Fandom: Penguins of Madagascar
Characters/Pairings: Skipper, Kowalski, Manfredi & Johnson, Hans, Private, Hans/Skipper, Red One (Blowhole's 2nd in command, the lobster guy.), King Julien, a couple OCs, Dr. Blowhole, Kico
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'll give them back clean and de-humanized when I'm done, mm-kay?
Warnings: AU, Humanized, slightly strong language, dark in spots, violence, threats, slash,
Author's note: Reverse!Genderbend!AU is one where if I didn't switch their gender in the first GB!AU, they are now, and if they were, they're not. Skipper and Rico are women, while Private and Kowalski are not. It's marked by RGB!AU. I'll mostly use it for Next Gen stuffs.
Being the first two back from the mission sometimes had its downsides.
"How much does it hurt?" Skipper asked.
Kowalski looked puzzled. "How much does what hurt?" he questioned, settling down in a chair.
"Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about," Skipper said, crossing his arms and scowling.
"No, I don't." Skipper scowled further and whipped out a stick, hitting Kowalski's knee lightly with it. The scientist tensed, narrowing his eyes. "Don't."
Skipper grinned and made to tap Kowalski again, but was lightly shocked when the stick was situated at the side of his throat. "I said don't. And you have no idea how much that hurts."
"Then relax and stop walking. God, you need to be more careful with yourself. Neither of the others have any idea that you're hurt, do they?"
"I didn't realize you had noticed." Kowalski pulled a couple of small tablets from a pocket and popped them into his mouth.
"Kowalski, you're dry-swallowing pills. Of course I noticed." Skipper nearly shouted the last few words, but didn't, because they were still working on staying silent from their mission.
"What?" Kowalski's voice held so much confusion that Skipper was willing to bet that he himself hadn't realized it.
"You're pill popping on automatic. I've been watching you." Skipper sat down next to Kowalski and gently took the stick away. "Go take a shower, get warmed up and sleep. Big day tomorrow and I want my men ship shape." Nodding, Kowalski stiffly stood and strode off, not a limp in sight. "He's going to get himself killed, ignoring his pain like that."
177 Fuzzy (Hans/Skipper)
Open this when you're alone, the note had said. Skipper followed it, since, as it was in Kowalski's handwriting, it was likely something he wouldn't want the others to see. Inside the box was another box, with a second note written on it as well. Enjoy in the company of others. "Kowalski… don't tell me you…you did. Ass," Skipper muttered, flipping open the second box.
He placed the box on his nightstand and promptly forgot about it until several days later when Hans asked, "Hmm? And what is this? I do believe someone knows." Slipping up behind a startled Skipper, he murmured, "I'll have to thank them later, once I've had my fun. Tell me, who gave you these?"
A trickle of dread slipped down Skipper's spine as something soft brushed up and down his arm. He was going to kill Kowalski.
It was a nondescript package – plain brown paper, simple twine, Kowalski's name, and no return address. After many scans, nothing turned up and Kowalski opened it. Inside was a single piece of paper and a bottle of chocolate syrup. Smirking, he cheerfully placed the note in his pocket, threw the box in the recycles, and carried the bottle up the stairs with him. He had a willfully pliant significant other to tease.
179 Scare (Bond!AU)
He was almost eaten. He almost did get eaten. The scary cannibal was making a fire and was going to eat him. There was a big pot he was going to get stuck in, once he'd been chopped into little bits and he was so bloody lucky he had backup and he was shaking and one of the CIA agents had him and thank God he wasn't going to die.
He couldn't hear it, not really, but the agent holding him was berating one of the others for "almost not making it in time."
He'd played piano, once upon a time. Back when his hands were good for something other than knives. Back before he met his boss and joined the legion, quickly shooting towards the top.
Granted, he still played now and then, when his boss wasn't plotting a revenge or world takeover or when he wasn't defeating/being defeated by that crazy scientist who was good with guns.
He still wasn't sure if he was bringing a knife to a gunfight or if the scientist was bringing a gun to a knife fight.
Either way, it didn't affect him now, on his one day off in a long while, just sitting at a grand piano and letting his fingers fly.
The team had gotten close to losing Kowalski once when they were fighting Dr. Blowhole. He was fighting the one they had heard the villain call "Red One" and the two were perilously close to the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Skipper had seen their twin looks of terror and panic when they realized that they were dangerously close to fighting in midair and falling off the edge. He motioned to Rico who gasped and started running towards the pair. He didn't make it before the two scrabbling figures pitched over the side.
The whole field stopped. Two commanders called to their troops for a tactical retreat.
