Losing It ~ SoapyMayhem

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Big thanks to Twimarti, my beta and also xrxdanixrx my validation beta from Twilighted.

So sorry I was such an epic fail at getting this this finished. I am very sad to see it go. Thanks to everyone who stuck around for the ride!


**Bella Swan**

I'd been waiting for this moment for so long – to be alone with Edward, both of us having admitted our feelings, ready to finally be together – intimately.

Edward moved toward the bed and by the time he got there I could already see that he was hard, it made me a nervous knowing that I was probably about to hurt, maybe more because of Edward's size, but I trusted him completely. I knew he'd be gentle with me.

"Do you want to… umm… are you ready to have sex?" Edward whispered nervously and a little hopefully as he slipped into the warm blankets next to me.

I smiled confidently. "I love you. I want to show you how much."

Edward slid a hot hand between the sheets until it met the sensitive flesh of my bare thigh. I sighed audibly in relief that he seemed to be ready too.

"Yes… let me make love to you," he whispered sexily before setting his glasses on the night stand next to my bed.

His body was like a cocoon of warmth wrapped around me, pulling me toward him, letting me feel him – all of him.

He was hot and hard against my thigh, making so wet – wetter than I'd ever been.

"Can I taste you, Bella?" he whispered softly against my ear. I shivered in response unable to speak, but I nodded my consent.

A thrill of desire coursed through my entire being in anticipation of feeling Edward's mouth on me. He slid down my body, kissing my neck and collar bone before ending at my t-shirt. I wanted his kisses on my breasts, so I moved to lift the shirt from my body, exposing my breasts for him to feel and kiss.

He helped me remove the shirt, looking at me hungrily as I became naked and bare before him. With eyes wild and intense, he wrapped an arm around me holding me against him for a searing kiss, and then quickly pulled away leaving us both gasping.

"Jesus… Bella, you look fucking perfect," he groaned, staring into my eyes before taking a stiff nipple into his warm mouth.

The sensation was almost overwhelming as he sucked lightly and swirled around the tight bud. I wasn't sure if he was doing it the way it's supposed to be done, but it sure felt right.

"Edward… ugh," I gasped breathlessly, arching my hips against him. He stilled my movement with his hands. Sensing my urgent need, he released the distracting nipple from his mouth and continued his previous journey, kissing the rest of the way down my body until he came to my navel.

He kissed a circle around the spot and rubbed my hips with his gentle hands.

"Please," I begged, needing friction.

"You want me to touch you – to taste you?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah," I whimpered.

His hand slid down away from my hip and over my thigh. His caresses changed, feeling more like a massage as his thumbs kneaded the sensitive flesh, bringing him closer and closer to where I needed him.

His knuckle skimmed my inner thigh coaxing me to open for him, to bare my most intimate place.

I bit my lip in anxiety wondering what he would think about me.

'Fuck… your body… I have to…" he groaned incoherently before focusing completely on the aching flesh between my legs.

His finger tentatively swept across my slit making moan and arch up off the bed. He stilled my hips again before lowering his face toward the place I needed him most.

"Bella, I don't know what I'm doing," he suddenly admitted in a panic. His wide eyes full of stress.

"Just… kiss me. Try a few different things, and… I guess umm... try to gauge my reactions. I promise I'll let you know if something doesn't feel good," I reassured him, my voice tight with lust.

He nodded, exhaling a large breath and dipped down. His tongue peaked out from his lips and began to tentatively lap against my clit.

"Mmm," I moaned. It felt really good.

Taking my encouragement as a positive sign, Edward increased pressure against me.

"Fuck," I cried as one of his long sexy fingers joined the mix, sliding into my wet opening.

"Holy shit, Bella. You taste good… feel good… it's making me so hard for you," he admitted huskily.

"Make me come, please baby," I begged needing a relief from the sweet pressure building up inside me. I knew it was a lot to put on him, but he was making me feel so good, I had no doubt if he kept going he would make me come so hard.

His finger was sliding in and out, but I needed - "More," I begged.

Understanding he increased the speed then inserted another finger.

God… Ugh… it felt so good.

My legs began to shake as a coil of pleasure wound tight inside me.

"Edward," I screamed as erotic bliss exploded within, causing me to grip Edward's silky hair in my clenched fist. I vaguely heard him moaning as arousal gushed from sensitive opening.

I needed him inside me so bad, but I was pretty sure he wasn't going to last very long the first time. There was my dilemma. I could go down on him and make him cum, and he would be able to go longer when he was inside me, but if it hurt, I might want it to just be over with as soon as possible.

Thankfully Edward gave me my answer.

"I need to be inside you, Bella. I don't think I can wait anymore," he said his voice tight with passion. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"I want you. I need you," I moaned.

I reached over to my desk drawer to grab the box of condoms Renee bought me several months ago, and did my best to block out my negative thoughts about my mother.

"You want me to put it on?" I asked nervously.

