leave me paralyzed, love
are you prepared for the atom bomb? cat/andre.
A/N: weird-ass take on these two, and random as fuck. idk. i don't hate it it, but, it's my first time writing this couple and i feel like i've made andre into fanon!beck for some reason. ugh. well, tell me what you think, and please don't favorite w/o reviewing! :)
those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
When Andre kisses her, it feels like a dream.
She slows, everything slows. In the moments of craziness, she can feel it all slow. It doesn't make sense. Cat believes it doesn't have to.
One day it's thundering outside. She puts on her (fake) princess crown and dances in the rain. He drives up, stops.
Andre calls her Little Red and it sounds like I love you.
They get popsicles and sing Top 40 songs in his car. He hates grape but she loves it, and he likes cherry the best even though he claims he likes orange.
She memorizes him, and she knows the shape of his hands because she watches them when he talks.
They're not together, not really. But he kisses her a lot and holds her hand under the lunch table and now when Cat takes her prettycoloredpills they don't leave a bad taste in her mouth because he comes by right after and his tongue is like vanilla ice cream melting and the cherry on top is the way he puts his fingers on her hips. As if he's pressing her there, keeping her grounded, tying her. Like kite strings. Like an anchor.
It is the best thing Cat has ever felt.
(She thinks: if you let go I will float away.)
(Cat&Andre are lying in the grass. The sun is bright, and the ground is warm. The wind sounds like it's whispering a story to her.
Promise, Cat says.
Andre looks at her. Promise what? He asks.
The world is spinning. Her mouth opens- promise you won't leave me, promise you won't ever not look at me.
Instead, she presses her lips to his heart and murmurs, i love you, i love you, i love you.
Or maybe she just thinks it.)
He buys her flowers on Valentine's day. She calls everyone in the phone book and wishes them a happy "Me!" day because she's convinced it's her job. He pulls up a chair and sings to the people who sound really lonely.
Later, they lay in her bed. Andre breaks off rose petals and spreads them across the sheets. It looks like a fairytale, and her smile is realrealreal and shinyshinyshiny when she pulls him down to her. He is so close she can count the gold specks in his irises.
You're so- Andre stops. Cat closes her eyes. When she opens them again, he is looking at her.
Are you sure? He asks.
Please, Cat whispers. I need this.
(I need you.)
She bleeds and it is the same color as her hair.
Andre doesn't call for two days.
During the two (lost) days, Cat puts post it notes around her room; different colors, like purple and orange and blue. All of them say the same thing.
He does, and he says he's sorry like he means it. She thinks he might. Cat tells herself she will be strong, she will be Jade for once, gorgeous sexy Jade, the one people love without even wanting to. She won't let him in again.
But he looks so sad and down, and Cat knows what down feels like so she kisses him and lets him sing words into the curve of her stomach, the line of her leg.
If he notices the post-it notes, he doesn't say anything.
When people ask what they are, she says Cat&Andre silly, like there's no other answer.
(She thinks maybe there isn't.)
Tori doesn't talk to her as much anymore. Sometimes she wonders if she smells perfume on Andre's clothes, but she's almost sure (no she is she is! you've just GOT to believe her, don't you?) she's imagining it.
You're beautiful, he tells her, from between her legs.
She bites her lip when she comes, so hard she draws blood. (She won't ask if he's telling the truth because he's Andre and he is, right? Because he has to be, right?)
After he leaves, Cat throws up, her hands clutching her sides, and she sees iron and metal and rust behind her eyelids.
Cat tells him she loves him.
He doesn't say her name the same way after that.
She takes one two three four five pills in the morning and walks to his house in the afternoon and starts crying for no reason on the way there.
Andre stares and then walks up to Cat, wraps his arms around her. He wipes away her tears and kisses her mouth. He tastes like lipgloss.
She turns to him and asks him,
Truth or dare?
Andre laughs, says- We're not in middle school anymore.
But then he pauses, whispers, dare. The word hangs in the space between them.
Kiss me, she tells him.
(he tastes like toritoritoritoritori.)
They have sex again and Cat feels dirtybadwrong. It feels like the mud and grime of everything is seeping under her skin, making her hurt and feel and not want to be alive anymore (well she already looks a bit like a corpse doesn't she?).
Tori and Andre are officially a couple that Monday.
Cat doesn't want to talk about it.
She calls him and her voice is small. He sounds guilty even over the phone.
Why don't you love me? She asks.
He doesn't answer. Cat spends fifteen minutes listening to him breathe until she hangs up.
Sometimes, when Tori is gone, they (makelove) fuck in his room while the window is open and her tiara that she left there lies on his desk.
He leaves bruises on her thighs.
Cat carves his name into her wrist when he leaves.
(it's just a reminder.)