Within minutes, Skipper and his boys were down at the base of the cliff in a search boat, trying to find their fallen friend.
Needless to say, they found him, sputtering and attempting to cough up a lung.
Red One was lucky he knew how to cliff dive. As soon as he and that damnable scientist had pitched off the cliff, he'd pushed himself out as far as he could go, using whatever leverage he could to get as far away from the rocks as possible.
Once out, he swam away from the approaching boat quickly, to the drop point he knew was close by.
"Boss," he said, catching several of his men as they tackled him when he came up out of the waters. "Easy, men. Easy. I'm not dying that quick."
"Red One. Glad to see you're alive and that you made it."
"Glad to be of service, boss."
183 Red (GB!AU)
Her hair was red. It was a rich, deep color, one that distracted him slightly every time he looked at her. It inspired his code name for her. Not to mention her entire team had red hair as well.
But none of them had hair quite the same shade as hers.
It matched the blood on her knives.
Every member of Skipper's team had his issues.
Kowalski? The man trusted no one and Skipper was fine with that. It kept them alive.
Private, on the other hand, trusted far too much, and it had gotten them into trouble on occasion.
Rico's issue… that was a tough one. Skipper supposed it began with his strange obsession with explosives that led into a bit of an obsession with Kowalski (*brain bleach, must find some) that got the scientist to at least trust someone other than Skipper.
Skipper paused at what his own issue could be. It probably wasn't his twisted relationship with a certain undercover Interpol agent, nor was it likely to be how much he hated Dr. Blowhole. In fact, it was probably how much he cared for his boys – and that care could be a weakness. But it didn't matter, as long as it worked for him.
185 Girl (RGB!AU, next gen)
She was pretty, he noticed. Her short blond hair contrasted beautifully with her dark eyes. Jason took stock of her long legs, short black shorts, and dark blue shirt that was just barely long enough to cover her stomach. He managed to make a complete fool of himself in front of her, and when he told his father, the man just laughed and said, "I did the same thing when I finally proposed to your mother. Besides, I wasn't expecting Stephanie's daughter to be anything but a beauty. Now, young man, go talk to her. You were friends when you were younger."
"Just realized she was a girl," he mumbled, taking his father's advice and managing to strike up a conversation with Rosalina Søpapegøjer.
186 Find (GB!AU)
Johnson sat next to Kowalski, stroking the younger woman's hair. They're not in the large house they call home, or as Manfredi insisted, HQ. They're in a hospital in Lithuania, where Kowalski is recovering from a run-in with a sadistic doctor that had given her an impromptu surgery. Johnson stood and stepped out of the private room they had managed to get for Kowalski and shut the door, sliding down it.
How the hell was she going to explain what had happened to her superiors? Worse, how was she supposed to explain to young Kowalski that she couldn't have kids?
Johnson gave a soft cry and buried her face in her hands, ignoring Manfredi when he came up and stood in front of her.
"She's not ok, is she?" he asked. Johnson looked up at him.
"No, she's not. She's not going to be alright for a long time." Johnson choked out a sob and hid her face again.
"What do you want me to do?" Manfredi murmured, settling down next to her.
"James," Johnson hissed, "you find the man responsible for hurting her, and you kill him."
"Yes ma'am." Manfredi held up his hands in surrender. If she wanted the bastard's head on a platter, he'd give it to her.
187 White (Works with 99)
She was pretty, Hans noticed. And kind of boring. She wasn't anything like he had suspected his friend/enemy/on-and-off lover would go for.
Hans knew exactly who she was within two minutes of meeting her. It was that woman who seemed to be close to Skipper but didn't know anything about him.
He took stock of her looks. A little on the short side, bleached hair – probably an accident, judging from the spots that were darker. She didn't look good with white hair – not the way Hans did.
He whirled her into an underarm turn, stepping back lightly before collecting her again. He quite enjoyed dancing with her, and wondered why he hadn't before. The song ended, and he spun her again, pulling her back into his arms and walking off the dance floor. The two of them were breathing hard, smiling at each other and sitting back down.
"That was amazing. I didn't know you could dance, much less tango," she said.
"Product of a misspent youth," he replied, shrugging.
"Well it was a well-spent misspent youth then," she stated.
He shrugged again, sipping at a drink.
"Kowalski, we should do this again."
"We should, Marlene. We should."
189 Jar (GB!AU)
"You're scared," the agent ventured.
"Terrified," was the soft reply.
"He has a literal jar filled with hearts, Hanne. The question is why aren't you?" she'd asked, meeting the eyes of her companion.
"The mad scientist doesn't have ours. That's what's keeping me going."