"Umm… I think I can do it," he replied taking the foil packet and tearing it open with his teeth. A lock of his auburn hair swept over his brow, but with a quick shake of his head the hair was back in its perfectly messy place.

I sighed dreamily feeling quite lucky that I was about to lose my virginity to this perfect creature. I loved being in love.

Edward fumbled around with the condom for a moment before he finally got it on all the way, and then checked the tip to make sure it was on properly. I looked at him unashamedly when I realized he caught me staring.

"What?" I asked smiling shyly.

"Umm… is it what you expected?" he asked quietly.

"What-" I began before he looked down at his dick. Shit

"-Edward, I think you're perfect," I reassured gently. I didn't mind stroking his ego. Maybe I should have stroked his dick. I realized then that I hadn't even touched him, which made me feel incredibly guilty.

"Should I touch you first?" I asked shyly.

"Ahh… maybe not this time… I don't want to finish too early…" he replied nervously.

"It's okay."

We stared at each other for a moment, unsure.

"I love you," we said in unison. I breathed a sigh of relief and Edward chuckled a little before giving his condom covered dick a quick stroke.

"I'm gonna go slow. Let me know if I need to stop… you know... if it hurts," he said anxiously, though his voice was still filled with lust.


He hovered over me pressing the tip against my slick opening. He pushed forward gently, it wasn't enough, my slippery flesh caused his dick to slide up through my folds and rub against my sensitive clit.

I moaned, wanting more of that, but I held still knowing Edward was a now a man on a mission – determined to get inside me.

This time he pressed harder and I felt the tip of his dick slip inside me.

"Oh fuck… Bella," he groaned.

I whimpered a little at the pain.

"Are you okay?" he barely managed to ask.

"Mmm, I love you… keep going," I gritted out. He looked unsure but I kissed him hard and he continued.

At first I felt a sharp burning sensation and an uncomfortable pressure against my pelvis. As he slowly pressed further the burning increased slightly, but then began to subside by the time he was fully seated inside me.

I didn't feel the mind numbing pleasure I'd always imagined I'd feel, but as most of the pain subsided, I felt something even better – Edward's soul searching eyes locked on mine pouring every bit of the love he felt for me into our tender connection.

"I love you, Edward," I gasped as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Baby… love you," he replied kissing the tear away as he thrust slowly.

His eyes rolled back and clenched tight all of a sudden and I could tell he was close.

"I'm sorry… I'm gonna… fuck… gonna cum," he moaned, pushing into me, as his fingertips dug into my hips. A couple erratic thrusts later and I could vaguely feel him pulsing inside me.

His back arched as he pounding two final thrusts and then he collapsed against me.

He rolled off me, but wrapped his arms around me bringing me with him.

His softening dick slipped out as he pulled me higher to rest my head in the crook of his neck.

"Are you okay? You looked like you were in pain for a minute there?" he asked softly, but still a little out of breath.

"I'm sore, but I'll be fine. Feeling connected to you like that was amazing," I said with a dreamy sigh.

"I know. I just hope it feels good – not just emotionally – for you next time."

"As long as I'm with you, it will be perfect."


Since Renee left for Seattle, I had the place all to myself. She called to check in a few times saying Charlie missed me and wanted me to change my mind about living with them. Of course I refused – Renee was a drug-addicted, train-wreck and Charlie was a cheating, dead-beat bastard – I was better off on my own.

Of course I wasn't on my own very often. Edward and I had taken up playing house on the weekends. When he could get away with staying out late we would spend most of the night in bed together, making love and making plans until his two a.m. curfew and then he'd have to go home.

Once in a while, we'd have Alice and Jasper, Ben and Angela, and Tanya and Tyler over for the night. Some of the jealous kids at school would say we were having orgy parties – which was ridiculous.

The rumor, while shocking, intrigued people and served to make our little group popular. Having already been in the so called popular group, I could have cared less, but it didn't stop Alice from eating up all the attention and Emmett from trying earnestly to get himself and the junior girl he had a crush on invited. Edward apologized profusely for his brother and cousin's behavior, but I honestly didn't mind. I loved him and his family was part of that.

Near the end of the semester Tanya and Tyler broke up. Tanya was pretty broken up about it, but seemed to get over it pretty fast, choosing to spend a lot more time with Edward and me.

For a while, there was this stray thought that seeded itself deep in the back of my mind that Tanya might one day change her mind about her feelings for Edward, but as time passed and the three of us graduated together and got accepted to UW, it became obvious that things would never change between the two of them - not that I ever thought Edward would ever want her that way, but it would have been an awful situation nonetheless.

Alice and Jasper both got accepted to UCLA. Edward toyed with studying medicine like his father, but finally decided on a music degree. He wanted to be a music appreciation teacher. Tanya wanted to teach as well, but she more interested in working with young children. I had a tougher time deciding what I wanted to do.

Of course Charlie wanted me to be a lawyer like him, but there was no way in hell I was gonna do that. Thankfully, he agreed to pay for my education no matter what I decided – which was good because I was well into my second year before I declared a major.

