.:Author's Note:. So I decided to write this completely randomly as a part of my DBZ obsession phase. It's a bit more light-hearted and humorous than my usual work, for a change. Just get ready for some weird shit and general is pretty much going to be orginized like a series of progressive, somewhat connected oneshot-style stories (the first chapter is divided into 2 because it ended up quite long).
EDIT: Fair warning - I decided NOT to make this a slash story. Half way through I just felt like it wouldn't work and I wanted to keep it strictly humorous. However, there will be some rather awkward and suggestive situations -all in the name of humor. NO SLASH. I'm serious. I know it's unbelievable coming from me, but I'm serious. Yeah.
Enjoy, and leave a review please! If the humor in here is just ridiculously nonsensical and abrasively insulting, feel free to let me know I'm making a fool of myself :D
Rated T for Vegeta's foul mouth and general fuckery. The rating may change later depending on content :D It should stay relatively humorous and away from the usual angst. I swear, all these heavy DBZ stories are starting to depress me o_o
Chapter Summary: Vegeta and Goku decide to lend a hand in preparing a barbeque at Chichi's house, but what do a third-class idiot and a pampered prince know about cooking? And will a trip to the supermarket lead to disaster? Let's find out!
Chapter 1: Disaster in the Kitchen! Part 1
Goku groaned, stretching his arms over his head as he lay on his bed. He blinked open his eyes, squinting against the rays of bright morning sunlight poking through his blinds. The saiyan basked in the peace of a new day, listening to the song of the birds and the rustle of the trees in the soft wind. Finally, Goku threw his covers off and slipped out of bed, yawning and running a hand through his ever-messy hair. He hopped into his orange gi and slipped on his shoes, before skipping down the stairs and landing in the dining room on his two feet.
"Good morning everyone!" He announced brightly.
"Morning dad,"came a rather distracted answer from the couch. Goku sidled forward and poked his head over the couch to see Goten and Trunks wrestling their game consoles, eyes glued to the screen in deep concentration.
"Hey Goten!" Goku greeted his young son brightly. "What's Trunks doing here?"
"Bulma left for work early this morning. She dropped him off, and we're going to the movies this afternoon." Goku ruffled Goten's hair affectionately.
"Really? What are you going to see?" He asked brightly. Trunks suddenly released a triumphant yelp, pumping his fist in the air.
"Dad stop, you got me killed!" Goten huffed, slapping his controller down. Goku quickly pulled back his hand.
"Woops. Sorry." He apologized.
"We're going to see the new Kung-fu movie that just came out." Goten continued, after restarting their game.
"Oh no you won't!" Goku turned to see Chichi storm out of the kitchen, hair loose around her shoulders. "You need to finish your homework young man!" Goten flinched.
"But mom!" He complained loudly, "Its vacation! I still have a week! And you said I could go!" Chichi huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.
"If only you looked at your homework as lovingly as you do your little games." She sighed bitterly. Goten made a face and Trunk's snickered. Chichi turned her eyes to Trunks and frowned.
"And what about you, mister Briefs? Don't you have work to do?" Trunks shrugged, avoiding Chichi's boring gaze.
"I'm gonna work at Capsule Corp when I grow up. Mamma's teaching me everything I need to know." Chichi didn't appear satisfied but looked at her watch and gasped.
"Well if you two want to go to the movies you'd better get ready because I have to leave in 10 minutes." The boys grunted in assent and continued to attack each other via moving pixel characters.
Goku scratched his neck and walked to the kitchen, helping himself to a tall stack of waffles already laid out and prepared on the table. After finishing his breakfast with a satisfying smack, he placed the dirty dish in the sink. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Goku's ears perked up. He padded to the door and opened it, greeting a small, dark haired saiyan with a bright smile.
"Hey Vegeta!" He exclaimed with all the cheeriness he could muster. Vegeta looked at him darkly, arms crossed. He was wearing his usual skintight blue sparring outfit and white leather gloves and boots.
"I just know you do that on purpose just to piss me off." He growled. Goku blinked and smiled naively.
