A/N: Last chapter was pretty short.. sorrrry.. i'll work on making them longer. Tell me what you think about this chapter, your favorite color, and aminal. [yes, aminal. Not a spelling error.]
…i hate capital i's.
Got a quote from chapter 17 of Addiction, by Closet Dreams.
"We don't cut because it hurts, Bella; we cut because it works."
I woke up to darkness. My alarm clock read 3:47. Tears filled my eyes as I walked to the bathroom to inspect the damage. I cringed when I saw all the new marks. Cuts and bruises covered my body.
The newest, however, barely hurt. I took thing as a sign. A very, very bad sign.
The only time I didn't feel was when I was in shock from breaking something. Damn.
I took a long shower, being careful of what ever might have broke, and making sure I washed off all of the blood.
Wrapping my towel around my frail body, I walked quietly to my room. I dropped my towel and looked in the mirror again.
Frowning at the cuts still visible on my arms, hips, and right shoulder, I locked the door and grabbed my razor blades.
I found a nice empty spot on my inner forearm and dragged the blade across. Blood filled the long, slim line and spilled over onto the rest of my scar covered arm.
I dragged the blade across my arm 3 more times, and 5 on my shoulder. I thought about why I was doing this. Justifying it to myself.
'I don't do it 'cause it hurts, I do it 'cause it works.' The endorphins hit my system and calm filled me. 'Peace.'
I'd never brought my blades to school, but I figured to day might be a good day to start. After cleaning my wounds, I walked to my closet.
I grabbed my avenged Sevenfold tee-shirt and my black bondage skinny jeans. glancing at the clock while i put on my blue zip-up hoodie and grabbed my backpack.
'6:45. Damn… Charlie's gunna wake up any minuet…' i opened my door and crept down the stairs.
Wary of my wounds, and trying to not wake Charlie, I made my way through the kitchen, grabbed some bread, and sped out the front door.
Putting my Hello Kitty headphones in my ears I clicked on 'Last Words' by Ice Nine Kills.
'Here goes the story of a kid we thought we knew.
He hid a hate inside, and had a state of mind that put him in his grave!
It began with his friends.
They never noticed the despair in his eyes.
From the pressure.
He thought his life was etched in stone.
Before he made a choice of his own.'
I didn't mind walking to school, it gave me time to think.
'Save your breath, cause you'll need it when you hang from the rope.
Cause of death: Obvious from your suicide note.
The last words, that filled the page:
"If no one will listen, then no one will miss when I'm gone."
Across town, his dad wakes up all alone.
Never knowing he was never going to come home.
The last thought that filled his head.
"I'll tell him I'm sorry, I'll say I regret what I said.
It's your life. I'll live my own life instead."
And he's dedicated for everyday that he made it on his own!
In his father's eyes he's a pair of dice.
He won't be number one.
He's never won!
He won't be number one.
His bedroom's filled with emptiness tonight.
As the silence cuts through, like a knife.
Knowing he's not there.'
A few tears slipped down my face, smudging my makeup and exposing my battered face.
'He was dedicated for everyday that he made it on his own.
In his father's eyes he's a pair of dice!
He won't be number one!'
I arrived at school, after fixing my makeup at the 7-11 on my street, took out one of my head phones and looked for my only friend.
"Isabella! Bella!" Angela called walking my way. "Happy Birthday hunny."
I felt my eyes water, and my mask crumble. "Yeah… happy birthday…"
Angela came closer and gave me a careful hug, avoiding my mid-section. She had found out 2 weeks ago, when Charlie broke 4 of my ribs.
"What happened?" she asked, concern coving her words.
"I… I don't want to talk about it yet.." I said yet because she always made me tell.
"Well… did you hear about the new kids?" she asked, trying to get my mind off of it. I glanced at her curiously.
"No..?" Her eyes brightened. "Come on." And I was dragged through the front door of Forks High School.
A/N: i think i needs a little therapy time. Three things as of right this second. One, I'm in class right now and i feel like i'm on speeed. Two, i'm really upset with my bestie, cause we haven't hung out since before x-mas [x-man Christmas] and even though we have like all~ of our classes together, we don't talk 'cause her bf is there :( Three, my insomnia and bi-polar/depression is getting worse.. :[