Things you need to know: Slight crack, Twilight spoilers. And, um, this assumes Breaking Dawn has already been made into a movie. Also, this is my first NaruHina—ever—and I hope I did them justice. Happy Valentine's, everyone!

every man's battle

revenge is a dish best served cold… or maybe not.

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She was crying.

And it wasn't the I'm-so-very-touched, pretty tears rolling down pale, smooth cheeks, accompanied-by-a-happy-smile-on-my-lips cry. It was the full-fledged cry, with the fat teardrops streaming down her face, the red, blotchy nose, and the violent shake of the shoulders.

Naturally, Naruto immediately thought of the worst possible explanations.

Did someone die? Did her father get angry with her for not attending last month's family dinner? Did he forget something? Did Sakura finally backstab him and tell her what was under his table, that is, the stash of po—

God forbid.

Anxiously, he took a step into their dining room, and then stopped.

Sasuke would laugh his ass off if he saw him like this. The Hokage! The village hero! Afraid of seeing his wife!

"Hi… Hinata?"

The sobbing woman didn't even spare him a glance. This, Naruto concluded, must be bad.

Really bad.

He took another tentative step into their kitchen, a million questions flooding in his head. Surely nothing bad happened to her after her last mission? Sakura would have told him if it was something serious, and well, Hinata wouldn't hide it at all. Just to make sure, he asked, and when she shook her head no he felt as if half of a million bricks had been lifted from his shoulders. The other half, obviously, was still there. She hadn't stopped crying, and he was beginning to panic.

"What…" he crossed the kitchen floor in three long strides, descending on the chair right beside hers as he placed a hand on her shaking shoulder awkwardly, "What… what's wrong? Hinata?"

For the first time that night, she turned to look at him, lavender eyes glistening with fresh tears. "It's—it's—" her breath hitched as she wailed, "It's J-J-Jacob Black!"

Naruto blinked. Tilted his head. And then blinked once more. Now where did I hear that name before? he asked himself, raking his brain for answers. And then it was given to him on a silver plate: oh, right. Sakura. Obviously.

Recently, Konoha had expanded their television network so they could now watch channels from other hidden villages, or the 'outside world', so to speak. It had been the topic of numerous heated debates for months already. What if this new technology could be used to overthrow Konoha? What was the difference between LED, LCD, and plasma television? What did the term 'broadcast' mean? And, more importantly, how would they know it wasn't just a fancy term for a deadly jutsu designed to kill thousands of people over wide areas?

But Suna implemented it two years ago, Naruto had argued, and today they were still stronger than ever. Surely it couldn't have been that bad?

The Council members had shaken their respective heads disdainfully, reluctantly conceding to his demands and telling him that if it resulted in an apocalypse, he could kindly shove it up his ass (in more formal, fancier terms, of course) and do whatever he could to save the lot of them. It was only a week ago that Naruto found out they were actually enjoying the network in the walls of their homes. In fact, the snotty-faced, elderly woman who always wore a hair needle decorated with pearls (Utanane Koharu, was it, he was really bad at remembering names) had been watching a television show titled 'Boys Over Flowers', or something similarly moronic when he barged in to give her a basket of oranges to make amends, courtesy of Hinata.

She was always worlds better than him when it came to dealing with people in general.

So what, or God forbid, who was this Jacob Black, and why was it making his wife cry?

Apparently he uttered the thought aloud, for Hinata sighed deeply, covering her red cheeks with pale, slender fingers. "Jacob Black," she began, her sobs subsiding as she took forward a patient, explaining voice, "is a character from the movie Twilight."

He'd heard of that, too.

"He's in love with the female main character, Bella," Hinata continued, blissfully unaware of her husband's confused expression, "who's in love with this vampire named Edward. Edward is in love with her, too, naturally, but since he's a vampire he thinks she should have someone better, and leaves her. And Jacob…" she looked so sad that Naruto immediately pulled her onto his lap and squeezed her, "Poor Jacob fills in the void until Bella falls in love with him too…"

Naruto nodded to show that he was following her story.

"But then Edward comes back!" she said, pale eyes blazing with uncharacteristic fury now, "And Bella leaves Jacob, after everything he's done for her! And get this," she looked at him, "they're actually soulmates. If Edward doesn't exist, they would be together. Happy. Together. Forever…"

She sighed sadly, and he held her a little bit tightly.