"Awww what are you talking about?" Vegeta narrowed his eyes and brushed past the larger saiyan, mumbling under his breath.
Goku followed Vegeta into the kitchen and plopped down on a chair, grinning like a child.
"So? Are we going to spar today?" Vegeta eyed him before snatching up an apple from a small basket and taking a large bite.
"Obviously." He spat around his mouthful. "I don't wander into your house for fun." He turned his head towards the living room upon hearing a cheerful whoop from Trunks.
"Why is my son here?" He asked, scowling.
"Bulma dropped him off here before work, or something." Goku said, shrugging. "Its vacation; let them have fun." Vegeta grunted and took another bite. Suddenly, Chichi came crashing down the stairs.
"Alright boys, get up now! We're leaving!" Goku stared as his wife rushed past him in a black vest and pencil skirt, her hair tied up in a tight bun with a small dash of makeup across her face. She paused at the doorway before turning back and slapping a small piece of paper on the table.
"Sorry Goku, I have an urgent meeting to attend to at Gohan's high school. I need you to go shopping for the ingredients for the barbeque this afternoon." Goku looked down at the sheet then back up at Chichi with a chagrined look.
"But I was supposed to go sparring today!" He complained. Chichi glared at him.
"You can go sparring later. Besides, it's unbecoming to go fight before we have a gathering. I don't need you appearing to the barbeque like some beat up corpse! You'll scare away all the guests!" Goku frowned.
"But I know everyone that's going there! It's just the z-warriors and everyone else. Besides, Coran just gave me a new bag of senzu!"
"No buts!" Chichi growled. "It's a matter of courtesy." She snapped her gaze to Vegeta, who instantly froze before he could take another bite.
"And don't eat with your gloves on. It's rude. And you're so loud when you eat. Close your mouth! You're a man, not a monkey for god's sake." Goku snorted. Vegeta glared at the woman and took a large bite out of the apple, smacking his lips loudly just to spite her. Chichi glared at him before turning on her heel and storming out the door.
"You'd better have all the ingredients by the time Bulma gets here to prepare the food!" She yelled over her shoulder before ushering the two boys out and slamming the door shut behind them.
A short silence passed over the house as the two saiyans listened to Chichi's car start up and drive off.
"I fail to see how you can stand to live with that loud-mouthed harpy." Vegeta finally said, finishing his apple and chucking the core into the plastic garbage can on the other side of the room.
"It's not that bad." Goku insisted with a shrug. "She cares; she just has a different way of showing it." Vegeta scoffed.
"A very loud way, I see. That woman could send the mountains packing. I can't even imagine what it must have been like in bed." Goku stared at Vegeta.
"She's actually a rather quiet sleeper." Vegeta blinked and said nothing but only picked up the shopping list and dropped it in Goku's hands before walking towards the door.
"Well, you enjoy slaving around. I'll be working out in the gravity room when you're done." Goku gaped.
"You can't just leave me here!" He protested. Vegeta raised an eyebrow.
"Watch me." Goku frowned.
"Come with me!" He asked, "If we do it together it'll take us half as long!"
"No way!" Vegeta snarled. "There is no way I'm going to be reduced to running errands for your woman, Kakkarot." With this Vegeta walked determinedly to the door and slammed it open. He screeched and almost fell back as Goku materialized in the doorway before him.
"God damnit Kakkarot! How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that!" He screamed angrily.
"Come on Vegeta! We can go sparring after!" Goku insisted earnestly. Vegeta growled. There was no way he wanted to go shopping for food with this third-class oaf, but he had been looking forward to a good sparring match in over a week. A low growl rumbled in the saiyan Prince's throat.
"Fine. But as soon as we finish, you'd better be ready to give me a serious fight." Goku's mouth widened into a bright grin and it took all his restraint not to leap onto the prince.
"Thanks Vegeta, I promise it'll be over in five minutes!"
