Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor or any related aspects, which belong to their respective owners. No money made.

Summary: Pre-game. Naoya finds a foolproof way to secure his victory. Second person from the perspective of the protagonist.

Rating: M

Warnings: Yaoi, sex, dubcon, spoilers

[Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor] Choices [Protagonist/Naoya]

Love or hate; both a sin.

Choose to lose or choose to win.


Everything feels so right and so real and so good.

You're floating and falling and you're filled with some unimaginable power. It's beautiful and rich and potent and feels so right.

There's a soothing voice, the voice of God, maybe?

No.

It's a voice you know too well to be God's.

It's the voice that welcomed you in on that rainy night when you knew to drive on the roads that night would be dangerous. It's the voice that spoke softly to you as dinner was made for you and your clothes were put into the washing machine for you.

"Submit to me," the voice says, and you arch back into a perfect crescent and feel soft palms and short, well-trimmed nails and calloused fingertips.

Calloused from all the typing on the worn keyboard you have been told never to touch.

"That's it."

"I'll make you mine."

"Just a little longer."

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

"Wake up!"

"Brother."

You jolt awake because there's that voice, loud now, not soft at all but still somehow soothing, familiar. There's that voice, telling you to wake up and you do so.

And Naoya looks at you, amusement all over his face as he brushes away some blue strands of hair from your eyes.

"Good morning, cousin."

"Good morning…" you mutter, wiping the sleep from your eyes. You were dreaming. Maybe you were dreaming. You're not quite sure what the dream was about but it involved Naoya, your cousin, who is crouched over you on the futon grinning. It was a pleasant dream. You tell him so.

"A dream about me? How flattering." He walks to a window that has never been opened in his time living here, a few years, and parts the off-white curtains casually. Golden sunlight pours in, filling the room. Naoya squints a bit and winces. "The rain stopped."

You nod, still trying to get your bearings in the room that is only somewhat familiar to you. Giving up for the moment you turn instead to the man who is been so familiar to you.

He's looking at you, something complex like his programming algorithms in his eyes.

"My clothes are too big for you, aren't they." It's a statement and not a question and he still has that insatiable smirk and an added glint to his eyes. You look at your attire. Naoya is easily half a foot taller than you and you both know it. The gray T-shirt he sent you to bed in swathes your thin frame like a blanket.

You shrug. "I suppose." A beat. "Thank you."

"I like the way they look on you though." He's leering now, and you wonder just what he meant by such a sudden remark. "You're welcome." He ruffles your hair soft palms and short, well-trimmed nails and calloused fingertips and adds, "You're my cousin, after all."


It's not the first time you've had to stay over at your older cousin's house. You like to hang around the area, and the shopping district isn't all that far from Aoyama and there are good restaurants nearby and your friends go there too and

Sometimes it seems like you make excuses to sleep over.

You stay out longer than really necessary and when your friends take the trains back home or your parents call you Naoya is always there, offering the futon he keeps for no reason but really just for you.

Your parents are fine with the nights you spend at your cousin's place and when they aren't, they will be. Naoya has ways with persuasion.

But it seems as though you are seeking him out more and more frequently.

Because you are.

Because every time you sleep there you have these dreams. Wonderful dreams. Dreams of things that feel all too real and yet frustratingly far from reality.

You don't remember them, but your body does.

Your body remembers being taken, being pleasured, being caressed in promising ways that never satisfy completely, always assure you more, next time and even better, next time.

And that voice. That voice which accompanies every touch and delivers every promise.

"Trust me. Give yourself to me."

"Good boy."

"So beautiful."

And you wake up and you're so close, so close and you run to the washroom and that's embarrassing because you pass by Naoya's room to get there and his door is always open.

And you're not quite sure if he knows or not.


"What're you working on?"

"Hmm?" Naoya barely spares you a glance, fingers flying and tap-tap-tap-taptaptap-tap-tap noises making a rhythmic beat in the silence of the apartment. "Programming again, of course. I was commissioned recently to do something interesting for some eccentric group. It's nothing significant."

