Bonus Features

by J. Ferguson a.k.a. Timeless A-Peel

Disclaimer: I don't own The New Avengers, nor the characters of Mike Gambit and Purdey. Sadly. They're the property of The Avengers (Film and TV) Enterprises. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended

Timeline: Post-series, fall 1977.

Author's Note: The "Saucy" half of the Sweet & Saucy Valentine's Day Double Bill. Just a bit of cheeky fun between our favourite agents. Enjoy!


"Well," Purdey said as they stepped into Gambit's flat. "We've had the dinner, we've done the dancing, so now this must be the 'afters at your place' part of the Mike Gambit dating experience."

"It is a highly recommended part of the package," Gambit quipped, tossing his keys on the kitchen table. "Some of the afters have received rave reviews."

"Yes, I know," Purdey said with knowing little smile. "I've heard some of them. And, unsurprisingly, many of them involve this bed." She walked over to Gambit's notorious retractable couch and took a seat, let her fingers dance over the control panel. "Tell me, what sort of tricks do these do?"

Gambit smirked. "You already know at least one, if I remember correctly. You used it to wake me up, ah, 'creatively,' if you remember."

Purdey grinned. "Yes, but that was turnabout is fair play," she pointed out. "I never forgot you tipping me out of bed, and I saw a chance for revenge. However, this time…" She clicked a switch and managed to stay upright as the bed slid out from its moorings. She came to a stop inches from where Gambit stood, patted the spot beside her. "Well, aren't you going to give me the tour?"

Gambit shook his head in mild amusement but did as he was told. Purdey scooted up the bed so she could reach the control panel, beckoned for Gambit to join her. He crawled up and looked at her inquiringly. "What now?"

"Shouldn't you be telling me?" Purdey pointed out, crossing her arms and pointing her chin at the panel. "I'm curious. Pretend I'm an average date."

Gambit grinned appreciatively at her. "There's nothing average about you."

Purdey smiled slightly, pleased with that response, but persevered. "Humour me. What happens after you've got me here?"

"Well, usually I finesse it a bit more than that," Gambit pointed out. "I mean, I don't just ask them in, pop this out and flip them on their backs."

Purdey wrinkled her nose at him. "Don't you?"

Gambit looked at her sharply. "You know I don't. Give me a little credit."

Purdey snickered, and Gambit rolled his eyes before moving to flick the control panel. "Usually I'd start out by dimming the lights," he told her, and adjusted a little knob on the panel and the lighting in the room faded to a soft, intimate ambience. "Then maybe a little music," Gambit went on, stabbing another button, and soft mood music filtered into the room. Purdey rolled her eyes expansively, and Gambit grinned. "Unless they think that's a bit corny," he amended, and switched it off. "But assuming she doesn't leave because of the music…" Purdey settled back against the headboard and reached out to stroke his lapel.

"Maybe a little more Bryan Ferry next time," she suggested.

"Noted. Anyway, like I said, if things are going really, really well, it's probably time to draw the curtains." He pressed yet another button, and the windows were soon obscured. Purdey raised an eyebrow.

"Is it going well, then?"

"You tell me. I'm just going by the fact that you haven't legged it."

Purdey laughed. "All right. So I haven't left you in the lurch. Now what?"

Gambit shrugged. "That's it on the push-button front. From now on, only good old male ingenuity can help."

Purdey laughed again. "Well, you don't need anything to inflate your ego, do you?" she said knowingly, then parted her lips so she could kiss him. She let herself sink back onto the bed while musing that Gambit was rather good at getting things done all on his own, and was about to put thoughts of the bed aside when her hand happened to rest on the panel, and came across a dial she hadn't seen him use. She broke away to look at it. "What does this one do?" she wanted to know.

"Nothing you'd be interested in," Gambit told her, kissing her neck. "Forget about the bed. I'm the one who's going to start doing interesting things now."

Purdey, however, was insatiably curious, and sat up, making Gambit half fall off her in the process. "No, really. What does it do?" she inquired, looking at the settings. Low, medium, and high.

"Nothing!" Gambit yelped, a little too quickly as she moved to turn it. "It's…nothing," he added, when Purdey looked at him oddly. "Just something that the manufacturer added. Really. It's nothing."

"For a nothing, it certainly seems to have you all worked up. Can we try it?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because. Look, Purdey, can't we just…?"

"I'm not doing anything with you until I know what this does," Purdey said firmly, and turned the knob. Gambit threw himself toward her, but it was too late to stop. Purdey cranked the dial all the way up to 'high' just as Gambit tackled her and she lost her grip on it. "Mike!" she started to scold, but then the bed started to shake violently. Purdey grabbed Gambit's arm in alarm. "What's that? An earthquake?"

Gambit put a hand over his eyes and groaned. "No," he said tiredly. "It's the bed."

"The bed?" Purdey exclaimed, then, as she lay there, realised that the entire structure was vibrating. "Mike Gambit, don't tell me you have one of those beds with the built-in massage?"

"All right, I won't. I'll leave you to figure it out on your own."

"But that's so…" Purdey felt her mouth twitch. "So…"

"Corny?"

"Yes!" Purdey started to laugh. "Mike Gambit, you do beat all, don't you? A vibrating bed. Even James Bond never sank that low."

"It came with the mechanism!" Gambit snapped, crossing his arms and trying to look sullen, but with the bed vibrating, all he did was lie there trembling like a pea on a hot shovel. "It's not as though I use it."

Purdey regarded him sceptically for a moment, then broke into another fit of giggles. "Really? Never?"

"Well, maybe once or twice. But only because the girl wanted to!" Gambit said defensively.

"It tickles!" Purdey squealed, laughing louder. "How did it work?"

"Look, does it matter? You can leave, and I'll sit here and try to book the next flight to China while I still have some pride left."

"Oh, don't be like that," Purdey chided gently, poking his arm. "Actually, now that I've gotten used to it, it's rather nice."

Gambit looked at her in disbelief. "You're joking!"

"Not a bit." Purdey snuggled closer. "Tell me, Mike Gambit, if you're so good on your own, what do you say to a little experiment with a few bonus features?"

Gambit smirked. "I was always good in science class."

"I'm sure you were," Purdey murmured, taking hold of his tie. "Now then, do you have a switch to turn yourself on as well?"

"Purdey-girl, I think you just found it," Gambit told her, and flipped her onto her back.

End