Chapter/Episode 2 – Onward to Waterloo

Lenny and Laverne have just embarked on their adventure to Waterloo, Wisconsin for Lenny's mothers' funeral. Lenny is driving an old truck and the heater is a bit shotty. Not the best conditions for a four hour drive in the middle of winter in Wisconsin.

Lenny: Well, we're off. Wanna listen to the radio or somethin'?

Laverne: Not right now, Len

Lenny: Good, cause it's broken.

Laverne: Is this as high as the heat goes? I'm freezin'.

Lenny: Yeah, it is…Squiggy tried to fix it this morrnin' but I think he made it worse..I can hear things rattling in the engine…..

Laverne: Figures..

Lenny: Do you wanna wear my jacket? It's not that warm or anythin', but it's better than nothin'.

Lenny uses his knees to drive the truck, taking his hands off the wheel to take his infamous "Lone Wolf" jacket off.

Laverne: Lenny! Hands on the wheel! Do you wanna kill us?

Lenny hands the jacket to Laverne

Lenny: Sorry. I just didn't want you to freeze, is all. Hands on the wheel at all times. Got it!

Laverne: Thanks. This isn't really how I pictured dyin', ya know? Thanks for the jacket, Len. But aren't you cold?

Lenny: Naw. I'm used to the cold. I end up blanketless at night because Squiggy somehow manages to take my blanket in his sleep. He must be sleep walkin' again or somethin'. Gettin' it back is like…wrestlin' with a rabid animal. I got used to sleepin' without it….in the cold..

Laverne laughs at the thought.

Laverne: Hey Len, can we stop at the next gas station? I need to use the ladies room..

Lenny: We just left. Didn't your father teach ya to go before you leave?

Laverne: I didn't have ta go then….

Lenny: You're lucky then, Laverne, here's a gas station. Hurry up, we don't have all day..

Lenny pulls into the gas station and Laverne runs in to use the restroom. She returns with a bag of chips and 2 Pepsi's.

Laverne: Here, I got ya somethin'.

Laverne hands Lenny one of the Pepsi's

Lenny: Thanks. Ready to go? I wanna get there before it gets dark.

Laverne: Ready as I'll ever be..

Lenny: Aw, come on Laverne, it's not gonna be that bad. I mean, my family is a little strange but I think you'll fit in just fine. There was this one time where my father took me fishin' insteada makin' me go to school, which actually happened a lot. But this particular day was different. He rowed us out into the middle of the lake and before we started fishin' he said to me, "Leonard, you're a special kid and you're very smart. You're gonna be a real ladies man when you grow up. Don't let anyone tell ya otherwise." That's probly why I am the way I am now, huh, Laverne?


Lenny: Laverne?

Lenny looks over at Laverne who has her head tiled back on the back of the seat, fast asleep.

Lenny: I didn't think I was that boring..Thats gonna kill her neck..

Lenny puts his arm around Laverne and pulls her head off of the back of the seat and lays it gently on his shoulder, not removing his arm from around her.

Lenny:Shes not gonna notice if I don't have both hands on the wheel if shes sleepin'.

Lenny chuckles to himself.

[commercial break]

Laverne and Lenny have almost made it all the way to Waterloo. Laverne slept on Lenny's shoulder the whole way. Suddenly, Lenny hits a pothole in the road, which jolts Laverne awake. She quickly sits up, not quite aware of her surroundings.

Laverne: Shirl, what have I told you about jumpin' on my bed while I'm sleepin'?

Lenny: Mornin' sunshine.

Lenny smiles at the half awake Laverne.

Lenny: We're almost there, Laverne. You've been sleepin' the whole time. And let me tell you, you're even beautiful when you're droolin'.

Lenny points at a small damp spot on his shirt. Laverne turns red.

Lenny: Only a few more miles till we're there. The funeral isn't till tomorrow, but I'm pretty tired from drivin' and all, so I thought we'd just go straight to the hotel.

Laverne: Sounds good, Len. Sorry about your shirt.

Lenny: Aw, it's okay Laverne. This one hasn't been washed in a week anyway. It was Squiggy's week and he didn't do it. Somethin' about not believing in laundry on the 3rd week of the month due to religious views. I don't get it myself.

Laverne: You do have a clean suit for the funeral, doncha, Len?

Lenny: Yeah. I made sure that it was clean. I couldn't find it at first, so Squiggy offered to let me borrow his good "date" suit, but I said no.

Laverne: His pants would be like shorts on you..

Lenny: I didn't think of that..I said no because I don't know where that suits been. He could roll around in the gutter in it for all I know.


Lenny: Ah, here we are. Let me go check in and get the key.

Lenny parks the car in front of the hotel to check in and go get the key, leaving Laverne in the car. He quickly returns.

Lenny: Here's the key, Laverne. We're in room 7. Go ahead and go in, and I'll grab our stuff.

Lenny parks the car in a spot in from of their hotel room. He gets out of the truck and runs around it while Laverne is gathering all of her stuff, and opens the door for her.

Laverne: Aw, thanks Len, but I coulda got it.

Lenny shrugs and smiles sweetly at Laverne.

Lenny: Go on in, I'll see ya in a minute.

Laverne nods at Lenny and makes her way into the hotel room as Lenny grabs the suitcases. The hotel room is small, but clean, and much to Laverne's displeasure, it only has one bed. There is a small TV, a few dressers, and a small bathroom with no lock on the door.

Laverne: This is the only room they had available?

Lenny: I asked if they had any others with two beds, but they're booked up. I guess theres a horseshoe tournament goin' on or somethin'.

Laverne puts on a fake smile for Lenny, not sure how the sleeping arrangements are going to go. She opens her suitcase and takes out a yellow towel with a purple "L" on it, and hangs it up in the bathroom. She emerges from the bathroom to find Lenny sprawled out on the bed on his back, passed out.

Laverne: Poor guy must be exhausted.

Laverne stands there for a moment with her hands on her hips, trying to think up a creative solution for the sleeping arrangements without waking Lenny up.

Laverne: Aha! I knew all of these clothes would come in handy.

Laverne takes all of her clothes out of her suitcase, except for her dress for the funeral, and lays them folded on the floor making them slightly resemble a makeshift bed. She returns to her suitcase and notices a black blob at the bottom. She takes it out and realizes it's Shirleys Booboo Kitty.

Laverne: BooBoo Kitty? What are you doing here? Shirl must have packed you for me so I wouldn't get homesick or somethin'. Well, whatever the case, you'll make a good pillow.

Laverne looks over at Lenny who has rolled over on to his stomach and smiles. She shuts the lone light in the hotel room off and lays down on her bed, or lack thereof.

Laverne: (whispers) Night, Len.

[commercial break]

Laverne is fast asleep on the floor, laying on her back, snoring louder that one would think is possible for a woman which wakes Lenny up. He puts a pillow over his head to try to muffle the sound of her snoring, but fails. He looks over at the clock on the small dresser which reads 2:30AM. Knowing that he needs to get sleep for the day ahead, he decides to switch places with Laverne in hopes that she would stop snoring or at least quiet down a little so he could fall back to sleep.

Lenny crawls out of bed and sits on the edge, watching Laverne for a moment. He quietly gets up and slips one arm under her legs, and the other under her neck and carefully picks her up off of the ground. He gently places her on the bed on her back and lays down on her makeshift bed. He tosses and turns for a few minutes, then realizes that he's not going to be able to fall asleep, mostly because his legs hang off the edge of the "bed". He gets up and walks to the bathroom, taking BooBoo Kitty with him, closing the door behind him.