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How could this happen? Not even an hour ago, she was fine. She was having a normal conversation with me, granted she was about to give birth so she was nervous, but she looked fine.
Sobs began shaking my entire body, as I slid down the wall and sat down on the floor, my head resting on my knees as my shoulders shook.
It wasn't fair!
She had her whole life ahead of her. She was going to have a daughter!
The doctors had practically shoved me out of the room, once the monitor started beeping. But I had gotten a good look. She hadn't been breathing. Her heart stopped. She was gone.
I had only known this Lily for less than four hours! How could I become so attached! I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flinched away from the contact. A nurse was standing above me, her face full of pity. I knew it was true. Lily was really gone. But before I had time to think about what that meant, the nurse said "She's asking for you."
Wait...What? She's alive!
I was on my feet so fast, that it must have been a blur. "Is she okay now?" I asked desperately.
The nurse hesitated for a moment, before shaking her head. "She's not got long." She turned then and led me back into the room.
Lily was sitting up on the bed. She smiled slightly when she saw me. She was deathly pale, and I could see that her arms were shaking. I slowly walk over to her and reached for one of her hands.
She didn't say anything for a few moments but then she said the last thing I expected. "Do you have a lawyer?"
I just stared at her."What?" Could she get anymore random?
"Do you have a lawyer?" she repeated.
"Yes. Why?" She seemed to think about what she was about to say.
"Because... You'll need to get some adoption papers." She spoke as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Lily, I really don't think-" She cut me off.
"Bella, please! I know I'm dying okay. I'm just asking you to please help me. I know I don't have the right to ask you for anything... But please! I'm begging you." She took a deep breath and wiped the tears that had gathered in her eyes. "Take care of her. Be her mother. Please."
I was speechless. I didn't say anything, so she continued. "If you get your lawyer to quickly get some papers, then you can officially have custody of her and she won't have to go into care."
"But, why me?"
She laughed slightly. "If not you then who would right?" I gave her a watery smile, as I recognised the words I had said to her earlier. "I trust you Bella. You are a good person. You saved me. I as just a random stranger and you helped me. So will you take her?" I just nodded.
"Thank you." She yawned, and one of the nurses came into tell us that she was being moved.
I spoke to Jenks, and asked him if he could get me adoption papers. I told him Lily's full name, and that he had to have them in the next hour because she didn't have much time. He was reluctant, until I offered to pay triple his normal salary. I don't have the slightest clue how he did it but exactly forty-seven minutes later, I was in Lily's room, signing the papers that would finally make me a
mother. Before Lily signed her name, though, I stopped her hand and asked, again, if she was sure.
After Jenks had left, the nurse brought the baby back in so that Lily could hold her daughter one last time. I sat with them on the bed, and held Lily's hand.
"Don't you want to hold her?" Lilly had asked me.
"Not yet, just spend some time with her 'kay." Soon she wouldn't be here.
No Bella! Don't think about it!
"Hey!" A thought suddenly occurred to me. "What do you want to call her?"
She looked thoughtful for a minute. "Your name is Isabella Swan right?" I nodded, not really sure where this was going.
"Well how about this?" she leaned down and kissed the baby's forehead before softly whispering "Susanna Isabella Swan."
"It's beautiful, but..." I smiled at her puzzled expression.
"Don't you like it?"
"No, I love it it's just. I think her name would be better as Susanna Isabella Masen."
She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "It's perfect. Thank you." I swept off a piece of hair that had fallen in her face, and gave her a watery smile. "Don't you want to have Lily in there somewhere, though?" She looked at me and smiled, as if she was in on some sort of joke.
"You'll find out." I didn't understand what she meant, but something told me that I was.'t meant to know right now.
She got tired pretty soon, so she had the nurse come and take Susanna back to the nursery. I pretended that I wasn't listening, when it came time for her to say goodbye to her daughter.
I didn't hear what she said, but I saw the tears as the nurse wheeled the baby out.
"She's yours now." Lilly murmured to me. I walked over the bed, and at down making sure I wasn't messing up any wires. I wrapped my arms around her, and rocked her as she fell asleep, all the while whispering soft words to her. I told her that although I hadn't known her long, I was glad that I had met her, because I got to see what an amazing person she is. And I once again promised her that I would love Susanna as if she was my own, and that I would, most definitely, find her brother.
And I mean it. I don't care if it takes three weeks, or three years. One way or another I will find Edward Masen.
Where am I?
I opened my eyes too see that I am in a empty hospital room, lying on a couch. I slowly sit up, and swing my legs around so my feet are on the floor. Why am I here?
Realisation dawns on me and I start to remember what happened yesterday.
I look to the bed again, and tears pull into my eyes, as I remember watching her slip away in her sleep. There had been a soft smile on her face, so I knew she was in peace.
She was just too young. Turns out she had suffered extreme blood loss during labour, and her time on the street had left her malnourished and underweight. It just wasn't fair.
They must have taken her away while I was sleeping. There is a bag lying on the bed, and when I look inside I realise it's Lilly's possessions. She didn't have much, just some clothes, a letter, a photo, and a small teddy bear, that she must have kept for the baby. I take the bear and the letter out, and hold them in my hands for a little while. The bear was just a small white bear, but somehow I knew it would be perfect for Susanna. The letter is addressed to her brother, so I put the teddy and the letter back into the bag.
I heard a knock on the door, and I turned to see the nurse from earlier standing there. She smiles, before telling me that the doctor wants to speak to me.
I knock on the door, and wait for it to open. "Come in."
I open the door, and take a seat across from Dr Maguire. She's the one that dealt with Lily.
"You wanted to speak to me." I asked.
"Yes, I just wanted to ask you what you would like us to do with the body. Would you like the city to arrange the funeral, or do you want to arrange a funeral, for her yourself?" That's what she wanted to talk to me about? What I wanted done with the body!
"I'll do the funeral." My tone was sharp, but I really didn't care. I was so pissed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to see my daughter." I only realise what I said, when I'm out the door, and walking down the hallway. My daughter.
I have a daughter.
That information was both exhilarating and heart-wrenching.
I went to the nursery and gaze at the tiny, blue and pink bundles through the viewing glass. I spot her immediately, her pale skin and dark hair. She looked just like Lily, apart from the hair. Lily had a red/bronze colour and green eyes. I don't know what colour Susanna's eyes are, but I hope they will be green like her mother's.
I'm so lost in my thoughts, that I don't see the nurse until she is standing beside me. She has Susanna in her arms. "Do you want to hold your daughter?"
I hesitate for a moment, but then hold me arms out. "Yes, please."
The few seconds it takes for her to be placed in my arms, are the most terrifying of my life.
But when I finally get to cradle her in my arms, I know. I know she was always meant to be mine, and that this is what was meant to happen. At the same time I am ecstatic and heartbroken. Ecstatic that I am finally a mommy, and heartbroken that an innocent girl had to die for me to have this.
I look into my daughter's face, and see her eyes are open. I know that newborns can't focus on anything, but I swear she was gazing at me.
I can feel my heart, expanding and being completely filled up with my love for this amazing little girl.
My green eyed girl.
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