I've never been one to get along with people.
I mean, that's pretty self-evident, but sometimes people miss that little memo when I walk in the room. Girls have always found me to be fascinating; being handsome has its perks, but I know the use of women. They're good for one thing and one thing alone. Afterwards, I don't want anything to do with them. Stupid chits don't always understand that, I guess they think that just because I'll take them for one night that I'll want them for eternity or some crazy shit.
But the guys forget sometimes too. I don't like company, and I don't like people, so I guess you could say I have a sour disposition. All I know is, when they come around being all joyful and talkative, I just wanna beat their happy faces and be gone. This mentality has sort of made me an outcast in the pack; I'm the perpetually pissed off one. Whatever, it doesn't matter.
Some psycho bitch tried to analyze me this one time. It was my foolish thought to bang someone from the Makah rez. When you've lived around here your whole life, you know everyone's life story. I guess you could say my life story is fucked up, but why should I care? Father was a jackass who was banging a hoe on the side. When he came home, he'd pound his fists and various objects into me and my brothers and our mother. My brothers grew up and moved out, until it was just me and mom. She was one of those lousy drunks that just passed out all the time. One day, pops came home and hit her just a little too hard. He went to jail, she went to the mortuary and I became an emancipated minor. So psycho bitch told me I was repeating unhealthy cycles, that I was expressing my inner pain through physical and verbal violence before escaping the scenario. I slapped her and left.
Anyways, this kind of behavior isn't new to me. I'm always vaguely irritated. My anger just sort of, lingers under the surface. It's why I'm so quick to phase, because it doesn't take much to push me over that edge. When you're always sitting on a precipice, it's pretty easy to take that last step.
So I'm hanging with the pack the other day, sitting on the outskirts and making inflammatory comments to piss Quil off when Jake pulled up in his crappy little car. He had put the car together all by himself, but it still looked like a piece of shit. I stepped out of the house to see what was going on, especially since Embry was running around like a spaz with bags in his hands. I was on the porch, shielding my eyes against the sudden sunshine peering through the clouds when he slammed the door into my back forcefully. I fell down the stairs, straight into the mud and thought about the many ways I could flay his dead ass.
Someone I didn't know rushed to my side to help me up, even as she railed on Embry for his douchebaggery. I lifted my head to scowl at the hoe and tell her off, but then my eyes met hers and all my thoughts fell away. She was beautiful. I mean, she could stop traffic on the interstate without even trying. I could vaguely hear the guys laughing at my expense, but more than anything, I was suddenly conscious of my heart pounding in my chest and my blood rushing through my ears. I got to my feet at her urging, but whatever she said went straight through one ear and out the other. I was too lost in her eyes. Shit. Guess I figured out what this experience was like.
You know, to imprint.
Well, let me just say, the rest of the day was odd. Rachel, Jake's sister, spent the day giving me funny looks and the guys were definitely laughing uproariously, I guess it's because I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was mine, she just didn't know it yet. It's odd how quickly one event can turn your life around. I still don't like people, and trust me when I say that I got a sick sense of satisfaction from watching Jake turn sour over me hitting on his sister, but Rachel is my everything.
But sometimes, I can't stand her. She loves people. She's always hanging around the other girls and the pack. If I want to hang with her, I have to be around others. I hate it. I just want to be alone, but I want to be alone with her. It's blasphemous to my nature, but I'll stay by her until she chooses to stay by me. Anyways, I hate people.
And if Jake scowls at me one more time...