Housing was easy at UW. The first year Edward, Tanya, and I leased a fairly large apartment together. Though we could afford it just the three of us, we knew it would be nice to offer the third bedroom to someone who might really need it. We'd been actively seeking a forth roommate for a few weeks, but we couldn't seem to agree on anyone. The girls we interviewed all looked at Edward like he was a piece of meat, while the guys all seemed to be really sleazy or looking for a place to party. We were down to only a small handful of interviews when Jake came in.

He was tall, dark and handsome with a blinding smile, and a super-friendly personality. Edward was a little reserved at first about the idea of another guy living there, but when Jake mentioned that he really needed a place that could offer some peace and quiet because he was studying to be a pediatrician, Tanya was fell over heels. The next day we had a new roommate.

Jake and Tanya's mutual love of children brought them together almost immediately, and once he and Edward got to know each other, the four of us became close friends.

I was almost through my second year when I decided I wanted to go into nursing.

Edward's family and I had become really close over the years and I always looked up to his father. I didn't think I could handle everything involved with being a doctor, but as a nurse, I could be a part of that world and help people. It was also a good career choice because I would easily be able to find a nursing job wherever Edward got hired once he finished school.

After our second year, Edward and I were going to go home to Forks for a month while Tanya spent the summer with Jake at his family's cabin in Aspen.

My parents had long since sold their house, so I ended up staying with the Cullens. It took some convincing, but Edward and I were able to talk Esme and Carlisle into letting us share his room, but that room was next to his parents and I was loud during sex. So after two weeks without Edward's amazing cock, I was getting pretty fed-up. I dipped into my savings and booked us a weekend getaway at a bed and breakfast in Port Angeles.

We had an amazing time – made love the whole weekend, walked around naked during the day and pretty much did whatever we wanted. It made us want to live together – without roommates.

Edward and I came back from summer break with every intention of telling Tanya and Jake that we were going to be moving out, so imagine our surprise when they said it first. They shocked everyone when they announced that they'd eloped. I was a little sore that I hadn't gotten to be there when two of my friends tied the knot, but as long as they were happy that was all that mattered.

So Tanya and Jake moved out leaving Edward and I with a large apartment all to ourselves for the remainder of our college careers.

Edward and I graduated together and he immediately began looking for jobs. I wanted to wait until he got hired before I began applying. After a few months passed with no job offers Edward began expanding his search.

There were offers for him in Phoenix, Nashville, and Tampa. Secretly, I wanted to go back to Phoenix. I loved the dry climate and it was where I grew up. I was ecstatic when I got a job offer in the hospital a few blocks from the private academy that Edward had applied to.

Edward had been acting really finicky about the apartments we looked at online. Nothing seemed to be good enough for him, which was odd. He was usually so easy going.

We were down to a deadline – already packing up our belongings in Seattle. I only had one week before I was meant to start my job and Edward had three. His indecision was beginning to worry me –make me feel as though maybe he was having second thoughts.

I was standing at the kitchen counter cutting up some vegetables for dinner when I turned around and found Edward behind me on his knees with a ring in his hand. It was such an odd time to propose, but when I asked him about it later, he simply said that he wanted to plan a nice dinner or do something special, but he just couldn't wait another moment – I fell in love with him all over again.

Instead of getting an apartment, he wanted us to get a house together.

We waited until winter break from school for him to be off, and I could take off work to travel to Seattle where we could be close to our family and friends.

Alice arrived heavily pregnant and engaged to Jasper, and Tanya and Jake were our best man and maid of honor. Emmett had grown out of his youth chubbiness and finally gotten a date with the pretty girl he'd been crushing on since his freshman year, Rosalie.

My mom came with her new boyfriend Phil, a baseball player she'd met in rehab, while my father sent us a big fat check. He hadn't manage to show up at all even though the wedding was only three blocks from his office and penthouse apartment – I wasn't all that shocked.

The wedding was small but beautiful –everything I ever dreamed about, and the honeymoon was magnificent – Edward was perfect.

Nine months after the wedding, Masen Edward Cullen was born.

As I held my son in my arms, I thought about all the mistakes I made and the way I treated people – all the mistakes my parents made and the way they treated me. I never knew love till I met Edward. He gave me everything – showed me what it meant to be a friend, and a lover. He gave me hope and stood by me when I was at my worst.

Edward placed Masen in crib and took me to bed. It was the six weeks since the baby was born, and we finally had the go ahead to be intimate.

As Edward carefully removed my ratty night-gown and kissed me all over paying special attention to my stretch marks – a physical reminder of the life we created – all I could feel was his love. He pushed into me making me moan, giving me everything.

My ridiculous little high school plan to lose my virginity in two weeks might have been an epic failure, but it brought me to Edward, and showed me that my old life was a life worth losing.


Done forget to check out my newest stories A Taste of Honey, Lost and Found, and the O/S Sex Machine!