"It… it happens," Naruto soothed awkwardly. "That kind of thing… happens."

Clearly, he was failing miserably.

"But that's not the worst part, Naruto-kun," Hinata told him, looking gloomy. "The worst part is Jacob falls in love with Edward and Bella's daughter! That's like p-p-pedophilia! And her name is Renesmee, and…"

As she continued ranting about the things that made her so unbelievably sad, Naruto scratched his head and gave up listening. Hinata was a sweet, shy person by nature, but there were times when certain things irked her to no ends and she would launch into a tirade about them, and this… this Jacob Black person, and his poor fate, must be one of those things. Naruto didn't mind, of course. After all, she only vented in front of him—him!—and nothing made him happier than being the only person she could truly be herself with.

"… and he was so handsome, so muscular, so built…" Hinata was saying, her expression now dreamy, "Imagine being taken by those arms…"

Wait, what?

"Imagine being held all night long, to have those legs draped around…"

Naruto could only stare dumbly, open-mouthed, as his wife (his wife!) continued listing the things he assumed were what she wanted to do to him—or worse yet, things she wanted him to do to her.

"You… you…"

Hinata turned to look at him, pale lavender eyes descending on his blue ones. The curve of her lips was almost impish as she asked, very tentatively, "What, Naruto-kun?"

"You like Jacob Black!" he accused.

"Yes," she beamed.

Blue eyes darkened. "But—but…" Naruto fumbled for a moment, looking uncharacteristically uncertain with himself. But what about me?

A giggle escaped her lips as she watched her husband beat himself up in his head. His eyes were on hers but he wasn't looking at her, so deeply consumed by his thoughts. The jealous frown marring his handsome face told her everything she needed to know, and deciding to have mercy and put him out of his misery, she reached forward and brushed a very soft, featherlight kiss against his whiskery cheek.

Immediately, those sky-blue eyes focused on her light amethyst colored depths.

"It's okay, Naruto-kun," she whispered, "You're still—"

He suddenly laughed in relief, cutting her off, and then leaned down to kiss her lips gently. She sighed into his mouth and melted in his arm, all sweet and delicate and so soft that he held her as gently as he could, almost afraid that she would break, his arms circling around her slim waist like he wanted to mold them together as her cool, light fingers brushed the side of his cheeks. When he released her, her ashen cheeks were dusted a lovely pink, her pale eyes hooded on his as she panted softly, almost breathless. Feeling a surge of male satisfaction wash over him, his lips curled into a mischievous grin.

"So, Naruto-kun," Hinata smiled pleasantly, settling in his arms as he drew lazy circles on the small of her back, "Sakura told me something very, very interesting today."

Immediately, his hand stilled and his grin disappeared. "Wh… what?"

"What is this I heard," she wondered aloud, eyes searching on his face, "about the collection of Princess Leia posters she found under your table?"

"Hinata, that was… I mean to say… that is…"

Naruto trailed off when she didn't demand an explanation. She didn't look angry. Heck, she wasn't even looking at him. Instead, her eyes were staring longingly on their bedroom door. Without meaning to, he exhaled in relief. Perhaps he was going to get out of this perfectly unscathed…

Until, of course, she turned to look at him, her smile innocent and sweet, and asked:

"Can we get a Jacob Black one to put on our bedroom wall?"

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"Okay, seriously, you have got to be kidding me."

"I'm not joking, Ino. I'm being perfectly serious."

"But listen to yourself, Sakura! You're telling me that a gold bikini in Hinata's size came in the mail for Naruto today. Naruto I can understand, but Hinata?"

"I know."

"Our sweet, innocent Hinata?"

"Our sweet, innocent Hinata."

A frown.

A sigh.

"A gold bikini! Are you absolutely sure?"

"I saw it with my own eyes! Naruto received the package and signed it himself. All the while grinning like an idiot! Not that there are times he isn't grinning like so, of course."

"But—but it's Hinata!"

"Which only means she must have known. Naruto wouldn't dare do anything like that if she didn't allow him to."

Silence.

"So unbelievable…"

"I know."

A lengthy pause.

"Do you happen to know where he ordered it?"

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end.

A/N: Hinata is a fangirl, and Jacob/Hinata? I ship it. And yes, I'm Team Jacob—not Jacob/Bella, just Jacob. :P