I hope you enjoy this strange songfic of mine, even though I thought I'd never write one of these again. It's definite AU, a product of me wondering if Agito had been first and what would cause him to do what Akito did and create that person. I wondered what would happen if he broke. I really need to stop thinking these things. THe song is Paper Moon by TommyHeavenly6. Enjoy everyone.
"I'm falling, down into my shadow, into the waiting deadly night."
Akito was singing softly, eyes closed to the outside world. He was covered in blood, the blood of the enemies he had just killed. Agito watched in silence from behind the closed gaze. He could not fight, not ever again. It hurt so badly to kill them, it broke him to be covered in blood. It broke to be a tool for someone he cared for so much. Yet... Akito didn't mind a bit. Or maybe he did, and had just forgotten how to care.
"Don't be scared of the pumpkin carriage the witch drew, 'cause it can show in your eyes."
Akito never scared him, not as he should have, or as Onii-chan definitely did. He was a selfless, kind person, one that shouldn't have been able to burst from his mind and kill people. But he did. And he never stopped smiling. Even when the world cried, he smiled. It should have disturbed him, this foil of his, and sometimes it did worry him. But then Akito would laugh about something and he would leave the thought be, because he didn't want Akito to leave him alone. Because if Akito saw the fear, he would leave… right?
"See you in your dreams, yeah baby, even if they are nightmares."
He had created Akito by pure accident, the nightmares of drowning in red too much to bear. Agito had taken his duties for Onii-chan too seriously, much too seriously. Onii-chan couldn't have lied to him, he would have seen through it immediately in that instinctual way he had. His heart burned at the memory of those others, of the time when he had lost himself.
Still, Akito kept singing, unafraid of the monsters that could come out on this black night. He could kill them if he chose. He would if he chose. It didn't matter about Onii-chan, not that he would care either. It would be out of self-defense right?
"Fairy Blue, for you I'll smash the stars and hang them on display with the Black Paper Moon."
He wouldn't have to do that. Agito could see the stars tonight. From the ground, the objects up in the sky seemed an eternity away. From the cage, those with wings were too far away to grasp in his hand. It was almost galling, their feathers so far out of reach. It tore another hole in his patchwork soul.
"If you believe in me when you're lost,"
He didn't know what to believe in anymore. Akito protected him despite everything, but why? What worth did he have, without his ability to run?
"Here I am, forever with your soul, if you look up at the shining moon."
It didn't matter that he wasn't alone inside because even the cold moon was turned away from him. The only one who remained was his other half. Everyone else threw him aside.
"A symbol rises to the top of the card I dropped in the crimson jam."
It's not jam it's blood. His blood. Akira's blood! The best friend who turned his back for humanity and then tried to destroy him was now a spattered hunk of blood and flesh behind them. But… he deserved it didn't he? He tore them apart for what he thought was justice. Yet… did it really matter? They forgave each other now; at least that was what he thought at times. Deep down, he thought nothing had really changed. Agito thought that he had never really had a best friend. That thought should have made another hole but it didn't because he knew that at least, wasn't true.
"If you wish, any sort of destiny can be yours."
If he wished? How could that be? He was still in the cage, still in the blood. Even out of the well, he was not free. He was still tamed and meek and even from the cage, was still breaking Akito.
"Don't confuse me, no one can break me down."
Is that because Akito was stronger than he was, strong enough to accept the sins of the world and the feelings of hearts without losing everything? How? What made him that way?
"Fairy Blue, you gave me a reason to live in an eternity of captivity."
A reason to live? How is killing a reason to live? How is killing a reason to wrap yourself in chains so freely?
"That's not the reason at all," Ikki said suddenly, in a rare moment of pure wisdom, something he only gave the mentally destroyed boy when it was just the pair alone and Agito could actually speak instead of cower.
"Then what is?" Agito asked in a moment of utter frustration and desperation, in that hollow voice he had come to associate with the past. "Why is he still here? Why is he living?"
Ikki sighed to himself, searching for the words. Then he mussed the smaller boy's hair, causing him to flush and glare with annoyance and embarrassment. "It's because you're living idiot," he muttered as he began to walk past. "And Akito wants to protect you, no matter the cost for himself." Agito turned halfway to watch the crow go.
"You stupid brat," the boy whispered. "I'm not alive. I don't know what living is."
Ikki smirked arrogantly. "So learn."
"If you shout for me, I will find you, my dear, wherever you are, and free you from your ensnaring curse."
It was true. He had called for help before and Akito had come. He always did and Agito hated himself for it. He hated himself for not being able to fly or even walk.
He always ignored the whisper from Akito that it would not always be that way.
"There are times when I am degraded and no one believes in me."
There were. Akira was one, who turned the crowd toward him with love. Onii-chan was another, one who beat black and blue and left you in that crimson covered cage. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't. And he couldn't change any of it because of his weakness.
"You're not weak," Akito sang out gently.
"How am I not?"
"You're still here aren't you?"
"Even so, your words will always echo in my heart."
"What words? What could I have possibly said to you that would mean all this?"
"Help me fly." Agito shivered at the warmth around him.
"Fairy Blue, for you I will smash the stars and arrange them into a sign."
"A sign of what?"
"Of hope Agito."
"Whenever you hesitate and lose sight of your dreams, I want you to look up."
"You keep reaching for my hand. Why?" The pain that shattered his chest was unending and all he could think about was a frozen hell.
"I can't fly without you." Tranquility incomparable to water was always what possessed him.
And Agito felt his arms, like his own, but oh-so-clearly not, wrapping around him. "We are one," whispered his other half in Agito's voice. "Just watch the others, watch the sky. Know it and then, very soon we will fly."
He was very lucky no one could read minds or he would be in serious trouble.
"Fairy Blue, you gave me a reason to live in a faith called captivity."
Aren't… aren't you sure it's not the other way around Akito? Aren't you sure that the bloodstained light you gave off… wasn't my reason?
"You are not alone."
Teetering at the edge with these useless legs, he watched everyone pass. Ikki gestured for him to run, but he shook his head no. Agito was afraid. If he ran, he would hurt them. It always happened without him controlling it. He closed his eyes tight and clenched his fists. It was stupid, this fear, but he was tired of blood, tired of having to be a tool. It was best not to run at all. Suddenly Akito woke up, smiling blearily. He glanced at Ikki through Agito's stare and looked around. He pointed him forward. Bewildered, Ikki took off.
"When you're lost, here I am, forever with your soul."
Now, Akito took his hand mentally, carefully, and started to walk. Agito yelped as his feet started to move forward. Anxiously, he began to tug back, desperate to stay out of the air, to stay away from the blood...
Akito smiled softly at him. "It's okay," he whispered. "Just believe in me. Just believe in yourself. We can fly."
"We can make it through if you believe."
They had, and for a moment he had believed. And for the first time in years, he had flown. For the first time, he forgot there was blood and flesh covering him and all he could think of was the warmth of the sky. Akito was smiling through him, with him and the others didn't even seem to notice. For a moment Ikki had. The crow had nodded at him, nodded at both of them, and bolted ahead, as though his moment of observation had been a total accident.
And his heart swelled gently. Agito was glad. They were both real, they were both alive, and they were both flying.
He wasn't alone anymore and that feeling was better than any other.