Title: You're Mine, Valentine
Rating: R, softcore smut
Summary: Lamb has always hated Valentine's Day. This year, Veronica's taser gives him another reason. Maybe some chocolate will cheer him up.
Spoilers: 3x14
Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, mentions Sacks
Word Count: 3540
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars is not owned by me, but by Rob Thomas. Im simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.
A/N: AU, post-S3. Prompted by ellavee . Thanks to circa 1993 Loony Toons valentines for the title and TFLN for the inspiration.


Veronica smiled as she looked down at Lamb's face. He looked so peaceful. And finally, he was quiet. She had waited years for this moment and had to stop herself more than once from taking a picture to further savor it. It wasn't just that he was quiet, and without his usual smirk, despite her taking charge of this case, but to prove that she could handle this kind of case on her own. Plus, quiet Lamb? Kind of a bonus.

It started out civil enough like most of their other recent so-called partnerships, but then their suspect had shown up and Lamb had ignored Veronica's previous statements that he was just there as her back up, which she was convinced she wouldn't need anyway. And that was when he got annoying. And she had finally had it. She had needed him to shut up in a timely fashion so their suspect wouldn't discover them, she only had one choice. And she had taken great pleasure in taking said choice.

Yes, she had tasered him. Just in the chest and not badly, or so she thought, but at least he was quiet now. Sure that might not last long once he woke up, but in the meantime she had gotten Sacks out there and he had taken care of the suspect once she had handed over the evidence she had gotten and he was none the wiser as to where his former employer was or of his current, drowsy, situation.

That was kind of the best part for Veronica, that Lamb couldn't even charge her with a felony for it since he wasn't the sheriff anymore and instead had gone into the private sector once Vinnie was elected over him. Which was why he had been there with her in the first place instead of just brushing her off her suspicions as usual.

Meanwhile, Lamb had always hated Valentine's Day. Ever since he was a kid and the girl he had had a crush on had given him back his Valentine. Then fast forwarding twenty years later, boom, grand slam right to the head that almost killed him. Now he had been electrocuted.

As his eyes began to open, trying to ignore the searing pain in his chest, And wouldn't that just figure? A heart attack at thirty-one, no thanks, he thought as he focused his eyes. Just then all he saw was a flash of blue and blonde and tried to follow it without moving his head, but it was gone in a second.

Veronica knew it would just be a matter of time before he lashed out and she was pretty sure that for the moment she was safe on the other side of the room. She just hoped he didn't see her kind of hovering over him. Hey, someone had to be sure he woke up. Plus, being around him when he was actually vulnerable was a new experience for her. And she was beginning to like it.

After another few moments and after being able to sit up and look at Veronica, Lamb knew what had to have happened. The last thing he could remember was telling her how this was supposed to go and essentially pulling rank. And now he knew Veronica Mars had fraking tasered him. Okay, he was pretty sure it was just a matter of time before that last one, but that didn't mean she was off the hook.

"Good, you're awake. Now we can go. I'm driving," Veronica told him quickly as she held up his keys and headed for the door.

"Hold it. Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Like what?" she asked as innocently as possible. Right, he didn't know Sacks had even been there, but she could mention that on their way back to Neptune.

"Like why I've woken up with part of my shirt burned, taser marks on me and your face was the first thing I saw when I came to."

"You tripped and fell on my taser when you wouldn't stop irritating me. As for my face, you clearly dream about me. Which, by the way, ew."

"Nice try. If I were you, I'd be thinking about how you're going to make it up to me. Starting with buying me a new shirt."

"As if you don't have more black v-neck t-shirts just lying around," she replied with a roll of her blues.

"Not the point," he shot back as he started to stand. "So do I get to report you for assault or am I gonna have a new shirt by the end of the night?"

Veronica sighed. She could spare the $5 to keep herself out of Sacks' or Vinnie's cuffs but she really didn't want to have to. But then she knew Lamb and she knew that of all the things he could have come up with wanting instead that she was getting off light if all he wanted was new shirt.