Ten minutes later, the two saiyans stood standing in front of a large supermarket, bustling with people shuffling in and out with large carts. Goku grabbed a cart and passed it to Vegeta, who stared at him indignantly, snatched up the ingredients list, and stormed forward into the store, leaving the saiyan and the cart behind. Goku sighed and trailed after him, pushing the cart forward.
Vegeta looked down at the list.
"Alright Kakkarot, you know this place better than I do. We need a dozen tomatoes, eight green and red bell peppers, two red peppers, five onions, a clove of garlic, five romaine hearts and two bags of potatoes." Goku blinked looking around.
"Uh, that would be in the fresh produce department." He pointed towards a row of large stands stacked with fruits and vegetables. The two shuffled over, winding their way through the throng of people until they stood in front of a small landslide of plump, red, tomatoes.
"Good god." Vegeta mumbled. "I don't understand you humans. Pilling up all this food, when half of it is thrown out in the end. Such a waste." Vegeta started picking tomatoes out at random, and placed them in a plastic bag one by one.
"No Vegeta, you're doing it wrong." Goku interrupted. Vegeta cocked an eyebrow.
"I'm picking out tomatoes, Kakkarot. Pray tell, what the hell could I do wrong?" Goku tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"Chichi always squeezed the tomatoes to see if they were ripe. We can't bring back bad tomatoes." Vegeta growled.
"There are no bad tomatoes. If it isn't ripe, it's green."
"But what about if it's too ripe!" insisted the taller saiyan. "If they're too soggy they don't taste good."
"Oh for God's sake Kakkarot. Fine!" Vegeta picked out a tomato and squeezed it. The tomato promptly burst, sending moist pulp and seeds onto both men. The saiyans stood still for a few moments, staring at the remains of the rude fruit.
"Well that wasn't supposed to happen." Goku mumbled, furrowing his brow. "Vegeta you did it wrong."
"HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!" Screamed Vegeta. "I SQUEEZED IT LIKE YOU DAMN WELL TOLD ME TO!"
"Well you weren't supposed to squeeze it that hard!" Goku retorted defensively.
"HOW FUCKING HARD DO I SQUEEZE THE DAMN TOMATO THEN?" The shorter saiyan was positively fuming at this point, and multiple shoppers were eying them warily.
"Look… let's just forget the squeezing and get the tomatoes, ok?" Goku sighed irritably.
"As I was doing before you decided to ENLIGHTEN me with your produce-shopping wisdom." Vegeta added for good measure, before discarding the remains of the burst tomatoes and picking out a dozen tomatoes in the bag and setting it into the cart.
"So where do we get a romaine heart?" Goku asked pensively. "Maybe it's in the meat section. It doesn't sound too good though. I've had a pig's heart before and it tasted pretty bad." Vegeta shuddered.
"I have no idea why you would eat such a thing, Goku, but either way, that has nothing to do with it. I'm sure the harpy was talking about the lettuce." Goku blinked, and snapped in realization.
"Right." He breathed.
The two wandered through the aisles, where Goku quietly let Vegeta pick out the bell peppers, the hearts of lettuce, and the garlic clove. When they got to the onion rack, Vegeta was picking up a few small purple onions when Goku opened his mouth.
"Wait, Vegeta –"
"OH, I SUPPOSE I NEED TO SQUEEZE THE ONION TOO, HUH?" Vegeta asked, glaring sharply at the man. Goku rolled his eyes.
"No, but those are shallots, not onions." Vegeta looked down at the small, oblong root and blinked.
"It looks like an onion to me." He growled. Goku shook his head and pointed to a nearby rack with similar produce, though larger and rounder. Vegeta huffed, dumping out the contents of his plastic bag and gathered five actual onions.
They wandered to the potatoes, where Vegeta stared at the variety of bags of potatoes.
"Well Kakkarot," he said pointedly, "mind specifying exactly which bag of potatoes we're supposed to get. Goku looked down at his list and then back up.
"Uh… well… there's no specifications here." Vegeta rolled his eyes.
"Of course not." He pulled out two bags at random, one filled with small, oblong yellow potatoes, and the other filled with orange ones. Goku stared suspiciously at the orange potatoes.
