The Secrets behind the Glass
Her head spun with nausea. She had been craving grape fruit for a week. She hated grape fruit. Also, she was a week late. While she was not officially a doctor, Sarah felt that she had been through enough medical classes to know what her symptoms indicated.
She had gone through the same scare almost two years ago. Two years ago, she had made the mistake in telling Matt. And because of her telling him, she had gotten him all worked up. He had mentioned it to a nurse, who had mentioned it to Matt's father. Gossip traveled fast in Glen Oak, and it wasn't long before both of Matt's parents and both of her parents knew. And when it turned out to be false, Matt had to tell them all that it wasn't true.
Because of what had happened last time, Sarah knew that she couldn't tell her own husband until she was absolutely certain.
Her first suspicions had arisen three days earlier. Since she had started medical school, her period had been all over the place. She blamed the excess stress. Stress was never something she handled lightly. Sometimes she wondered why she had even bothered going to medical school. It wasn't like she hadn't known it was going to be stressful. Somehow, she had had a crazy-insane idea that getting married before medical school would help alleviate some of that stress. She had been wrong. Marriage had only added a burden that she wouldn't have had if she were single.
It wasn't that she didn't love Matt. She did. She loved Matt with all her heart. However, she didn't love competing against him. He was amazing in so many ways, and she felt like she couldn't compete with him.
In medical school, every move she made was carefully observed. If she made one wrong move, she could be failed out of the program. Each semester more students were dropped out of the program because they failed to meet expectations. Only the best of the best moved on each semester.
Sarah didn't want to imagine what would happen if she failed out and Matt passed on. Though, she knew that he was under as much pressure and stress as she was. But she knew that he could do it. As for herself, she wasn't so sure. She wasn't sure if she was capable of achieving success.
When she looked at her countdown calendar and realized she was only one and a half semesters away from graduating medical school, she was in absolute disbelief.
It was nine o'clock on Saturday morning. She was supposed to be working at the hospital, but she had called in sick. In her field, she knew calling in sick was a risky thing to do. One sick day, and all her hard work could become a waste.
Last week, a flu epidemic had spread around the hospital. About half of the medical students had called in sick throughout the week. So, it wasn't too suspicious of her to do the same. Matt had actually encouraged her to call in, insisting she needed to spend the day relaxing. He was supposed to get off at five, and when he did, he promised to come back and nurture her.
Matt was so sweet, Sarah had to give him credit for that. She felt bad for not being fully truthful with him.
Her head spun like it did when she was a small child, and her dad was spinning her around on the merry-go-round. When she was growing up in Brooklyn, there had been a park down the street from her house.
Flatbush brought back many memories for her, and until three days ago, her burdensome past had not crossed her mind in years. She had managed to put it all behind her, or at least it was pushed to the back of her mind. There were times she had considered reverting back to her old ways, but she had pushed passed those times—for the most part.
There was once she had heavily considered relapsing, about two years ago. The stress had been eating heavily at her, and she had pushed Matt away. She had left him and met up with some friends she hadn't seen in years. Fortunately, before she could inflict true harm on herself, she had come to her senses. But she hadn't come to her senses on her own.
Matt had flown out to Glen Oak to see her parents. She was grateful that her parents hadn't told him the truth. But he had worried them, and her parents had contacted her relatives in New York to "check in" on her.
If Matt knew the real reason she had been pushing him away, she didn't know what he'd think about her. She didn't want him to look at her that way; the way her parents had for years, and still did; the way the doctors had looked at her; the way her aunts, uncles, and cousins looked at her. Matt and his family, her peers, and her professors and supervisors were the only ones who didn't see her like that, and she wanted to keep it that way.
The first flashbacks hit her hard three nights ago. She had awoken feeling nauseous for the first time that next morning. She had considered calling in sick that day, but she pushed past it all and went into work anyway. After all, she figured going to work would help ease her mind.
When the nausea went away, and the cravings set in only a few hours after she had arrived at the hospital, Sarah started to become suspicious. Her mind wandered, mostly to the food court.
That night, her dreams only became stronger and more vivid. She didn't know what could have possibly triggered them. Then, the next day – yesterday – flashbacks started to hit her randomly throughout the day.
She had considered calling her mother, but the last thing Sarah wanted to do was upset her parents. Her parents hadn't mentioned any of it since their move to Glen Oak. And Sarah liked it that way.
For years they would never allow her to be in the bathroom for longer than five minutes. She was not allowed to lock the bathroom door, either. Her bedroom door was not allowed to be shut at any time of the day, even though Sarah had tried explaining to her parents that it was a fire hazard to leave it open. Her parents didn't care. They would rather her be trapped in flames than allow her to have privacy.
After she graduated high school, her parents started to become a little bit more lenient. They didn't go upstairs twenty-four-seven to make sure her bedroom door was open, and they stopped checking the handle on the bathroom door every time she went in. Regardless, she was still their every obsession.
For the years following the incident, her parents tried to make sure she was comfortable at all times. Was she warm enough? Was she cool enough? Was she hungry? And it became bothersome. It was like they feared if she was ever uncomfortable, they thought it would happen again. They just didn't understand.
And heaven forbid she would bring a guy home. That was when she had started sneaking around. When she was sixteen, her parents wouldn't sign the release forms for her to get her driver's license. She had been irate. That was when she started sneaking out of the house, though it hadn't been the first time.
She had been clever, stuffing her bed with pillows to make it look like she was lying in bed. She'd sneak out the bedroom window and climb down the tree. Her parents didn't have a clue, at least to her knowledge.
She'd sneak away with boys. She went to a few parties, but she didn't do anything more than have a few drinks. Truly, she didn't think she'd ever been drunk, nor did she have sex. Matt was her first, and she was proud to say that she had waited until marriage.
Matt didn't know about this side of her, though. There were a few things Matt didn't know about her, and she wanted to keep it that way. After all, she was sure there was a lot she didn't know about him. Husbands and wives didn't have to share everything, did they?
The nausea was building on her. She rolled out of her bed and wobbled into the bathroom. The room was spinning faster and faster as she walked. She wasn't sure if she could make it to the toilet.
Her stomach gargled, and the taste of vomit filled her mouth.
Hey, look, it's another story. I know I shouldn't be starting another story, and you all just want me to finish Outside Heaven. This idea has been circling my mind for many months, and it just won't leave. I must write it. Outside Heaven will be finished, don't worry. I wrote 51 chapters in 8 months. I need a little break.