The living room at Number 12 Grimmauld Place was almost empty. The room was very dim as the only light was the last embers of the fire, which were slowly dying out. It was half three in the morning and everyone had gone to bed. That is everyone but Sirius Black.
He had done this almost every night for the past fifteen years, instead of going to bed like every other normal person. But Sirius wasn't normal. He never had been, and he doubted that he ever would be.
The events that took place on that Halloween night had stuck with him. Every dreadful night he had spent in Azkaban, thoughts of James and Lily ran through his head and more than once he had wished that it was him instead of them. No one deserved the fate they got, but especially not those two. They were the kindest, most selfless people that Sirius knew; he would have given anything to have been in their place if it meant that they could live happy lives.
The main reason he had these thoughts was because he blamed himself. If he hadn't convinced James to have Pettigrew as the secret keeper, then maybe they would still be here. Sirius knew that if Voldermort had tried to get him to betray his friends, he would have died rather than let that happen.
Sirius sighed, put his rather large glass of firewhisky on the table in front of him, and placed his head in his hands. He had to stop this. It wasn't his fault that they were dead. He had to stop blaming himself. It was Voldermort's fault, and Pettigrew's, they should be the ones to lose sleep over this. They should be the ones who sat every night, sick to the stomach with guilt and sorrow. But no, it was Sirius who had to deal with it.
He knew that Remus was also devastated by this and also missed his friends terribly, but for some reason, it hit Sirius harder than anyone. He couldn't seem to move on. The only other person who could possibly be as upset was Harry, but he hadn't even known his parents.
At that thought Sirius was hit with another pang of sadness. Harry had to grow up not knowing the wonderful people that were his parents and being abused for most of his life. Sirius was the only one who could possibly understand what Harry was going through, he had the weight of the wizarding world on his shoulders and he had already lost his mum and dad. Harry's life was not an easy one to live.
Suddenly, Sirius heard footsteps coming down the old creaky staircase. Who else could be up at this time of night? His first thought was Kreacher, but he couldn't hear the muttering that was usually heard wherever Kreacher went. He leaned back in his armchair and looked towards the door, just in case whoever it was came in. Then the door slowly creaked open, but not enough for someone to get through. Sirius thought it best to let his presence be known.
"Hello? Who's there?" he called quietly into the air. By now the fire had almost completely died out, and there was very little light. The door opened a bit more and a figure stepped into the room without making a sound. There was just enough light for Sirius to make out this person as Harry. He relaxed and felt very relieved, as he didn't fancy a lecture off Molly at the moment.
"Harry, take a seat." He gestured kindly to the chair opposite his own, whether Harry noticed he had no idea, but he still made his way across the room and sat, thought he still hadn't uttered a word.
Silence filled the room for a few minutes before Harry finally decided to say something.
"Why are you sat in the dark?" Sirius smiled, he hadn't expected him to ask that. But then again, Harry always surprised him, just like James used to. Before he answered he pointed his wand at the fire and more flames appeared. This didn't make much difference but now they could see more clearly.
"I was just thinking. Sitting in the dark helps me focus more, it's easier that way." Sirius said, and then he asked a question of his own.
"What are you doing up?" Harry turned to look at the fire, obviously avoiding Sirius' eyes. He looked upset, like something was bothering him. 'Understandable' thought Sirius. 'Everything he's been through, it would surprise me more if he didn't act like this.'
Harry sighed deeply before saying, "I had a nightmare. It brought back memories." When Sirius didn't say anything he continued. "Memories of them. Well, I wouldn't say memories, I can't remember much about them, it just got me thinking."
Sirius didn't need to ask who 'them' were. He knew exactly who Harry was talking about. Tears began to form in Sirius' eyes and more sorrow washed over him. He would do anything for them to come back. Harry broke the silence again by asking,
"What are you doing up?" Although Harry was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that.
Sirius ducked his head, hoping that Harry wouldn't notice his grief. He was almost scared to answer, at the moment, he couldn't trust his voice. It might give away his pain.
"Sirius?" Harry questioned. He was beginning to worry about his Godfather. At that moment Sirius looked up to see Harry's worried expression. He just shook his head and sighed, looking back to the floor.
"I was just thinking about," He paused, once again looking at Harry. "Your mum and dad." After that they fell into a comfortable yet slightly awkward silence. Neither knew what to say to the other. Then an idea formed in Harry's head.
"Sirius, I know it would be hard for you, but would you mind telling me about them?" He asked hopefully. If Sirius said no then he wouldn't pry, he knew more than anyone how difficult it would be to recall memories of his best friend.
To his surprise Sirius smiled widely, though you could still see the pain on his face, and said softly, "I would love to Harry." Harry smiled when he heard this and leaned back in his chair.
"They were wonderful people Harry, two of the best people I knew. I was lucky to have a best friend like James. He was always there for me, his entire family was. When I was sixteen I ran away, you see, my family were massive supporters of Voldermort and I hated the lot of them. So when I ran away, I went to your dad's house. His family welcomed me and treated me like their own son. Just how the Weasley's treat you. Wonderful family they are. Wonderful." He paused for a moment and smiled slightly before continuing.
"It wasn't until after Hogwarts that your mother and I became friends. During Hogwarts, I suppose you could say, she hated me. She didn't like that we were always getting into trouble, she thought we should be more responsible. But that isn't me at all, as you know. But in the end, she warmed up to me. She didn't really have a choice because I was always around. You see, even after Hogwarts James and I were like brothers, very rare to see one of us without the other. I suppose that's why they made me your Godfather." Sirius said distantly. He had a faraway look in his eye as he spoke about the past. It almost looked like he forgot where he was.
"Err, Sirius?" Harry asked quietly. Once he heard his name been called he snapped back to the present day, he had to remind himself that they weren't around anymore. No matter how much he wished for it, they weren't coming back. He looked Harry in the eye and spoke very softly.
"Harry, not a day goes by that I don't miss your dad. He was my best friend, and I know that as long as I live, I won't be able to move on, I won't be able to except that they are really gone. But I have to try, no matter how long it takes, because I know that they can't come back." Sirius finished as a tear slowly ran down his cheek. Harry had also begun to cry, hearing about his parents like that, no words could describe the longing he was feeling. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that they had to be the ones to go. That's when Harry had to remind himself. Life wasn't fair.
"Why don't you head on up to bed, try and get some sleep. We can talk again tomorrow night if you want." Sirius said whilst standing. Harry also stood up and made his way to the door. He knew that Sirius was following him, so when he got to the door, he stopped and turned to look at his Godfather.
"Harry, when this war is over, when we can all live a normal life, we can be a proper family, you and me. It's what James and Lily would have wanted." Sirius spoke softly and gave Harry a fatherly hug.
When he pulled away Harry smiled and said, "Thank you." Before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Sirius stood there for a moment thinking about what he had said. He would never be able to except that they weren't coming back. He knew it was true, but that didn't make it any easier. He sighed, went to pick up his glass and took a big gulp of firewhisky.
It would take time. Sirius knew that he could lose many more people in this war. It was almost certain. Even he could be the next one to go.
The room was almost pitch black now, the fire was nearly out and it was nearly impossible for Sirius to see.
'I know one thing for sure.' He thought to himself as he placed his glass back on the table and sat back in his chair. The last flame in the fire flickered once more before going out, leaving Sirius to sit alone in the darkness.
'I will never forget James and Lily Potter.'