Disclaimer: If I owned RVB, I think the guys at RT (and possibly Griffon) would get pissed off.

Yo! Zephyr here! I got this idea a few days ago and wrote it out in class. Well, most of it. I can't exactly promise it'll make sense, but I rather like it. ^_^ This is an interesting take on my usual Valentine's Day stories, but I think that this would be interesting if it actually happened. So without further ado, let the deadly tale begin!

Tex stared at the sheet of paper on her door, wondering why the idiotic Blue would do such a thing. For one reason or another, Caboose had taped a love letter on her door. She wouldn't have found this unusual if it had been addressed to Church. After all, Tex was still certain that Caboose had a crush on her boyfriend, even if he didn't want to admit it.

"What's going on?"

Tex turned around to find Tucker coming out of his room. It was obvious that the cyan Spartan had just gotten out of bed: he was still in shorts and his dark hair was messy and disheveled.

"Look what Caboose put on my door." Tex handed Tucker the note.

Tucker's eyes scanned the note for a moment before he started laughing.

"No way!" I can't believe he'd do this!" Tucker said once he managed to stop laughing.

"You don't think he's serious, do you?" Tex asked.

"I'd hope not." Tucker shrugged as he handed the note back to Tex. "I mean, I think he knows you're dating Church.

"Knowing Caboose, you can't be sure." Tex said.

"Just talk to him about it." Tucker said. "Hopefully he'll understand."

"Yeah, I'm hoping it'll work out that way." Tex said as she walked back into her room.

A few minutes later, as Tex was listening to Waking The Demon, a knock sounded on her door and, after a moment's hesitation, Church walked into the room.

"I'm not even going to say it." Church said as he slid the door shut. "You know I hate Valentine's Day as much as you do."

"One thing we agree on." Tex said as she turned on her laptop.

"We agree on a few things." Church said.

"So what's going on, Church?" Tex asked. "You don't usually come in my room for no reason."

"I just ran into Tucker and he told me about Caboose." Church said.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about." Tex said as she changed the song to The Kinslayer. "Tucker's much more of a threat than Caboose is."

"And at least Tucker told me." Church sat down on the unmade bed.

"Which was a relief." Tex said.

"But I think we should talk to him about it." Church said.

"Who?" Tex frowned. "Caboose or Tucker?"

"Caboose, of course." Church said.

"And what do you suggest we say?" Tex asked.

"That you're my girlfriend, making you taken?" Church's response was a question.

"I'd say that he already knows that, hopefully." Tex ran her fingers through her hair.

"He apparently doesn't." Church shook his head.

"Are you going to talk to him or should I?" Tex asked.

"I'll do it." Church said.

"Getting protective, are we?" Tex smiled.

"I'm just afraid that you're either going to terrify him or slaughter him." Church responded.

"I won't kill him, Church." Tex assured him. "I didn't kill Tucker when he tried to sneak into my room, did I?"

"Not exactly the same thing, love." Church said.

"Okay, I'll hold you to that, then." Tex said. "Just make sure you don't upset him, though."

"Yeah, yeah." Church said as he left the room.

As he walked into the rec room, Church found Tucker playing Metroid Prime on the GameCube with a half-eaten bowl of cereal sitting next to him.

"Still eating breakfast, Tucker?" Church asked.

"I'm trying to multi-task." Tucker passed the game for a few moments as he started to eat a spoonful of cereal. "It's just not working out that well." Once he finished, he said, "How'd it go with Caboose?"

"I'm going to talk to him later." Church said. "Is he even awake yet?"

"He was playing Viva Piñata until around four this morning." Tucker picked up the controller and was playing the video game again. "My guess is that he'll be out for a while."

"Frankly, I'm surprised that you're awake, Tucker." Church said as he sat down on the recliner.

"My mom decided that she wanted to call me this morning." Tucker rolled his eyes.

"Was something wrong?" Church frowned.

"No, she just wanted to see if I'd gotten a girlfriend." Tucker said, his eyes still on the TV.

"You didn't tell her about Grif, then?" Church wondered, a smile forming on his lips.

"I kinda did, yeah." Tucker nodded.

"Wow." Church looked impressed. "How'd that go over?"

"She seemed kinda confused, but she wasn't yelling or anything." Tucker replied as he brushed his hair from his eyes. "I think she needs time to let it sink in."

