This story is now beta'd! Thank you to the lovely Bookoholic for being my beta!
"She lived with a broken lie; a heart made of stone. Emotions seemed so foreign, nothing made sense. Her breaking point was so close; she could see the ledge. She didn't want to get closer; she wanted to back up, but you can't go back to the past.
It feels like walking through a fog; a shroud of darkness that she can't see the way out of. Retracing her steps becomes impossible when everything she knew became false. Facts that she lived her life by seemed to be over-turned. Each fading fact is another step closer to the edge, further into the dark.
It starts becoming too hard to think, so she does what she can and detaches herself. She goes through life on autopilot, no emotions, no soul. She numbs herself, devoid of life. Soon she realizes that she wants to fall over the ledge.
The deeper she went into the fog, the easier it became to handle. The closer to the ledge she got, the fall didn't seem so bad. She didn't want to go back because she doesn't want to go back to being so naïve. She realized that sometimes the only way to get away from the ledge is to jump off of it. So she stepped forward and let herself fall."
The girl on stage took a bow as we applauded her. She's good. She's dark, and I relate to what she's saying perfectly. It's scary how fast I went from being blissfully in love to…to feeling like that. I needed this, to hear others express themselves. If they can figure themselves out enough to put it into words, then maybe I can do it too.
It was my first night back at the poetry jam after my break-up with Sasuke. I know that they still go here and I didn't want to run into them. Ino took them out to dinner tonight, so it was safe for me to come. I need to clear my head and I always felt safe here. I haven't left my dorm, except for classes, in over three weeks.
Hinata, Ino, and Ten-Ten stop by a lot to try and talk to me, but I don't want to talk to them. They say how stupid guys can be and are, about how hard it is to find good guys, and yet they all have amazing boyfriends. Well, Hinata will soon if she notices how Kiba looks at her. Temari, Matsuri, and Ayame have even stopped by a couple times, but they have amazing boyfriends as well. All my friends are in love, and I just had my heart ripped out and stomped on. I know they're trying to help, but they're honestly making it worse.
The worst part is, I can't even cry. I've been going through an emotionless haze. I feel myself getting ready to break, and I refuse to. I don't want to break apart over some lying, formerly closeted, broody ass. I folded my arms and rest my head on them as I listen to the next couple of poets. I'm practically asleep when I feel the hand gently shake my shoulder.
"Are you okay?"
I look up and three girls are looking at me. One of them looks eerily like Ten-Ten, except she's wearing dark green shorts and a silky, mandarin collared, sea green, sleeveless top. Her hair was in two very long braids as well. The other two girls looked like twins.
They both had rust colored hair. They dressed the same too. They both wore a low-cut, tan tank top with a blue diagonal stripe and a mini-skirt in the same shade of blue. The only difference between them was their hair and the diagonal stripe across their tops. One started on the bottom right, and the other on the bottom left. One had her hair in a low pony tail that rested on her shoulder. The other had her hair half up, half down. The part that was up was curled.
"Oh. Um…yeah I'm good."
"Are you sure, because you look like crap. No offense!"
"None taken! I haven't been sleeping well, that's all." It was a harmless lie. They don't need to know my business.
"You're Sakura, right?" The girl who looked like Ten-Ten asked.
"Yes…How do you know me?"
"Oh, I met you five years ago at mine and my sister's sweet sixteen and again at her engagement party last month."
"Your sister? Oh, Ten-Ten's twin, Sakaya." So the similarity wasn't a coincidence.
"Yep! That's me. The one with the pony tail is Ayu Eyana and the other one is Airi Eyana."
"Hello. I'm Sakura Haruno." They both nodded their heads in acknowledgment.
"You should come sit with us. No one should be alone after a break-up."
"Your sister told you?"
"Yep, I don't want to over-step boundaries or anything, but you knew he wasn't into you from the start? And that Naruto was in love with him?"
"Yes to both questions."
"Okay then. My next question is, are you stupid?"
That surprised me. "No, I'm not. Thank you so much for insinuating that I was."
"Oh no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant what were you thinking going out with him when he wasn't interested and that your best friend was in love with him? You were only setting yourself up to get hurt. Not saying that he isn't to blame, because he shouldn't have led you on, but it's kinda your fault that your hurt too." I like her. She isn't afraid to tell me the truth, and honestly I knew all of that. I just didn't want to admit it.
"For telling me what my so called friends couldn't."
She smiles at me. "Why don't you come sit with us and tell us exactly what happened. We'll save our opinions till the end of the story."
"That sounds great." I get up and follow them to their table.
As we get closer to their table, I see the girl that was on stage before. Her fringe is hanging in her face, her hair is black and stops just short of her shoulders; there's a small braid on each side of her face, separating where her bangs meld into the rest of her hair. She's wearing black skinny jeans and a gray turtle neck made of a light material.
The four of us sit down and Sakaya introduces us.
"Sakura, this is Marinabelle Eyana. Marina, this is Sakura Haruno. Marina is Airi and Ayu's cousin."
"Hi, I loved your poem earlier."
"Thank you, but it wasn't a poem, it was a monologue. They have different structures."
"Sorry, I didn't know." I chuckle nervously.
"Marina didn't mean to put you on the spot, she's an English major! She specializes in creative writing. She's also socially inept! So why don't you tell us what happened."
I start telling them about the crush since I was six, and about him finally asking me out. It was like the floodgates broke and everything came flooding out, all the tears, and everything that I've holding back these past few weeks. I hit my breaking point, but I'm okay with that now. I got my heart broken by the man I've been in love with most of my life, so it's okay to cry over him; it doesn't mean I'm weak. I can't go back to how I was, so let's see where this ledge will take me.