Don't get too excited, it's not a new story!

I am posting my Since outtakes here. The first two were originally sent as replies to the lovely readers who took the time to leave a review for me. There will be at least one more coming after the main story finishes posting.

"Who the Hell is Alice" was offered for reviews of Chapter 6, to answer the question that Bella asked, and give some more background into what makes Jasper the way he is.


Rose got me through the whole Alice débâcle.

Alice joined our school in the sixth form and blew my world apart. She was this tiny, crazy, feather-light waif who had an impact way out of proportion to her size.

All the guys at school were mesmerised by her but also kind of scared of her too. She was completely aware of the effect she had, and seemed to find it amusing but somehow irrelevant. I found it pretty amusing too, at the start. As the official school gay, I could talk to her without looking like I was hitting on her, and I found that I like talking to her, a lot. She was funny and smart and had an infectious enthusiasm that matched my own. I started spending a lot of time with her. She liked Rose too, which was pretty cool, given the age difference, and that made me like her even more.

We were taking a couple of the same subjects, so we spent evenings and weekends pretending to study at each others houses. Ironically, my parents were now completely happy with me spending an entire day with a girl in my bedroom. We talked about music and movies, but also about science and politics. She like to make grand predictions about where certain issues would end up and would defend her opinions against all sense. Rose joked that if Alice was a guy I would be in love with him. As it turned out, it didn't seem to make any difference that she wasn't.

Alice was a very tactile person and spent the majority of our time together touching me in some way. She sat on my lap when we watched movies, she combed my hair out with her fingers when she stood behind my chair;she always had a hand on me somewhere. I assumed it was just because she could, because she knew I was safe. I was initially pretty freaked out when my body started responding to her more intimate gestures in a way I had previously only associated with other men. But I reasoned to myself that I was seventeen, I could get a hard-on if the wind changed direction, so I just ignored it.

As the months went by, I spent a lot more time ignoring it. I started wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I started returning her gestures, touching her cheek, holding her hand, pulling her against my side whenever the opportunity arose. I had to stop her sitting in my lap so much. I became totally unnerved by the whole situation. I confessed to Rose eventually, because I had no idea what to do. I was so damn sure I was gay. But my body was reacting to this wonderful, exciting, funny, crazy person. What if I wasn't gay? How the hell do you come out as being straight? But I still fantasised about guys. Did that mean I was bi? I had no fucking idea. All I knew was that I had fallen madly in love with Alice and being so close to her every day without touching her was driving me insane.

Rose told me to follow my heart. I would have done it even if she hadn't, as I've never been one for hiding how I feel. We were having a movie night at my place; Alice curled up against my side watching Moulin Rouge for the eleventy-millionth time. When she looked up at me to make a comment about something I now can't recall, I took my chance and leaned in to kiss her. We made just the briefest contact, our lips brushing so softly against each other, but my intent was clear.

She freaked out. Literally screamed at me - I can still hear the high-pitched shrieking as she scrambled away from me, as if I was contaminated. I back-pedalled desperately, telling her it was a mistake, I hadn't meant it, it wouldn't happen again, but it was too late.

Alice was gone, from my room, my house and my life. She never spoke to me again and I was utterly devastated. Looking back now, I think she was pretty harsh. Maybe she thought I had just pretended to be gay, so I could get close to her. I couldn't believe she didn't know me at all. In fact, I think she was unbelievably cruel, and the whole incident left me very confused and bitter for a long time.

Rose looked after me as only family can, kept me going until I finished school and took a year out to travel. Of course then I met Peter in Thailand and that was the start of a whole other chapter.