So Near Yet So Far Part 2

Disclaimer I own nothing but the ideas

This final chapter is set several months later. I'm sorry if this isn't quiet what people imagined, but I wanted to stay true to my orignal title. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with story - it has grown so far from the orginal idea. Especially thanks to Flashpenguin (my Beta) for her time and encouragment.

I'm gonna be there always
I won't be missing a word all day
I'm gonna be there always
I won't be missing a word all day

. . . . .

Emily eased herself into the seat on the plane. She didn't want to know how Hotch had managed to arrange the use of the jet to get her back to Quantico but was grateful that he had. She couldn't have faced a commercial flight yet. Looking up she could see the concern on Spencer's face.

"I'm fine," she muttered, before he had chance to ask.

"Obviously you're not," he began. "Do you really need me to recall the list of injuries? Or are you going to stubbornly try and ignore them all?"

She glared at him.

"I thought you were here to help me?"

"I am," he added, "Just like you helped me when I was in hospital."

"Impossible," she counter-argued, "You don't do sarcasm as well as I do."

They both smiled.

Emily hadn't felt like smiling in a long while. Even though Spencer had made the journey to see her as often as possible, her recovery so far had been a long and painful one. And she knew there was still a long way to go; however finally being considered fit enough to move back to Quantico was a huge step in the right direction. Emily was glad that Spencer was there to take the step with her.

As the plane took off each shudder shook her to the bone. She winced repeatedly. Spencer watched, wishing he could take away all the pain. He could empathise with her, but he knew she wouldn't let him. He wondered if stubbornness was a compulsory attribute to independence.

Emily's gaze settled on the clouds outside the window. Spencer could see the tears in her eyes.

"Talk to me Emily, tell me, anything, everything," he spoke gently, "I'm here . . . always."

She continued to stare into nothing, allowing a tear to roll down her cheek. She sighed deeply. Where did she begin?

"Do you think it will ever be the same again?"

Spencer looked confused.

"I have lied to everyone," she continued, "I ran away and left you all to it. Why should anyone trust me again?"

"Em, we understand," Spencer moved to sit beside her; "We know why you did what you did. Whether that was right or wrong we could debate forever." He sighed.

Emily turned towards him. He hated to see her cry, but knew that this was something he would have to learn to live with if he was going to see her through this, and he had every intension of doing that. He would be there every day for her, listening, unbiased and without want of anything from Emily. He loved her, without a doubt, but this wasn't about his feelings. What the future held, well that was a long way off now - actually it was never if they couldn't get through this.

"Spencer, I'm not who I was," she hesitated, "I'm not sure I can be me again. I had locked this part of me away, I thought, forever. Lauren and all the baggage that went with it was all gone, out of sight and out of mind. I don't know if I can do that again. I haven't got the strength to package this up and hide it away. I'm damaged goods. Why would anyone want anything to do with me?"

Spencer looked deep into her eyes. They were dull and lifeless. He longed to see the smile back in them; that was now his life-long goal. He reached across and pulled her close to him.

"Emily, we all want you," he whispered.

. . . . .

Emily hated the empty shell of her apartment, but she couldn't go back there. As she collected the last few things that mattered most, she looked around trying hard to remember something good about the place she was standing in. She had never called it home, she was never there enough to call it home. She had never invited the team back there, wanting to protect it from work.

Previously she had thought life was neatly packaged into small bundles, separate to each other. But now she knew life flowed, like a river, uphill and down, whatever obstacle crossed its path it continued to run its course. That was how Emily knew she had to adapt. She could not go over, under or round this obstacle, she had to go straight through this.

By the time she finished, she ached. To be honest ached was an understatement. But the pain was different, it felt good, she was finally doing something constructive. No longer was she sitting there waiting for life to happen, today she was taking control again. She had packed her things and in a short while Spencer was going to help her move into his.

She didn't know if it was a long term, but right now it was what she needed. She couldn't be alone any longer. She had realised the hard way how important her friends were. She was going to hold on to them this time.

As she waited she tried to think clearly about Reid. Before her recent meeting with Doyle she had grown closer to Reid. She didn't want to risk hurting him, but she knew she couldn't make any promises. Right now she needed friends, she couldn't think further than that.

. . . . .

Spencer entered Emily's apartment. He could see her standing at the end of the hall, staring out of the window. She did that a lot now. He wondered what was going through her mind when she did this.

When Hankle had tortured him, he had hid in a haze of drugs. It hadn't made what had happened to him any easier to deal with. In the end he just ended up fighting twice. Emily wasn't hiding, she was facing this head on and he admired her for that. He had forced himself to read the account of what she had gone through. He had technically read worse, but this had reduced him to tears. What Doyle had done was unimaginable to Reid.

"Em," he spoke softly, "Em, you OK?"

Slowly Spencer walked the length of the hall, towards her. As he drew near she seemed to finally hear him.

"Hey," she half smiled, "I was miles away."

"I noticed," Spencer lazily put an arm round her waist and gave a little tug. Willingly Emily fell onto Spencer's shoulder. He tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead softly. Holding her in his arms they both watched the world pass by outside the window.

Emily leant further into Spencer. They had been through so much together. They had come so near to something special. Yet right now, to Emily, she knew it was still so far away. Maybe one day she would be happy again, she would smile unconditionally and she prayed that when she did, when that day came, Spencer would be there to share it with her.