"Yeah, I'd imagine she does." Church said. "By the way, it's your turn to make dinner."

"Seriously?" Tucker's eyes went to Church for a few seconds before darting back to the TV. "I thought it was your turn."

"No, I'm cooking tomorrow." Church shook his head.

"Dammit." Tucker swore under his breath.

"At least we're not picky eaters." Church shrugged. "You're just allergic to carrots, which is still really strange to me."

"Church, if I don't understand it, there's no way that you could." Tucker said.

At that moment, Caboose walked into the room, his blonde hair sticking up in places, making it obvious that he had just woken up.

"Well, look who's up." Tucker said. "See why you shouldn't be up so late, Caboose?"

"How do you do it all the time?" Caboose yawned as he walked into the kitchen. "You're up until five or six in the morning."

"Tucker's an android." Church said nonchalantly.

"So he's like you?" Caboose came back with a glass of orange juice.

"We shouldn't have said anything." Tucker sighed.

"It's a good thing you're up, Caboose." Church said. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Does this something involve me?" Caboose asked.

"Yes." Church responded.

"What about milkshakes?" Caboose asked.

"No, it doesn't involve milkshakes." Church sighed.

"How about a helicopter?" Caboose asked.

"Pay attention, Caboose!" Church snapped.

"I am!" Caboose responded.

"You weren't a few minutes ago." Tucker said under his breath.

Church glared at Tucker for a few seconds before saying, "You know how you left Tex that letter?"

"Oh yeah!" Caboose exclaimed. "Did she read it?"

"Yeah, and she was sort of confused." Church replied.

"I think we all were." Tucker said.

"Shut up, Tucker." Church glared at the cyan Spartan before he pulled out a cigarette.

"I felt it was pretty straight forward." Caboose frowned.

"Well, I have a question for you, Caboose." Church said as he lit the cigarette.

"Do you really like her?"

"Of course!" Caboose said.

"As in the same way that Tucker likes Grif?" Church asked.

"I don't think he understands that one, Church." Tucker said, his thumbs mashing the buttons on the game controller.

"I do understand and I like her in the same way." Caboose nodded.

"Oh God…" Tucker sighed.

"Caboose, you do know that Tex is my girlfriend, right?" Church asked.

"Yep." Caboose nodded.

"And do you realize what this means?" Church took a drag on his cigarette.

"Uh-huh." Caboose nodded again.

"So why did you write her the note when you know that she's going out with me?" Church asked.

"For the same reason why Tucker told you." Caboose answered. "I figured that she'd want to know."

"I guess that makes sense." Church shrugged.

"But now Tucker's gay, so it doesn't matter anymore." Caboose said with a shrug.

"I'm not gay, Caboose." Tucker turned to glare at the blonde for a second before returning to the game in front of him.

"So you're relationship with Grif doesn't mean anything?" Church raised an eyebrow.

"Of course it does, but that doesn't mean that I only like men." Tucker explained. "I still like girls, you know. There is such a thing as bisexuality."

"We know." Church said. "We just like making fun of you for it."

"You guys are assholes." Tucker threw the TV remote at Church's head.

"But you put up with us." Church said.

"I have to." Tucker retorted.

"Good point." Church shrugged.


"So did you get it all sorted out?"

Church looked up from his laptop and found Tex playing Naughty Bears on the Xbox 360. He always found it disturbing when she was playing the seemingly innocent game, as she would start screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs.

"With Caboose?" Church had a feeling that's what she had been talking about. "Yeah, it's all good."

"So what was the problem?" Tex asked.

"It turns out that he really does like you." Church said. "He just wanted to let you know about it."

"Why?" Tex raised an eyebrow.

"So we didn't have another problem like the one we had with Tucker." Church said.

"That makes sense." Tex nodded. "I suppose…"

"Seeing as its Caboose, that's going to have to be good enough." Church said, running his fingers through his hair. "You know how dense he is."

"That's for sure." Tex agreed.

"But at least we shouldn't have any problems." Church said. "Now that we've gotten this sorted out, I mean."

"Hopefully not." Tex nodded. "Then again, when do we not have any problems around here?"

Kinda odd, I know. I really hope I wrote Caboose IC. He's even harder to write than Tucker. So that's it. I hope it was a good read. Reviews equal love. Thanks for reading!