In short, she caved.

When Lamb heard the reluctant knock on his door around seven that night he knew who it had to be. Sure he had known how far he could have gone with his request, just how well he could have blackmailed her if he really felt like it. But right then it had been his ego to be bruised worse than that part of his torso that had met her taser and he really didn't feel like having Sacks or Vinnie knowing that she had finally gotten him with the damn thing. Still, some kind of private payback was in order, so he decided not to answer the door without stopping at his fridge first.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Veronica told him as though she were a petulant child being made to apologize as she held out the three-pack of shirts to him. If she was lucky she could get this over with and get on with her Single Appreciation Night in peace.

"Same to you, Veronica," he told her as he took the pack with his free hand, only then revealing what he had in the other. "But while you're here, I think it's only fair that I give you something in return for earlier. Something maybe in the spirit of Valentine's Day."

Veronica only watched as he brought the bottle up over her head. He. Wouldn't Dare, was all her mind had time to process before she felt the chocolate sauce running down her hair and the sides of her face.

Lamb knew he didn't have to go for the pain when he could just embarrass her like she had embarrassed him earlier, and make her sticky on top of that. And since chocolate was quite in the spirit of the holiday, he figured he scored some creativity points for that. As for the chocolate covered pixie in front of him, he knew she would freak out any second but he was still enjoying it. So far none of it had even dripped onto his floor, even better that he wouldn't have to clean it up, he decided.

With her eyes closed, Veronica licked some of the chocolate from the corner of her mouth and in a surprisingly calm, non-angry voice said, "Bathroom."

"At your place," he grinned. He could just imagine the look on Keith's or her friends' faces when they saw her walk in like that. Now it would be her turn to admit he got one over on her.

"You've made your point. You've gotten your revenge. Either you tell me now where your bathroom is or I ruin your couch like you expected me to ruin my car's upholstery."

His grin still firmly in place, he pointed down the hall to his bedroom. He decided he would let her find her way from there.

Several minutes passed as Veronica got undressed and got into the shower, wishing she had told Lamb to take his order of getting him a new shirt and shove it when she had the chance. But here she had decided to keep him content so he might help her with the next case they would end up working together on. And this was the thanks she got. It didn't matter that she didn't have any other plans for tonight, she was still angry.

Deciding he had left her alone long enough, Lamb decided he would go and do the nice thing of going to make sure she was doing alright. And be sure that she wasn't setting fire to his more prized possessions.

"Get out," Veronica stated the second she heard the bathroom door open.

"Is that any way to talk to the guy who came in here just to check on you and ask if you need any help?"

"Considering you're the reason I'm here in the first place, yes. Yes, it is. Get out."

"No can do. I also wanted to let you know that now we're even."

"Bite me."

Lamb smirked as he leaned back against the now closed door. "Anywhere you like, Veronica. Any. Where. You. Like."

"You're disgusting," she told him as she started for the third time on her hair. He would use one of the most difficult things to get out.

"You offered, I agreed to oblige. I'd say I'm nothing if not polite."

"If you were really polite you'd leave when you're ordered to."

"And leave you to your own devices in even part of my apartment? I don't think so."

"Like I'm going all that far right now. Yeah, not until every bit of this crap is out of my hair." For the first time in a while she was hating that she had grown it out. Up until now the upkeep hadn't been so bad. But of course if something could be done to wreck her day, Don Lamb would find it and use it to his own advantage.

"And once again I offer my services to help," he sighed. She was in his shower, it would be rude to not stand by his earlier proposal of politeness. And if he got to see Veronica Mars dripping wet and naked in the process, then that was something he would just have to endure.

"You're enjoying this way too much," she started as she dipped her head under the warm spray again.

"Nah, I'd say I'm enjoying it just the right amount. Don't forget, what you did to me will leave me with some bruises for at least a week. What I did is just causing you some minor discomfort."

