Disclaimer: Kishimoto isn't sick enough to think half the shit I plan to put in this story. And even if he was, he wouldn't actually do it.
Warning: There likely will be plot holes because of the nature of the story, so either just go with them, or ignore them, it's up to you, just don't complain, because I know they're there, and don't plan on correcting them. My plotholes have a purpose...they allow me to do things without having to explain them later; and will likely be mentioned in the story gratuitously. Accept the plothole, embrace the plothole. I also feel I should warn you that I don't have very high hopes for this story because I'm not taking it seriously, so if you complain, you're waisting your time.
Warning: There will be major, and blatant, abuse of the fourth wall.
The Fourth Wall doesn't allow him to do whatever he wants, but it allows him to tip situation heavily in his favor without making things too easy. He also finds that his fourth wall companion can only make a certain number of changes per arc (2-5 depending on length).
Oh, and for the people who are retarded enough to actually flame this story, even after all the warnings, then at least have the balls to own up to it. Don't send an anonymous flame, it's for sissies.
Chapter 1- Discovery
Naruto sat up with a groan, clutching his aching head. Last thing he remembered, was fighting against Sasuke, being on the verge of winning, and being stabbed in the back, both figuratively and literally (with a needle holding a strong sedative), by Sakura in an attempt to curry favor with Sasuke. Just before darkness took him, he could remember seeing a golden beam coming from Sasuke's hand, going through her heart, and hearing him call her pathetic.
After that, all he had were flashes of a cave, Akatsuki cloaks, some guy that looked like an even prettier version of Sasuke standing next to the bastard, the fox calling someone a red eyed geriatric, and then Kyuubi mumbling about do-overs. Naruto suddenly paused when he thought over the flashes, and tried to make something of them. Kyuubi? Calling someone a geriatric? Now that's a pot and kettle moment if there ever was one.
Taking in his surroundings, Naruto found himself in what appeared to be a massive white waiting room. There were people milling about, some that looked like they might be from the Elemental Countries, and some that looked far too bizarre to be from anywhere near anyplace he knew. Standing on shakey legs, he stood, and decided to get some answers. Heading over to one of the desks, he rapped on the window to get the woman's attention. The woman seemed to ignore him, and just as he was about to knock harder, she stood, and vacated her seat. Naruto groaned in annoyance, his head sagging to hide his features.
"Excuse me?" Naruto lifted his head, and came face to face with a busty woman that reminded him of that pretty blonde from Kumo. "Take a number, and a time travel specialist will be right with you, dear." Trying not to stare at her rather generous bust (which was currently flashing more cleavage than the Mizukage and Tsunade-baachan combined), Naruto took a number, and found that it was in the way upper millions. Glancing over, he saw a sign that said, 'Now Serving #1,506'. He was going to be awhile.
'Now the giant flea shelter's comment about do overs makes more sense.' Moving over to a couch near a table that had several magazines and manga, Naruto sat heavily with a sigh, and prepared to wait. Next to him, a small red fox hopped up onto his shoulder, took a look at his number, and groaned.
"And here I thought they'd have gotten some faster employees after that last incident." Shrugging, it added. "Well, best get comfortable, you're going to be here awhile."
"What do you mean, last incident?" Naruto asked. "You've been here before?"
"Of course, I'm the all mighty Kyuubi, I can travel back in time anytime I want." It replied. 'You've been here too, brat, but you just don't remember it. Glad I fixed that little issue with the jutsu. My chakra mixing with his was also what kept us connected, and was why I kept getting sent back with him; and since he's 'taken control' of it, that connection is finally severed. With me not attached to him, hopefully I can get sent somewhere more interesting.' Little did the fox know that he was definitely going to be sent somewhere interesting. As a matter of fact, he was soon to be headed to Feudal Japan, where he'd be spending a lot of time with a certain dog hanyou, the bitchy re-incarnation of a sexy priestess, a perverted monk, and a kunoichi with sibling issues.
Finally glancing at the table for something to do, Naruto looked down to find a manga with his picture on it. Picking it up in curiosity, he opened to a random page, and began to read, only to drop the book when he found the details of his mission to Wave so detailed in the book.
"Excuse me," He called. "What the hell is this?"
