Disclaimer: I own nothing
"Don't be aroused by my confession,
Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption
I know Christ is coming
But so am I
You would too if the sexy devil caught your eye
She'll suck you dry
But still you'll cry to get back in her bosom
To do it again
She'll make you weep
But the more you'll cry to be back in her bosom
And do it again" Pucifer
His words echoed in my brain over and over again. I didn't know what to feel or what to think except that they left me. They left. He spoke the words as if he didn't have a care in the world, as if I never mattered in the first place. All the hurt he threw on me began to fester in inside as soon I found myself consumed in it. I let the months slip by, the days, not caring I was rotting in self pity. All I could comprehend in my brain was the last words he spoke to me, "we're leaving." I wanted to die, life held no meaning. Everything my world was centered around had abandoned me. His whole family abandoned me.
My body was like a living carcass. It was breathing, sleeping, eating but not really living. I was dying on the inside. I just wanted to end it all. The pain was beginning to be unbearable. It wasn't normal how the emotions were so real, so vivid and so physical. It was physically hurting me. Yet I didn't want the pain to really go away, I wanted to savor the feeling; tricking myself into believing it was the only way Edward was with me, but honestly it was deeper than that; much deeper.
Every day was the same, get up, go to school, be an outcast, come home, cook dinner, be a zombie, be un-alive and try to get some sleep that was viscously attacked with nightmares. Charlie was beginning to have enough of my horrid behavior, really more like my nonexistent behavior. He couldn't handle that his daughter was barely hanging by a thread. Honestly, I was having a hard time as well. I had always known I was somewhat morbid, but I never took myself as spineless either. I hated that he had that much effect on me, that he could cause me to become the walking dead; it was insulting. But here I was anyways, regardless of how much I hated it, Edward took my heart with him.
After months of living in hell, Charlie had had enough. I'll never forget that conversation, he all but threw me out.
"Bella enough! I can't do this anymore. This behavior" he stumbled, "well it just isn't normal. I'm sending you back to your mother in Jacksonville." He spoke lowering his head.
I simply just walked up to my room and packed my stuff. I didn't even argue. I didn't have the energy anymore. I was beginning to feel weak, tired and worn out. I didn't have that much stuff so packing didn't take me very long.
About two days later we left. I looked out the window taking in Forks while I still could. A small part of me was screaming to stay, because I would be here if he wanted to find me; but I knew he was never coming back. He was a vampire, perfect and I was just a measly little human girl. I was nothing extraordinary, actually I was quite the opposite; I was mediocre, average. It all made sense; he deserved to be with another vampire, one who wasn't so; well so average. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him, I guess I just had forgotten.
The little town began to fade away in the rear mirror, and I became numb again. Charlie and I didn't speak a word to each other; we both had known what the other was thinking. He was think it was a mistake to bring me down here and I was thinking how I was just a mistake in general. Mistake, the word was bringing an unknown feeling to the pit of my stomach. The numbness was beginning to wear off and it frightened me so. I wasn't ready to feel again, because all I would be able to comprehend was the void he left inside me when he walked away leaving me deserted in the woods. Feelings were such a fickle thing; I didn't want to feel I just wanted to be numb.
I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself down. After four months of not feeling anything, one little word almost made it all come crashing down.
The car suddenly stopped and I realized we had arrived at the airport. We both got out and took my bags and walked into the building silently. After we got everything together we just stood there awkwardly looking at each other. Charlie was the first to break the silence.
"Um, you gonna be ok Bells?" He spoke.
"Uh yeah, don't worry bout me." I said quietly.
He rolled his eyes at my response as if saying yeah right. He gave me a small hug and I waved bye.
I just had gotten through security when it happened, the horrid splitting headache. It was like a migraine but ten times worse. I stopped walking bringing my free hand up to my head, and then nausea swept through my body. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it to toilet before vomiting. After puking a couple more times, the migraine doubled and I started seeing red. It was like my entire body was in pain. It hurt to move, to breathe to speak. I doubled over the toilet and started screaming.
I had never experienced pain like this before, I wanted to die. I screamed louder bringing both hands up to my head clutching almost willing the pain to leave. I began to writhe on the floor. My throat felt like sand paper rubbing together.
"Hello!" a woman's voice yelled.
Immediately the stall door opened and a woman dropped in front of me. Her eyes were clouded with worry and she reached her hands down to touch me.
"What, I, what's happened?" she fumbled out obviously stricken with panic.
I just stared at her through my pain and something sweet invaded my senses. The scent was intoxicating and all I comprehended was to feed. Next thing I knew, I was lunging at her neck and viciously assaulting the skin. Her blood was pouring in my mouth and it was like nothing I had ever tasted before. The pain in my body began to subside but my mind was screaming at me to stop. Her body went limp in my arms and I realized I was no longer sucking her blood. I slowly let her go, and watched in horror as her body fell to floor.
I killed her.
I began to panic as I saw the blood everywhere. Suddenly the bathroom door flew open and a young woman walked in. She stopped suddenly when she saw the body on the floor. Her mouth opened to a scream and suddenly I lunged at her and pinned her to the wall. Something inside of me was snapping. Self preservation maybe.
"You can't tell anybody!" I said. "You can't tell anybody!" I yelled looking straight into her eyes.
Her body relaxed and her eyes glazed over.
"I can't tell anybody." She said monotone.
Confusion welled up inside me. But it was soon forgotten as soon as I realized just at who I was staring at in the mirror. The girl in the mirror was covered in blood. I slowly walked up to the mirror and watched the veins below my eyes come full front and fangs protruding my mouth. Migraine came back and I fell to floor in pain. My head felt like it was about to explode. All I could comprehend was the white hot fire spreading through my veins.
Suddenly visions began to flash through my brain. The visions were of a girl running though the woods in a period dress, then the same girl being hung. The girl then woke up and I immediately realized the girl was me. The images shifted as I was now looking at myself facing another man who was speaking into my eyes. I realized these were not visions, but memories.
I remembered who I was.
Anger flooded inside of me. Klaus had compelled me. Klaus had made me forget what I was. I remembered the self pity I had drowned myself in. It was disgusting. It was sickening how one pathetic little vampire nearly killed me. Well I was dead to begin with. Two could play that game. I would just show him exactly what he left behind. I wasn't something to be set aside so recklessly.
"Please, don't hurt me." A voice whispered.
I looked over and saw the woman cowering in the corner. Her whole body was trembling in fear. I felt a smile play up my face. I crawled over to her and slowly brought my hands to her head. I leaned in slowly and whispered in her ear.
"Whoever said I was going to hurt you? No, some say it's almost arousing." I whispered seductively.
I then licked her neck and began to kiss her neck. I didn't miss the moan that she gave. I began to suck on her neck and then I plunged into it. I watch her eyes roll into the back of her head. I began to suck harder feeling as her body began to relax and then go completely limp. After I had finished I casually got up and walked to the sink and washed off all the blood. I stripped off my clothes and got new ones out of my bag.
Yes the Cullen's were going to pay for what they had done to me.
No one walks away from Katarina Petrova.
Haha! So if enough people review, I'll continue it!