This yields absolutely no information because you know he's programming, the lines and lines and lines of capital letters and numbers are unmistakable. You don't bother to ask because that's Naoya's way. He's secretive and cryptic and there's probably some good reason for it, and besides, the chances that the program he's working on is in any way related to you are pretty slim.

You get up and admire his defined cheekbones and alluring red eyes and wow, he really is handsome and what are you doing? "Do you want a cup of coffee?"

You're already up and halfway to the kitchen because you know what his answer will be and he calls after you, "Why haven't you moved in with me yet?" and you can see the grin on his face.

You smile and, for a second, wonder the same thing.


There was once time, a long time ago recently that you can't quite remember, when the dreams were interrupted.

It started out normally with skin pressed against skin and that holy feeling and then bliss, friction, the feel of lips against your everywhere

And then it stopped.

And you were cast aside, all the ecstasy and heat gone and you shivered because you were naked and this had never happened before and there, there was someone else in your beautiful dream!

Are you taking the serpent of Eden route, then?

A voice everywhere and nowhere and not at all soothing like the one that whispered in your ear. The contrast was stunning.

Have you no qualms at all? You are seducing a child. You are using your powers to deceive. This is not permitted as part of His generosity to you.

The beautiful voice, then. Filled with malice and hatred and rage and still soft, still calming.

"His generosity? The generosity of God?"

Beautiful laughter, laughter like lethal poison and blades of ice.

We will find and punish you, Cain. Make no mistake. This is a grave transgression.

"All bark and no bite."

And when you woke up the apartment was empty and a document open on a laptop screen informed you that Naoya had been called out to a business meeting, he would be gone a few weeks, a spare key was under the futon, please lock up before you leave, sorry for the short notice and there was fresh bread and fruit in the kitchen.


The day the program is completed Naoya stretches like a cat and you notice the way his blue shirt tightens against his chest.

His Matrix-numbers-patterned haori is draped on the back of his chair and he slides into it and gets up, hair a little greasy and eyelids a little lazy from his all-nighters. He reaches for his keys by the keyboard and beckons you. "Come on. I need fresh air and so do you."

It's nighttime and taking a walk in the area by Naoya's apartments isn't the safest thing to do but you feel perfectly fine. You feel a little invincible and you walk closely to him.

"What do you think of this world, cousin?"

The question is extremely open-ended and takes you by complete surprise.

"I like it," you say cautiously.

"Really? I think you just haven't seen enough of it then." He turns to you and stops walking. "But soon enough, cousin. Soon enough. Sooner than you'd expect, actually. I wonder… will you change your mind then?"

You look at him, but he's off in his own realm. He's grinning that wide grin and then you turn a corner and a woman collides with you.

She looks like an office worker and she's out awfully late and you feel a bit sorry for her because she looks at you, extremely distraught. But she doesn't apologize for running into you. She turns to Naoya and suddenly the wind picks up and her hair is flying everywhere and now she's radiating some painful light, what is this?

"Sariel." Naoya knows her? You feel some strange feeling in your heart because he's smiling at her, wider than ever and he seems more delighted than anything else and for some reason that makes you hate her.

Naoya. Heed my words. I have been sent by Him to give you this warning. Should you continue to manipulate the boy with your power-

"Did Remiel tell you all about it?" Naoya slithers in front of you, that charming grin still plastered to his face. He shields you from the woman's view and reaches backwards, grabbing your lower arm soothingly. "Your lot certainly took a while to figure out what I was doing, which I can't say is unexpected."

What is this? What is going on? His touch on your arm feels so good, so good

"Or have you known for a while?" Naoya continues, "Did you ask Remiel if he enjoyed the show?"

Enough games.

There's a flare of power then, white-hot, and it feels like your skin is being scorched and frozen all at once and you think for one crazy second that the woman has a flamethrower and she's aiming it at you

No.

She's aiming it at Naoya.

And with about 0.01 seconds of hesitation you push him out of the way and you hear him gasp, which is interesting because you've never heard him gasp before, and he screams your name.