"Vegeta, are you sure those are potatoes? They're kind of a funny color." Vegeta glanced at the bag then up at the tags on the shelf.
"They're sweet potatoes, Kakkarot." Goku's eyes widened.
"Sweet potatoes? You mean, they taste like candy?" Vegeta glared irritably at the protector of the earth, who stared at the bag with a mixture of awe and fascination.
"I sincerely doubt it." Sneered the smaller saiyan, and placed the bag back into the shelf. Goku's face fell, but he snatched up the bag again.
"Come on, let's take it." Vegeta narrowed his eyes.
"I don't think those are the right potatoes." He said. Goku shrugged.
"Chichi didn't specify, so she can't say anything. Besides," he looked lovingly at the bag, "they sound delicious." Vegeta made a face.
"Kakkarot you look disgusting. Put that bag in the cart. We'll take one of these just in case." He said, throwing in a bag of golden potatoes.
"Oh hey look Vegeta! Those potatoes are purple!" Goku cried out in fascination. Vegeta grabbed the childish man's arm and dragged him away.
"Alright, next? I'm getting tired of this so let's get it over with. " He asked Goku. Suddenly, the small saiyan felt himself roughly jostled from the side.
"Hey, watch it," he snarled angrily.
"Oh, whoops. Sorry kid." The man he'd knocked into apologized. Vegeta froze.
"What… did he just… call me?" The saiyan seethed. Goku swallowed.
"Vegeta, it's nothing. He just didn't see you properly."
"Oh," the prince smiled maniacally, "no worries. He won't be seeing anything once I'm done with him." Goku's eyes widened as he noticed the ball of energy accumulating in Vegeta's free hand.
"No Vegeta! He whispered, panicking. "You can't use your powers on innocent civilians!"
"Watch me do it! JUST FUCKING WATCH ME!" Vegeta snarled, raising his hand. Goku released the cart and grabbed Vegeta from behind, pulling him away from the crowd of people who'd begun to look at them strangely.
With a relieved exhale, Goku managed to transport the irritable prince to the meats without casualties. They stood in front of a glass screen, behind which were laid out various slabs of red and white meat.
"So…" Goku trailed off, looking down at his shopping list, "we need about 30 pounds of beef, 2 whole turkeys, and 10 pounds of pork." Vegeta glanced over Goku's arm at the sheet.
"Are you sure that's going to be enough?" He asked skeptically. Goku shrugged.
"Chichi knows us well enough. I would think she took into account how much we eat." Goku placed his order, though the man on the other side of the counter gave him a strange look.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we only have 20 pounds of beef in stock right now." Goku frowned.
"Really? Can't you go get some more?"
"Sorry sir, but the next shipment is tomorrow morning. We don't usually receive such… large requests." He said, eyes glancing between the two burly men. Goku furrowed his brow.
"How long does it take to kill and slice up a cow?" He muttered unhappily. Vegeta grit his teeth.
"Don't make a big deal out of this Kakkarot. Just get ten extra pounds of pork or something." Goku relented and packed the large bundles of meat into the cart.
As they perused the bread section, Goku checked his list.
"So, we need three sourdough baguettes and one French baguette." He announced. Vegeta grunted and proceeded to pull out a few long loaves from an upstanding basket.
"Hey 'geta, what's a 'baguette'?" Vegeta froze.
"Repeat that?" Goku gesticulated towards the list.
"What's a baguette? I mean, I know it refers to bread, but why can they just call it a 'loaf'? What does 'baguette' mean?"
"No… not that…." Vegeta said slowly. "What did you call me?" Goku blinked.
" 'geta?" As soon as the word left his mouth, Vegeta whapped the saiyan across the head with the sourdough baguette. The bread made a hollow crunching sound as it connected with Goku's head, shedding crumbs across the floor.
"Don't you ever call me that again." He hissed angrily. Goku rubbed his head, eyes wide in surprise.
"Jesus Vegeta, you didn't have to get so sensitive about it." Goku whined. "And look, you went and ruined our bread." He pointed at the sadly drooping loaf of bread, split in two at the middle.