When she saw the water was clear, Veronica finally decided she was set enough to finally wake up from this nightmare. She wrung her hair out, shut off the water and reached out from the shower curtain to grab a towel from the rack, choosing to ignore that it was quite possibly one Lamb had used just that day.

"See? Minor discomfort," he stated after a glance to his watch told him she had only been in there half an hour.

"You're still here?" she groaned. Not that she was surprised, she just wanted to get her point across.

"You've given me a reason to trust you?" he asked in reply.

"A gentleman would at least turn around," she stated finally when she pulled the curtain aside to step out, the towel wrapped tightly around her.

"And risk you accusing me of being one now? Why would I want to go and do thing like that?"

That time Veronica was quiet, at least thankful everything Lamb clearly had hoped he would get to see was covered, even if the towel was half the length she generally preferred.

"All clean?" he grinned as he looked her over, not even about to deny enjoying how much his towel was revealing.

"As much as can be expected," she grinned sardonically back at him.

"You know where to find me if you change your mind about not wanting my help," he stated as she was walking up to him, wasting no time before raising his fingertips up to the part of her chest the towel was leaving bare.

"So how bad are those bruises I supposedly gave you?" Veronica asked him, her eyes focusing on his shirt despite it not being the same one from earlier. Part of her had been about to threaten his fingers, but finding out about her handiwork could at least take her mind off of him touching her for a minute.

"You want to see for yourself?" he smirked, catching her stare.

Looking up to meet his eyes, she answered, "Maybe."

Lamb decided to give her the show, going just slow enough as he lifted his shirt off and tossed it onto his bed. With any luck he wouldn't be needing it again for a while and either way he was still more dressed than she was.

Veronica looked, beginning to smirk when she saw the two little lines just under his left pec. Yeah, she had gotten him good. She brought her fingers up to them. "Hurt?" she asked.

They did, a little, but he refused to let it show. For the moment he had Veronica touching him, that mattered more than proving she had gotten her way.

"How about now?" she asked after another moment, adding a little pressure to the wounds.

He cleared his throat. In retrospect he should have known she would enjoy this for different reasons than those he had hoped for. But then why wouldn't she enjoy causing him pain?

"It does!" she beamed, downright giddy. "Aw, Lamb, maybe next time you should think about that before you try to embarrass me in front of a suspect again."

That time Lamb smiled. "Oh, like you're not just happy you finally got to leave your mark on me. And while we're at it, maybe next time you should think about the perils of gloating when you're standing in my bedroom in nothing but my towel." With that he returned a hand to her and let it slip until his fingers reached the closure of the towel.

"You wouldn't." She could see that glint in his eyes, but then he had to know that she had tasered him once already today and had enjoyed doing so. He had to know she would have no problem doing it again. Well, save for the fact her taser was back in her purse and said purse was in the bathroom.

"Oh, I would," he told her as he curled his fingers into the overlap closure and pulled, only instead intentionally succeeding in pulling her to him rather than revealing her. "But not just yet."

Veronica got as far as, "I knew you -" when Lamb came down, pressed forward and took full advantage of her open mouth. Her eyes wide, it took her a moment to realize he didn't seem to be kidding as he slanted his mouth against hers. If he was trying to get a reaction out of her, it didn't seem to be an invitation for bodily harm. But since Don Lamb was still the one kissing her, she gave him another second before shoving him away as hard as she could and staring up at him for his own response. She expected him to laugh, or smirk, to claim his victory even.

Lamb didn't do any of the above. He just stared down at her, watching to see what she would do next. He expected her to hit him, to maybe even escape back to his bathroom, throw her clothes back on and bolt. Instead in a moment he was seeing her hand coming up, feeling her fingers in his hair and in a second she was moving close and pulling him back down into another kiss that was even more intense than the last.

Veronica was quite sure she had lost her mind, but she decided it was too late to care. Especially when Lamb slipped his arms around her and immediately started walking them back towards his bed.

