Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

SUMMARY: Hitsugaya was adorable in his sleep, ripe for cuddling- but the danger lay in him waking up and catching Matsumoto red-handed.

WARNINGS: Crack and fluff. Possible OOC.

PAIRINGS: None, really. Just a close bond between Matsumoto and Hitsugaya

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach and make no money off of this.

NOTES: l know Valentine's Day is done differently in Japan, but just roll with this, m'kay. There's no chocolates in here anyway.

If you enjoyed this fic, you might like two of my other fics featuring Matsu and Hitsu and written in a similiar vein: "Toy Soldier" and "Oteari"


by Neko Oni

The moon glowed and stars twinkled merrily in the navy sky. A night breeze tinkled the wind chimes outside the 10th division window. Hitsugaya finished the paperwork just before midnight. He shuffled the papers, straightening the stack neatly then put his brush in a cup of soapy water to be washed in the morning. He yawned and stretched his cramped muscles. His eyelids felt heavy and kept slipping closed.

He was so tired, he could barely stay awake. Now that the mountain of paperwork had been tackled, his will and determination sheathed themselves and his body was ready to drop where he stood. He would not be able to make it to his private quarters and his soft blankets, but late nights like this were why he had the couch; not for his lazy, work-skipping fukutaichou to take her daily siesta on, leaving him with double duty on the paperwork.

"Stupid Matusmoto." Hitsugaya mumbled sleepily as he stumbled over to the couch. He was already asleep and dreaming of strangling her and turning her into a sake-sodden icicle before his little body hit the couch cushions.

Not long after, the door slid open and a partially inebriated fukutaichou sloshed her way back from the Valentine's Day party the Shinigami Women's Association had thrown. She had provided the alcohol, and sampled plenty herself. To make sure it was of good quality, of course. Now the girls were delivering their valentines, and she had a special one planned for her taichou. He should be sound asleep by now, and she had plans on picking him up, cuddling him close and maybe stealing a kiss or two on those soft baby cheeks.

Matsumoto leaned in the door way, squinting, not surprised to see the lights still on. It was all part of her master plan to get some Valentine snuggles on her taichou. But her taichou was not at his desk, which was neatly stacked with piles of completed paperwork. Her desk, too, was empty. With one glance, Matsumoto could tell Hitsugaya had not gone through her drawers, looking for the missing paperwork. Paper, sake bottles, and a bra or two that just got so uncomfortable she had to take it off, stuck out of the drawers. They were just as she'd left them- a perfectly disorganized mess, and she knew where everything in the wreckage was. Well, for the most part- there was that one bottle of sake, a couple of important documents, and a bottle or two of nail polish she'd misplaced. All of those had been misplaced the last time Hitsugaya lost his temper and straightened her desk out himself. If he never would have touched them, then she'd wouldn't have lost them, so techinically it was all the little neat-freak's fault.

Nothing was missing from her desk this time, but Hitsugaya was missing from his. She knew he hadn't gone home- she had left him with far too much paperwork, and she knew he would never leave paperwork unfinished, especially with a deadline looming over their heads like a gleaming, sharp guillotine. So he had to be here, somewhere. She squinted some more and swallowed a drunken hiccup.

A soft sound of someone stirring in their sleep drew her attention to the couch. She could not see over the back of it, so she crept forward on her tiptoes to find Hitsugaya curled up on his side, snuggled into the indentations permanently left in the cushiosn by her own bigger body after a century or two of constant napping on it. His small hands were tucked under his cheek and his small nose twitched. He was so cute and fragile in his sleep, so innocent and pure.

Matsumoto repressed a squeal and came around the back of the couch to kneel in front of him and gaze down at him. His usual scowl was gone and a tuft of white hair fell into his eyes. He looked so sweet and vulnerable- there was something exposed and unprotected about him in slumber. She felt a surge of protective, truimphant glee- she was one of the very few priviliedged enough to see this side of him, even if he showed in unknowingly.

Matsumoto sighed heavily, warm, sake-laden breath washing over his little face; Hitsugaya's pert nose crinkled and she smiled. His skin was so smooth and pale, carved out of ice-frosted porcelain. She knew, from stealing snuggles and kisses on him before, it was just as soft as it look. His eyelashes were long, thick and a deep onyx, their color darkened by the pale skin they rested against. They were closed, hiding the two large, bright jewels that were his eyes.

She gently touched his cheek. He stirred slightly, pink lips parting as he breathed. Her blue eyes gazed at him, drinking in the sight of her Valentine's treat and savoring this moment. She only wished she could record it for the Women's Assoication...but if Hitsugaya ever found out about the video tape, she'd never get to cuddle him again.

That was a risk she just couldn't take. He was so adorable, she couldn't resist cuddling and snuggling him. Awake, he was prickly, cranky, grouchy, and very much on the anti-cuddling side of things. Only when he was deeply asleep and completely exhausted did she get a chance to get her greedy mits on him.

She sat back on her heels, hicupped again, and pulled some bright pink lipstick out of her massive cleavage. She applied it generously so it would leave nice lip prints on his soft baby cheek, her hazy blue eyes glinting. Happy Valentine's Day indeed.

Satisfied, she tucked the lipstick back into between her boobs and leaned forward. Her pink lips inched closer and closer to his soft cheek. He stirred slightly, eyelashes fluttering, and she froze, blood turning to ice in her veins, terrified she was busted. Then he sighed softly and settled back down. She sighed, too, and pressed her lips to his warm skin.

He didn't move, and she was about to pull back and go in for another kiss- this one on his forehead- when an overwhelming stench pervaded between them. Matsumoto froze, lips puckered, and hoped Hitsugaya wouldn't notice.

Too late. The petite shinigami was cruelly yanked wide awake by his nose. His eyes shot open, one dainty hand clamped over his mouth, and he scrambled back away from her, her lip print blazing upon his cheek.

He found refuge by the door, which was cracked open, allowing some fresh air to waft into the room. He coughed and gagged, glaring at his buxom vice captain. "Matsumoto! That's just- just vile and disgusting!"

Matsumoto's face was Valentine red- she had been concentrating so much upon not waking her taichou up, glorying in her Valentine prank, that she hadn't been paying attention to her own body. She'd never even felt the fart slip out.

Before she could say anything, Hitsugaya was gone, shunpoing to the fresh, fart-free air of his own apartment, and the safely of his own futon, leaving Matsumoto alone with her own stench.

Matsumoto pouted. "It was just a little fart! Maybe I should have laid off the rice and beans for supper..." She looked very put out and crossed her arms moodily under her boobs, scowling. "Hmph!"

Then the reek of her own fart hit her, and gagging with watery eyes, Matsumoto fled the office.


Happy Valentine's Day! Hope yours is a gas. (ducks before she gets shot)