And then silence.


You're unconscious and in your unconsciousness there are muffled noises.

There's some insane laughter and then someone's beautiful voice, someone "this tête-à-tête ended in my favor, now didn't it"

And then a higher voice, sounding you'll run, then, with the child? The Lord is not pleased, Cain unforgiving and cold and inhuman.

"Oh, what a travesty. I've displeased his Holiness."

Cain!

Then there are warm, slender arms around you, it's quiet, and you feel safe.

"I suppose I'm running out of time, so…"


A slender-fingered hand shakes you awake. You groan softly. There's the sound of someone snickering.

"Wake up, cousin."

The first thing you see is silver hair and you follow it to his eyes, which are clouded and unreadable, just like always. He's smiling at you and it's then that you realise there's something wrong.

You are covered in blood.

What? What's going on? Whose blood is this? It isn't yours, is it? You don't feel hurt. You try to lean forward but Naoya places a hand directly on your chest and pushes you back. You realise that with him above you, straddling you on his bed- it must be his bed, you're in his room, it's a softer mattress than you thought it would be, you've never slept in it- it looks like some twisted parody of a sexual position and with the blood splatter all over you-

No. It's not limited to just you.

Naoya is covered in blood too and you grab him- his clothing is stained red, the contrast stark against his light blue T-shirt, but the fabric is unmarred; there are, most importantly, no wounds. On either one of you, it seems. You run your hands down his body, frantic; disbelieving. He hisses through his teeth.

"So hasty," he whispers, and grabs both your hands. "You're realized the blood has no apparent origin. But that's not true; it's actually yours. So tell me, what were you thinking, running in front of that car like that?"

It was a car? Something doesn't feel right; you can't remember any car or any car accident or any getting hit at all so you look at Naoya quizzically and he looks right back at you.

And when he looks at you you realize Oh, right, it was a car, wasn't it? A car driven by some brown-haired woman who was carrying a flamethrower? No. That doesn't seem right…

"It was going to hit you," you mutter, because you remember that for sure, it was definitely aiming for- no, the car was definitely moving in your direction and your cousin was right in front of you-

"So it was." He smiles. "And I live because of you. Well done."

There is something bitter in his soft, deep voice but you don't really know what, and besides, that doesn't matter anyways-

"Come."

He gets off of you and you buck forward, not wanting him to move, confused that he did, lusting for his heat back on you- What is this?

He's headed for the bathroom that connects to his room only, a room you have never been in before in his small apartment. "Shower," he says by way of explanation, "now."

You're out of the bed in seconds and in the bathroom in less.

He locks the door behind you and you wonder why but not for long, because his hands reach for the zipper of your black long-sleeved shirt and he pulls it along to reveal your milky skin beneath. Startled, you trip forward into his arms.

He chuckles and it sounds like music. "Oh, cousin." He moves you so that you can see the mirror behind him and you're astonished by just how much blood there is. Your clothes kept your skin from taking most of the spray but your face, hair, hands- every exposed inch of your body has at least some flecks of blood and this was no car crash or you wouldn't be alive, there's no way-

But Naoya looks at you again and of course it was a car crash, you remember the screech of rubber on concrete and the driver veering onto the sidewalk-

Naoya lifts your shirt over your head in a gentle, demanding way.

"Why- Why are there no injuries?"

"There were." Naoya ducks his head down as he tosses your shirt over a towel rack and you can't see his face as he says, "I healed you."

It's so bizarre and so truthful-sounding that you just accept it, the sweetness of the words that leave his mouth. "Okay."

He smiles. "Pants. Off."

It feels surreal as you move like liquid, obeying everything he says because really, isn't that the right thing to do? Yes, of course. You fold and place your pants over the towel rack by your shirt and when you turn back your cousin is naked. You gasp.

"You can barely stand by yourself. And you'd think I'd dirty the floor with your blood while waiting to see if you'd collapsed in there yet? Please, cousin." He motions to the shower, the playfulness of his words all leading to some dark insistence.