He knew Veronica would appreciate a more direct route than the typical wine and roses or who knew what else she was used to. Plus, as he said, she had already marked him as hers. He was just giving her what he knew she wanted too.

"Surprised you waited this long," Veronica said finally when she broke the kiss again, amazed to see she still had the towel on.

"Yeah, I know it's not a fancy dinner or wine or whatever, but -"

"But at least you got the chocolate part in there, more or less," she told him with a chuckle. She still couldn't believe she wasn't running out the door, but instead still standing there with him, still touching him.

"So is this still your worst Valentine's ever?" he asked, this time running his fingertips along her bare arms.

"Oh, so that was your plan? To orchestrate all of this just so I would have to admit that Valentine's with you wasn't terrible?"

"Maybe," he smirked.

As it turned out, Veronica didn't seem to mind. Not when she pulled him down for another kiss, not when she led him onto his bed and not when he finally took the towel from her and covered her body with his own.

Finally, just as his day had seemed to begin, there was that flash of blue and blonde above him again and Lamb finally had the idea that maybe this was just the beginning of his Valentine's Days improving for him.

Veronica's damp, blonde waves falling over her shoulders and all around her face, seeing her blue eyes clouding over with lust that for once was just for him, watching her arch into his hands when she began to move and finally moaning out when she couldn't keep everything she was feeling to herself anymore despite her clear attempts to try.

Granted Veronica knew that this was the last thing she had expected to be doing, especially with him, that day. But in those moments they were just two people who were doing what hundreds of others had been and or would be doing that night. The fact they had considered each other to be enemies or even partial friends for professional purposes for the better part of the last five years didn't matter. All that mattered then was the glorious friction they were creating together which finally led to Veronica having to admit, even just to herself, something she had sworn she never would: They really did make one hell of a team.


"So, not surprisingly, you really are a Neanderthal, you just had to bruise me," Veronica stated as she caught a glimpse of matching bruises on either hip as she began to pull her clothes back on.

"You're one to talk," he laughed. "Did you forget you've given me a moderately-sized bruise I would have to explain should anyone see me with my shirt off? Like, say, even the locker room at work? Once again, we're even" he sighed as he watched her from the bed. He still couldn't completely get rid of his self-satisfied smirk though. He had always known he would get her one way or another. He was just still thrilled he had managed to have it happen on what had previously been his least favorite holiday.

"Or you could have just decided to do what real men do and buy me some chocolate instead of causing me to have to take a second shower today. My reaction might have been nicer."

"I'd say the reaction I got was pretty nice. But if you want to bypass tasering me the next time and just want to jump ahead to telling me you want to see me naked, I'm okay with that too."

"Now where would the fun be in that?"

Lamb glanced around for show. "Well if the last half hour was any indication, I'd say my bed."

Emerging, to Lamb's disappointment, fully dressed from his bathroom, Veronica told him, "If I were you, I'd be cancelling any and all plans you might have to breathe a word of what happened today to anyone."

"Aw, you don't want anyone to know how much we enjoyed this Valentine's Day?" Her glare was murderous and he loved it. Laughing for a moment, he told her, "Alright, I'll be your dirty secret. Under one condition."

"What?" she sighed.

"Tomorrow night, it won't still be Valentine's, but it will be another anniversary of sorts. Have dinner with me. Can't be that easy to turn down when this time you won't be having said dinner alone in a hospital cafeteria."

Maybe it was the fact he somehow knew something she had never wanted him to know. Maybe it was the fact he was right. Or maybe it was because he wasn't wearing anything but his boxer-briefs and bed sheet, but Veronica found herself agreeing a moment later.

Was it what Veronica or Lamb had originally envisioned for their Valentine's Day? Not by a long shot. Who could foresee being tasered or having a rather satisfying sexual encounter with their nemesis?

No, it wasn't what they had envisioned. It had been better.

The End