Like a boss

I should be so lucky

Need to stop having the dreams.

STFU Anko.


Soft lips brush my collarbone. I gasp as he suddenly bites down.

"Yes...Orochimaru...mmm." I murmur.

Ring ring. Orochimaru pulls away from me. "Are you gonna get that?" He asks in my mother's voice.


"Aah. Ooft. Ouch," I rub my head as I fall out of my bed and my dream comes crashing down around me. Crap! Another flipping sex dream about my boss! Will they never end?

"Shit." I curse aloud.

"Is that you up Anko?" Shizune -my roommate- calls from the kitchen.

I crawl out of my room and into the kitchen groaning. Shizune tuts when she sees me.

"Get off the floor Anko." She sighs.

"No." I retort stubbornly and then curl up to sleep near a kitchen counter.

"I made breakfast," she coos.

I'm up in a second, sitting next to her at the kitchen counter/table. There's a few seconds of silence as Shizune watches me eat, and then she speaks.

"Who's Orochimaru, Anko?" She enquires, smiling.

I choke on my toast, glug down a glass of orange juice, pour another, and then look at her from behind it.

"What did you hear?" I interrogate.

"Apparently you like it when he 'bites down' and that he should 'go harder'," Shizune smirks.

I go bright red and glug down my glass of orange juice.

"The night before it was something about tongues." Shizune continues, emphasising the 'tongues'.

I splutter my orange juice everywhere.

"Creep!" I point. Painting a very intimidating picture with orange juice dripping down my chin. "You've been eavesdropping on me!"

"Oh please Anko," Shizune rolls her eyes, then she grins. "You're really loud."

I go an even brighter red and smack my head onto the table; nothing more embarrassing than your roommate knowing you have sex dreams...lovely.

"So? Who is he?" She presses.

"My boss." I mumble into the table.

"Ooh," Shizune whistles. "Hot?"

"So very." I sigh.

"Well, from the sounds of your dreams, he's very...good." Shizune grins.

"I wouldn't know." I groan.

"Ohhh," Shizune gasps as realisation dawns on her. Well the fact that I'm a complete tard, who fancies the pants off my boss, dawns on her. "Well if you're that crazy about him, why don't you just jump him at work?"

"As if I'm taking advice off you, you complete lesbian." I moan.

Shizune doesn't even blink. It's not like that was a good insult anyway. But, the fact is, Shizune is a lesbian. So to be honest that wasn't going to work as an insult from day one. It was more stating a fact in all honesty.

"If it helps," she begins, before pursing her lips slightly and then sighing. "I'm having boss problems as well."

"Major asshole?" I question as I bite into another piece of toast, happy the conversation has swayed off of me and my boss complex.

"No," Shizune groans. "Complete opposite. She's gorgeous and everything I go for. The only thing is I turn into a complete gibbering fool when I'm around her."

"Join the club," I sigh sadly. I click my fingers however as an idea comes to me. "Why don't you jump her?"

Shizune glares at me. "As if I'd take your advice, you complete heterosexual."

I laugh. "You can dish it out, but you can't take it."

Shizune pouts and then looks over my shoulder at the clock on the wall. "You're going to be late at this rate." She comments.

"Uh, good," I reply. "Lateness is good."

"You've only got half an hour till you have to be in." Shizune continues as if I never spoke. "And I've gotta get going."

I follow her to the door and lean against it as she packs her phone and keys away into her bag.

"Pick up some dango on the way back?"

She rolls her eyes as she undoes the front door. "Why can't you get it yourself?" She questions. "More to the point, why don't you pay for your own food?"

"The Japanese store is on your way back," I whine. "Not mine."

"Maybe," Shizune concedes. She pulls the door ajar and casts me a devious smirk. "Remember to jump him." And then she's out of the door, slamming it behind her.

"Cow!" I call through the letterbox. I chuckle to myself as she flips me the finger on the way down the apartment stairs.

I stand back up and sigh; another day at boring old work. I pad back into my purple themed bedroom and towards my wardrobe. My snake Voldy (named after the legendary wizard was Shizune's idea) flicks his tongue out at me as I pass, and I stick my tongue back out at him as a retort.

I rip open my cupboard and survey my clothes...i.e. heap of mess. Eventually I pick out a white t-shirt -with a guitar motif on the front- as a suitable garment. I grab a short leather skirt, some fishnet tights and then my -slightly muddy- combat boots. I run a comb through my hair before pulling it into my customary spiky ponytail. I spritz myself with some perfume I stole from Shizune one time, and then I'm ready. I grab my phone off a nearby dresser and glance at the time. Me getting ready took the grand total of ten minutes. Late, me? Pssh Shizune. I roll my eyes, seize my bag and then rush out of the apartment.

"Late again?" Kabuto drawls as I collapse into the office.

I flip the little bastard the finger before striding to my desk. God dammit why's this office got to be so high up!

I sigh when I realise Kabuto's followed me over to my desk.

"Your late arrivals are regularly becoming a disruptive nuisance," he informs me. He looks me up and down. "As are your inappropriate outfits."