"Grr, Melvin, you idiot." A young man said to himself, as he had a manga shoved in his face by the very person on the front of the book. If there was one thing that had been drilled into them, it was that manga with characters capable of high level time travel were never to find manga about themselves in the waiting rooms, because it would make the standard memory adjustments during the send back process completely useless. "Well, it's too late now. I'll just have to make sure that Melvin knows to alert the proper people about his screw up."
The man began to promptly tell him all about his life, compliment him on all of his accomplishments, and even went on a rant about how Sasuke was a bastard that didn't deserve to be saved, and Sakura wasn't worth his time. Considering the former had betrayed the village out of jealousy, and the latter had eventually been tricked into betraying him out of some misplaced 'love', only to be murdered after she'd helped Sasuke-teme severely weaken him, he didn't need to be told. Eventually, the young man began going on about fanfiction, and even showed him to a computer where he could find some. Naruto was shown a popular fanfiction site, as well as a site that allowed one to read the entire Naruto series.
After what felt like months, and after reading the entire "Naruto" series (which he found differed in several places from what he remembered) and numerous fanfiction- his favorite authors being NarutosBrat (because the guy got him laid pretty often, and with hot kunoichi), Sarah1281 (because she was funny as all hell), MountainWind (he'd gotten him laid with Hinata, Tenten, two hot Oc's, and Tsunade; three of them all at once) and DsirinWsdm (the guy was just good)- Naruto finally had some semblance of what he was going to do when he went back. He was going to take a page out of the Crackfic genre, and have some fun. Konoha Beware!
First though, he needed to have something of a failsafe so that he didn't accidentally screw something up. He wouldn't be able to have any fun if he changed a bunch of major things, and lost his advantage. Getting onto the computer in the waiting room, he took the set of instructions from the tech guy, and typed them into the computer, creating the editing file that he needed. Once he was done, he copied the url, and opened a search engine. A quick trip to ff . net, an even quicker sign in, and a visit to his favorites page got him the user profile he wanted.
Out beyond the fourth wall...
...a certain fanfiction author, we'll call him NarutosBrat for now, was checking his e-mail, when he noticed that he had a PM from someone named therealnaruto. Opening the e-mail, he fund a rather interesting note. The note revealed that the sender was Naruto Uzumaki from Konoha, NB snickered at the silly person who would go so far in his imagination, and that he was in need of help. There was also a link in the message that would supposedly explain everything. NB naturally didn't trust links like that, but given that it would be fairly easy to report the profile from another computer should it be spam or a virus, NB clicks on the link. Almost as soon as he clicks it, something begins downloading onto his computer. When the download finished, a window popped up, and he had to stop himself from going into a convulsive twitch. There, on his screen, was a guy, who exactly resembled what he remembered a sixteen year old Naruto Uzumaki to look like, sitting in a waiting room.
"Okay, this is fucking freaky." NB said, staring in shock at the young man. He'd seen cosplayers before, but this was insanely accurate to the point of impossible. Not to mention, he didn't think a cosplayer could pull off the cartoon look.
"Hey, NarutosBrat," The man nodded. "Glad you came through, I don't think I have enough time to send this message to someone else. Now if you can see me, then it means the connection was a success." Naruto explained. "What has happened, is that Kyuubi has used a space time jutsu to send us back in time. Because of certain other events, I have become aware of the fourth wall; and you are going to be my connection to the other side. By clicking on the link, you're now connected to a seal the fox helped me create that will allow us to communicate, and you to make changes when I get back. With your help, I plan to make things interesting, like in crackfics, and prevent certain people from succombing to certain severe bouts of stupidity. The little box in the bottom right corner of your screen, is where you will help me make the changes for things; think of it like a fanfiction that you're helping one of the characters write. Just click on the 'help' button for further instructions. Now my number is almost up, and I need you to send me back to a specific time."
"Now serving number 987,654,321." The busty clerk called.
"Alright, I'm up, let's go to work." Naruto walked up to the desk, and whispered. "I sent you a pm telling you what I want done first, so don't forget." As the little window went blank, NB stared for a moment more, before opening the help menu, and checking the first of the changes Naruto wanted to make. After all, it wasn't the wierdest thing to ever happen to him, and given some of the stories he'd written and posted, and some of the ideas he still had for others...well this was technically normal. After a few moments, a sudden sinister smile crossed his face...this could be fun.
