"Are we there yet?" asked Yuffie.

"No." said Vincent.

"Are we there yet?"


"Are we there yet?"


"Are we there yet?"


"Are we there yet?"

"Just shut up!" shouted Ventus, kicking Yuffie in the leg.

"Like, ow! Oh my god, Ven! Bitch!" yelled Yuffie, keeling over in pain.

"Don't call me Ven," said Ventus and she and her father turned away.

Just then (following necessary story clich├ęs), Ventus' cell phone rang.


"Greetings sister".

Ventus turned away so that she could not be heard, "What is it brother, I thought I told you never to call this number".

"Yes well Kadaj said it was urgent" replied Yahzoo.

"Well spit it out, what is it"?

"Brother says he knows were mother is".


"Sister, are you still there"?

"...where should I meet you"?

"A little town called 'Edge', we are currently on the outskirts awaiting your arrival".

"What if I had said no," said Ventus.

"Heh, I said the same thing to brother, but he was sure that you would not back down".


"Well we will await your arrival".

"Yes, I will arrive shortly. Though at the moment I cannot, I will leave tonight".

"Good, see you".

"Good bye".

"Who..?" began Vincent, but he stopped himself.

"The remnants. Don't worry about it, they don't really need me."

"Do they know? That your not a remnant like them?"

"Yes, they do. They just want mother back, and assume that I do too. What they don't know is-"

"Vincent!" yelled Cloud, approaching on his motorcycle.

"We've got a problem!" he said, coming to a sliding stop. "The- HOLY SHIT IT'S- oh, wait, no, your not Sephiroth... Who are you?"

Ventus blushed angrily. "You don't remember me? I just saved your ass two days ago! Remember? The-"

"Anyways," said Cloud, turning away, "Vincent. Kadaj said the second Sephiroth is coming, and that this other Sephiroth is going to team up with some Egyptian or something, and that the two of them will call Sephiroth, and that the whole trio is going to use their power to consume the lifestream! We have to find this second Sephiroth and kill him!"

"I'M NOT A MAN!" shouted Ventus.

"O.O What? Stop joking, there's no way you could-no never-your...".

Ventus rolled her eyes as Cloud had a mighty brain fart. She turned to her father, "Father, I-". Vincent nodded understandingly. She bowed, "Thank you father". She began walking to her motorcycle when Cloud grabbed her arm.

"Why would you ever want to bring him back, he only wants to destroy the Earth"!

She snatched her arm, "Y-you think I don't know that"! She angrily got on her motorcycle. As she raced away she did a wheelie off a cliff and flipped over, landing safely.

As Cloud watched is eyebrows furrowed, and he bit his lip. "I cant let this happen, not to-". He drew silent and looked down at the desert floor.

Meanwhile somewhere in Egypt...

"Are you sure it's here"?

"Of course I'm sure, I sold everything I owned for this map".

"But what if somebody has already-"?

"Shut up and keep digging"!

The two men continued to dig hastily. I t was early morning and the desert was pitch black.

Suddenly, shick! The men looked down at a dusted wall. The glanced at eatchother than broke it down. As they walked around the underground fortress they noticed calligraphy upon the walls. Suddenly a stone door was in their sight, it was hard to miss because it was covered in jewels. They kicked it down and entered a dark room. "Quick light a match"!

"Uh-yes sir". The match was lit and they looked around, "Your kidding me, it's empty"!

"Dammit, it was a fake, there's no treasure"!

"Yeah, only this humongous coffin".


They gathered around it, "Quick where's the crow bar"?


They both pushed down on the bar but nothing happened.

They wiped their sweaty faces.

"Good thing I brought... this Dynamite!".


They cheered and slowly removed the lid.

"What the-"!

Now back to Ventus...

"Is she here yet?" asked Loz.

"No. She won't arrive until this evening. I already told you." Sighed Yahzoo.

Loz started crying. Sobbing, he said "I miss big sister! *Sob*..."

Kadaj was beginning to feel impatient and worried as well. "Big sister... If she meets big brother... there will be a problem. Big brother is trouble, and trouble loves big sister. We must protect big sister. Its our duty as brothers, and its what mother would want us to do! Not to mention, we can't consume the lifestream's power without her. Brothers... distract Cloud. Kill him if you must, but don't allow him anywhere near big sister."