"No one else seems to be complaining." I reply as I lean back in my chair.

"That's irrelevant. It's distracting me." Kabuto retorts.

"Jeez, if you fancy me that bad Kabuto just ask me out." I sigh, knowing full well that that will wind him up. He bristles and clenches his fists.

"I'm going to report your disruptiveness to Orochimaru," he warns me. "I'm sure he'll agree with me."

"No straight man will agree with you on that point Kabuto," Suigetsu says from his desk, he gestures at my skirt. "I'm certainly not complaining."

"Get back to work Suigetsu." Karin snarls from her desk in front of him.

"Neh neh neh Suigetsu." Suigetsu mocks.

"What?" Karin growls, her eye's narrowing behind her glasses dangerously.

"Nothing." Suigetsu mutters.

"Are we done?" I question Kabuto.

Kabuto glances over at his desk before flashing me one last glare, as if to say: 'Ima watchin' you biatch,' and then he strides back to his work seat.

As he sits down, Tayuya hurls a paper ball at his head causing him to have a minor hissy fit at her.

"That whole deputy manager thing has really got to his head." Kidomaru tuts.

"Yeah, he had a go at Tayuya when she came in late just a few minutes before you." Sakon agrees.

"How'd she react?" I ask.

"She got him into a headlock and threatened to eat any future children he ever has if he dares shout at her again." Ukon explains in a bored tone.

Oh Tayuya, always entertaining.

"Now if you excuse us, we should be getting back to work." Kidomaru decides before turning back to his computer and his facebook.

Sakon and Ukon nod in agreement and go back to constructing an origami thing. Here at Sound Industries we take our work very seriously...Which is why I decide to fit in a bit of a power nap.

When I wake up I come face to face with a grinning Suigetsu.

"What're you doing?" I demand, rubbing my eyes.

Suigetsu doesn't answer, and, as I go to stretch I hit a body behind me. I twist in my chair to see Juugo smiling down at me.

"What's going on?" I ask suspiciously, only just now realising that everybody in the office is looking at me. Kidomaru, Jirobo, Sakon, Ukon and even the delivery guys; Kakashi and Iruka, are looking at me, some with knowing smirks plastered on their faces.

"How did you sleep?" Suigetsu asks in a faux caring tone. His chin resting in his hand, his elbow on my desk.

"...well..." I trail off.

"Yeah, it sounded like you slept very well." Sakon agrees, nodding. Ukon splutters with laughter.

"What's going on?" I demand, blushing furiously as the majority of the office begin stifling giggles.

"Do me against the desk?" Suigetsu raises an eyebrow, and his grin widens as he watches the realisation dawn on my face. Oh God no.

"No." I gasp.

I had another dream about Orochimaru? WhatTheFuckIsWrongWithMe?

"Yes." Suigetsu splutters then collapses on my desk laughing.

More than half of the office join in.

"Lick me, bite me." Sakon coos in a high voice I presume is supposed to be me.

"It was bite me, lick me, Sakon, you idiot." Ukon hisses as I go bright red and smack my head against the desk.

"No it wasn't," Sakon hits back. "Why would he lick her after he'd bitten her? It's not logical!"

"Your face isn't logical!" Ukon yells back and then they're locked into a big shouting match.

"Maybe they should just ask Anko which order it went in?" Kidomaru smirks.

"Shut up." I growl clenching my fists in anger.

Kidomaru shrinks back visibly.

"Do you really fancy Orochimaru, Anko?" Iruka questions, watching me curiously.

"As if that's any of your business!" I shriek.

"Sorry." Iruka apologises quickly.

"Isn't he gay?" Kakashi murmurs, the bottom half of his face hidden behind an envelope.

"No!" I deny.

"Well not from the sound of Anko's dream he isn't." Suigetsu grins.

I bang my fist onto his hand -which was resting on my desk- and he shrieks.

"Ah! Crazy bitch!" He hisses, flapping his hand in pain.

"He probably is." Kabuto wheedles from his desk.

"Oh shut up Kabuto and go back to gazing at him from afar." Jirobo snorts.

"Kabuto you would say he was gay. That would be a dream come true for you." Tayuya adds.

Kimimaro's still glaring at me. I get the feeling it would be a dream come true for him as well.

"Orochimaru is not gay," Karin huffs.

I smile at her. I don't usually get on with the girl but anybody's welcome in helping defend Orochimaru. She spots me smiling and sneers.

"Which is why he wouldn't get with you." She rolls her eyes.

It takes me awhile to understand what she's saying, but when I do...oh HELL no! Did she just call me a man?

"I'm more of a woman than you'll ever be." I snarl at her, my hands balling into fists once more.

"Well, that's not hard considering Karin's a dog," Suigetsu teases.

Karin throws her stapler at him, but he ducks behind my desk, then emerges a few seconds later bopping around and giving her the finger. Karin throws a hole puncher at him. This hits him right on the forehead, and he staggers back.

"I fucking hate the women here!" He curses as he walks to the toilets, clutching his head.

