Dawn had now broke; and with Vyvyan's fear of the dark now gone, they were finally making some progress. Unfortunately for Rick, Vyvyan was back to his normal self.
"I really can't believe you were wanking towards Hoggle!" He laughed.
"Labyrinth! Of all of the movies you could've watched! Supervixens, Girls in Prison, Women in Cages… heck, even Horrors of Spider Island… but the Labyrinth? What on earth were you thinking? You little pervy" Vyvyan taunted.
"Shut up! Don't call me a perve, Vyvyan! I'm not the one who looks through people's rooms!"
They turned around a corner, to a large open space with a large oak tree in the middle.
"I could stop, but then how would I get to know all your hidden secrets?"
"And why would you want to do that? I suppose it's because you're in love with me, isn't it? Hmm? Who's the little poof now? Vyvyan the poof! Haha!" Rick chuckled.
"Not that there's anything wrong with that, I mean," he quickly corrected.
Vyvyan gave him the evil eye, and went all Casey Heynes on dat muthafucka's ass. (Did anyone else hear about that? Or was it just something that was popular in Australia?)
Once Rick was on the ground, Vyvyan kicked him repeatedly in the ribs.
"Aw, guys, this is getting pretty heavy…" said a familiar melancholic voice. Rick and Vyvyan stopped their fight to look around, and saw Neil hanging upside-down on a tree, appearing to be wearing a large, red, furry costume.
"Neil?" the duo exclaimed in unison.
"What are you doing here, smelly hippy?" Rick asked.
"Uh. No… not Neil. Ludo. My name's Ludo. And well, my friend and I were just sitting here, right, and then the pigs came. So my friend ran away, right, then the pigs came and tied me to this branch." Ludo indicated the thick branch attached to his foot by a piece of rope.
"So, uh, considering you two are here and I've been hanging here for about 2 days now… could you help me get down please?"
Rick and Vyvyan looked at each other and paused, before laughing into hysterics.
"AHAHAHA! US, HELP YOU? BAHAHA!" Vyvyan taunted.
"No way, ho-zay!" Rick giggled.
"Aw…" Neil sighed.
Once again, in all his holiness, Ziggy Stardust appeared to them, glitter and all.
"Uh no. I'm afraid that you'll have to help him." He said in all seriousness.
"B-but why?" Rick exclaimed. "He's a fucking hippy-monster hybrid! You should never go on adventures with hippy-monster hybrids! Isn't that right kids?" Rick said to a non-existent audience.
"Maybe so, but the author, and myself, agree that this story is getting boring with just you two."
Vyvyan looked crushed. He had put his best effort into those violence scenes!
"Why do we have to listen to you anyway? We can do this story by ourselves! C'mon Rick, let's leave this place!"
Vyvyan and Rick made an attempt to run towards a turn that led towards yet another laneway, but Ziggy clicked his fingers. He cringed, "I didn't want to have to do this…" he said, putting earplugs into his ears.
Lionel Richie, clad in a full denim outfit, appeared from the turn. Suddenly, horrible, catchy 80's music filled their ears, and Lionel started to sing.
"I've been alone with you inside my mind…"
Rick groaned. Surely there could've been some type of a more merciful punishment!
"... And I my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times…"
Vyvyan broke down on the ground and curled up into a ball, he started rocking back and forth. Rick could've sworn he'd seen some tears.
"I sometimes see you pass outside my door… Hello, is it me you're looking for?"
Rick pressed his hands onto his ears. "OKAY! OKAY! WE'LL TAKE LUDO! WE'LL TAKE HIM! JUST MAKE THIS STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
Due to the earplugs, Ziggy couldn't hear their whining. But he watched Rick and Vyvyan as they frantically tried to get Ludo down from the branch. Ludo dropped heavily with a thud that even Ziggy could hear through his earplugs. The three characters dodged Lionel, who was still singing, and ran away.
Ziggy took out his earplugs. "Okay, Richie, you can stop now."
"… I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile…"
"Lionel. Stop. Seriously. My ears are beginning to bleed."
"You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide…"
Ziggy clicked his fingers, trying to get Lionel Richie to stop, but to no prevail. He just kept on singing!
"Ohnoes. What have I done?" Ziggy started to look stressed and kept glancing around, hoping no one was watching. He knew what his fans were like; they'd take a picture of this and post it on Twitter. Those little scamps.
"'Cause you know just what to say…" Lionel continued. The power of his moustache was so awesomely strong, not even Ziggy could conquer it. Defeated, Ziggy clicked his fingers and disappeared. Leaving Lionel Richie to bring terror to all the land.
"… And you know just what to do. And I want to tell you so much, I love you…"
AN: Moral of today's chapter: Every time you listen to "Hello", God kills an orphan. Happy Earth Hour everybody!