"Bitch, I've got you now!" said Reno, jumping out of a window, landing in a pile of potatoes and then running after Rude. "You owe me a ten, you gave me a five!"

"AHHHH!" shouted Rude.

That was random filler. Not important to the story. Please continue the REAL story.

Back to Egypt...

Drip. Blood from the gravrobbers covered the ground and walls of the tomb. Slowly the murderer's eyes open, showing a dark purple eye and a bright purple eyes (this eyes pupil was shaped like an ankh) .

"Finally I have returned".

The figure took one of the man's jackets to cover her nude body and walked out into the desert. The sun started to rise, "Now...to find the girl".

Back to Ventus (btw) its only night where she is...

"Brother, where are Yahzoo and Loz?" asked Ventus as she got off her motorcycle.

"Making preparations. Are you hungry?" asked Kadaj.

"Yes, but where is Sephi's chosen? Is she awake?"

"Well, the fools I sold the map to are dead. I can tell because the tracker I put on them is no longer active. She's already killed them, that's for sure."

"How will she know where we are?"

"She'll sense you... along with where Sephiroth will be when you two summon him. Then we can take over the lifestream-"

"About that. You're not gonna take over the lifestream. Not you, not Sephiroth. Change of plans. Sephiroth no long desires the lifestream's power, and even if he did, I would stop him. I'm not like you. I'm not evil."

In the desert on the way to Edge...

...cloud was happily driving through the desert when suddenly, but not surprisingly, Yahzoo and Loz were playing old maid while sitting on their motorcycles. Cloud stopped, "Hey can I join". Yazoo and Loz looked up, "...SURE"! Cloud punched the air, "Yay"!

7 minutes later...

"DAMN I ALWAYS LOSE THIS STUPID ASS GAME" screamed Loz obnoxiously. "Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" laughed yahzoo and cloud. "Oh yeah, um can you turn around for a moment Cloud".

"Uh sure".


Yazoo hit Cloud on the back of his head with his gun.

Meanwhile back in dumb ass Egypt...

Okay I'll summarize this. Okay so the "murderer" is actually the Egyptian goddess Sekmet, basically she was made to destroy mankind, but Ra got all lame and told her not to, but she was all F you old man. And so she left the gods and lived on earth as a pharaoh. Blah blah, and Egypt got taken over so she faked her death, even though she's immortal, and well she was asleep in her coffin, but the dumbass grave robbers happened to be in there when she woke up so she killed them/slash drank their blood, she's not a vampire for some reason she drinks blood, and so now she is on an airship that's heading to Edge to meet Ventus so she can bring back Sephi and rule the world like she used to, except it was only Egypt, wow that was a whole mess off miss punctuation in a whole not really a paragraph blah blah blah. cookies. Yay! Kelii is a women. Gabe is a carrot. Bwahahahazhaha. Kaboom.

- . -' Back to Ventus' cool story...

"Hey, brother! We got him! Just like you said!" shouted Loz, dragging a passed out Cloud.

"Let's celebrate!" called Yahzoo.

"Cloud...? What did you do to him?" Ventus said as she rushed over to him. "Cloud? Are you okay?" She asked softly, kneeling by him.

"You idiots! I told you to keep big brother away from her!" shouted Kadaj. "Nice going, you fig leaf bowling balls!"

"Where's Ventus?" asked Vincent, walking in epicly.

"SNICKERDOODLES!" yelled Cloud, suddenly sitting up and hitting Ventus in the head with his forehead of steel. Clunk.

"Oh...OW! Shit, Cloud! What's your head made of, steel? Damn!"

"Wait, who are you again?" asked Cloud.

"You pathetic, self-centered, chocobo head, pervert!" declared a serious voice.

"I'm not a pervert!" retorted Cloud.

"Do you know who you just hit on the head?"

"No, that's why I asked who."

As the mysterious figure walked forward, Vincent protectively stepped in front of Ventus.

The light revealed her to be a girl with purple eyes and an eye patch, and the hair of the darkest crimson. "Don't be a smart-ass, perv."

As Ventus stood up, Cloud racked his brain for a good comeback, and Vincent turned his head toward his daughter.


"Ventus. Nice to actually meet you outside the dream realm."

DUN DUN DUNNN! The plot thickens!