Do you suffer from writer's block? Have you left stories that you started years ago unfinished because of it? Are you dying of your own guilt because you left poor readers hanging and couldn't come up with an idea to end your story?
Well, have no fear, poor, gullible little person! I am the infomercial guy who's going to make all of your dreams come true! All you have to do is buy our product. Your grandma would buy this, and she doesn't even read/write/know about fanfiction.
But what is this incredible product, you ask? It's the Writer's BlockBreaker! The Writer's BlockBreaker is a powerful videocube that shows you helpful clips until you think of something useful. From kittens and people doing the numa numa dance to microwave explosions and people putting too much food into their mouths, our patented audio-visual wave technology stimulates a complex network of neurons associated with creative thinking (LeQuaque et. al., 2004).
This magical block comes in sixteen breathtaking colors: White, Egg Shell, Sour Cream , Polar Bear, Albino, Marshmallow, Cracker, Wedding Dress, Tissue, Snowflake, Angel Wing, Gandalf the White, Sunblock, Baby Powder, White Person, Cotton Ball, Tooth, Cloud, Guero, White Chocolate, and Banilla Blast.
The Writer's BlockBreaker also includes programmable motivational sayings to lift you up when you're feeling down. Customer favorites include "Spoiler alert! Snape kills Dumbledore!", "Fix that typo! You don't spell that with a 'k', stupid!", "Buy our other products", "He's climbin' in your window, he's…." and much, much more.
Please don't be fooled by imitation products such as The Writer's IdeaSphere and Sham Wow! . None can offer you the patented technology and assistance that The Writer's BlockBreaker can. According to Dr. Donald Q. Ducque, "The IdeaSphere has proven ineffective in that its audio pulses must travel over the so-called x2 + y2 + z2 = r2 surface. As the stimulating waves travel, they are hindered by the unwillingness of the recipient neurons to give a damn about calculus. The BlockBreaker provides a safer, more effective solution, which we are confident will open new doors for fibromyalgia therapy as well" (Ducque et. al., 2008).
Just listen to some of our most satisfied customers. These are not paid actors, and you did not see them in any way, shape, or form in the Shake Weight promotion.
"I love the Writer's BlockBreaker so much, I got a tattoo of it on a certain part of my body that I'm not allowed to show on TV!"
"The Writer's Block Breaker spoiled my book."
"The Writer's Block Breaker got me pregnant!"
"I used the writer's Block Breaker to win a fight with Chuck N-"
/***Please stay tuned; we are experiencing technical difficulties***/
The Writer's BlockBreaker is light and portable enough to fit into your U-Haul trailer or standard family container ship. Take a drive with the Writer's BlockBreaker, and you'll always have the right-of-way- even if others are using cell phones.
This wonderful bundle of joy can be yours for 3 easy installments of $24.95, plus shipping and handling.
As yall can tell I gots the writer's block. Thank you Nicole for editing, and adding your sense of humor to it, your awesome. HEAR THAT WORLD MY SISTER IS AWESOME, AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! Review.
#)Q$*Pu0 jc09[ertu4[90 _)*_)*_)i-0ijpo