This fanfic was made as a novelization-type of thing, or maybe it's the other way around, after a drawing I did and that you can find in my deviantArt gallery if you're interested
hoshisamavalmor DOT deviantart DOT com /art/ Misa-Suicide-2011-02-14-197409044 (please remove the spaces and substitute DOT for . )
Like the summary said, this is a small fic of Misa's final hours of February 14th 2011 before she kills herself.
DISCLAIMER: I, HoshisamaValmor, don't own Death Note, I don't make any profit out of this writing. I don't own the music lyrics used either. Death Note and characters belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
Try to forget you
But without you I feel nothing
Don't leave me here, by myself
I can't breathe
~ "Farther Away", by Evanescence
"Hello, Misa-Misa!" her manager greeted her. No one made that greeting sound so goofy and simultaneously sweet like Matsui did, but Misa put on one of her perfectly staged smiles and greeted the young man in return. "You look gorgeous! But I think it's a little early, wasn't your session scheduled only to eight o'clock?"
"I had nothing else interesting to do," she replied happily, totally aware that that manner of speech in those black lolita clothes and heavy black make-up made her look like an oversized doll. It always worked in her favor in the past, but she chose the outfit because it had been literally years since she had used it, and just looking at it a few hours back, by some reason she felt it was just the perfect thing.
"Oh, I see. Well then, be sure to put extra effort then, you need to look even more beautiful for the Valentine! If that's even possible," the manager said supportively, and Misa giggled innocently. She walked eagerly away from him as an excited girl, and when she turned in the nearest corridor, she let the mask shatter into a million pieces.
She crossed calmly all the different corridors and went by the door of her dressing-room without even glancing at it. Instead, she kept going up, not bothering anymore with the effort of pulling the mask up again when she walked by people that greeted her and then stared confused at her back as she didn't reply back with the normal exaggerated happiness and hyper manner. But they would just assume Misa-Misa had just finally got a bad day.
Finally got a bad day? What did those people know about a bad day? People were so vain. You don't show sadness and grieve and act excessively hyper, so you most certainly are not sad at all.
No need to think of them anymore. If they thought she was just having a bad day they wouldn't waste too much time thinking of what she might do. Maybe they would think it was just due to a dump of Valentine's Day. As if anyone would dump Amane Misa. And as if Amane Misa would want to go to a date with anyone.
And she was there already anyway, no need to ever bring those people and those thoughts back again.
The strong light and the refreshing breeze engulfed her as she stepped outside to the rooftop of the agency's building. The sunset had began while she was still on the train, and it seemed it had frozen in the sky as if to allow her to get to the agency and follow to the rooftop without missing the great finale of the day. Oh, she wouldn't.
She paused after her non-stop lift up to the highest floor and took the fresh air deep in her to try to catch her breath. She then started walking again, with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, to the edge of the building, past the metal secure railing. There was only a little floor left between the railing and the abyss, not big enough to allow someone to take just a step forward without falling, but there was no problem in standing in-between.
The light seemed to only get stronger as she got closer, now in that decisive piece of stone where she stood. It was so strong, so blinding. But she didn't cover her eyes, she didn't want to shelter any part of her being from that light. From Light. So instead she waited for her eyes to adjust as much as possible and tried not to stare at the sinking sun directly.
Some of the buildings reflected the warming light as mirrors, but somehow they all seemed opaque. So Misa turned her gaze to something more fulfilling than the buildings. The sky was alight, burning between peaceful shades of red, orange, pink, and even hues of purple shaded in the randomly scattered clouds. Now that was beautiful. Despite what sunsets meant to her, it was beautiful nevertheless. She almost heard a voice in her head singing a familiar melody. Yes, she remembered it, that song. She wrote it herself when she was grieving her parents, all those years ago. It had a very strong connection with Kira.
No. No, Kira is bad. He killed Light. No song. There wasn't the need for a song. The view was enough.
Misa never gave it much thought before, but she supposed that sunsets, due to their beauty, could make people feel alive. Maybe those people down there, in their daily lives, felt slight rejoice if they stopped to watch it for a while.
Not to her. Sunsets reminded her of death. Like that day she sang that song while walking in the street, doing whatever it was that she didn't recall now. Thinking about that walk and about that sunset only reminded her of death. Why, she didn't remember either. Maybe she had foreseen the death of Ryuzaki, just one or two days afterward. And so, all sunsets afterwards had that feeling attached. The sun died and allowed night to take over, the sun died and left the people defenseless against the dangers of the night, like buglers coming in and killing your family. Like being sat in a hotel room for hours waiting for news as the day came to an end, only to hear that Light had been killed by the person that had once avenged her.
Misa closed her eyes, the tears in them not only from the blinding light, and shook her blonde head. No more. No more watching days go by and die every sunset, leaving her alone in the darkness of the night. No more being alone, with no idol to look up to and no lover to get comfort from. She had supported it for longer than she ever thought she would, everyday pulling the mask of happiness that she once wore as a true expression when Light was alive.
She took a new deep breath and sustained it for a longer while before releasing it, and opened her eyes one more time, feeling her arms outstretch slowly. Her body felt very weightless, but that didn't comfort her. It was weightless from emptiness. And she raised her hand, her purple nail-polish shining with the reflex, stopping it right in front of the sun, like a little child struggling to touch the bright little star.
"I'm coming, Light."
And like a child, she stepped forward to try to hold the seemingly so close light. And she started to fly.
Maybe, for a moment, falling into the welcoming arms of Death made them return. The memories of the notebook. Because she was sure, for a split second, that there was no Heaven and no Hell for her, and that she wouldn't meet Light in neither. Only Nothingness remained as her fate, and she just knew she would find him there. He was fated to the same thing, they were once together in life and they would be again after it.
Yes, even in Nothingness, rather than in Life, she would find him again.
There was an indescribable loud crushing sound, and someone screamed.
(holding my last breath)
Don't be afraid
(safe inside myself)
Calling me, calling me
(are all my thoughts of you)
as you fade to black
(sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight)
~ "My Last Breath", Evanescence
Thanks for reading.