I asked annoyed glaring at Dean. He smiled at me and looked up to where the priest was. I followed his gaze to see Sam standing there then music started and everyone stood. Dean held out his arm and I took it. Dean began walking me down the aisle and towards Sam. I stared at Sam who stood there smiling like a buffoon. He was happy, and that made me happy. When I made it to Sam, he took my hands in his and we turned to face the priest.
"I look like a mess you dork."
"You look beautiful." Sam spoke. I really didn't, I was wearing dirty ripped jeans, black combat boots and a black t-shirt. My hair was in a messy high pony tail and I had no makeup on. Sam was wearing a dark blue button down shirt and blue jeans and Dean, his usual black tee and green button down and his dad's jacket. Sam gave my hands a light squeeze as the priest began.
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here tonight to gather these two young adults…"
Was it possible to get over your first love? Was it truly possible? Could time really heal a broken heart? As a hunter you never have many relationships, unless you're a slut, like most female hunters that sleep with different guys in every town and continue their job. There actually aren't many female hunters, only about 4 or 5 that I know of.
Anyways, so I kind of just described Dean, but hey you really don't have time for relationships in this field so sleeping around to get off is what most hunters do. Anyone you could possibly love could be taken away or used against you. That's why Sam and I didn't really start in a relationship right away. We didn't want to be together because we feared being used again each other, and because Sam had a really bad track record with woman.
Even though I was a hunter, I wanted to save myself for marriage. I believed even with this job and this life I deserved to be happy and get married, my parents did, well that was until my dad cheated and she left us, and I never heard from her again, but if they were happy, even if it was for a short time, why couldn't I? I wanted to fall in love and know what it was to be loved. I remember meeting Sam for the first time. It was literally like love at first sight, well more like love at first fight.
"Hey Jo, I'm home!" I said in a giddy voice. It wasn't "home", not really, but a second home that I loved with people who took care of me when I needed them too. Ellen and Jo, heck even Ash were my family. It had been a while since I passed by the Road House and since I was close by I thought I would visit. I closed the door and walked in to the well-lit bar. "Jo?" I asked walking past the pool tables to see a tall man with shaggy hair slamming Jo's head to the bar. He held her and turned around to face me with a smile.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled quickly pulling out my gun and pointing it at him. He laughed and looked up at me his eyes black as coal, demon. "What do you want with her?"
"Oh baby, she's just bait and I guess you can be too, the more the merrier." He began walking towards me cautiously, but my gun still pointed at him.
"You know, that won't do anything to me, but it will hurt the person I am currently occupying, I don't think Sam would like that much." The gun suddenly flew out of my hands and to the other side of the room and then he advanced on me, his hand around my neck squeezing and before I knew it I was struggling for to breath. I passed out, and I don't know for how long. When I woke up, I was tied to a chair. I looked up to see Jo tied up in front of me, the demon holding a knife to her face. He was telling her something that I couldn't hear.
"Get away from her!" I yelled and he turned to face me with a smile.
"Looks like sleeping beauty is up. Did you have a nice nap?"
"Shut up you piece of shit, you're about to go back to where you came from."
"I think I liked it better when you were unconscious." He told me and backhanded me across the face. I could taste the blood from my lip in my mouth and dribbling down my chin. He turned back to Jo, his knife on her throat.
"Leave her alone asshole!" He turned to face me again and this time the look on his face frightened me.
"You know, I'm getting really tired of your mouth." He walked over to me and placed the knife to my lips. "But they are some pretty lips." He grabbed my face and crushed his lips to mine. He then smacked me hard on the same side of my face that he hit me earlier when I bit his lip. He then grabbed my hair and yanked my head back hard exposing my neck. "You little slut." He placed the knife at my neck and glared at me with his black eyes. "Do it you son of a bitch!" I cried out to him and then I felt the sting and a warm liquid fall down my shoulder blade, but then someone barged into the room holding a gun. The demon removed his knife from my neck; let's go of my hair and turns to face him. The demon began explaining that he can't control himself and tells him to kill him, but the shorter man refuses and instead turned around and chucked holy water at him proving that in fact he was possessed, if the black eyes didn't prove it enough. The demon hissed then ran and jumped out the window. The shorter man runs after him, leaving us still tied up.