The sliding glass doors of the shower are cold and you realize you're shaking as you clutch at the surface. The sweatiness of your palms holds you there and when Naoya turns the water on you wonder briefly why it's immediately hot and doesn't need time to warm up. Ever.

You step into the stall.

He follows.

The water hits the two of you and what goes down the drain is red.


"Come to me."

You take the half-step closer to him and he touches you on the shoulder, nudging. "Turn around."

You place a hand on the wall in front of you to hold you steady as he positions himself behind you. It takes conscious effort to not thrust back onto his body what is this this feeling, it's so sinful-

With soapy hands he lathers the skin of your back and the suds are stained pink when they drop to the tiles at the floor; he has to really rub at your skin to coax some of the been-too-long-already-dried dark brown caked blood to collect between his fingers and into the water. He rinses his fingers under the flow of the shower and collects more soap in his hands and works gently, meticulously, down your body

When his hands reach the curve just above your hip bones you stifle your laughter because the lightness of his touch and the slickness of the sop on his skin is just too stimulating, too ticklish

But the laughter becomes a startled gasp and a long, drawn-out moan when he suddenly claims your hips and pushes you backwards onto his

No, you open your eyes, were they closed before? No, his hands are on your lower back just moving in little circles of pressure nowhere near your hips, what was that? Did you just imagine it?

From behind you Naoya whispers by your neck, "Are you alright?" And you nod frantically, not sure if your voice will work if you summon it.

He slides his index finger into your body as soon as your head has stilled.

Every muscle in you clenches- one, around his finger- and you cry out. "N-Naoya-!"

"Shh." He starts to insert another into you and your body protests again; you try to regain a hold on the wall of the shower and fail, Naoya holds you with one hand and pushes into you with the other-

"Relax. Push out against me. Shh. There, just feel. Don't resist."

What- What is this

He presses against you inside with the tips of his fingers and he licks at your throat while his other hand strokes across your chest, pulling you to him you arch back and forward into his touch what is this, it feels so good

"I've waited far too long for this."

And his fingers are removed and you feel a nostalgic empty feeling and he kisses you, forces you to twist awkwardly to compensate for his position behind you and he says-

What did he say?

"I said scream." Naoya touches you tenderly with soft palms and short, well-trimmed nails and calloused fingertips. "Scream out for me so loud that God Himself hears."

He thrusts into you and you comply.


You fall asleep as he turns off the shower and you hear the sudden end to the rain-like sounds of the drops onto the tile.

He carries you out, back into his room, and places you at the foot of the bed as he changes the sheets. He finishes, and caresses your body as he lays you down, then covers your body with his and pulls the clean sheets over you both.

You are aware of his weight pressing down on you but it's alright, even if he's heavier than you are the weight seems nothing, nothing yet, nothing yet-

He wakes you up when he kisses you and your state of dreamy half-awareness is broken. You kiss him back weakly and he chuckles into your mouth.

There's one last wide smile, one more and things will never be the same and

"In the days to come, much will strain the relationship between you and me. You may want to betray me. You will question my actions. So tell me, cousin, will I have your love and trust when I most need them?"

-"Yes. I promise."

-"You will."

-"Of course, Naoya. Always."


[A/N] There are extended author's notes in chapter 2, where I dissect the allusions and motives behind this fanfiction piece by piece and give commentary on this pairing and this story.

Please continue there if you are interested. Please note that chapter 2 does not continue the story, only analyzes it. Also please note that the author's analysis contains MAJOR SPOILERS.

This... took so ridiculously long to write... I don't even know why

And I think some Criminal Minds fans are ready and willing to rip my throat out soon, seriously. ;;; I am so sorry. I just... The Essentials is just killing me. But I will finish it. All my stories will have endings.

Thank you very much for reading.

Please, feel free to continue to chapter 2.

P.S. I know 2nd person isn't allowed on this site. But I refuse to agree to the guidelines on this aspect. I think it's unreasonable to ban fanfiction in 2nd person. I am going to be a rebel~! Report me if you feel like it; I will be a little sad, though.