First, I would like to say thank you for everyone that has read this story so far. Second, I would like to apologize for the long wait for this update. If you read the rest of this note, it will all make sense.
I was upset with last chapter, and have been unable to write anything else. I completely rewrote the last chapter so I could feel better with it. However, before I could upload the redone chapter I got inspiration to change what I had rewrote for the Invidia chapter and morph it into one I've been having trouble with- Luxuria. I hope you enjoy.
Thanks, and once again I would like to say that I do not own X-men: Evolution.
Everyone thinks that it is touch that I crave, but that is not the complete truth. Yes, it is true that I secretly yearn and crave for touch, but there is something much larger that churns my very being. There is something else that is so alluring that it sets my soul a flame at the mere thought. Something that is almost trivial, in a way it was what connected me to Scott the most. This one thing that can make my very being weep, that I have an unnatural lust for…
I see it everywhere I turn, the others they have practiced and gained control of their own incredible gifts, while I am stuck at an impasse with my own mutation. I have dreams of control. Fantasies of what will happen once I gain it. It burns my soul. I know it is not natural to crave and yearn and ache for this. I have never lusted after something so much as I have with control. The professor has made promises after promises of help, and I stay because I know he will help me with my one true desire. At first I clung to Scott, not because I lusted after him, but because he also lacked the one thing I yearned for. It is sick of me to try and settle for a dreamer with an impossible dream. Scott lusted after another and I lusted for control, and we both were so close and so far away from our one true desires.
I crave control the most. It haunts my very being. Watching as Kitty phases through object after object, yet being able to stop when she wishes. Seeing Jean be able to control when she can read minds and how she is able to move objects at a whim, but then turn it off as if it was never there. Even when I was with the brotherhood, Lance has the ability to control when he sets off his chaotic trimmers. The list is enumerable of those that can control their powers. Sometimes they may get hiccups in their control, but that it is still just a hiccup in their control. I may seem unsociable but that is because I can't stand the thought that they are allowed this seemingly easy grasp of control that they have not fought for. They do not understand that they have the only thing I have ever lusted for.
They cannot grasp the idea of how my entire being craves for one iota of the control they all seemingly possess without thought. It is not right that I have to struggle daily without hope of even a glimpse of control. I stand by them and secretly pine for their control to be my own. It is wrong of me to stand so close, to touch them and hope that their control will finally flow into my veins. Oh, how fantasize about their control becoming mine.
They should not be blessed with the ability to control their powers for they do not understand the inability of control. They cannot fathom my insane driven lust, because they have not experienced the level at which I live everyday. It burns, this fire that has dwelled within me. I long for it, lust is so close to envy, I love it, and I want to possess it with every fiber of my being.
Wow, that turned out different than I thought it would. I hope you enjoyed it, and can understand this portrayal. Please review, I appreciate feedback. Hopefully the next chapter will be easier, now that I have finished this one. Also, if anyone is interested in reading what I wrote for Invidia, that I based Luxuria off of, I am considering putting it up as a bonus chapter. Please let me know what you think.