"Do it you son of a bitch!" I cried out to him and then I felt the sting and a warm liquid fall down my shoulder blade, but then someone barged into the room holding a gun. The demon removed his knife from my neck; let's go of my hair and turns to face him. The demon began explaining that he can't control himself and tells him to kill him, but the shorter man refuses and instead turned around and chucked holy water at him proving that in fact he was possessed, if the black eyes didn't prove it enough. The demon hissed then ran and jumped out the window. The shorter man runs after him, leaving us still tied up.
"Jo? Jo are you okay?" Jo nodded, but I could tell she was in pain and probably had a concussion. "Hey, stay awake, let's talk."
"Okay," she replied.
"How have you been?" I asked as I began to try and get out of the rope around my wrists.
"Been better," she replied and I gave her a small smile agreeing. I finally was able to get out of the ropes and I helped out of hers.
"You stay here, I'll be right back. I'm going to go see if I can help out." I picked up my gun from the floor and ran out towards the same location the demon and the shorter man ran off to. I walk down to the dock and there's no one around. But then I hear a ringing sound, like a cell phone. I looked down and saw a wet man at the bottom of the dock coming out of the water. I ran down to him and when I saw it wasn't the demon I helped him up. "You okay?" I asked as I helped him up holding him for support.
"Peachy." He mumbled. I helped him back to the bar and Jo began to patch him up and by the looks of it she wasn't doing a good job so I took over.
"So I never got your name." I spoke as I finished up what Jo had begun.
"Dean." He told me with a small smirk that was then replaced by a wince. "And you."
"Cooper, Veronica." I told him finishing up his last stitch before pouring whiskey on it and taking a swing for myself. I offered him the bottle and he took a swing as well, he then looked at the blood on my neck. "You should probably get that checked out, looks like you might need stitches."
"I'll be fine… so that guy…you know him?"
"That's my brother." He replied as I taped up the patch on his shoulder. "He's going after hunters and the closest one I know is in South Dakota." I get up and Jo starts gathering her things saying she is going.
"No, Jo, you're staying here." I told her firmly.
"And so are you." Dean told me. I gave him a look of disbelief. "This is my fight, I'm not getting either one of your blood on my hands." He explained.
"All do respect, he touched me and assaulted Jo, this is my fight as much as it yours. So I am coming whether you like it or not, and I'm pretty sure I am old enough to take care of myself so you don't have to worry your pretty little head about me," I told him. I was coming whether he liked it or not. Dean sighed and turned around to walk out of the road house.
"See you later Jo, take care of that head of yours." I gave her a wink and walked off with Dean. We got into our respective cars and drove off. When we arrive at Bobby's house, we entered the house to find the demon already tied to a chair under a devils trap. Bobby begins the exorcism, but the demon just laughs and appears to be unharmed. The demon begins to say his own incantation, the fire flickers brightly. I notice something on the demons right arm.
"It's a binding spell. It's like a lock keeping the demon inside his body." I told them remembering what the symbol was. I read a lot of books while my father hunted, I was pretty much the brains of the operation. He continues his incantation and then the ceiling cracks breaking the devil's trap. Bobby, Dean and I are suddenly tossed back into opposite ends of the room. The side of my head hits the wall and I feel blood run down the side of my face, right over my eye. The demon walks over to Dean and punches several times in the face but as the demon is about to throw his final punch at Dean, Bobby comes up behind him and grabs him arm placing a metal rod, burning the binding link off the demon's arm. The demon immediately leaves the body. So once everyone recovers and Bobby gives the brothers and me a charm that fends off possession, we leave Bobby's house and head for our cars.
"So now that everything is back to normal…sorry but…" I walk over to Sam, the one the demon was possessing and punched him square in the face, as hard as I could. He stumbled back a step and I heard Dean hiss then I looked over to see a smile on his face. Sam stared at me wide eyed, his green eyes staring in to mines. I gave Dean a wink before turning around and walking to my car. As I sat in my car all I could think about was Sam's eyes. His real eyes, those green orbs that held an innocence and love that I wanted. I was attracted to him but I didn't understand why. I'd only know him for about 10 minutes and yet I couldn't help myself; I've never seen eyes like his.