"All I'm saying Anko, is that you better back off Orochimaru, or it's on." Karin warns me once she's finished watching Suigetsu limp off.

"Oh, it's so on." I hit back. Lame.

"Lame." Kidomaru comments.

I'm just about to retort when the elevator doors 'ding' and the sexiest man ever walks into the room. I.e. Orochimaru. He's wearing a black waistcoat over a long sleeve white shirt with a red tie. His gorgeous -WantToRunMyFingersThroughIt- hair is down, floating silkily down his back. I about faint.

"Kidomaru, Juugo, Sakon, Ukon, what are you doing? I'm not paying you to stand around." He tuts good naturedly and smirks as the afore mentioned people rush to their seats.

It's really rare to see Orochimaru angry. He usually doesn't let anything get to him. To be honest he's usually smiling...but, it's like this...secret smile, like he knows all your secrets and isn't afraid to out them. In fact, it's a kinda malicious smile. Maliciously sexy or sexily malicious. Meh, either one.

He turns to leave but not before smiling at me. I just stare at him wide-eyed. He doesn't usually really pay attention to me...well not over any of the others. Then he's gone into his office.

I smirk at Karin who doesn't see, as the bitch went into teacher's pet mode and pretended to be working as soon as Orochimaru came in. So I turn my smirk to Kabuto, who snaps the pencil he was holding, in anger. HAH.

My triumphant smile is quickly wiped off my face, however, as Orochimaru sticks his head out of his door.

"Kabuto could you come to my office please? I need to discuss something with you."

"Right away sir." Kabuto nods as he jumps up. He smirks at me as he passes.

"And there Kabuto goes." Suigetsu narrates, coming over to my desk from the toilets. "To 'serve' his boss." He winks at me.

"Oh go and wash your hands." I snap.

"That's gotta be the crappest insult ever." Suigetsu decides as he strolls back to his desk.

"Not as bad as your hygiene." I snap back lamely.

Seriously, where have I got the random idea that Suigetsu has bad hygiene from? Suigetsu seems to be on the same thought process as me, because he gives me a funny looks before saying, "Where has this random idea that I've got bad hygiene came from?"

I shrug, perplexed. "I honestly don't know."

We stare at each other in a thoughtful silence for a while before Karin snaps at us to get back to work.

It only gets to lunchtime before my sex dream and -eventually- Orochimaru's sexuality is brought up again. Suigetsu, Kidomaru, Sakon, Ukon, Juugo, Kimimaro, Karin, Tayuya, Jirobo, the delivery guys (who I swear live here or something), and I are gathered around my desk when Suigetsu speaks up.

"Now...should I lick this first...or bite it?"

I glance up and see he's studying a piece of watermelon thoughtfully with a smirk on his face.

"Ask Anko," Sakon laughs. "She'll know."

Where do they get off being so mean?

"Sakon shut up right now or I swear I'll shove your head so far up Ukon's ass that the doctor will declare you siamese twins." I warn.

Everyone except Sakon and Ukon burst out laughing.

"Bitch," Ukon hisses at me. "You're just touchy because your lover is gay."

I kick him under the table and glower around at my work mates.

"He's not gay," I growl, before turning to the delivery guys. "Do you think he's gay?" I ask threateningly.

"To my knowledge he's never shown any interest in guys before." Iruka reports eagerly.

"Yeah, all he does is wear make-up, earrings, and have extremely long, straightened, silky hair." Suigetsu shrugs, a smirk obvious on his lips. A smirk I'm really having a hard time not smacking off.

"And talk in an effeminate voice." Kidomaru puts in., just no, and then I unleash a kick upon Suigetsu's shin...stupid instigator.

"What the hell!" He yelps before falling backwards off his chair. He emerges from under the desk a few seconds later, glaring at me. "Just because you're having trouble with ol' Elton John, there's no need to get pissed at me."

"Shut up-" I growl but Kabuto interrupts us.

"Attention everyone,"

We all turn, and to show Kabuto we're listening Tayuya lobs a piece of paper at him...oh, actually, I say she does that to show we're listening, but she's got her headphones in...yeah.

"Orochimaru has spoken to me recently about a promotion that has just become available,"

Now we're listening, we all sit forward.

"The job is to be Orochimaru's personal assistant,"

Kimimaro, Karin, and I nearly fall out of our seats.

"Now, as Orochimaru trusts me, I have been trusted to judge you all and inform him of who I feel is the most suitable candidate." Kabuto continues.

"If he trusts you so much why hasn't he chosen you?" Kidomaru pipes up.

Kabuto stops dead and glowers at him. "Well that's you out of the running." He snarls.

Kidomaru mimes dying tragically. Juugo sticks his hand up and Kabuto nods at him as Suigetsu rolls his eyes.

"But won't you be slightly biased?" Juugo asks.

Kabuto locks eyes with me and smirks.

"Oh...maybe just a tad." He whispers.

I'm never getting that I?

End of Chapter 1

I hope you liked it! R&R

By the way; this was a mother to write. My neck killlllssss.