"The bread can go to hell." Vegeta snarled. "Just keep your mouth shut."
"Vegeta, you're going to ruin the bread's feelings. And besides, why are you so touchy about me calling you that?" Goku asked, gently tugging the bread out of Vegeta's grasp and tearing off a small chunk before placing it in the basket.
"Because it sounds like some kind of disgustingly familiar pet-name! I'm your prince, and I won't have you address me with such a ridiculous nick-name!" Goku grinned cheekily around a mouthful of bread.
"Awwww but it's so cute!" He exclaimed. This time, Goku managed to dodge the French loaf that sailed past his head, crashing into a cheese sample kiosk behind him. He clicked his tongue.
"Restraint, 'geta. A prince needs to keep his head, right?" Vegeta screamed incoherently, ready to leap upon the saiyan and strangle him in place.
"Excuse me, Sirs? I'm going to ask that you two please leave the store immediately." Vegeta whirled around to find a tall, burly police officer, shining badge on his chest and hand resting on his gun. Behind him cringed a rather terrified looking store employee, whose eyes darted frantically between the two saiyans. Goku swallowed the last of his bread.
"We've gotten several complaints of you disturbing the peace and posing a serious threat to the shoppers, and I'm going to have to escort you two gentlemen out of here." The policeman reached out and placed a large hand on Vegeta's shoulder. Goku opened his mouth to warn him, but Vegeta beat him to it and in a matter of seconds, the policeman was flying over the bread-stands and landed face-first into the seafood department. The employee took one, last, tear-filled look at Vegeta and fled, jumping over the overturned cheese kiosk.
"I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HERE!" Vegeta yelled. He whipped around to face Goku and stormed towards the check-out counter. " We're leaving! Kakkarot move your lazy hide and let's pay for this damn food before I blow this whole store to hell and back!"
Goku followed the seething saiyan to the check-out counters, where a long procession of customers were lined up at each counter.
"Oh you have got to be shitting me!" Vegeta yowled, throwing up his hands in exasperation. He stomped forward, shoving past a few customers, who protested angrily. Goku apologized, not daring to stop the smaller saiyan for fear of causing an all out battle to break out. Suddenly, a large man with a shaved head and a good too many tattoos than should be present on any one body stepped in front of Vegeta, looking down at the small prince with a dark scowl.
"Get in line, small fry." He rumbled. Goku sighed, slapping a hand against his forehead. Vegeta raised a hand and, without flinching, backhanded the man across the store.
"ANYONE ELSE UP FOR GETTING THEIR ASSES KICKED?" Vegeta yelled at the crowd of wide-eyed and terrified onlookers. A child cried nearby, quickly silenced by its mother. Vegeta stepped forward and the people around him immediately parted like a body of water. He triumphantly walked up to the check-out, slamming a fist down on the counter. The employee at the counter, a skinny red-head wearing a clerk apron several sizes too big on him flinched, swallowing nervously and glancing at Goku with bright red mouse-eyes. The taller saiyan placed the items on the counter, and Vegeta watched carefully as the cashier rang each item with trembling hands. Finally, he read off the final amount, gingerly accepting the card Goku handed him. After paying for and bagging their food, Vegeta and Goku grabbed the plastic bags and left the store, Goku sending an apologetic look over his shoulder at the countless wary eyes that followed them out of the supermarket.
As soon as he exited the store, Vegeta lifted off the ground, ignoring the shocked outbursts from the people in the parking lot.
"Kakkarot," he finally said as they flew over the city, "I am NEVER going shopping again. Understand?" Goku chuckled.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. You just overreacted." He said. Vegeta glared at him with such bloodthirst, Goku could practically feel the saiyan's gloved hands around his neck. He swallowed nervously, averting his eyes.
"At least we're done now, right?" Goku smiled. "We'll drop off the food and we can go sparring. I'll let you choose the location too. How about it?" Vegeta narrowed his eyes, but the prospect of releasing his anger on the particular saiyan who dragged him into this mess was quite attractive.
