Chapter 34 – You can let go now, daddy
"You're going to have a baby sister," Booth smiled at the gravestone. "You would have liked that wouldn't you?"
He didn't get an answer of course, but he felt like he should tell Parker what was going on in his life. Months had passed by and Booth felt bad for not having visited Parker.
A light breeze of warm air caressed his face. Booth breathed in the air, letting it fill him with a calm peacefulness. He had come alone this time. It wasn't that he didn't want Brennan to be there, but he knew that she couldn't understand how he could talk to a stone, as she'd put it. She believed that once you die, you're gone. Booth knew better, he had even told her that he had been seeing Parker numerous of times after his death, and she had began question whether he was crazy or not.
He believed in heaven, she didn't. It was as simple as that, and Booth accepted her believes. He couldn't change her, he didn't want to. But he didn't want her to think he was ready to be signed up for the loony bin either.
Unaware of Parker's presence, Booth lay down in the grass, watching the clouds slowly drift across the sky.
A vague form of a boy stood there, watching in silence. He was so close to Booth he could have thrown something and hit him. He smiled at the man lying in the grass. All he wanted was for Booth to be happy again. And seeing him, feeling the excitement and hope radiating off of him, Parker knew that he was going to be. He was on his way, and having Brennan and a little unborn girl waiting for him, was giving Booth so many reasons to live again.
Booth felt it then, and this time he knew without a doubt what it meant. He sat up, looking straight at Parker's shimmering form.
Parker smiled again, their eyes met and for a few seconds the world stood still. Booth smiled, whispering a soft "Hey."
Parker smiled back, and then he slowly began backing away. He waved his hand, still smiling and his eyes still locked with Booth's as he went further and further away. He started to dissolve and soon the shimmering faded and went away completely.
Booth looked at the direction he'd went, somehow knowing this was the last time he'd get to see Parker. But it didn't make him sad. He knew now that he could let go of him without feeling guilty or wrong. He would never stop loving Parker, but he also knew that he would want him to be happy and go on with his life. Booth was finally ready to do that.
"You can let go now, daddy, you can let go
Oh, I think, I'm ready to do this on my own
It's still feels a little bit scary but I want you to know
I'll be okay now, daddy, you can let go."
Booth entered the apartment he and Brennan shared, with a smile on his lips.
"Bones!" He called out, expecting her to answer as she always did. But everything was quiet. Booth took off his leather jacket, holding it for a short while as he listened for some kind of noise. Still nothing.
"Temperance?" he let the jacket drop to the floor as he moved into the apartment. "Bones! Where are you?"
Booth didn't know why he felt so nervous. She had probably just gone to the store or maybe stopped by the Jeffersonian, but as the seconds ticked by he felt panic start to build up inside of him.
Just as he was about to call her name again, his eyes swept through the kitchen, stopping abruptly at a plate, broken and scattered on the floor. Booth took a few steps closer, little pieces of porcelain crunching under his feet.
He studied the broken plate, and that's when he saw it. A few feet away a knife had fallen off the counter and was now lying on the floor. The blade was red with blood. Booth stopped breathing. He didn't know how long he stood there, paralyzed with fear and shock. When he finally regained the ability to move, he slowly backed away from the mess in front of him. His heart was beating so fast it felt like he had been running for hours. Thousands of different scenarios flashed through his head and he didn't like any of them. He didn't want to think of it. He refused to believe something bad had had happened to Brennan. In his heart he knew that if he lost her now, it would kill him.
Booth turned and almost ran toward the door. He didn't know what he was running from, and he knew it didn't matter where he was, the fear wouldn't go away until he could hold Brennan in his arms again. But he just had to get away…
The sound of her voice stopped him; he spun around, almost expecting it to be hallucination. But there she was, staring at him with a bewildered look on her face. Booth stared back, still not breathing.
"Booth? What's wrong?" Brennan asked. She took a few steps toward his still frozen form. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
Booth let out a shaky breath. "Bones," he finally took the few steps that were separating them, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. "Oh thank god," he sighed.
Brennan was confused, but she didn't say anything as long as Booth was holding her. Instead she hugged him back, feeling the trembling muscles in his body slowly start to relax. Several minutes later, she pulled away so she could look at him.
"What happened?" was the first thing she asked.
Booth suddenly felt stupid. He smiled sheepishly, gesturing for the kitchen. "I uh… you didn't answer and then I saw the blood and I… you know, I thought something had happened to you."
Brennan smiled then. "You were worried about me?"
Brennan's face turned serious again. She sighed. "You shouldn't overreact like that."
Booth stared. "I didn't," he said trying to defend himself. "I thought you were hurt or…" his voice trailed off and he averted his gaze. He couldn't even bring himself to say the word dead.
Brennan understood then. After everything bad that had happened in his life, he was afraid of losing her. She wished she could promise him that it wouldn't happen, but how could she know? Looking up at Booth, she realized this was one of those times that she should lie.
"I'm not going to die, you won't lose me," she whispered. It felt good to say it, but Brennan knew that she was promising him something she had no power over. At the moment, she didn't care.
She smiled, holding up a bandaged hand for Booth to see. "I cut myself while chopping salad. I bled a lot and I knocked the plate over trying to reach a towel, I must have been in the bathroom when you came home," she explained.
"Oh…" Booth mumbled, suddenly feeling even more stupid. "Uhm are you…do you need stitches?"
Brennan shook her head. "It stopped bleeding, I'm okay."
Booth sighed in relief. He realized now he had overreacted. "I'm sorry Bones."
Brennan smiled. "You did nothing wrong."
"Yeah I almost gave myself a heart attack, that's all," he smiled.
Brennan took hold of his arm and led him to the living room, pushing him down onto the sofa. "You should rest for a while," she said.
Booth snorted. "I'm fine, geez I was kidding, my heart is fine."
"I know, but you look kind of pale."
Booth knew she was probably right about that. He suddenly felt extremely tired. With a sigh, he leaned back, gesturing for Brennan to sit with him. She sat, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I scared you."
Booth snorted, not really liking the word she chose. Scared? What was he, a little girl? But he smiled anyway. His looked down at his hand there it was resting comfortably on Brennan's belly.
"I'm always scared of losing you Bones," he confessed. "This blood thing just made it more tangible."
"I'm scared too, terrified sometimes," Brennan said softly. She brought her hand to his, lacing her fingers with his.
Booth looked up and into her eyes. "We'll just… you know, take one day at a time and… it will all work out. It will be okay."
Brennan nodded. "It will be okay," she agreed.
And somehow she knew that this time - it would.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story, it means a lot to me, SEFBIAC has (strangely enough) been my favorite story to write, so I'm glad you guys liked it :)
I'm thinking of doing a sequel, it might take a while, but keep an eye out for it. I'm going to call it "Sometimes even destiny fails" SED'F : ) it's not going to be as tragic as SEFBIAC but you know me – I love the angst.
Oh and the song I used for this chapter is called "You can let go" - Crystal Shawanda