And that was it. The moment I fell for Sam Winchester, very unexplainable moment in my life that left me in confusion. I ran into them a month later on a hunt, we worked together for about a week, and in that week Sam and I got to know each other pretty well. We talked a lot, about everything, I told him a bit about my life, and he told me about his. We got along very well, and had a lot of things in common. After we finished the case we went out to celebrate, to a bar. And then something happened.
We sat in a booth drinking some beers. We had taken down a nest of vampires who had drained and killed almost a dozen young adults. An hour later, Dean had already found a girl and was on his way out the bar to go get laid. I turned to Sam and smiled. "How about I go get us some shots?" Sam returned the smile.
"Then who's going to drive us back to the motel?"
"Well if we take a couple of shots now then leave, I'm pretty sure I can make it back safely." It was true, alcohol was liquid courage, and I needed some.
"Okay." Sam finally responded and we got up and walked over to the bar. I ordered us eight shots. We each took four. "Alright let's head out sasquatch." We got into my car and drove down the road to the motel. It was actually walking distance so even if we were both wasted, we could have just walked back. But I'm pretty sure neither of us wanted to do that. So we drove back in silence and when we got back, he walked me over to my room. We got separate rooms because even though Sam and I had talked a lot, I didn't feel too comfortable with sharing a room with them, yet.
"So thanks for helping us out with the case," Sam started.
"No problem, thanks for hanging out tonight, I guess I'll see you around huh?"
"Yeah, for sure, you have my number, give me a call if you ever need help." I nodded and smiled while sliding my room keys on the door lock. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," he whispered. I turned around slowly and pushed open the door a little. But I really didn't want this night to end. I wanted to spend more time with him. Even if it was just a little longer.
"Hey Sam…" I turned around from the door and his lips were on mine suddenly. The feeling of his lips on mine was like nothing I've ever felt. My hand went to the back of his neck to depend the kiss. He pulled away with a smile and a nod.
"Yes," he replied already knowing I was going to invite him in. I took his hand and pulled him in to the room with me. He kicked the door closed as I reached up to bring his head to mine. He was at least 7 inches taller than me, so I had to stand on my toes. He reached down to pick me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. My arms were wrapped around his neck and my body was stuck on his like glue. Sam walked over to the bed and sat down. He pulled away and grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. I allowed him too, but then I suddenly felt self-conscious and uncomfortable. I pulled away from his lips. "I'm sorry," I whispered and stood up from his lap. He stood up and came up behind me.
"It's okay, we don't have to do anything you don't want to," Sam told me. He remembered when I told him about being in love when I decided to give myself to someone. He was okay with not doing anything and that made me feel better. I kissed him again then pulled away slightly. "Thank you," I said and kissed him again. We made out on my bed for a while and then eventually we were lying down facing each other just talking. I don't remember falling asleep, but I knew I did, because when I woke up there was light outside and I was wrapped up next to Sam. I smiled to myself because I was so happy to have some like Sam. But my smile faded when I realized I had to leave. I got up from the bed slowly, not waking Sam up. It was time to leave; I couldn't get attached to someone. Not right now, not Sam. As much as I wanted to love someone and have someone love me back, I couldn't right now. I kissed his lips softy and grabbed my already packed bags and left.
Sam and I still kept in contact. We texted, emailed and once in a while spoke on the phone. He had become my best friend. A couple of month later I ran into Dean, when Sam went missing. I helped him and Bobby try to find him, all while trying not to freak out. I was there when he died for the first time and when he came back because Dean sold his soul to bring him back. I felt the pain of losing him that day. I felt what it would be like to never see him, never talk to him, never hear his laugh, and never kiss him again. It hurt and we weren't even dating then. But a few days later, we made love for the first time. I wasn't sure if I was truly in love with Sam, but I did care for him, I did love him as a friend. I decided that with this life, I probably wasn't going to live forever, so might as well give in and do with someone like Sam. It was magical and I would never regret it, but that's a story for another time.
Nothing and I mean nothing compared to watching him die this time, knowing he was going to hell to be torture for all eternity; and this time, he was never coming back, because no one would make a deal. Sam was dammed in hell, and I was here on earth, wanting to die, wanting to hurt myself, but I didn't, I stayed alive because there were people out there who I needed to save. People who will never have to suffer a life like mine.
I will love Sam for the rest of my life. He will always be my husband and my best friend; and I will always be Veronica Cooper Winchester.