He remained silent, refusing to answer any of the questions that they asked him. He'd given his name, rank, and organization, mutely sitting through the torture they tried. They'd nearly cracked him once, mentioning what they'd do to his partner if he didn't tell them.
But Johnson was more stubborn than they were. He wouldn't tell them a single thing.
"—No, no, Daniel Craig really was a James Bond, all of them were," Private said, staring at the screen in disbelief. "What's insane was the jump out of the helicopter. Why would she do that?"
Skipper was stuck on the fact that James Bond really existed. "Even Sean Connery?" he asked. Private nodded.
"What about the author of the books? Ian Fleming?" Kowalski was eyeing Private with some interest – the fact that all of the actors who'd played James Bond were actually the man at some point screamed at him to fully research the phenomena.
"Kowalski, Ian Fleming's novels were watered down autobiographies. And the men aren't actually called 'James Bond,' but they do have pseudonyms." Private shrugged, turning his attention back to the Opening Ceremony.
All was silent for a few moments before Kowalski finally asked the question that was hovering at the back of everyone's thoughts. "How do you know all of this?"
Private simply answered, "Uncle Nigel," as if it explained everything.
192 Show (R!GB!AU)
Hans silently watched as Dr. Finn used her Mind Jacker on Skipper, the female agent slumping against the wall beside her once Finn's invention was complete. The woman looked around, panting slightly, looking around. Her eyes were wide with fear, and she was trembling slightly. Never before had Hans seen honest to god fear in Skipper's eyes, much less the amount she was showing. It made her look young and vulnerable.
He didn't like it at all.
193 Want (Hans/Skipper)
"Now you are completely powerless. I can do anything I want with you. Anything at all," Hans purred, tracing a finger across Skipper's chest. Skipper felt his breath hitch and a small wave of shivers cross his skin wherever Hans touched him. "Tell me you don't want this, tell me to stop, and we can end this right here. Right now," the Dane breathed, mouthing along Skipper's neck.
"N-no, don't stop," Skipper whispered, not fighting the ties the other man had tied him up with.
"Good." Hans grinned, licking his lips slightly and following the line of Skipper's collarbone with the tip of his tongue. Skipper let out a soft whine when Hans drew away.
"Skipper you have to go on without me," Kowalski said.
"Soldier, wha- oh." Skipper cut himself off when Kowalski tapped his own leg and Skipper saw the bullet hole and corresponding blood stain that went down half of the scientist's leg.
"Go. At this point I'm a liability you can't afford." Kowalski sighed and ripped a strip from his shirt, tying it around the bullet hole. "I'll stall for time, but please, get out while you can."
"Stay strong, Soldier. I'll come back for you," Skipper said. Kowalski saluted and Skipper returned the favor, handing Kowalski a pistol.
"Good luck, Skipper."
"Skies are clear, Skipper. We'll be back on the dawn."
"Hold her steady, Kowalski. Want Rico to relieve you?"
"I can pilot her for a few more hours. Private's been supplying me with caffeine."
"Alright. I'll see you on the other side then."
"Roger that. Kowalski out."
Private crouched, feeling his muscles coil. Minutely shifting, he glanced around, noting where he needed to land. Suddenly he moved, using Rico as a springboard to get to the next level of the building. Rico helped him spring, launching Private high enough to catch the balcony railing and pull himself up.
"I'm in," he said over his communicator.
"Good. Alright, you'll need to go through the ventilation system," Kowalski said, sending a map to Private's eyeglass display, a red line tracing the route he needed to take. "Follow the red line. I'll update it as needed."
"Understood. I'm going in," Private replied, silently approaching the nearest vent.
It was a sweltering day, the moisture in the air clinging to the back of Nick's throat. He straightened his bowtie and twirled the golf club in his fingers. Smirking, he flicked the ball sitting on the T up and around the clown head and down a small slide just on the other side to sink the ball into the hole.
He didn't see the young man watching him.
"Skipper," Kowalski started, voice tight. "I am a penguin. I am an emperor penguin, just as much as Rico is a rock hopper and Private a fairy." He clacked his beak at the only member of the team still human. "Fix it."
Skipper brushed down ruffled feathers, scratching at the back of Kowalski's head. Kowalski chittered involuntarily. "Want some fish?" he teased, nearly getting bitten in response.
"Oh how the mighty have fallen," Hans chirped.
"Shut up Hans!" Kowalski spat, angrily chirruping. Try as he might, he couldn't escape from Skipper's grasp and resigned himself to being held.
"Hans is a puffin?" Private cooed before laughing.
"Even as a puffin, I could still kick your tiny tail feathers," Hans sneered, turning around on his perch. The spy had taken his transformation with dignity.