"You'd better get ready to fight for real, Kakkarot, because I won't be going easy on you today." Goku chuckled to himself. Vegeta was like an angry puppy – use the right bait and he was easy to predict.
After they landed on the porch to Chichi's house, Goku opened the door and dropped the bags of produce on the kitchen counter, stretching his arms over his head. Vegeta did hardly bothered to be courteous at all with his bags and simply dropped them on the floor of the kitchen, hands twitching with eagerness of their fight. Goku turned to follow the prince out the door when the phone rang. He glanced at it and back at Vegeta, who glared angrily at him.
"Don't pick it up. It can't be good." He growled. Goku frowned.
"How do you know that? It could be chichi needing some important information, or something could have happened to Goten and Trunks." Vegeta rolled his eyes.
"Please Kakkarot, if something happened to my son, I would know, and I damn well know you would as well." Goku shrugged and trudged to the phone, lifting the receiver to his ear.
"Hey, Goku?" Goku grinned.
"Oh hey Bulma, what's up?" He greeted his long-time friend cheerfully. Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest impatiently.
"God you're a hard man to get a hold of you know? You're going to have to teach me that telepathy ability of yours one day." Goku chuckled. "But anyways," she continued, "I need to ask you a favor. Is Vegeta there?"
"Yep, we were just on our way to go sparring. We just came back from shopping for Chichi's barbeque."
"Really? Perfect, that's just want I needed to talk to you guys about. It turns out I'm going to have to stay at work for longer than I thought. One of our shipments was stalled and we can't finish the project. We have to wait for the shipment to arrive before we can finish it, so I won't have time to prepare the food."
"Oh… sounds tough." Goku said.
"Right, so I need you two to cook for me." Goku blinked.
"Uh… what? Cook? But… I can't." He said uncertainly. The saiyan kept his gaze glued on the wall, feeling Vegeta's power lever rising dangerously from across the room. Bulma laughed on the other end of the line
"What are you talking about? It's easy. I'll even fax the instructions to you." Goku began to sweat.
"Uh, actually our fax is broke-" he heard a loud beep and four sheets of paper zipped out of the fax machine to his left. "-en." Goku swallowed. "Guess not."
"Don't sweat it. You just have to make a salad and cut up the meat for the barbeque. The only thing you need to cook is the turkey stew." Goku shot a haphazard glance at the saiyan prince to his left. If Vegeta's eyes could have born holes in Goku's head, at this point he'd be dead.
"I think you'll have to take it up with Vegeta." Goku finally said. Bulma sighed.
"Could you put Vegeta on the line then, please?" Goku nodded and held out the phone.
"Uh… Bulma wants to talk to you." Goku said quietly. Vegeta stomped up to the man, snatched up the phone, and raised it to his ear with the adoration of a schizophrenic mass murderer. Goku tiptoed into the kitchen, and began sorting out the groceries.
"I," Vegeta huffed indignantly through the receiver, "am the Prince of all Saiyans! I will not be belittled into cooking like a third class slave!"
"The prince of a grand total of five people, Vegeta. Big fucking deal! Now get over it and start cooking!" Vegeta stared open mouthed at the receiver, which beeped repeatedly. With a blood curdling screech he hurdled the phone across the room, where it smashed into pieces. Goku poked his head out from the kitchen and scowled.
"Hey, we just installed that new phone!" He protested. Vegeta responded with a steam of curses that would shame a sailor, and stormed to the door.
"Hey Vegeta, wait! Where are you going?" Goku followed the fuming Saiyan.
"I," Vegeta said slowly, "am going home. I am NOT cooking!" Goku opened his mouth, releasing a small garble of words.
"I… but… no! Vegeta! You can't leave me here! I can't cook!" He cried.
"Well neither can I!" Vegeta growled, slamming open the door. Before he could take a step forward however, Goku grabbed him from behind, holding him back by the arms and locking him into place.
"You can't leave me now!" Goku yelled. "I need your help!"
"Get someone else's help!" Vegeta screamed, struggling futilely against the Saiyan.