7 years before Intended Arrival Day (IAD)...
As soon as Naruto arrived, he was forced to hide. He'd forgotten to give more specific instructions on when and where he'd wanted to arrive not knowing the exact date, just that it was on Hinata's birthday (which he was ashamed to admit that he didn't know), so NB had sent him back to his own apartment nearly a week before. Unfortunately, this was also the same day that his new apartment had been vandalized by a bunch of crazy villagers. Applying a quick Henge, Naruto slipped through the crowd of vandals, knocking one particular one over that was attempting to set fire to some of his things.
"Hey ninja-san, are we supposed ta be burning stuff." He asked, holding up the lighter the man had. The ninja took one look at the lighter, and the man responsible, before motioning for two other people there to escort him out of the building. Naruto was surprised at that. Smashing his stuff was okay, but burning it was wrong? Then again, he had heard about a guy being arrested a few days later for arsen. Anyway, Naruto slipped out of the apartment, and headed out into the village.
After a few hours of subtle questioning, he'd found out that the fighting between Kumo and Konoha shinobi had finally ceased, and that a delagation would be coming to sign a treaty in four days.
'Great, I've got four days to kill.' Naruto thought. 'Hmm, I wonder if I can prank the Uchiha one time really good before my other appointment.'
It was getting harder each day to avoid the merger that the continuum wanted to force with two Narutos living in the same time and universe. He knew that he should merge, his bodily instincts were telling him to merge, but it wasn't something that he could do just yet, it wasn't time. The seal he'd placed on himself (he grudgingly had to thank the fox for that) helped, but it wasn't going to hold for much longer. Luckily for him, today was the day he'd been waiting for. The day when he would fix one of the more annoying problems he'd have to deal with. Naruto walked through the forest whistling a jaunty little tune he'd learned from the Kyuubi; Pop Goes the Weasel was rather fitting for what he planned to do. As he felt the chakra signature approaching, he began to hum.
"Dum da dum da da da da dum, da dum da dum da dum dum, dum da dum da da da da dum-" Naruto balled his hand into a tight fist. THOOMP! "-goes Ita-chi." Naruto sang as he slammed his fist into the man's gut, knocking the air from his lungs.
The man dropped the bag that carried Hinata as all the air he thought he owned left in an instant. A swift chop to the neck, and he was out like a light. Naruto then swiftly used his Shapeshift jutsu- Kyuubi's pride wouldn't allow him to call his upgraded Henge a transformation- to change into his four year old self. Naruto strolled over, and freed Hinata, grinning at the frightened girl. "Hiya, I'm Naruto, yer purty." To his shock and surprise, Hinata flew into his arms, sobbing and clutching him tightly. It was about this time that Hiashi Hyuuga came upon the scene, finding his daughter clutching to the village pariah as if her life depended on it, and the man who'd kidnapped her laying unconscious on the ground. He was tempted to kill the man for this insult, but decided that since he was already incapacitated, it would be best to hand him over to the Anbu that his brother had summoned.
Naruto noticed the man, and pulling Hinata away from him, pointed her to the direction of her father. Hiashi found himself suddenly holding onto his daughter's crying form (though he was inwardly impressed with the strength she was holding onto his leg). He gave a sad sigh, before looking up at the boy that had undoubtedly rescued is daughter, only to find he'd disappeared. What Hiashi didn't know, was that Naruto had released the seal, and NB had restarted the time travel process. Because of the pit stop, Naruto wouldn't be able to go back as far as he wanted, but he should be able to go back to just after he'd failed the Academy Exam, and take care of a few problems.
What Naruto didn't realize, was that his actions would have further reaching effects than he'd planned. Nothing serious, but something that would definitely be beneficial to him in the future. The incident allowed Konoha to gain another concession out of the treaty; namely one of their Jinchuuriki teaching Naruto how to control the Kyuubi's power once he learned of the burden.
Well, here's the start of something that will probably have more flames than the Chicago Fire of 1871.
Because this is just going to be a ridiculous cliche bashing story, feel free to add comments, or send ideas (especially for the many Shunshins of Naruto). If their good, they may make an appearance if we can spin them enough. You will be credited at the beginning for your contributions, so join the fun, and help make this thing as insane as it can be.