Rico snored loudly, the bright yellow feather-tufts on his brow shifting slightly with every breath.
"Right. I'm going to fix this. Somehow. Kowalski, to the lab," Skipper said, carrying Kowalski down to his basement laboratory.
Kowalski stood on the balcony, staring at the city lights. It was quiet, and snow had just started to fall.
"Merry Christmas, Kowalski. Why're you out here?" Private asked, joining Kowalski outside. When he'd opened the door, a smattering of chatter and music followed.
"I like the cold?" Kowalski tried.
Private didn't believe him. "You hate the cold."
Kowalski tipped his drink toward Private. "I do."
"Then…?" Private trailed off.
"Perspective." Turning his back to the city, Kowalski headed back in. "Come in when you're ready."
"You are absolutely… fascinating," Kowalski said, stormy eyes glittering. He circled Rico, shark-like. Rico was silent, watching Kowalski move, keeping his guard up. Kowalski was in a mood, one that Rico wasn't sure how to respond to. Pausing behind Rico, Kowalski crowded him slightly, nosing Rico's hair. "You smell like black powder," he murmured. Hands slid up Rico's arms to his shoulders, settling.
Rico looked down at one hand. Kowalski's fingers were long and lean, calloused and hardened from years of shooting and science. Kowalski snuffled into Rico's hair.
"So hardened, so worn, polished in beautiful ways…" he breathed, the air flowing over Rico's ear.
Rico spun, a hand going to Kowalski's throat. "You're not Kowalski."
The fake grinned. "No. I'm not. I'm not your precious scientist. Well. I am, but I'm not yours. He and I traded places." The grin turned feral. "I'm the one he keeps locked up. A regular Henry Jekyll, this one."
"He might be Jekyll, but you're no Hyde," Skipper said, knocking the door in. A laser dot was focused on Kowalski's forehead, indicating that Private could take the shot if he needed to.
"Hello Skipper." Kowalski smiled. "Your scientist is all locked up in here." He tapped his temple. "And he's not coming back out."
Rico growled and punched Kowalski in the face, knocking him down. "How do we fix this," he grumbled, sitting on the scientist's legs.
"By getting off of me and letting me do my job," Kowalski said. "Thank you, Rico. For knocking me out. I have to fix this." He looked Rico in the eyes. "Please. Let me up. I have to do this. If I don't there's no telling what he'd do and please. Rico."
"Off him, soldier. Private, we're clear," Skipper said. "Fix this Kowalski, you're a threat otherwise."
"Done and dusted."
Well, two years later it's finished. Wow. I'm sorry it took this long to finish, I really am. I had a blast writing these, and I hope you enjoyed reading. There are a few that I might pick up later, but that's for another time. One last time, I'll lead you to the specific notes.
176: Trust me, bad knees HURT. I haven't had knee surgery and I'm hopped up on pain medications most of the winter. If it hurts me that much, imagine how much worse it must be for Kowalski.
177: I totally blame one of the friends I've made in college. This is all her fault. You know who you are.
178: This one is her fault as well.
179: From the scrambled/freaked out POV of Bond!Private. First time I've written him in a few months.
180: And if you've seen EITHER of the Dr. Blowhole episodes, you remember his second in command – Red One. This guy? That lobster.
181: I like pitching Kowalski and Red One against each other. Twas fun.
182: Red One is the second in command for a reason.
183: Lady Red. Scary lady.
184: The boys have issues. Lots of issues.
185: Rosalina is Lady Skipper and Hans's daughter, while Jason is Kowalski and Lady Rico's son. I like next gen. It was fun.
186: Johnson is terrifying, pretty, and very, very good at her job. Manfredi does not want to irritate her.
187: The episode where Marlene was accidentally bleached white? Yeah. Hans isn't impressed.
188: I can dance various ballroom dances. And I had been at a competition not long before I wrote this particular one.
189: I've wanted to use this for a while now.
190: Johnson always has been and always will be a badass.
191: Written post-2012 Olympics. It's just a fun little idea I had.
192: Return of the Revenge of Doctor Blowhole
193: Um… if I'm remembering right, what Hans says right at the beginning is from The Return of the Revenge of Doctor Blowhole. It's how he says it.
194: damn it Kowalski, stop being a martyr and sacrificing yourself for your team.
196: Private used Rico as a springboard. :3
197: Oblivious Private is oblivious. And Kidd likes to stare.
198: Obligatory "turned into another species" short, with canon species!
199: Merry Christmas!
200: Jekyll and Hyde, anyone? I want to expand upon this at some point. It's a fascinating premise.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.