"But I can't!" Goku persisted. "Chichi's at a meeting, Goten and Trunks are at a movie, Bulma's working, Gohan and Piccolo are out training, and I can't just ask the guests to cook for a party we're hosting!"
"Well deal with it yourself! Don't involve me in any more of your ridiculous low-class work!" Vegeta kicked Goku in the shin with his leg using all the strength he could muster. Goku's release on him faltered as he winced, and the prince immediately took off into the air, grinning triumphantly.
"Fucking idiot. Never again." He hissed as he zipped away from the house. Suddenly, Vegeta felt someone approaching rapidly and turned around, only to have Goku slam into him, sending them both hurdling to the ground where they landed with a hollow crack and a cloud of dust.
Vegeta slowly peeled himself off the ground, blinking up to see Goku standing in front of him, intense determination on his face.
"You're going to help me." He stated resolutely. Vegeta spat angrily.
"There's no way in hell. You'll have to kill me before I help you do anything!" Goku frowned.
"I'll fight you then. If I win, you help me."
"No fucking way." Vegeta snarled.
"If you win, I'll bow down to you. No going super saiyan. Just you and me." Vegeta froze. Goku stared at him in all seriousness. He wasn't joking. The prince weighted his choices. He knew Goku was far stronger than him, but he'd been training for several weeks while the saiyan was spending his vacation playing around with his son. If Vegeta could outsmart him and catch him off guard even once… the prince smirked.
"Alright. I accept," he said smugly, visions of Goku's bloody head beneath his boot gracing his imagination. The taller saiyan smiled. Suddenly, before Vegeta could move, Goku vanished, only to re-appear a split-second later directly in front of him. The prince immediately threw up his arms in a last-minute guard against Goku's blow, which sent him sailing into the forest.
Vegeta snarled, bounding off the ground and immediately back at the taller saiyan. 'Little bastard isn't giving me a moment is he,' he thought as they exchanged a series of blows before parting with a crack. Vegeta feigned a blow to Goku's head before zipping behind him and aiming a kick at his back. Goku blocked it with a hand, grabbing the prince's leg and throwing him at the trees. Vegeta used the momentum of the throw to flip around and jump off a thick tree trunk into the air, where he hovered with one hand in front of him.
Vegeta fired a blow of energy at Goku, who bounded away to let a huge crater form in the dirt where he stood seconds before. As the dust cleared away, Goku leap into the air after Vegeta, pounding him with punches and kicks. Vegeta deftly retaliated, matching each of Goku's blows. However, he felt himself being gradually pushed back. Gritting his teeth, the prince of saiyans gathered energy in his palms and shot several beams as his opponent. Trees splintered and earth swarmed into mounds of dust as the shots connected with the ground. Vegeta stood, quietly, seeking any movement from his opponent, but Goku had literally vanished.
"Damnit Kakkarot, where are you? Quit hiding you third-class idiot!" The prince snarled angrily, head whipping from left to right. Suddenly, Vegeta sensed a presence behind him, but before he could bring up his guard, Goku had clasped his hands together, raised them, and slammed then down on Vegeta's unprotected head.
The prince plummeted to earth and landed with a loud, earth-shattering crash. Goku slowly descended to the ground, walking through the clearing dust and greeted the prone saiyan with a wide smile.
"I win," he said simply. Vegeta groaned, pushing himself upright.
"You are a bonafied jackass and a first-class DICK," Vegeta growled, wiping off the dirt from the ragged remains of his outfit.
"Well," Goku said with a grin, "that's a step up from a third-class idiot, right?" Vegeta glared at him and grudgingly followed Goku back to the house.
.:Author's Note:. Was that bad? WAS IT? ;o; Was the humor oh so excruciatingly painful that it took every ounce of your willpower to make it to the bottom of this page! D: I hope I haven't caused anyone a heart attack. I TRIED. I just suck at writing lighthearted humor. Not that socially I'm a morbid person or anything I swear!
Anyways, please review and tell me if I FAAAAIIILLLEDD miserably or not. THANKS!